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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_07427988 Toxic brother in law
  • replies: 1

Hi all.. Me and my family have recently moved in with my toxic brother in law. It's been a few weeks since moving in and I have had alot of problems with him so far. I will.tey my best to start at the start but do bare with me as it's a very long sto... View more

Hi all.. Me and my family have recently moved in with my toxic brother in law. It's been a few weeks since moving in and I have had alot of problems with him so far. I will.tey my best to start at the start but do bare with me as it's a very long story. My brother in law and twin sister has had a rocky marriage for the last few years me and my family decided to leave our home and move in with them to help them out. But it took alot of planning and organising to get us down here. In the process of this my twin sister ended dup leaving him and everything behind and now lives in a refuge. Because this plan was already in place we still moved down to help him keep his house and mortgage hoping my sister would return. It's been 2 months and she's not returning back. It has made the living situation bad for my family at his house. I recently got a casual job and paid rent weekly to him to keep a roof over my family. Myself and brother in law had a run in yesterday where I yelled and screamed at him for the right reasons. He then called the police and now he has an AVO against me. I am now staying an hour away from my family as I have nowhere else to go. My wife and kids are staying there as I don't want them to be homeless for my brother in law though am I able to take any steps to put in a complaint or report him for any reasons? His very possessive and controlling. I am concerned for my niece as she is his care. He has pushed my sister out of her home and now has pushed me away from my family. I am really concerned about the children's welfare. He works a rotating roster one week day shift next week night shift. It feels his using my partner to look after all his kids whilst his at work but yet he wants the youngest in his care just another child my partner will have to attend to whilst his at work. I really don't know what to do. I'm homeless and seperated from my family because of his choices

Guest_77252445 Struggling and worried
  • replies: 1

hi so last week I have been feeling sick in my stomach and very anxious and it's gotten a lot worse since my Gf removed me on her snap map without saying anything. I have given her space I have seen her since and things very good with us. we still ha... View more

hi so last week I have been feeling sick in my stomach and very anxious and it's gotten a lot worse since my Gf removed me on her snap map without saying anything. I have given her space I have seen her since and things very good with us. we still have that connection. and talk on the phone every night. I keep thinking that I've done something wrong and overthink that Shes going to leave me it's affecting me mentally and I'm worried I'm going to lose my relationship. I do get diagnosed with anxiety when i was young. and this is also my first relationship.

Katyonthehamsterwheel Christmas Dread
  • replies: 39

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't... View more

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't help that everything stops/closes for a period, contributing to that sense of isolation. I try and tell myself "it's just another day" and it's not even today, or tomorrow, but my body and mind are unconvinced, and I feel rubbish. I'm doing whatever it is I would normally be doing, but not feeling good. And I've ordered some yummy food to eat Christmas Day and bought myself a gift, but just can't shake the grossness and not sure what else to do.

what2do How to have good relationships with family when there are so many complex issues
  • replies: 1

I love my family, but unfortunately many family members have complex mental health issues - I don't want to talk about them specifically, but basically they include multiple problems like a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar, PTSD... View more

I love my family, but unfortunately many family members have complex mental health issues - I don't want to talk about them specifically, but basically they include multiple problems like a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar, PTSD and addiction, as well as things like ASD/ ADHD/ ODD/ Tourette's syndrome etc. Many of them struggle to get good care from a psychiatrist and live very dysfunctional lives with minimal support (most of their partners have left them and taken the children so they either live alone or in a precarious situation with family/ friends). As such, most of my interactions with them concern things like - hospitalisation due to drug overdoses/ self medication, psychotic episodes, severe mood disturbances, extreme relationship drama with family/ friends, legal issues due to being arrested for their behaviour/ symptoms in public etc.Most of the carers in my family (including myself) also have mental health issues or things like ADHD/ ASD (just less severe), have physical health issues, and/ or are 80+. Because of my conditions, after dealing with them I feel like I soak up the negativity like a sponge and feel really outraged by the situation or anxious to the point I can't sleep, have a lot of physical stress symptoms almost to the point that I feel like I'm having a heart attack, hallucinate that they're calling me or at the door, and it sometimes takes me a day to recover or feel right again. There is also little I can do practically due to my health - I am flat out caring for myself.All of this leaves me feeling extremely guilty, helpless and resentful. I want my family to be the best it can be. I want to enjoy things with them in some way. I also want to be a good support to my family, especially as I am a bit younger than most of the people in caring roles, but don't know how. I have tried counselling but they keep saying my family members are not my problem and just to set extreme boundaries or cut them off entirely. I feel like this is wrong as it's not their fault and I wouldn't want to be treated that way. Does anyone know of any counsellors or support groups who deal with really complex family issues? I feel like a lot of resources make the assumption that a person with a mental illness exists in a vacuum and all other family members/ carers are healthy, capable etc. I find that support from government and private services is limited and hard to access and quite frankly not sufficient for our situation.

Ilovedoogos My husband loves his hand more than me.
  • replies: 5

I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings. I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that. We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug... View more

I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings. I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that. We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug me, kiss me, cuddle me. I just don’t feel like he lets me in. I really don’t mind if my husband watches porn. But we don’t have sex a lot. So it make me feel so inadequate and unattractive. I feel like he prefers to just do it on his own than be close to me. I woke up to him in the bathroom doing it. It made my fears feel real. When he came to bed I ended up having a panic attack. But I didn’t say why. He was so sweet talking me through breathing. I guess im just struggling with my feelings of not being good enough or attractive enough for him. I feel angry and sad and a little lonely. Please tell me someone out there is feeling like this?

UpsAndDowns-2 Triggered. Should I get professional help?
  • replies: 1

I don't even know how to start. I'm very well aware of my triggers and it has happened quite often. Throughout the years I have tried getting more self help and be more mindful and things have improved, until I gave birth last year. Life was hectic o... View more

I don't even know how to start. I'm very well aware of my triggers and it has happened quite often. Throughout the years I have tried getting more self help and be more mindful and things have improved, until I gave birth last year. Life was hectic of course and there were more arguments between me and my spouse on many things. I thought I may have postnatal anxiety so I had call a few hotlines to get help, as well as get enrolled in some programs. Things seems have got back on track after a year or so. Last night my parent said something that has triggered me. I have shared with him before on the triggers but he's just not sensitive and mindful enough. I snapped. I didn't say a thing. I sat there to try calm down but I couldn't. After a few minutes I decided I'd go upstairs and leave the kids to him to finish the night time routine. This morning I was still mad at my partner and I felt very deflated. I went out to meet some friends with my kids, came back, saw my partner, then got mad again. I basically cannot function when I'm deflated and I feel that my cup is not just empty but it has a crack and I can't fill it up. I can't even function to look after my kids (I was OK when I was occupied with friends but not when I saw my partner again). What he said to me just keep repeating in my own head and keeps triggering me. I'm never officially diagnosed though after kids partner said I may have ADHD. I don't even know how to get further help but thinking back it wasn't really a big deal but I just felt so hurt and deflated and lose all my energy. I have been searching around to see if there is someone that I can talk to but I'm anxious to share. Then I found this forum I'm really not sure if this is a right place to post but I hope I can get some non judgmental advices here to get me back on track.

blueraven No family, no close friends or others
  • replies: 15

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't... View more

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't really have any other friends. I've tried getting closer to these friends but they have their own problems. I feel so alien, like there's no way I'll ever be able to have a close family-like group of friends or a partner, even though that's what I ultimately want. I put it off for many years because I was doing my own healing work, but each year that passes by the more alien and undeserving I feel. Now with covid also, it's getting very hard to meet others. I don't feel capable of working. I do have professional support, that's about it. I was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat? No one close. Is it possible to live like this? If I died perhaps no one would even notice for days...

NKB My partner is a recovering addict
  • replies: 7

Just to be clear straight up I do not have an addiction but I’m here for support as my partners addictions have really effected our relationship and my trust towards him since everything’s come to light. My partner and I have been together for just o... View more

Just to be clear straight up I do not have an addiction but I’m here for support as my partners addictions have really effected our relationship and my trust towards him since everything’s come to light. My partner and I have been together for just over 3 and a half years and we have have a 18month old child and I’m currently pregnant with our 2nd. However the last year has been nothing but a roller coaster. My partner had somewhere along the way become addicted to meth and gambling... it has been an extremely hard road just getting him to somewhat admit he has a problem but unfortunately for me I have felt so alone, I feel angry, sad and then sometimes I honestly don’t even know how to feel. I knew my partner had been lying to me but I had no proof and then the times I caught him out or was able to prove he’d been lying were the only times I could somewhat get the truth. The hardest thing I’m struggling with now is the trust because it’s totally gone from my end.... My partner has started to see a doctor which whilst I acknowledge this is a step in the right direction I’m still finding a lot of things so hard.... a perfect example of this is like the other day I asked him when he’d be interested in the both of us going to go and speak to someone professionally and he turned around and said I thought I was doing ok... this upset me because yeah the last three weeks he’s been clean and stopped but that hasn’t solved all of our now problems. I feel quite lost atm and I know at times I am probably taking my emotions out on him but I really don’t know how to be and everything he said he would never be he became and worse and I will admit I’m struggling to let some stuff go. if anyone has any advice please help.

Flower Step parent stress
  • replies: 3

Hello,I'm just really having a hard day today and needed to find a space to let it out. I am super stressed over my partners kids. I have none of my own, only one previous partner had a child and it didn't get serious enough to meet said child. Partn... View more

Hello,I'm just really having a hard day today and needed to find a space to let it out. I am super stressed over my partners kids. I have none of my own, only one previous partner had a child and it didn't get serious enough to meet said child. Partner and I have been together over a year, now live together - happened organically - we love it. Met his kids from day one. Teen son goes up an down - normal teen stuff. I can handle it.Teen daughter on the other hand is very difficult. I very much want to have a good relationship with her ( and boy but you know - girl stuff). I understand she has stuff going on. Typical teen girl stuff, previous life stuff, non healthy relationship with biological mother but the way she can absolutely rage on me is heart breaking. She can make me feel as small as an ant. I want nothing but the best for both of them. I try to find them alternatives to school cos they don't like it, i try to help them set up for a decent future, she shrugs it off saying she will just go with the flow. Her dad has said she always tries to run off partners of his. I get it. She doesnt want to be "replaced" and im not here to do that.im not trying to replace her mother or her relationship with her dad. I have told her that, tried to show her that. Sometimes she is sweet as pie and sometimes she is yelling and throwing things. She says some absolutely vile hurtful things. Partner has spoken to her to explain that I am not here to replace anyone I just want to help everyone be their best like a family should. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I just had a moment today where I told her her she needs to stop face timing a friend while she was doing her online schooling and she went off. I can't even fake neutrality anymore and said I was sick of her shit and she said that I'm the one with shit because I make everything difficult and about me...I don't know how. Maybe because Im bringing up stuff with her dad and he tells her off when usually he wouldn't say as much cos he too is tired of her shit. What am I doing wrong? Do I distance myself? I cant keep trying with her much longer and getting shut down because it hurts my heart. I honestly want nothing but the best for these kids, I love them. I just dont know what to do. Maybe just let it all go and if she ends up a deadbeat then thats the road she wanted. My partner and I are both exhausted with her.

Lyssaa Adjusting to a healthy relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Nearly two weeks ago, I got into a new relationship after being in the talking/dating stage with a guy for about seven weeks. Everything is going really well - I've met his family, we're both busy with uni and exams right now so we give ... View more

Hi everyone, Nearly two weeks ago, I got into a new relationship after being in the talking/dating stage with a guy for about seven weeks. Everything is going really well - I've met his family, we're both busy with uni and exams right now so we give each other the space needed to work on our assignments and study, and he's incredibly open, supportive and kind. I cannot fault him in any way. However, my last relationship was one which was emotionally abusive. Towards the end it became clear that he was only interested in me sexually despite him telling me otherwise, I was constantly anxious and on-edge and I was never welcomed into his family or his incredibly toxic friend group. Because of this, I am having a hard time adjusting into my new relationship. I want to be open and affectionate and be confident initiating intimacy, but I find myself becoming very withdrawn and panicking a lot internally, even though I know logically that I am in a safe place now. I have communicated to my boyfriend that due to my past experiences, intimacy might be a bit awkward and stiff for me at first and it's not because of him, it's just the adjustment process, and he was super understanding, but I still have a hard time trusting that he's okay with it and won't resent me or hate me for it. I've spoken to some of my friends about it who have been in similar situations where being in their first healthy relationship after an abusive or toxic one was very uncomfortable at first and took some time to get used to. I guess I'm just looking for any advice, or any reassurance that it does get easier, and how to let myself relax and be more comfortable, and let go of the constant anxiety because I don't need it anymore, but I can't seem to let it go.