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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Hrtbrkn I had an unwanted abortion because my partner wasn’t ready and now I can’t handle the pain anymore
  • replies: 1

April this year I found out I was pregnant. I was scared to tell my partner because it wasn’t planned (we used protection which failed and I took the morning after pill) but also extremely excited because I have a 5 year old from a previous relations... View more

April this year I found out I was pregnant. I was scared to tell my partner because it wasn’t planned (we used protection which failed and I took the morning after pill) but also extremely excited because I have a 5 year old from a previous relationship and I felt I was ready to welcome another child. Straight away when I told him his initial reaction was a sad look on his face and asking “you want to keep it don’t you? We aren’t ready, it’s not the right time”. I felt completely shattered and shut down all the excitement I felt immediately. I was scared to talk to him (I have had a fear or rejection from toxic past relationships) about the pregnancy and how much I wanted to keep the baby. Any time I had the courage to say something he just would say he wasn’t ready and it’s not the right time. Our relationship has been so good, so healthy bar the fact communication on my behalf can sometimes be difficult because of my past. I went to the doctors 2 times to ask for a medical termination but backed out both times. At 8 weeks we went to an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and that it was developing in the uterus and not an ectopic pregnancy. Every part of me hoped that he would see the screen and change his mind, but no it didn’t. Not even seeing and hearing the heartbeat changes his mind. I was due just before Christmas. So that afternoon I called up my doctor for the last time and finally brought myself to ask for a prescription for a medical termination. It was Mother’s Day weekend when the pregnancy passed. I thought I was doing the right thing for our relationship and for my boyfriend’s mental health. I didn’t want to bring a baby into the world with a father who didn’t want it. It’s now August and I’m absolutely devastated I went through with it. I feel all the emotions possible. Guilt, anger, shame, grief. I even feel like the right to make a decision about my future and my body was taken away from me. I would be 23 weeks and I don’t know why I remind myself. I’ve finally got a referral made to see a psychologist so I’m hoping I can work through this. I hardly eat, I can’t sleep, I’m crying all the time. My boyfriend now tells me he wouldn’t have left if I kept the baby. That was one of the main reasons I went through with it, because I was scared he would leave. I lost a part of me, I lost a part of him too. I at times wish I wasn’t here, I’m not suicidal I just want to numb the pain and not think about it anymore.i just needed to get this out

Elf911 Narcissistic parent of my children
  • replies: 24

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen... View more

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen years we were together, he took control of every aspect of our lives, right down to the coin to spend on food for our kids, I was totally under his thumb. For a long while it was easier for him to do so with small children to care for but it went beyond control, he made me question my own sanity and safety with him on more than one occasion. Now out of this relationship and try to maintain communication for my children's sake of having a father, I see all the lies and manipulation that I previously had rose coloured glasses on for. Now since I mentioned lawyers for parenting agreements he is sending messages to ask me if we can fix things. In my head I can not see a future where 1. He is not completely transparent and submissive as I was in the past as I'm have gained my independence and am never giving it up again; 2 that will ever agree to give up the things that lead us to break up, eg gambling and search for money; 3 I in my right mind cannot really expect him to change as so, I don't want a puppet to love with strings attached and in so couldn't ask him to be a different person. So how do I get what I need from him; closure and commitment to our children, without that narcissistic personality in the mix. He likes playing games and seeing a person's reaction. Do I be straight and tell him I will never entertain the idea of reconciliation and what dame the results of his reaction as I know it will be negative or play this slow and ask for commitments such as therapy and time before his actions inevitable show his intentions and throw it up as you weren't able to for fill what you were asking as an equal in this relationship therefore it can not happen. Either way my children will suffer as they already are because of his actions. I am stuck in a hard place.

Guest_9996 At what point does a partners mental health become too much.
  • replies: 3

Hello,I’ve been with my partner for 12 years, married for 6. We have two kids. Anyways she has extremely mental health issues that get directed at me. The anger and rage that consumes her and gets focused all on me has really taken its toll. She know... View more

Hello,I’ve been with my partner for 12 years, married for 6. We have two kids. Anyways she has extremely mental health issues that get directed at me. The anger and rage that consumes her and gets focused all on me has really taken its toll. She knows she has all these issues but refuses to treat them. I know if I decide to walk away I will lose my dream house that I have worked so hard for our kids and I to have. And I will lose having my kids with me everyday, but I do not know how much more I can take. I’m so exhausted. Any advice on what I should do? Or to proceed.Thank you

Girlandacat Crushes shouldn’t last this long
  • replies: 2

My husband and I have been together for over a decade, married for one year. Our relationship began when I was 21, and we've shared a significant part of our lives together.Around six months into our marriage, I developed unexpected feelings for a co... View more

My husband and I have been together for over a decade, married for one year. Our relationship began when I was 21, and we've shared a significant part of our lives together.Around six months into our marriage, I developed unexpected feelings for a coworker. We've worked together for a while,but our relationship was purely professional until then. He's married with children. I've found striking similarities in our personalities, temperament and there’s a sense of emotional security with him that I've never quite experienced in my marriage. These feelings have persisted for nearly seven months, and I believe they are mutual.This situation has forced me to question my marriage and what I truly need from a partner. My husband and I have discussed my feelings openly, and he's suggested therapy. While I appreciate his efforts, I feel emotionally drained after years of trying to make our relationship work. I find myself not wanting to be alone with him, I’m withdrawing and not wanting much conversation or intimacy. I'm in my thirties, and I'm only now discovering who I am and what I want. This experience has intensified my feelings of self-discovery and I'm torn between the desire for independence and the fear of being alone.

Mind_love Difficulty with in laws
  • replies: 4

I'm new to this forum, thanks for taking the time to read my post. I signed up because I'm really struggling with family dynamics, more specifically, my In Laws and their involvement in our lives. I met my now husband when I was 16, he was 17. It's o... View more

I'm new to this forum, thanks for taking the time to read my post. I signed up because I'm really struggling with family dynamics, more specifically, my In Laws and their involvement in our lives. I met my now husband when I was 16, he was 17. It's one of those high school sweetheart stories, and now 33 & 34 we are married and still mad about each other. He's an only child, so from the outset there were challenges with his MIL feeling like she was being 'replaced', and she really struggled with seeing her baby boy transition into a man. I spent a lot of time living in their home, they took me in & treated me like a daughter in many ways. It exasperated the issues. During that time, she could be incredibly abusive... depression & alcohol were present and she’d have episodes, once calling me a 'whore ‘, even went through the rubbish looking for used condoms.. but I was so young that I didn't have a voice.. I continued to be 'sweet' and accommodating.As the years went on, the behaviour became more manipulative & passive. She really struggled with her son becoming a man and him putting his partner first, and for years, I allowed the manipulation, passive comments, emotional abuse. My FIL wasn't any help, he completely enabled the behaviour. It got so bad that it eventually ruined our relationship, and we went our separate ways for just over a year. We got back together when we were in our mid-twenties and it was at this point that I put my first boundary in place. I had done a lot of therapy whilst we were separated, and I had finally woken up to what was happening. The condition was, if we were going to be together, we would move out, get our own space and establish some healthy boundaries with his parents. Well, you can imagine how that went down.During those years we decided to move to London. For the first time, we had some breathing room. Just 6 months after moving overseas my mother suddenly passed away. Words can't describe the feeling; the grief was palpable. My MIL made my mother's death about her. She started to insert herself into my life, telling me that she could be my mother, she had a tantrum after the funeral because she wanted to be more 'involved'. Both my FIL & MIL were incredibly selfish around my mums death. She made my husband feel guilty for prioritising me & would throw a tantrum if things didn’t go her way.. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly forgive them for that.They hated when we set boundaries & challenged us every time. They said they "miss the sweet young girl that I used to be". I was no longer that 16yr old girl, I was an adult that was going to protect herself and her relationship. We moved back to Aus, got married (you can imagine what planning a wedding was like) and now we've been married for 3 years and I'm soulfully unhappy in my relationship with my husband’s parents. My husband has done a lot of great work with boundaries, had the difficult conversations and things have improved in some ways. They have certainly listened and backed off in areas, but they are still the intense, obsessive and very manipulative set of parents I first met when I was 16. My husband and I are talking about having a baby and I am terrified. It's enough to make me consider not having children at all. I know nothing I do will ever be enough for them, it'll never satisfy their thirst or meet their expectations. I don't send enough photos of the dog, I don't post enough of my life on social media, I'm too skinny, I need to be friends with XYZ, the list goes on. My husband agrees and sees the issues. He tries to support in the best way he can, but he's an only child and the pressure on him is immense, and subconsciously he just wants to keep the peace. I've asked for us to go to marriage therapy, as I don't feel we can face this alone. After months of ignoring me, he's finally agreed. I want a good relationship with them, I really do, for the sake of my husband mostly! It's my goal to get this to a place where we can really enjoy being a family, but right now, I don't like being around them & don't know what else to do. Any support, thoughts or guidance would be so appreciated.

WiltedRose Do I confront my cheating dad, or do I tell mum
  • replies: 1

My dad’s personality has been changing over the last couple of years, he’s becoming narcissistic and he’s not very nice to mum anymore. He’s gone on 2 solo trips overseas and a boys trip to Thailand in the last 18 months. After several red flags that... View more

My dad’s personality has been changing over the last couple of years, he’s becoming narcissistic and he’s not very nice to mum anymore. He’s gone on 2 solo trips overseas and a boys trip to Thailand in the last 18 months. After several red flags that he was being unfaithful to mum I decided to check his phone and got the proof that he has cheated on the boys trip. I believe he also did on the solo trips but didn’t have time to look through everything. I don’t want to rip my family apart by confronting him, but my mum also deserves so much better. But she’s so happy with her life right now (not so much with dad, but with the lifestyle), and I don’t want to ruin that for her. Do I just leave it and let the secret eat me alive? Do I confront dad and tell him to tell mum? And if I confront him what on earth do I say? Or do I tell mum? Please help

Guest_61347792 Being left out
  • replies: 1

I always feel left out when I hang out with my friends, especially one in particular. I think she sometimes leaves me on purpose but sometimes she is really nice to me. I don't even know if she is a good friend or not.

I always feel left out when I hang out with my friends, especially one in particular. I think she sometimes leaves me on purpose but sometimes she is really nice to me. I don't even know if she is a good friend or not.

Levi I LOST MY WIFE DUE TO MY DEPRESSION...
  • replies: 8

I've become a new person with the medication and counselling, but leading up to this day I have hurt the one I love the most!! She feels that I didn't care about her or the things that mattered to her, but I did. But showing it was another story. My ... View more

I've become a new person with the medication and counselling, but leading up to this day I have hurt the one I love the most!! She feels that I didn't care about her or the things that mattered to her, but I did. But showing it was another story. My wife was amazing and I had done very well to marry her. The thing that hurts the most is the "its over" talk came just as I was going through the changes of the meds and feeling good. I was more mentally balanced to deal with the situation but also felt that I had more to give. We were still living under the same roof but in different rooms, we had become housemates. I don't want to blame the depression but I can NEVER remember feeling the way I do now and it feels great. We have so much in common and time spent together is mutually enjoyable. The black dog has led to the depletion of our communication so things from both parties have either been "bottled up" or "looked over". My heart has been put through a mincer and I can't even think about being with anyone else. I still love my wife. I am a very "black or white" person to her "grey", and I said if its over that I want no contact with her ever, which she doesnt understand. It may be silly to some but and to her but she is the wife that I lost! She really is amazing. I kind of knew signs of depression were there years ago but drowned it with bombay saphire and casual relationships. There is a family history with depression but I thought I was mentally tougher than the "average" person. My perceived "toughness" actually made things worse as it put me in a state of denial. I like what I am seeing in myself at the moment. I can understand why my wife wants to walk away but everything ive said to her has been genuine and not just lip service. I am a man and I have needs that havent been met for months but I have not strayed and have remained loyal. The lack of affection that I received made me feel like I would never be intimate with another woman in the short term. Writing this has beem theraputic and I hope the future will be brighter. I went into this marriage with dreams of a happy family, kids, house, dog and a vege patch. I think I would be a great father one day and lokk forward to that day. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I love to hear of similar stories and ordeals. L

Soul_shattered Where can I get help for the accused Family (content warning: potentially distressing themes)
  • replies: 15

I am desperately seeking a support group for the families of accused sex offenders. My brothers step daughter has made some horrific allegations against him and because i have chosen to support him everyone is turning there back on me. I have done no... View more

I am desperately seeking a support group for the families of accused sex offenders. My brothers step daughter has made some horrific allegations against him and because i have chosen to support him everyone is turning there back on me. I have done nothing wrong!!! but the judgement is just as bad for me as it is for him. I am so desperate for someone to talk to but there only seems to be support for the accusers and there family not the accused at all. I know i have years of hell in front of me and i know i will not survive this if i don't find some support, somewhere.