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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Alida Had a fight with friend, now has mental illness and self harms (14 years old)
  • replies: 1

This all started last year. I told someone who I thought was a friend (let's just pretend she's called Sally. that's not her real name) that I had been left out of the friend group, and how I felt really angry and worried and sad a lot of the time. I... View more

This all started last year. I told someone who I thought was a friend (let's just pretend she's called Sally. that's not her real name) that I had been left out of the friend group, and how I felt really angry and worried and sad a lot of the time. I also told her that I think had anxiety and depression. Sally told me (I quote) "Lots of people have depression, stop trying to act special something. (This was last year) I stopped sitting with the friend group for the rest of the year, but eventually, Sally apologised. I forgave her and started sitting with the friend group again in school. The other friends slowly started talking to me again, and everything was fine, until one of my friend's birthday parties. I wasn't eating at all, and not talking to the others. Sally messaged me at night while we were winding down to sleep. She said something like "Are you ok? I noticed that you're not eating, and when you do, you go to the bathroom straight after. I'm worried you're vomiting up your food (which I was). I told her about how I barely ate, and stuff, and she supported me. Anyway, about half an hour later, I saw one of my friends (let's call her Jane) messaging Sally. Sally was asking why they even invited her [me] She was not talking she was so annoying" The next day I messaged Sally saying I saw her messaging Jane about me. I also told her some private stuff that I do at times(which I honestly shouldn't have, but I just wanted to tell her and make her leave me alone. She then told all our friends about it as well as her mother, who told my mum. I then forgave her again, because I'm a people pleaser. Then once I asked her if we could talk. I sent her a long message telling her how I felt, and she said, "everyone knew you did that, so I told them anyway, and you've left the group so many times I don't care about you anymore". I said "maybe you should think about why I've left the group. its because of you. you're the one who made me do that" and she told me to stop acting like a child. i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

parrotdogcat My mum is preparing to divorce my verbally abusive dad
  • replies: 6

I’m 19 and after years of witnessing my dad verbally and emotionally abuse my mum, she has finally agreed to start the process of divorce. I’m just looking for some support and advice. I’m just worried that my dad will get more violent when she files... View more

I’m 19 and after years of witnessing my dad verbally and emotionally abuse my mum, she has finally agreed to start the process of divorce. I’m just looking for some support and advice. I’m just worried that my dad will get more violent when she files the divorce and that he won’t stop harassing us. I’m also worried about him breaking all our things before property and items can be divided. I’m so glad that my mum is finally ready to take this step but I’m just afraid of how bad it’s going to get before we can leave.

samaz I need suggestions on what to do
  • replies: 8

I started dating my now wife when we were 16 and both living in different towns. We would talk on the phone regularly and send letters and see each other every few months. I had feelings for her that were way to strong for that age but never told her... View more

I started dating my now wife when we were 16 and both living in different towns. We would talk on the phone regularly and send letters and see each other every few months. I had feelings for her that were way to strong for that age but never told her. After 12 months i enrolled in a course in the same town and moved there excited to be able to spend time with her. When i got there she told me that she had cheated on me ( at this age cheating meant kissing) and that she wanted a break. She developed the relationship with the other that she had cheated on me with while on this break with them both regularly sporting fresh love bites. After a few weeks i lost my virginity to a stranger that i had no feelings for in a one night stand. I hoped that she would find this out so she might feel what it was like to be hurt. I left town soon after this to start a full time job in my home town.i didn’t see her again for around 12 months but when i did she came up and hugged me and said she was sorry and that her and the other fella were over. I apologized for what i had done and was happy that they were over because i wanted to start again. Soon after this she started a full time job and moved into her own flat back in her town. After a few months our relationship became sexual. I was quick to tell her how i felt this time around because I didn’t want to lose her again and told her that i wanted to be with her forever. She responded that she also had feelings for me but she wasn’t sure about forever. She told me that she had lost her virginity to the other fella and that they had a strong sexual relationship. Over the next decade she trickled me information about her previous relationship while our relationship blossomed and after 3 years we became engaged and she moved to live with me. We lived together for 2 years before getting married and had our first child 2 years after marriage. It was at this time she told me that she didn't completely end things with the other fella when we got back together. I was hurt but didn’t press for details i just asked that she cut all communication with him.during the next 16 years we sailed along as any other married couple would but she always said that i shouldn’t have any social media accounts as this was something women did and men didn’t use it. I knew this was wrong but did what she asked anyway. During this time she was very protective of her phone and I didn’t have access to her emails or any passwords.fast forward to a month ago and the kids now use her phone and social media more than she does so i am suddenly able to see everything. I noticed that she had the other fella in her facebook friends. I approached her and said that i had asked her to cut all contact with him years ago. She said no because he is my friend. I thought about this for a few days and then told her that on order for me to understand this i need to know when it all ended. She told me I don’t know. I said well to keep it simple when was the last time you had sex, she said I don’t remember. I said i find that hard to believe and asked well when was the first time you had sex she again said I don’t remember. I said that i find that impossible to believe since it was when you lost your virginity. She said that their relationship is her business and not mine. I said ok but if you don’t remember when it was do you remember where it was she said in my flat. This hit me for 6 as this meant it was at the time that we got back together and if they really did have as many intimate encounters as she had said they had it must have continued for quite some time after this. I have been losing alot of sleep over this sometimes barely sleeping at all for three days, i have almost completely lost my appetite, my mind is filling in all the details that she won’t disclose and they are not good thoughts. I have asked her to tell me but she simply says that is all dead and buried but to me it is fresh information that hurts like it was yesterday. What do i do? Am i overreacting or wrong?

J-L Partner is not showing improvement with treatment
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together a little over 3 years. He has always struggled with his mental health and has been seeing a counsellor since before I met him. My concern is that he seems to be showing no signs of improvement with his anxiety, per... View more

My partner and I have been together a little over 3 years. He has always struggled with his mental health and has been seeing a counsellor since before I met him. My concern is that he seems to be showing no signs of improvement with his anxiety, periods of depression or coping skills. If anything over the last year it's gotten worse, he decided in December to stop taking his antidepressant (which I strongly advised against) and to me, things have gotten worse from there.I have told him everything he has going on, we can figure out, but that I don't think he can do it un-medicated, or at least not right now. I have suggested seeing a psychiatrist to get a formal diagnosis and trial some different medications (he has only ever been on one antidepressant, has never used any anti-anxiety medication and has never tried anything else).I have gone as far as to find psychiatrists in our local area and sent him the info, I have found a good GP close by to get the referral (we currently live in a different state to where his old practice and GP were that set up the MH care plan) but I can't make these appointments for him and every time I try and bring it up, he just tells me he has too much other stuff going on that he has to deal with first. He refuses to make this a priority and I'm afraid that I am beginning to stumble in my ability to handle what is happening, it is now heavily effecting our day to day life and my mental health and ability to be there as a support for him is suffering under the weight of his inaction in this situation. I understand this is all part of his mental health, but, I don't really know what else to do, any advise or guidance would be greatly appreciated!

Guest_53138389 Left out
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am a daughter and I have a brother who has autism and he is 2 years older than me. I feel like he gets whatever you want. He can have a tantrum and I don't mean like gets whatever he wants I mean like if he wants to watch something on the TV an... View more

Hi, I am a daughter and I have a brother who has autism and he is 2 years older than me. I feel like he gets whatever you want. He can have a tantrum and I don't mean like gets whatever he wants I mean like if he wants to watch something on the TV and I want to watch something too. Then Nan says put something on for both of them but when Mum does he will have a tantrum. Then Nan says just let him watch something, just watch something on your phone for a minute well he settes down. After one minute of watching his show time, he will get up so mum can start the show from the start. and he keeps doing it. It annoys me. I just wish my mum had time for me and wasn't always spending time with him. I know she spends time with him because he has a disability. But hurts inside because I feel like she doesn't love me anymore. When he is naughty, Nan will tell him off but Mum always makes up excuses for him saying he has a disability. She never makes up excuses for me when I'm naughty. I spend time with my nan and pop. I like spending time with my nan and pop but I just wish I could also spent time with my mum. I left out and I have nobody. I have no dad because my dad left me when I was a baby I wish sometimes my mum would spend time with me. Because sometimes I just feel left out, I feel like my Mum care about me anymore and only cares about my brother now. I spend time with my grandparents all time. Which I love spend with my grandparents but I wish me and mom could go shopping together or do fun things but she's always looking after my brother.

Kaisariion_ I messed up my friendship with one of my closest friends..
  • replies: 5

I messed up so badly with one of my closest friends and I don’t know what to do anymore. I tagged her in this video that was very explicit and didn’t blur out the death of a guy, and I think it triggered her because she recently lost her father the s... View more

I messed up so badly with one of my closest friends and I don’t know what to do anymore. I tagged her in this video that was very explicit and didn’t blur out the death of a guy, and I think it triggered her because she recently lost her father the same way..I didn’t realise what I did was really wrong until later on, I regret it all so much. I always mess things up without even knowing I hurt others around me. She blocked me on everything and I sent her an apology on discord and in the comment sections but I know it wasn’t even good enough,my other friend’s mad at me as well and I think I lost all my friends. So yea, I need help badly.

DinosaurDad Disappointed in myself
  • replies: 2

Hi all,I’m not sure what I would like to get out of sharing this. Maybe just to get it out of my chest or to get my thoughts down in words so I can process it, or to find wisdom or advice from others wiser than myself. I am diagnosed with Generalised... View more

Hi all,I’m not sure what I would like to get out of sharing this. Maybe just to get it out of my chest or to get my thoughts down in words so I can process it, or to find wisdom or advice from others wiser than myself. I am diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and OCD. I may also have depression but wasn’t diagnosed when I last went to therapy. I could have shared in those forums but I think at this moment, my young family is more important to me than anything else. Like many people, we had very rough years during Covid financially and also from the stress of raising our firstborn child with a disability, without family support. That took a toll on my mental health and I don’t think I have ever recovered from that. Rebuilding our lives after Covid wasn’t all as smooth sailing either as we continued to grapple with family issues exacerbated during the last couple of years, putting ourselves back together while also learning the ropes of being a parent of a child with disability. I found myself in a constant state of exhaustion, stress and anxiety. I felt that my wife was hyper focused on our child and rebuilding her career, which is a completely reasonable thing to do. But I often found myself thinking I was abandoned by everyone, everyone in our families wanted to be around the baby and take pretty pictures but no one was there for us meaningfully when the going get tough. And I felt thay as my wife focused on rebuilding her career, our moments together became fewer and fewer and I felt that even my wife had focussed on herself rather than us. I thought about how alone I was if even my wife abandoned me. I had a lot of childhood trauma from bullying and being ostracised so that hit me really hard. I tried to talk to my wife several times to hopefully help us communicate better. These conversations brought small successes but they were also very hard to have as my wife also had issues she was and is dealing with. As I kept pushing on with life and either ignore or continue dealing with life problems, I felt like I was back to where I was years ago. So I hated myself, I hated everything and everyone that left me there while I needed them the most. I experienced episodes where I acted recklessly. I would do things that rationally I would never have done or would otherwise consider very carefully before acting. I had suicidal thoughts but never proceeded to physically planning or actioning on them. I thought about our child and how that would affect him. But I still hated myself and how I was feeling. People would call me a good and fair person. So I destroyed myself. In a moment when I lost myself, I went to a ‘happy ending’ massage place. I did not do that for emotional or sexual gratification. I wanted to destroy that good and fair persona. When my senses came back to me, I felt ashamed of myself, and I felt a lot of anxiety about what’s going to happen next. What if my wife decide to leave me when she learns of what I have done? I have reached out to support services, including couple therapy to help us rebuild our communication and trust. And eventually I will be honest with her about what I did and own up to my mistake. But what if she leave me? I will be alone again, just like I was years ago. What if I caught an STI that will harm my family? Despite having called two helplines staffed by department of health staff, who said that I had no risk and there’s no worry, the anxiety continue gnawing at me. Imagining my child asking me or his mom where mom or dad was if we separated breaks my heart into a million pieces. I did what I should never have, and in no way am I blaming my wife for my state of mind. I wouldn’t have had the things and moments we cherished if I had married anyone other than her. I wish I could be given a second chance, but I don’t know if there’s a second chance for me. I got myself into a mess that I don’t know where to even begin to fix. I again am not even sure what I’m looking for when sharing this, nor am I sure I have conveyed the states of mind that I was and am in. But I guess it’s better to talk about it rather than imagining situations in my head.

Felicity_C Nobody loves me
  • replies: 5

There is nobody in my life who loves me. I'm in my 40's and my Sister won't talk to me at all and I don't know why. She has dragged my brother along for the ride and we used to get along well. My parents are emotional cripples and won't talk about an... View more

There is nobody in my life who loves me. I'm in my 40's and my Sister won't talk to me at all and I don't know why. She has dragged my brother along for the ride and we used to get along well. My parents are emotional cripples and won't talk about anything. I'm single and don't have kids. I had a falling out with a close friend about 2 years ago and lost most of my social circle through this. It was because she didn't understand the emotional impact of my near-death experience and she only ever wanted to get drunk and was mad at me because I didn't want to drink or go to concerts. I don't have anyone in my life who truly cares about me. I have a few friends, but not close ones. I just want to figure out what is so wrong with me that everyone hates me. It's like a monkey on my back that I can't shake off even though I try to tell myself it's their problem and not mine. I don't have any motivation to do anything and my house is so messy but I can't seem to clean it up. I don't have a question, but just needed to get this out a bit. Has anyone had similar and managed to overcome the bad feelings?

Guest_77258096 Concern about my girlfriend and finances
  • replies: 1

I have had this celibate girlfriend for 35 years. I cant get around to marrying her for many reasons. She is an alcoholic now after not confronting mental health issues and she has wasted two inheritances and is about to receive another. I basically ... View more

I have had this celibate girlfriend for 35 years. I cant get around to marrying her for many reasons. She is an alcoholic now after not confronting mental health issues and she has wasted two inheritances and is about to receive another. I basically help her manage her finances but she gets very distant when she has a a windfall. How can I learn to deal with my situation?

Andrew Anger issues
  • replies: 5

I’m an older dad of 9 year old twin boys with a wonderful younger wife. My father was an angry man and I was determined not to emulate that. It seems I’ve failed plus it appears I’m worse. I’m on a lot of meds: depression, blood pressure, epilepsy an... View more

I’m an older dad of 9 year old twin boys with a wonderful younger wife. My father was an angry man and I was determined not to emulate that. It seems I’ve failed plus it appears I’m worse. I’m on a lot of meds: depression, blood pressure, epilepsy and arthritis. My wife and I are not in the best place emotionally and physically which also doesn’t help. To be honest I think the anger issue really kicked in when the boys were born, which is so not fair on anyone. I’ve tried to set up online counseling but the organisations never get back to me. Help!