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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Quiettall Handling a very determined wife
  • replies: 1

I have a difficult situation where my wife of 20 years has chronic illness. She is using that as an excuse to be very determined, difficult and dictatorial. For example, she has decided to arbitrarily sell off what she calls "excess" items in the hou... View more

I have a difficult situation where my wife of 20 years has chronic illness. She is using that as an excuse to be very determined, difficult and dictatorial. For example, she has decided to arbitrarily sell off what she calls "excess" items in the house without discussing with me. I have asked that at least we should talk about it and agree on things we dont need and can sell. She is also totally dismissive of my voluntary work or anything I do around the house, constantly criticising and telling me she wants this or that and I dont seem to be doing anything right in her eyes. At this moment I am feeling very frustrated, if not angry and looking to take a few days away to get respite and give her time to reflect and realise what she is doing. Normally I am very calm and logical but finding myself constantly watching my back, readying myself for another instruction or criticism

izzy Loneliness
  • replies: 1

Hello, I just hopped on here after almost a year, im now a fresh 17 year old and i feel myself falling down a hole again.. Im not really an emotional person, i am on the inside but on the outside you wouldn't ever guess that. I don't really cry, i fe... View more

Hello, I just hopped on here after almost a year, im now a fresh 17 year old and i feel myself falling down a hole again.. Im not really an emotional person, i am on the inside but on the outside you wouldn't ever guess that. I don't really cry, i feel the need to a-lot but it just doesn't happen. Everyone around me tells me that i keep everything to myself and carry a-lot of weight, being my own and everyone else's, i pile up and cant let it go, i hold onto things.. big or small, and think about it non stop. But lately i feel lonely, not lonely like i want someone here, lonely like there is none else on this earth for me. Im no-ones first choice.. i have amazing friends who make me laugh everyday but i still feel so incredibly lonely. At home i don't really have anyone to talk to, my little sister is my mums jewel who has her eye all the time… which isn't a problem because my sister needs help, she is 15 but still depends on her and i'm more independent.. i love my mum tho, she is amazing i just feel that i cant connect with her. Which also means that i get blamed for everything. I ask something simple and i get attitude. I get in trouble for everything and it seems in that household of 4 that i’m the punching bag of the family who gets blamed and gets everything put on them. At my dads its sorta the opposite, my dad is divorced from my mum and struggles with money a-lot, so i try help out but i just get called lazy, i definitely connect more with my dad but we are barley at his. Don’t get me wrong i love my family it just feels like i have none in this world. Like i said i am nones first choice and that hurts like a hole in my heart as it is. But to then feel like i have none and to be a failure it kinda feels like i should just give up. Im about to go into year 12 which is so scary. I feel like i cant do it. I really cant describe the feeling i feel everyday endlessly, but it sucks. i just really don't know if i can do this.. i just feel shitty a-lot of the time. Im about to go into Christmas holidays for school.. so if you have an suggestions or like activities i can do to pass time and get my mind away from it, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

_kj Loneliness and how do I deal with it?
  • replies: 2

I’ve recently been feeling really lonely, and I don’t know what to do I have family, which I am grateful for, but it isn’t enough I sort of just want a friend. I want to connect with someone. However, all my experiences with ‘friends’ have been prett... View more

I’ve recently been feeling really lonely, and I don’t know what to do I have family, which I am grateful for, but it isn’t enough I sort of just want a friend. I want to connect with someone. However, all my experiences with ‘friends’ have been pretty mediocre and I can never keep the ones I do manage to make People say friendships happen when you’re not looking for them. So when someone initiated a friendship with me recently, I felt really hopeful.But they don’t actually give me the time of day. We talk, but only if I reach out first. They put in no effort at all.The mental stress of trying to navigate this ‘friendship’ makes me unwell. So I try to step away, but I think about it daily. It’s really affected my self esteem, and left me feeling not good enough. I’ve never been in a relationship, or on a date. I’ve been asked on dates before, but I’m too scared. I’d prefer to get to know someone first, but if you don’t immediately go on dates, they lose interest I joined a club months ago, where I also do volunteer work. It makes me feel ok when I’m there, but then I just feel lonely again when I leave. Nobody seems to want to know me outside of that environment I try to be myself, but myself is socially anxious, shy, and introverted. And people don’t seem to understand that, or have the patience for it It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle of being myself but it isn’t enough So I give more than what is myself, but it comes off as fake I’m constantly told to not let other people define my worth, that I don’t need other people to make me feel good, or I don’t need a relationship to be happy. But the people that say that are in relationships, they have friends. They have people that love and care about them It just gets really frustrating. I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. I’ve never felt lonely like this before.It’s like I’m balancing between remaining hopeful or just flat out giving up I’d love some advice or stories of other people overcoming situations like this. Because it feels like it will be this way forever.

Brokenman Big mistakes
  • replies: 1

6 years ago I was working for family business and my father passed away. I was left to run the business on my own not knowing what to do or how to run a business. In this time I turned to gaming apps to cope with everything. I spent a lot of money on... View more

6 years ago I was working for family business and my father passed away. I was left to run the business on my own not knowing what to do or how to run a business. In this time I turned to gaming apps to cope with everything. I spent a lot of money on these apps without even realising the amounts I was spending. Fast forward to now I have been hit with 160k of tax bills from not knowing what to do or the implications of not being compliant. I have ATO threatening to close the business and potentially bankrupt me.I informed my wife of this and she was supportive and wanting to help find a way to refinance our house and get the debt under control. Since then she discovered my spending on the gaming apps and has completely shut down from me and is extremely angry saying she doesn’t know if we can continue after this debt is sorted. She doesn’t want to leave me because it would ruin our 12 year old son but is so angry that she doesn’t see a future. She says she needs space. I have deleted all games and am waiting on banks answer to refinance.I am completely broken, scared of losing everything, embarrassed that I let it get to this I feel alone with everything and could not live a life without my family. I don’t know what to do to save my family and myself

Alvi Hi i dont know what i should
  • replies: 2

Hi after years of emotional abuse in my marriage i have checked out mentally. I recently have made up my mind to divorce him. However recently he hired a mind coach to help him navigate work life balance. Now he is suddenly trying to improve by think... View more

Hi after years of emotional abuse in my marriage i have checked out mentally. I recently have made up my mind to divorce him. However recently he hired a mind coach to help him navigate work life balance. Now he is suddenly trying to improve by thinking he can just waltz in to my life by suddenly starting to do the affectionate stuff. The thing is i have been stuck in similar loop for so long of abuse then as soon as he realise i am leaving he will be good. I am worried its the same thing. TBH i cannot take this anymore. I am having mental breakdown , constantly crying and feeling extremely unsafe mentally. His mental coach reached out to me to get an idea of marriage to which he has a good idea. But the things he is making my husband do are making me feel unsafe and uncertain that the previous things will repeat. I have made a safety bubble for myself which he wants to get in for ex coming to my gym, wanting to sleep in same bed. Havent shared bed in past 2 yrs. The abuse had intensified in last 6 months and again coming to point that he wants to be nice which i think is again part of his manipulation.

CrazyInLove Saving My Marriage
  • replies: 15

Hi there, I have been with my husband for 13 years and he has been distant and detached for a few months now. We have tried to talk a couple of times, but he only opened up a little bit. Last night he came from work and told me he needed to find his ... View more

Hi there, I have been with my husband for 13 years and he has been distant and detached for a few months now. We have tried to talk a couple of times, but he only opened up a little bit. Last night he came from work and told me he needed to find his identity and stability, and that he doesn’t really see a future with me. We openly talked for hours and cleared up so many misunderstandings that happened over the years, but he is telling me it is too late. I thought I was doing my best to always support him through some very challenging times, but he thought that was making him feel dependent and worth even less, and feeling down because he is unable to support us, and I should be with someone else. I have always been the main income earner and comfortable with that, while he has changed a few careers and worked mostly at entry level, and he is still working out what he wants to do, but now feels extremely bad about not being financially stable and able to support us. He has supported us in many other ways which I often tell them and thank him for it. He has always wanted kids. In the past I did not want children which has changed recently. I felt so insecure financially and with work for years, and now I’ve been quietly hoping it is finally the time, have even saved up to be able to take time off work, and have been trying to find a good time to talk to him about it in the past few months, but the time never came. He has struggled with finding his feet over the years, from being a teenager through to now, but things have never reached this level.I love him so very much and I am so committed to do whatever it takes to be there for him and with him. I suggested we talk to a third party to work it out, but he is not willing to speak to anyone. After hours of talking last night and telling me that he wanted to work on himself, loved me, but felt like there was no future, he still came to sleep in our bed but did not touch me. This morning he told me he felt the same, but wanted us both to stay in the house and share responsibilities while he wants to work on himself, find out what he likes to do, find a better job and start contributing to the bills, and see how he feels later and then maybe there is a chance to work on our relationship.We are booked to visit our families overseas next month, but he told me he is no longer going and I should go alone.I have no idea what to do. I love him so much. I'd appreciate any experiences and opinions you have. Thank you.

Bryant My wife seems to resent me and I’m worried
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone, sorry this is long and disorganised… I’m just not sure what to do My wife and I are young (~24yrs) and have been married for 4 months. We have two young kids (1 & 2yrs).The past 6 months have been incredibly difficult for me as my wife ... View more

Hey everyone, sorry this is long and disorganised… I’m just not sure what to do My wife and I are young (~24yrs) and have been married for 4 months. We have two young kids (1 & 2yrs).The past 6 months have been incredibly difficult for me as my wife snaps at me for absolutely everything I do and say… I only have good intentions and am trying my hardest to do everything right. I just want to be a good husband and father and I love them all more than anything. it’s even been so bad that in an argument she has told me she doesn’t want this anymore (told me the next day over the phone that it was just out of anger) and also said that she won’t apologise for it as I said hurtful things as well. (I told her she needed to try and think about things with more optimism and be more reasonable) everything has been fine up until the birth of our second child.. since then I have slept in the spare room as she insists both of the kids sleep with her. (I go into them anytime she calls for me through the night or early mornings and help in any way she needs). We have very little intimacy and it’s only when she feels guilty and tells me she is only doing it because of guilt so even then it doesn’t happen because it’s not right. I am high up in my position at work and heavily relied upon. She works where the kids go daycare. I just don’t know how to tell if things will ever get better, I am constantly trying to better myself every day for them but she only thinks it’s me that needs to keep doing better and change. I feel defeated and lost and worry I will lose everything. Sometimes she is in a great mood and everything is fine but I might make our son a bottle of formula the wrong way or use the wrong toilet at the house or pick up something I shouldn’t have touched when tidying up and then she will just snap and stay in a horrible mood that can last from 12hrs to 3 days. I just can’t win with anything and I don’t know what to do. Just for context, it is loud screaming and some of the insults are “just use your brain, it’s not that hard to do things the right way” and “you’re so f&@king dumb” - it’s all dependant on her ways of doing things. Just to add: if the roles are reversed and I am struggling with the 2 kids, if I call out to her for help with something, she will shout at me and tell me she’s busy or to just figure it out. Whereas anytime she asks for anything I will run to her aid. thanks for reading, it’s all over the place but hopefully understandable.

Nick Need advice
  • replies: 3

Hi my wife and I recently decided to take a breakmaim reasons are I’m not very emotionally involved with her or the kids I am very unstable in my jobs I can’t communicate openly and just a very distant person while around my family I have moved out a... View more

Hi my wife and I recently decided to take a breakmaim reasons are I’m not very emotionally involved with her or the kids I am very unstable in my jobs I can’t communicate openly and just a very distant person while around my family I have moved out and doing it quite tough at the moment can anyone give advice on what I should be doing to get my family back

Guest_16219302 Feeling defeated
  • replies: 2

Hi All I feel like this is a last resort for me as I don’t have anyone in this world to talk to in regards to how I am TRUELY feeling and that if I wasn't around my family would not care. I’m married 10years this Dec and have to amazing kids and I’ve... View more

Hi All I feel like this is a last resort for me as I don’t have anyone in this world to talk to in regards to how I am TRUELY feeling and that if I wasn't around my family would not care. I’m married 10years this Dec and have to amazing kids and I’ve always felt that my kids keep me alive but lately I can’t honestly say my kids wouldn’t even really notice if I was nit here ! My life in my eyes was perfect until a very close family member turned it all upside down and continues to bully now my kids in public situations like school grounds all because she just doesn’t want me to exist ! I don’t know what to do I have always done the right thing and shut my mouth for the sake of my family my parents but for 12 years now I’m defeated !! Help please

UpsAndDowns-2 Triggered. Should I get professional help?
  • replies: 2

I don't even know how to start. I'm very well aware of my triggers and it has happened quite often. Throughout the years I have tried getting more self help and be more mindful and things have improved, until I gave birth last year. Life was hectic o... View more

I don't even know how to start. I'm very well aware of my triggers and it has happened quite often. Throughout the years I have tried getting more self help and be more mindful and things have improved, until I gave birth last year. Life was hectic of course and there were more arguments between me and my spouse on many things. I thought I may have postnatal anxiety so I had call a few hotlines to get help, as well as get enrolled in some programs. Things seems have got back on track after a year or so. Last night my parent said something that has triggered me. I have shared with him before on the triggers but he's just not sensitive and mindful enough. I snapped. I didn't say a thing. I sat there to try calm down but I couldn't. After a few minutes I decided I'd go upstairs and leave the kids to him to finish the night time routine. This morning I was still mad at my partner and I felt very deflated. I went out to meet some friends with my kids, came back, saw my partner, then got mad again. I basically cannot function when I'm deflated and I feel that my cup is not just empty but it has a crack and I can't fill it up. I can't even function to look after my kids (I was OK when I was occupied with friends but not when I saw my partner again). What he said to me just keep repeating in my own head and keeps triggering me. I'm never officially diagnosed though after kids partner said I may have ADHD. I don't even know how to get further help but thinking back it wasn't really a big deal but I just felt so hurt and deflated and lose all my energy. I have been searching around to see if there is someone that I can talk to but I'm anxious to share. Then I found this forum I'm really not sure if this is a right place to post but I hope I can get some non judgmental advices here to get me back on track.