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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Olliepop Being caught in the middle of my husbands feelings and my family.
  • replies: 1

over the years, my husband has pointed out traits in my family he didnt like, i am the person who just accepts and moves on. as time went on, any issue i had my husband pointed out to his fmaily, which i didnt like because i felt many times they didn... View more

over the years, my husband has pointed out traits in my family he didnt like, i am the person who just accepts and moves on. as time went on, any issue i had my husband pointed out to his fmaily, which i didnt like because i felt many times they didnt need to know which only makes things uncomfortable. my husband is direct, and would rather air it out than consider feelings/people/personalities etc.now over time recently, he has reached out to my dad who has been the root to many issues on my side, this year 4 times in which my dad did not recipicate the hand out to him, my dad was/is a naracaccist, would complain about everyone (includling his family) to everyone, my husband included.after my dad did what he did over the years to my husband, my husband had enough.. the last event he stormed out at xmas and stated he wouldnt return to anything again. the 4 times my husband reached out, was for me.. and then after that he said no more.now that its reality my husband has cut them off, they have sadly learnt their lesson too late.. and i see that and my parents have admitted their faults and want to apologies to move on, my husband has again stated no. he never stops me from visiting, he never says a bad word, but he has said no to their contact, to them coming to our home, to our son sleeping over there, to anything that involves them 1 on 1 time with our son etc. its hard, my son loves spending time with them, but he too know whats happened and loves his dad also. now comes an event on my husbands side, who have invited my parents, my husband said there is no reason they shouldnt attend.. .my parents dont want to attend is my husband doesnt feel comfortable even speaking to them. they dont understand how he will be OK with them there if he choose to cut them off. he doesnt understand why they wont go for his families sake. all i pray for is for my husband to sit down with them, let out his feelings for them to hear what they have done and move on. im not asking for best friends, nothing could ever be the same again. but my parents are getting older, and i dont want to regret anything as days and people slowly go on in life. my husband states thats his lesson to learn in life, but i feel i recent him for being so stubborn now, but i also understand how he feels too. i have told my parents, its not fair that my husband look like the bad one now when in fact he gave many chances, and now that hes done everyone forgets the person he was before they hurt him. i dont understand how my husband can cut them out like that, esp when they are my family. in the past, my husbands family have bothered me, even though my husband dealtwith them in his own way, i moved on. ;like him i didnt forget, as i have the mentality they are family at the end of the day and its not like i married them and have to live with them. the more i try explain the empathy to let go to my husband the more he cracks back down to no, he tried and will not allow them back. and now sadly, i loose family day at my parents for christmas, all special events, seeing my nephews and nieces grow up and play with my son, many things as those are more important to me then being able to let go.im struggling to move forward and not think about this daily and have begun resenting my husband and his choice. he cant understand how i feel this way and i feel lost not being able to talk to anyone about it as noone understands and everyone just insists i tell my husband to stop.

miniforever Help to escape
  • replies: 1

I need help to escape an abusive relationship. it’s mostly a controlling and fear based situation. He has assaulted me a few times but he denied having done it. i am scared as he’s unpredictable. he doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong. he actual... View more

I need help to escape an abusive relationship. it’s mostly a controlling and fear based situation. He has assaulted me a few times but he denied having done it. i am scared as he’s unpredictable. he doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong. he actually believes he’s the victim. What should I do. Where can I go? how do I leave. I have no where to go. I tried to get help when he assaulted me last year but I chickened out of it fearing what would happen to my kids. help I don’t know what I should do. sorry I’m rambling. I’m scared and can’t sleep.

Sammy Stressed
  • replies: 1

Following on from my thread I am now living together with my boyfriend just been a week as we had been on long distance for 1 year.now my heart says noUnder one roof I don’t feel attracted to him . We are 49,58 years oldI was all happy talking to him... View more

Following on from my thread I am now living together with my boyfriend just been a week as we had been on long distance for 1 year.now my heart says noUnder one roof I don’t feel attracted to him . We are 49,58 years oldI was all happy talking to him for last year and now I see he is not physically attractive, not enthusiastic about finding a job, self centred, superficial, very basic human to me . Have to start partner visa if I agree to go ahead as he needs it to start work herenow I feel bad to have brought him here. Not excited but also feel not great options in the pooldont want to be alone and single First 2 months I enjoyed and when I saw he was tight fisted, not providing them my attraction started fading but we both kept pushing forward as we wanted it to worksoo much time energy and plans wastedif it’s just living together and see how it goes then it’s okbut Visa process has to start which involves money and effort what’s pulling me into it…. Finding it hard

sksssnn Partner’s Nan is sick, he’s gone quiet, and I’m spiralling
  • replies: 5

Hey, I’m really struggling and could use some kindness at this time.My partner’s Nan just got out of hospital and is apparently quite unwell. He’s her main carer. He’s my only close person I have/ talk to. I don’t have friends at all to talk to, and ... View more

Hey, I’m really struggling and could use some kindness at this time.My partner’s Nan just got out of hospital and is apparently quite unwell. He’s her main carer. He’s my only close person I have/ talk to. I don’t have friends at all to talk to, and when he’s quiet, it feels like the world disappears. We live far away from each other, about an hour and half for me, as I don’t drive. I haven’t seen him for a week, and he’s not sure when he will be able to see me, because he has to take care of his nanna for a while, since she’s pretty weak at the moment. I work too during the week so my only break is during the weekend.I suggested to catch a train there, and maybe go get dinner (just to see him and help a little). He snapped, said I don’t listen and that he doesn’t want to repeat himself again. I apologised, explained I do actually understand and that I thought it could be nice to catch and see eachother since his weeks been stressful. I tried to validate his stress. He saw my last message 2 hours ago but hasn’t replied.I know he’s busy, and his Nan needs this right now. I know I’m not the priority right now. But the silence is eating me alive and I feel dismissed, selfish, and terrified I’ve ruined us. How did you cope with the quiet without spiralling? And the feelings of abandonment? Any gentle ways to stay connected without adding pressure?If anyone reads this, thanks for reading. Just need to some reassurance

Malto2001 Rebuilding relationship with mum
  • replies: 1

For a while now, my mum and I haven’t really gotten along. It got so bad that I didn’t speak to her for almost two years, even though we live in the same house. During COVID, her mental health really declined, and she became emotionally abusive. We f... View more

For a while now, my mum and I haven’t really gotten along. It got so bad that I didn’t speak to her for almost two years, even though we live in the same house. During COVID, her mental health really declined, and she became emotionally abusive. We fought constantly, and eventually I just decided to avoid her completely. I saw a psychologist for a while to help work through it, but it became too expensive to keep going. Fast forward to now, she seems to be in a better place. She’s apologised, and she’s tried to talk to me about why I resent her and what she can do to fix things. I’ve been trying to get along with her, but it’s honestly really hard. It doesn’t feel natural, and I can’t seem to relax around her. I’m still living at home, but I’m planning to move out with my partner this year. The reason I’m writing this is because I feel like I’m going crazy. Whenever she talks to me, I instantly get defensive, no matter what she says. She could just ask me if I remembered to empty the lint trap in the dryer, and I’ll snap or sound angry without meaning to. I notice myself doing it and try to calm down, but it only happens with her. The other night she and my dad were arguing, and she slammed her door. It wasn’t directed at me, but I froze and started shaking and crying. My heart was pounding all over a door slam. Then this week, we argued again because she ate my food. I completely overreacted, raised my voice, and made it a big deal. Later, I sat in my room thinking, why did I do that? If it were my dad, I probably wouldn’t have cared. She texted me afterwards saying she’s exhausted from trying to get me to like her and that she does everything for me but I still hate her. I don’t hate her. I just completely shut down around her. It’s like all logic disappears and I feel detached from myself when we interact. I don’t know how to stop being like this towards her, I’m defensive, and angry whenever I interact with her. We have had good moments but it still just feels off.

Clara1 Car Accident
  • replies: 1

My brother had a car accident three days ago. He may have caused the accident because he was drinking alcohol. Now my family are trying to get me to help my brother make an insurance claim. I am not sure how to help my brother. I did not witness the ... View more

My brother had a car accident three days ago. He may have caused the accident because he was drinking alcohol. Now my family are trying to get me to help my brother make an insurance claim. I am not sure how to help my brother. I did not witness the accident and I have no details about the accident. Not sure where to start really.

Clara1 Worried About My Mother
  • replies: 4

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge t... View more

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge to her. Sometimes I am just not sure what to say to her.

Willow18 I think I have finally realised Im being manipulated
  • replies: 4

Last week I told my partner that my daughter and I want to join the gym. It ended up starting WW3. He said he doesnt want men looking at me. I told him our daughter will be there and in January our 13 year old will be able to come. He told me to stop... View more

Last week I told my partner that my daughter and I want to join the gym. It ended up starting WW3. He said he doesnt want men looking at me. I told him our daughter will be there and in January our 13 year old will be able to come. He told me to stop using the kids as an excuse and basically feels I will run off with a muscle man. He says I should care how he feels and I said he should be more supportive. Then he broke down and told me has has never felt loved by me and I have a wall up and he thinks it stems from my past trauma. This may be true to an extent but the fact is he is controlling and I have been controlled most of my life and thats why I am the way I am with him. When he talked to me about it he does have some valid points but at the end of the day he has been the jealous type since the start of our relationship. Am I being manipulated?

evee My older sister triggers my panic attacks.
  • replies: 4

For quite a few years I have struggled with mental health problems and so has my older sister, this has been an issue for us in the past. My older sister has minor autism and sometimes struggles with seeing things from other perspectives and not hype... View more

For quite a few years I have struggled with mental health problems and so has my older sister, this has been an issue for us in the past. My older sister has minor autism and sometimes struggles with seeing things from other perspectives and not hyper fixating on what people say.We both still live at home and so we are together a lot. I struggle with quite severe panic attacks, and have a history of minor self harm. The problem I have is that more often than not it is when me and my older sister have an argument, or when she says something insensitive, that triggers my panic attacks. I love my older sister and we don't have a horrible relationship, but as siblings do we argue quite a bit. It is getting to the point where we are arguing too much and it is causing me very strong emotional distress. I don't know what to do because I can't stop being around her, and I don't want to hurt her who has gone through so much. But it is becoming a massive issue for me and when I have tried to talk to her about it in the past, she goes into fight or flight and starts yelling and saying I'm blaming her for my mental health issues. I don't know what to do with this situation and I really don't want to hurt my sister.

BlueOrchid98 Grieving a childhood home
  • replies: 1

Hi All,Came back to this forum to ask for some advice on dealing with grief regarding my childhood home. My mum bought the house before I was born, and I lived have lived the majority of my life there (I am now 27). Sadly, my mum passed away in 2013,... View more

Hi All,Came back to this forum to ask for some advice on dealing with grief regarding my childhood home. My mum bought the house before I was born, and I lived have lived the majority of my life there (I am now 27). Sadly, my mum passed away in 2013, and I don't get on very well with my dad. I had to move out rather abruptly earlier this year as my dad threw me out and have since been staying with a friend. My dad has called me earlier this week and says he is selling the house and moving, he won't take anything less than top dollar for the house either. I am devastated and have been frantically trying to work out a way I could buy it from him; however, all the numbers say that it isn't possible or that I would need to take on another full-time job on top of my current one. I know that my mum wouldn't want me to work myself into the ground to try and save it, but whenever I think about it not being there anymore, I start crying. I feel like my mum is a big part of that house, and all of my childhood memories are there. Most likely as well, given the area is developing a lot, it will be knocked down. I don't even really know what to write to fully explain how I feel about the house and the attachment I have to it, I just know that I am really struggling with the thought of loss, and the sale hasn't even happened yet.Just seeing all my mums' belongings and the old toys being boxed up makes me feel sick about it. Looking for advice from anyone that has gone through similar or any tips for dealing with this sort of thing?