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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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G.P I feel like he's emotionally unavailable but doesn't understand it's impacting my mental health
  • replies: 8

Unsure if any of this will make sense, but don't feel like I have anywhere to turn to right now. My husband and I have been been married for a year, and it's been a challenging year for us mentally. There's been some good moments this year, but overa... View more

Unsure if any of this will make sense, but don't feel like I have anywhere to turn to right now. My husband and I have been been married for a year, and it's been a challenging year for us mentally. There's been some good moments this year, but overall I feel like our relationship is not at its best. We've committed ourselves to working on our mental health by seeing psychologists separately, and have occasionally seen a couples counsellor. There's been some progress, and I know progress takes time, but there's one thing that we can't seem to work through. I feel like he's unable to accept my emotions or feelings because it doesn't make sense to him or is irrational. He withdraws when I cry, and then I feel guilty for crying, when honestly, I'm just trying to release what I'm feeling. Today for instance, I went for a walk to clear my mind and get some fresh air. I was in a reflective mood. I returned from my walk and he asked how I was feeling. I told him, I was reflecting on things generally and was looking to vent. I've been feeling flat lately about our relationship, and other anxieties have been bothering me which I mentioned. I mentioned lightly that we both need to continue working more on ourselves individually and together, while recogising that we're doing our best. Immedialtely he became defensive and began to talk about all the all his efforts to help. I expressed to him that I appreciate his efforts, but I wasn't looking for immediate action, but just to be heard that this was what was on my mind as I was asked when I returned from my walk. I was really looking for emotional support. And lately this is how our arguments have been, that I'll look to express my point of view, and when I become frustrated or hurt, I cry because it's all I can manage. And I'm crying as I write this now because I feel defeated at trying to feel understood. It's happened many times over months, and it hurts.. He says that it comes from a deeper place, that when he saw his mum being highly emotional he couldn't accpet it because he felt his mum was erratic, illogical and had mental health problems. I feel like I'm now this projection. That he's pacifying me. And worse, I feel like I can't be emotional around him for fear of being rejected again & again. I've communicated the above, but it's too hard for him. And I just feel so suppressed because of his emotional unavailabilty. There's so much more that's been happening, but this is all I have space for right now.

Mumof3teens Struggling
  • replies: 2

I’m feeling so lost and isolated and have no one to talk to. My partner barely notices me anymore and doesn’t know what to do when I’m sad. My father has not been there for me and is more caring toward his step family he’s emotionally unavailable and... View more

I’m feeling so lost and isolated and have no one to talk to. My partner barely notices me anymore and doesn’t know what to do when I’m sad. My father has not been there for me and is more caring toward his step family he’s emotionally unavailable and so is my partner. I want to go somewhere where noone knows me and start again with my life. I really don’t have friends. I don’t trust anybody. I go to work and I come home, don’t talk to anyone. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Belb Trying to understand this loss
  • replies: 3

I ask please for kindness and understanding. I am currently navigating through a separation and deep depression. My husband of 21 years has fallen into a deep depression himself and recently it was revealed that he had been msusing alcohol as a means... View more

I ask please for kindness and understanding. I am currently navigating through a separation and deep depression. My husband of 21 years has fallen into a deep depression himself and recently it was revealed that he had been msusing alcohol as a means to cope with his depression and suicidal thoughts. I had been suspicious of his substance abuse but was made to feel that ot was all in my mind until he ended up in detox in a psychiatric unit and the full gravity of what was happening all became revealed. I have watched my husband become a version of himself that I no longer recognise. We separated around 6 weeks ago and he has asked that I not be involved in his mental health. I am trying to respect his wishes as he tries to heal and find peace. My mental health has plummeted through the year and I am deeply traumatised by what has happened. Around 7 months ago he was placed on a medication that induced a psychosis like state and attempted to strangle and smother me whilst repeating.. you will never bring up my alcohol use again. I had kept the drinking secret as I was so fearful of society's judgement. Especially from the church. But after the mentioned event the trauma in the body just took over and I watched his drinking get worse. Right now I am coming to terms with the reality that we may not reconcile in the near future. And I am trying to move forward. This has just been crushing. I am seeing a psychologist but continue to struggle with the fact that he has shut me out and doesn't want me to know where he is at. I am dealing with the weight and guilt of what people may be saying. I want to make clear.. our marriage was by no means perfect. It has endured many challenges and I am continuing to grow. This grieving is so difficult. I have to believe other people have gone through this type of situation and I am not alone.

beezel Married and lesbian
  • replies: 5

I'm married (to a man), older and lesbian and find I am not accepted by community since coming out. The lesbian community offers opportunities for meets but members run a mile when they find out you are married. The mainstream population very between... View more

I'm married (to a man), older and lesbian and find I am not accepted by community since coming out. The lesbian community offers opportunities for meets but members run a mile when they find out you are married. The mainstream population very between supportive comments of bravery and always there for you, to repulsion and rejection. I feel surrounded by a void without human contact, slowly moving towards some sort of resolution of which I am unclear and wonder if I'll ever reach. I know I am not alone, I have read enough stories, usually shared at the end of the journey when the torment is over. There are others like me out there still on the journey and I wonder if anyone is brave enough to come forward to look at how we can support each other. COVID has shown us how important contact and touch are important to resilience and mental health. Professional assistance is helpful but nothing would replace the support of someone travelling the same journey. Any suggestions welcome.

Guest_94947506 Resentment towards my step-daughter and my spouse
  • replies: 1

My wife and I started dating when her child was 2 years old. My parents were opposed to the idea that I was dating a person with a child from a previous relationship as things can get messy down the track. I was madly in love and could not care less.... View more

My wife and I started dating when her child was 2 years old. My parents were opposed to the idea that I was dating a person with a child from a previous relationship as things can get messy down the track. I was madly in love and could not care less. A couple of years later, we got married, and soon, our first child came along. I have become incredibly protective of my child and jealous when my spouse devotes her time to our stepdaughter. I do not enjoy the time my stepdaughter stays at our place. I wish I could only spend time with 'my own family'. My parents-in-law, who are very inclusive, constantly invite my partner's ex and his new family to all family gatherings. All of them are nice people. Initially, I was okay with that I felt that I was the new addition to the family. Years went by, this 'tradition' has not changed and I feel resentful. My wife and I never talk about how we feel, and I am sure both of us are not happy deep down about the whole situation. She 'pretends' that everything is okay. I have become more emotionally detached and have started to give her cold treatment. I feel awful that I have taken so long to realise that I cannot accept my stepdaughter. After all, she has done nothing wrong. I am resentful towards my stepdaughter and now my spouse. This is unhealthy and abnormal.

Needstrength Advice on how stay strong during separation while living together
  • replies: 1

Hello alli I have recently realised that my husband has been emotionally abusing me and controlling me for a very long time. I am not allowed to go anywhere without him knowing how long I will be, who I am meeting, how much it will cost etc. the more... View more

Hello alli I have recently realised that my husband has been emotionally abusing me and controlling me for a very long time. I am not allowed to go anywhere without him knowing how long I will be, who I am meeting, how much it will cost etc. the more I think back over the last 30 years the more incidents and examples I remember. i have tried to talk to him but he jumps straight down my throat if I try to tackle and talk to him, over the last few years I have told him I have had enough and we have separated for a few days but then he comes and worms his way back, balling his eyes out the last time. Anyway, my question really (as I can see how this is going to play out), is how do I cope and stay strong when I tell him that I am done? It is going to be very difficult because he will refuse to move out so I know that we will end up living in the same house for months while I get everything sorted. How do I stay strong to make sure that I go through with it this time?he had a period of regularly working away last year and I was so happy while he was away even my friends saw a big difference in me and I know I need to separate it’s just he has always been the dominant one. thank you in advance for any advice

RayOfLight Need help rationalizing
  • replies: 1

Hi Team, Need help rationalizing my response to an issue with my wife. A few months ago, my wife was stressed at work and sought comfort from a colleague in another state.In the month or so I became aware of it, the last 2 weeks before confronting th... View more

Hi Team, Need help rationalizing my response to an issue with my wife. A few months ago, my wife was stressed at work and sought comfort from a colleague in another state.In the month or so I became aware of it, the last 2 weeks before confronting the situation, my wife would be out of bed earlier and could hear messages going from 6am.This would persist late into every night and would often wake up at 1am to find my wife in the lounge, phone pinging while she did her resin work. Over the next 3 weeks, it got to the stage my wife would abruptly end our chats to respond to messages, going so far as for my wife to interrupt our dinner chat to start speaking about the colleague. I noticed my wife starting to leave the room I was in with a smile on her face, going to another room to continue the conversation. While working from home, the phone was always face down now or the phone being put away when I got close. I tried to organize some "us" time, however even when out to dinner, the messaging didn't stop. It all reached a head when I lost my cool and blurted out "how long until you're sending nudes", to which my wife became very defensive.Pointing out the weeks prior and asked how she would react in the same situation, my wife defended here actions and said she would be fine if the roles were reversed. My wife is a very jealous person and know this would not be the case. I opened my wife's WhatsApp to ask her times of messages to highlight how neglected I felt. I know the conversations were continuing after the incident and reached a point I would sink when I would hear her phone ping. I hate myself for checking later, but opened her phone and WhatsApp now had a password. I don't believe there was any intent at this stage, but could see an emotional relationship starting between them, as my wife was openly talking about some of the topics without listening to what she was saying. In all I felt my wife needed someone else to talk to, though at my expense as I couldn't get any interest at all and felt like I had lost my value. A few months later on my Birthday, she left for the morning to spend with friends and was assuming she would be back around 5pm to have a birthday dinnerwith me.Instead I got a message saying she was too worried about driving home in peak hour.She arrived home around 11pm, kissed me then went and sat in the lounge. I know it's me, however only feel wanted when no one else is giving her attention. I try giving all I can, but I don't feel it's enough.

Aria87 My Husband VS My Family
  • replies: 10

For many years my husband has been "putting up"with how my family behave. I used to cover up for them whenever they would be in the wrong, assuming it would help him just move on from the situation as i believe you cannot change people and at the end... View more

For many years my husband has been "putting up"with how my family behave. I used to cover up for them whenever they would be in the wrong, assuming it would help him just move on from the situation as i believe you cannot change people and at the end of the day im used to how my family are. December came to breaking point, where i had an argument with a sibling, which lead to my husband letting out all his frustration against my family. Which lead me to confronting people and their behavious, in which they have all learn how to speak to in laws etc. My mother is a big help in my life, now my husband refuses to help drop off our son at her house as he doesn't want to see her until hes ready. This brings a huge divide for me as my family want to apologize to him to work and move on from the siutation. My husband feels if he does this he is giving in and it will only happen again. Ive made it VERY clear the boundaries noone can cross. Im not expecting my husband to have daily lunches with any of my family. But i do wish he would just let my mum know whats bothered him, allowed her to apologize and we learn and move on from this. My husband needs more time, but the more time the more its oging to break more relationships and this gives me massive anxiety. I feel i cant turn to any family as they will just keep pushing me to fix my husband, ad i cant keep pushing my husband because im afraid he will loose it. Please help

Olliepop Text message pressure!
  • replies: 1

So the Christmas period for me, brings alot of pressure during the day, and leading up to Christmas even more so. Yesterday, my husband and my son went for a drive to visit his family etc, and i was at work very very busy. In my brain, my husband and... View more

So the Christmas period for me, brings alot of pressure during the day, and leading up to Christmas even more so. Yesterday, my husband and my son went for a drive to visit his family etc, and i was at work very very busy. In my brain, my husband and son are okay, my husband loves to text, alot. and i fell behind in the many messages and pictures of things he was sending me. By the time i finished work, and handled all the staff who required my attention i replied, and he was very short. I tried calling as i was wrapping up the office, he didnt answer, then i called again no answer, then i sent a message im calling to see if you want anything for dinner on my way home? he replies, not yet. so in my mind, i was hoping for some fun at home, walk into the door and they are planning something for my day which was huge, i walk in to silence from my husband and my son his usual self. I look at my husband and hes livid, im like are you okay? then long story short, he was upset i didnt reply to his messages, i looked at them but didnt reply.. and it was not good enough that i didnt reply no matter how busy i was.I was in shock. So i apologised, as thats how he felt, and he continued to ignore me for the rest of the night, we made dinner separately, i was very tired so went to bed on my own, and this morning i get another text from him good morning, i reply and he said oh i wasnt sure if you would reply.starting on the jokes.. and again, i said i was busy if you realised how my day was you would realise how silly this looks, and he stated again... to open and not reply to many messages,is no excuse no matter how busy you are. Im really confused.. firstly, he knows where i am and what im doing.. when he was in my position with staff and working, i never got upset he didnt reply, and also may i add what we text about isnt life threatening. But my husband, he likes to text, ALOT!.. and we have had a few fights in the past where i ask him to refrain from so many messages and text fights as id rather deal in person, because most of the time he doesnt hear me in his messages. As i work with family, his indirect stab was him assuming i wasnt on my phone thinking i was around my family as he thinks they put me on edge, when they dont, but he just keeps assuming. Is this a little uncalled for from him?Im so tired, and this must reply attitude for texts is crazy.But does my husband have a valid point? i would assume he would call me if it was so important.

blues23 Toxic family dynamic
  • replies: 4

I really don’t know where to start , my father wants me to bring my child to see my mother ( this happens 3x4 a year birthdays, Xmas ect ) my mother has a long history of being abusive and just down right nasty to myself & my siblings a lot happened ... View more

I really don’t know where to start , my father wants me to bring my child to see my mother ( this happens 3x4 a year birthdays, Xmas ect ) my mother has a long history of being abusive and just down right nasty to myself & my siblings a lot happened when I was growing up a lot of it sad , abusive , due to my mothers behaviours . i have told my father I don’t want to go and visit my mother anymore with my child due to the very real reality of history repeating itself, I’ve had to make up lies so that we don’t have to visit I have to go out of my way to not feel guilty for not visiting and making my fathers Xmas miserable I’m trying to to protect my child from my mother as I don’t want history repeating itself and it will I know my mother . It’s almost like I’m leaving an abusive relationship all over again as my father won’t accept no for an answer and bully’s me into going to see my mother with my child so he can have a peaceful Xmas and whatever . How do I escape this situation? I’ve tried the truth , I’ve tried making up excuses, I want a relationship with my father but I’m starting to feel very trapped by his inability to accept my choices and it’s really making me feel guilty.its almost like I have to run away again when I’m a 40 year old woman .