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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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IIEK Confused
  • replies: 7

I lost my husband January after 40 years. Since his funeral my stepdaughter hasn't spoken to me. She was there before he passed and his family helped me arrange the funeral. I have heard from the rest of the family except her. No explanations, nothin... View more

I lost my husband January after 40 years. Since his funeral my stepdaughter hasn't spoken to me. She was there before he passed and his family helped me arrange the funeral. I have heard from the rest of the family except her. No explanations, nothing. I thought we were close. They all live interstate. I am gradually going through my husband's things and will pass on things I know he wanted them to gave. But the loneliness and missing my husband and the total cut off by his daughter is something that consume me.I have tried reaching out but she doesn't respond and the rest of the family are pleading ignorance. If I had said or done something during that time I would rather hear about it. I know my head wasn't in a good place. ..but surely...just to be cut off like that?

Guest_10343 Feeling like a stranger in my own family lately
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone,I’ve been a lurker here for a while and finally felt brave enough to post. I’m struggling a bit with the dynamics in my family lately and wanted to see if anyone else has felt the same way.We see each other fairly often, but I’ve noticed ... View more

Hi everyone,I’ve been a lurker here for a while and finally felt brave enough to post. I’m struggling a bit with the dynamics in my family lately and wanted to see if anyone else has felt the same way.We see each other fairly often, but I’ve noticed that our conversations never seem to go below the surface. Whenever I try to be vulnerable or mention that I’ve been having a tough time with my mental health, the room goes quiet or someone quickly changes the subject back to work or what’s on TV.It leaves me feeling incredibly lonely, even when I'm sitting right there at the dinner table with them. I love them, but I feel like I’m only allowed to show the "happy" version of myself, and it’s becoming really exhausting to keep up the act.Has anyone else navigated this kind of emotional distance with their parents or siblings? How do you deal with family members who are "good people" but just don't seem to have the tools to handle the heavy stuff? I’m trying to figure out if I should keep pushing for a deeper connection or if I just need to accept that they might never be the support system I'm looking for.Thanks for listening. Sending strength to anyone else feeling a bit disconnected today.

gurindjiwoman I want a mum.
  • replies: 1

Hi I don't come on to these forums often. If I am being honest, I tend to forget that it exists. Anyway, I do not consider myself as having a biological mother (as far as I am concerned). I live with my biological mother, but I do not know who she is... View more

Hi I don't come on to these forums often. If I am being honest, I tend to forget that it exists. Anyway, I do not consider myself as having a biological mother (as far as I am concerned). I live with my biological mother, but I do not know who she is anymore. I have lost her to many years worth of chronic gambling and alcoholism. There are times where I look at my mother in the eyes after we have had a massive falling out. She tends to look lifeless and defeated. Our arguments often revolve around mundane matters. Whenever I have a genuine concern to share with her, or if there is something positive that I want to share with her, she does not listen, she becomes jealous (disguised as care/concern/protection), and she does not show any interest either. A good example of this is when I disclosed my feelings of attraction for an older man when I was younger. I was incredibly anxious about telling her this (I even had a bucket in case I was going to throw up), because he was someone I really liked and I did not have the confidence to ask him out on a date. She dismissed my feelings and told me to go back to sleep. She did not want, and still does not want to know about it. Even still to this day, when I try to explain to her what I was going through in my mind, she would tell me that she was never going to enable me and that she too lived through what I went through. Never in my life have I felt so invalidated by the woman who birthed me. I ultimately ended up in a psychiatric ward three times in the space of seven months over my bottled up feelings (which eventually came out as rage). I cannot express genuine frustration with her, because then she would bring up my medication with me and how taking every day will prevent me from being nasty to her (I do take it every day these days). I even recall that she wanted to put a GPS tracking system on my car so that she could track where I would go. I wish she was not my mother. I hate her with a passion. She has pushed me away, yet at the same time, I am a slave to her trauma bond. There is more that I could write. I am too emotionally drained to write anything else right now.

Guest_31156087 issues results to anxiety and heavy heart beats
  • replies: 2

Hi folks,I live in Melbourne, married for almost 10 years. from last 4-5 years there has been a lot of arguments with my wife. When ever i try to tell my problems to her. to she replies don't tell me your problems , if u have issues go to mental asyl... View more

Hi folks,I live in Melbourne, married for almost 10 years. from last 4-5 years there has been a lot of arguments with my wife. When ever i try to tell my problems to her. to she replies don't tell me your problems , if u have issues go to mental asylum. Every discussion ends up i am the only one who ruined every thing. Now i started feeling i am the only one who spoiled every thing.

Guest_55062854 Relationship troubles
  • replies: 6

Tonight at dinner with my partners family, I was sitting at the table talking and having fun with his sister and cousin, we had our phone out pretending to “vlog” so we were talking to the camera saying things like “it’s Easter 2026! Hello future us”... View more

Tonight at dinner with my partners family, I was sitting at the table talking and having fun with his sister and cousin, we had our phone out pretending to “vlog” so we were talking to the camera saying things like “it’s Easter 2026! Hello future us” just having honest fun. Then my boyfriend turns to me and tells me I’m being loud and disrespectful, I was like what? Everyone’s talking loud, everyone’s having fun the whole family has like 10 different conversations going on between each other how am I being disrespectful. He said I was being rude? His sister told him to relax because we weren’t even being that loud. I did however stop and kinda just go silent. In the car on the way back to his house, he asked me if I was upset and I said yes because he had told me off infront of everyone like he was my father, and he said “well exactly I shouldn’t have to act like your dad, you should just be respectful” and I was confused and questioned what I even did wrong, and he said I was being annoying and loud and obnoxious and that everyone’s too nice to say how annoying I am to my face. I started crying, because at this point I felt embarrassed, I messaged his sister asking if this was the case if I was actually being loud and she said no he’s just being dramatic and I shouldn’t worry because no one even cared what we were doing except for him. When I got to his house he told me I was acting like a high schooler crying and not seeing his point of view. I stormed out the house crying and drove back to my house. from an outside perspective do I have a right to be hurt over this? I expressed to him what he was saying was hurtful calling me annoying etc. as I was leaving the house he said “that’s what I thought” ? He’s honestly hurt my feelings so much and I don’t know what to do or where this even came from

Kenapela Complicated
  • replies: 8

Hello, I apologise for the long post upfront. I have several issues. My health is a major concern, and I'm not looking for sympathy, but it may be contributing to what's happening. I have birth defect, an inoperable AVM (abnormal entanglement of vein... View more

Hello, I apologise for the long post upfront. I have several issues. My health is a major concern, and I'm not looking for sympathy, but it may be contributing to what's happening. I have birth defect, an inoperable AVM (abnormal entanglement of veins) in my brainstem and am essentially a ticking time bomb. Discovered when I had a stroke last year at 62yrs, but fortunately no deficits. Now to the family issue.My mother passed away 3 years ago. My younger sister offered to care for our father but then felt railroaded by our older brother, who lived near our parents. My sister and I were very close, I thought beforehand. But the relationship deteriorated. She became resentful toward me and passive aggressively critical, over a period of 2 years while caring for Dad. I was not helping enough. Dad has now been placed in a nursing home. Not long after that her resentment grew and her husband was behaving odd as well. I ended up journaling the behaviour because if I mentioned that she said something that wasn't nice, we'd argue and she'd deny it. I started to see the recruitment of other family members. I felt I was pushed and pulled. While she was including me and being nice sometimes, she was also underhandly making me feel bad about Dad's care. I was starting to see she wasn't as nice as she seemed and was calling her out on it, at times. I used to be quiet not say anything just go with the flow. It came to a head at my niece's bridal shower, where she openly displayed her disapproval of me with her daughter there by a silent mocking gesture in my peripheral vision and further grumping over a gift I gave, which in hindsight, I think has made her feel inadequate. Yes, it was all very childish. I was humiliated, but stayed quiet, my niece was trying to hide it by standing in front. I never mentioned it until later and of course it was denied which screwed over my brain and still does. I involved my brother and he says he would have ignored it. He knows she's difficult but is sweeping it under the carpet. He suggested space. So, my sister and I are estranged now for 6 months. My brother came to visited everyone recently and it was all carefully separated so as to not hurt anyone. Basically, I'm getting the feeling I'm not believed by him and have caused drama, and that my sister has got what she wanted, me pushed aside and not having to be accountable for her behaviour. It's more than a sibling tiff to me. It's cruel, isolating, and I'm struggling to move on.

blues23 Painful events & exclusion
  • replies: 4

My parents birthday is coming up ( mine too I have the unfortunate/ fortunate however it looks I feel both that my birthday falls day before my family members ) anyway I haven’t received an invite from” the party planner “it’s 5 days away I know they... View more

My parents birthday is coming up ( mine too I have the unfortunate/ fortunate however it looks I feel both that my birthday falls day before my family members ) anyway I haven’t received an invite from” the party planner “it’s 5 days away I know they would be doing it as it’s a milestone for my family member “ the planner of parties “ their kids birthday was a few months back I got a present and got the lovely request that I put the present over their back fence .and that they are far too busy to see us far too busy they are both busy This “ family member is still in contact with me they actually accused me of not responding to their txts( also not true ) the txts we have are very business minded anyway I have a lot of pent up anger at this “ family member/ party planner “ they called my child a cow when she was misbehaving, they also damaged my car with their tent on a family outing they also messed up my house with their animals on family trip & blew up my cleaner , they then shouted at me for being over dramatising for saying how I was feeling … all things that were damaged I had to rebuy and fix at my own cost any way out side of my above rant how do I cope with these combined birthdays and how do I go about enjoying mine while others are putting on a do for my family member and meanwhile we are excluded? could I should I visit family member for their birthday at their local club ? Also what do I do about being excluded how do i manage it like the pain ?as I have no doubt it affects my child too because they are their family member too , also so I give let’s name them “ party planner “ Easter eggs for Easter over their steel fence ? My child says not to ( my child has strong boundaries me I’m hurting & still love my family but also still really hurt and angry and not sure what to make of it because “ the party planner/ family member has got me a birthday present and should I give them the same treatment as I’ve gotten ( which I really want to ) which is to put my present on my back door step / I don’t have a steel fence lol ( which no doubt they will anyway put my present on my door step as they have been actively excluding us for 5 months ) I’m trying to not to react to them as it just gives them too much power over me.. I hope all this makes sense

Pamela1234 estrangement of daughter
  • replies: 1

Hi there . I am feeling a little lost but trying to focus on anything but . Backstory, our Granddaughter is obese , 6 years old and 70kg nearly . Her mother sticks her head in the sand . For many years Ive tried to talk to my daughter about her healt... View more

Hi there . I am feeling a little lost but trying to focus on anything but . Backstory, our Granddaughter is obese , 6 years old and 70kg nearly . Her mother sticks her head in the sand . For many years Ive tried to talk to my daughter about her health issues and her daughters . Both obese , morbidly obese . Daughter dosn't want to hear it . ive offered to pay for dieticians , provided more than enough funds to sort the issues, done groceries for years for them , eased the financial burden to allow for better lifestyles .. the list goes on A few months ago she went through my phone and read messages of where to get help for said grandchild .. she's now cut us ( hubby and I ) out of her life due to my apparent mistrust of her parenting . She read private conversations to a friend, OT and carers trying to get help for this child ..Kids don't get to unhealthy obese weights from healthy habits . This said child and grandchild lived with us healthy , happy for 5 years and finally after we stopped enabling our daughter (I now can see that by handing money over consistently to a unhealthy high degree of funds ) she moved out .She left her partner for DV , went back to him even after we paid her debts out as she was struggling .. it appears in vain now and to be honest now resentment from us now seeing we were used especially knowing birthdays , etc come and go . Ive tried speaking with my closest friend who points out the obvious to move on, keep busy . Anyhow just needed to vent .Thanks .

FarmMum When is it time to let a family relationship go? Genuinely confused
  • replies: 3

Hi!I'm in a bit of a pickle, I am in my late 30s and have two siblings. We are all successful with families. We had a rough start to life but managed to support each other into adulthood, where we flourished. We were always super close but out of the... View more

Hi!I'm in a bit of a pickle, I am in my late 30s and have two siblings. We are all successful with families. We had a rough start to life but managed to support each other into adulthood, where we flourished. We were always super close but out of the blue things seem odd between my sister and I. It feels as though she wants nothing to do with me at all. Over a few years now, she has rarely rung me or visited me. I try to ring her, but usually it rings out and messages go unanswered. I never bombard her. We all live hours apart, with my brother living between us, only an hour and a half from me; she's at least three hours from him. When she visits my brother, she never reaches out to see if we can meet there and catch up. It's so hard because I adore her kids, always send them birthday gifts, etc., and want to stay in contact with them. I want them to know how loved they are, but feel blocked in a way to do so. The tricky part is that when I do have the chance to see or talk to my sister she is all excited and loving to me, its super confusing. My sister recently decided to stay at my brothers for easter with her family and he rang to invite me. I went there yesterday and she gave all the kids easter gifts but mine. I as always got her kids something special each for easter. Im so confused. There was no rift or anything between us and i have the sweetest kids. Now I feel like I interrupted her plans with our brother. Its like she wants me and my family quietly written out of her world. I dont know if its because I am the only one that witnessed her wild days and shes embarrassed (she now holds her place in society in high regard). i really cant think of any other reason. Where do I go from here? I want to mirror her actions out of respect because I dont want to force anything on her but I dont want her kids to miss out on love (even though she doesnt care about my kids, even my disabled son). its so hard! I also dont want my brother to be in the middle. What would you do? We really dont have any other family for guidance. Any advice would be amazing, thank you

Seram501 Ex wife of my partner is inescapable
  • replies: 1

Bit of back story: I moved states to start a new life and just feel free and happy. I started a new job where I met my current partner. We started dating and when we were well and truly into the relationship, he told me that his ex wife (mother of hi... View more

Bit of back story: I moved states to start a new life and just feel free and happy. I started a new job where I met my current partner. We started dating and when we were well and truly into the relationship, he told me that his ex wife (mother of his only child) worked in the same building as the both of us. It’s been more than 12 months and I’m still frustrated. I feel blindsided however I don’t believe he intentionally didn’t tell me. So my partner and his ex wife have been separated/divorced since Feb 2023. They have one child. Since I came along, she has started proceedings for custody and just being outright awful and it’s clearly fuelled by jealousy. We cross paths at work a lot and she has been awful and I have suffered reputational damage due to me being with my partner. I literally sit in a corner at work and don’t talk to everyone and yet I’m the worst person in the world. My partner proposed a few months ago and it hadn’t gone down well with the ex or people at work. The work colleagues are saying that he did it to rub it in her face. I just don’t know what to believe. I love him so much but I feel like I’m being used. My partner is dependant on me for everything, money, emotional support, you name it and I just feel like I am just convenient for him.

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