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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_81510707 Feel like giving up on my son
  • replies: 4

My son is 15. He and I don't get along. It's gone from good to terrible over the years. Right now, I find myself despising his behaviour, which I find selfish; inconsiderate. At school, he is skipping classes, being late and regularly in detention. T... View more

My son is 15. He and I don't get along. It's gone from good to terrible over the years. Right now, I find myself despising his behaviour, which I find selfish; inconsiderate. At school, he is skipping classes, being late and regularly in detention. There is a lot of yelling most days between my son and his mother/my wife.My wife and I argue regularly about how to address his behaviour. It's tearing us apart. I called in sick from work today, for the first time ever in my life due to the anxiety I am feeling.I feel like I've failed as a parent.I don't have anyone to speak with.I feel so low that I an no longer communicative at home.I wish somehow that I could be a source of encouragement; comfort for him... but he is angry with me, and he doesn't want to do anything with me.For now, he still comes home; but I feel that will change for the worse in the coming weeks. It's like seeing a train wreck unfold and being powerless to stop it. I don't know what to do.

JustAnYtka Am I a bad friend??
  • replies: 1

I'm just needing a bit of advice as to what to do with this. I have been very close friends with this person for around 3 years now. A few weeks ago, it was their birthday, and a few days later was their party. I woke up the morning of their party wi... View more

I'm just needing a bit of advice as to what to do with this. I have been very close friends with this person for around 3 years now. A few weeks ago, it was their birthday, and a few days later was their party. I woke up the morning of their party with a migraine aura (my warning sign that I'm about to get one), body aches and a sore throat. I took some medicine and had plenty of water and rest, but about an hour later it was getting worse. I was so upset, I was crying and telling my mum that I still want to go, and she told me that realistically, I wouldn't last very long. I took a covid test, negative, but I genuinely was not well. I was too sick and upset to message them, so I got my mum to calls theirs. Then I don't hear anything from them for two weeks. At the moment I'm really struggling with my mental health, my dog just passed away, and I'm also very socially isolated due to me being homeschooled. They know all of this, they also know that they are my only friend. I messaged them a few times over the two weeks, no reply. Then yesterday I asked if they were upset with me, and it turns out that they felt very disrespected because I didn't contact them directly on the day of their party. They seem really pissed off, and I felt really bad initially, but I literally couldn't open my eyes unless I was in a pitch black room because of the migraine, they knew this. Then they ignored me whilst I was talking about how lonely I am, and how much I need to spend some time with them. Am I in the wrong? I am genuinely really annoyed with them and I'm wondering if this friendship is worth continuing. This has absolutely destroyed me and I've been crying pretty much constantly since they told me.

josh88 Making things more positive for my wife
  • replies: 1

I'm currently in hospital being treated for depression, but I'm hoping to come home on Friday. My wife is having a really hard time supporting me through my mental illness, which has put a cloud over our relationship for 9 years. I want to try and ma... View more

I'm currently in hospital being treated for depression, but I'm hoping to come home on Friday. My wife is having a really hard time supporting me through my mental illness, which has put a cloud over our relationship for 9 years. I want to try and make things different at home when I come back, like only talking about my mental health problems once a week at a set day/time, and the rest of the time try and make things more light and fun for her. Does anyone have any advice or strategies they have used to make things more positive for their loved ones, while also not being unrealistic about the impacts of depression?

Molly unbalanced partnership
  • replies: 4

I have been with my partner almost 25 years. We are not married and have 2 children. We live in a house owned by his parents, and our rent is very reasonable. My partner has been running his own business from downstairs for 7 years, but has never ear... View more

I have been with my partner almost 25 years. We are not married and have 2 children. We live in a house owned by his parents, and our rent is very reasonable. My partner has been running his own business from downstairs for 7 years, but has never earned enough to pay tax. I have casual work, but have primarily been a stay at home Mum whilst our children were young. My partner slipped a disc in his back 4 years ago and was totally incapacitated for 6 months, leaving me to do everything, and I mean everything. Being a sole trader he did not receive any financial suport whilst his back was buggered, he couldn’t even drag himself to the toilet, I was emptying containers of pee for months. Anyway, fast forward to now, his back is better, but his business has not picked up and he has done nothing to try and get more clients. He barely earns $250 a week most weeks. We are surviving on tiny government handouts and I am at my wits end. I am looking for a second job. My frustrations are these: Despite being well enough now to work, he does nothing to try and help himself. Running a business is hard, but he is not putting in the effort. He does zero advertising, does not hustle to find more clients at all. He has no website, nor is he saving to try and build one. I do all his invoicing and responding to emails that will sit there if I do not. He doesn’t seem to have any motivation at all. When he hurt his back his parents gave him a repreive from paying rent, but I have still been paying my share… but there is no end in sight. They have not given him a deadline as to when they want the money back, and I feel that it’s unfair that I am struggling to pay, when he is not. 4 years it has been this way. Aside from the injury he’s had other ongoing back issues most of his life and we have never shared a bed as he can’t sleep in one because it hurts his back. So every night I go to bed alone. I’m sure you can see what this has done to our sex life – it is non-existent. I am lonely and tired of this situation. Despite having no money, nor paying any rent he smokes cigarettes and weed and manages to find money for those. I do not feel I can rely on him financially at all. I pay for all the children’s expenses, laptops, school needs etc… If an unexpected bill pops up, I have to deal with it alone, or his Mother swoops in to give him money. I feel he is taking advantage of his parents and me. I have tried discussing the sleeping arrangements and even bought a new, harder mattress for us but he still does not use it or come to bed. He sleeps in an office chair all night falling asleep after playing video games, or sleeps on a roll mat on the floor of his studio downstairs. I sleep in our bedroom upstairs. His sleeping patterns are all over the shop, often he stays up until 4am and then sleeps until midday or until he has a client. He often falls asleep in front of the TV. It feels like he is disinterested in me and our family. We have no plans for our future, neither holidays, buying a house together nor general future discussion. I feel more like flatmates with children rather than a couple with mutual desires. Is it time to walk away or can this be fixed? Thank-you

Guest_64739915 Relationship with Mother (Autism vs Neurotypical) causing sadness
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I have a bit of an odd situation - l am a 21 y.o and have a pretty bad deep relationship with my mum. As of late, my relationship with my mum has really taken a turn for the worse. She is always taking what l say to heart (e.g she was discuss... View more

Hi all, I have a bit of an odd situation - l am a 21 y.o and have a pretty bad deep relationship with my mum. As of late, my relationship with my mum has really taken a turn for the worse. She is always taking what l say to heart (e.g she was discussing how work was bothering her and l made a joke about it which was meant to be funny, but she took it as me mocking her situation). I also decided not to go to her place due to some emotional issues and she took this as me punishing her for something that had happened. I even sent her flowers as a gesture, and she didn't care to appreciate them or my intent. Whenever l come to her place, l feel like l am walking on eggshells and that if l say the wrong thing, she will take offence. She is also HUGE on me not being able to show empathy (l can show it for some situations l have been in, but not so much for her, l don't know why) and berates me for this and chalks it up to me "not caring" about her/it being a lack of care factor. This is absolutely not the case, l just cannot empathise with certain situations. With my dad, l feel as if l am able to be more free and do/so whatever l like (use sarcasm, be funny, tell jokes that he gets and understands and talk more about my struggles in the neurotypical world than with my mum) and she takes this as me favouring him. She also tries to say that she is autistic since she relates to one or two problems that l mention l face, which is just incredibly annoying to belittle my experience. This relationship with her has been mostly me bending to her will over the past few years (essentially since l was 7) and has left me feeling quite drained and not happy. We have our happy moments here and there, and l know she does love and care for me, but l don't know if l can continue dealing with her constantly bringing up issues about me (since l am who l am and l don't feel like l need to change anything just to suit one person). When l was a lot younger and after my parents divorce, she would always go out and get drunk and l would have to try to take care of her. She is also dating someone who is NOT good for her own mental health (issues l will not go in to) and displays deep levels of narcissism. Although over the years she has improved, l still feel as if l cannot be my true self around her since she does not appreciate it and thinks my true self is rude or has behavioural issues. Not exactly sure what l'm asking for here, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Defencewife Dealing with the aftermath of husbands cheating
  • replies: 14

Hi everyone, Feeling like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 days and trying to make sense of everything, including my emotions. Started Monday a week ago when, remembering hubby had told me the day before he had a Christmas email from fr... View more

Hi everyone, Feeling like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 days and trying to make sense of everything, including my emotions. Started Monday a week ago when, remembering hubby had told me the day before he had a Christmas email from friends of ours, I picked up his iPad to see what they had to say. All the usual Christmas catchup, what children were doing etc. then I saw the email next to it. With the first line of conversation showing. “I love you”. I asked for an explanation obviously and all that happened was he grabbed the iPad off me and muttered it was nothing, just someone he was talking to online that he had met on Instagram. I looked her up - she is a 29 year old blonde who is everything I’m not. And he is more than twice that age and I am 50...was 50...51 today! He refused to tell me anymore so I packed a bag and went to Mum’s. The following day I came home, he still wouldn’t talk, so I threw him out instead. Each subsequent day we tried to talk and the story expanded from ‘absolutely nothing that wasn’t general chit chat’, to ‘have developed feelings for her’. I logged into his account and started trawling (he uses one of two passwords for everything which isn’t bright if you are cheating). By the end of the week I had found 7 girls, and he admitted to online sex chats, exchange of naked photos etc. but what really hurt was that every time he told me something, he swore I now knew everything (I kept insisting I needed honest disclosure). So, bottom line from him is that because they never touched in person it wasn’t so bad and that he has been honest because he didn’t lie in his responses, just didn’t tell me anything I didn’t directly ask - that withholding information is not lying. I didn’t eat for 5 days and vomited even water back up. Now I just feel numb with intermittent bouts of extreme emotion where all I can do is sit and let the pain wash over me. The timing wasn’t great. In those 10 days have been an anniversary (26 years), New Years, and my birthday. Which isn’t helping at all. I had no idea this was happening, I have never even checked his Facebook posts before, never bothered to see who he followed on Instagram, never looked at his email (prob why he wasn’t worried about the password thing). I went crazy after this, logging into everything, trying to find out what I could. Eventually I realised that this was both unhealthy and that he had started to cover his trail by deleting everything... Sorry, for dumping!

Amelin_21 Feeling down and dwelling on the past
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone,Last year I made a new friend / work colleague and we hit if off instantly. It felt like we knew each other for years and just seemed to understand each other. We became close, spending alot of time together at work but also talking after... View more

Hi everyone,Last year I made a new friend / work colleague and we hit if off instantly. It felt like we knew each other for years and just seemed to understand each other. We became close, spending alot of time together at work but also talking after work, as well as texting all night and going out together before and after work. I'm in a long term relationship and knew he was off limits in that sense but I always saw him as a close bff and actually liked the idea of having such a close guy friend I could talk to. But, as the year progressed and I learnt more about him and his personal life. I realised whenever I got too close he would shut me out and tried to turn the situation into me being manipulative and would tell me I was always so negative, even when I was being supportive or thought I was joking with a friend who knew I was there for them. In the end this turned into a whorl wind of emotions for both of us. I was seeing my psych and learning how to support our personalities, by either being friends or colleagues but not both because it became too tricky as he thought talking to me reminded him of work. At the same time, he was doing similar but decided to avoid working together to support both of us in understanding each other and he cut me off one day through text after work. Safe to say I was a wreck and never received an explanation from him. After that, he would continue to avoid it and would only talk to me in a work capacity until he left abruptly and got a new job. I have anxiety and am new to understanding how to handle it. But this situation has never happened to me before and my anxiety makes me feel lonely sometimes when I think about what we used to have but also makes me feel like I did something wrong. I can't help but feel like it all fell apart because of me. It's been 6 months now since we 'split' and he is still on my mind, making me think I could have done something earlier to save the situation. I have accepted his decision and that was fine but it's the feeling of not being able to talk about it that keeps me dwelling on this. Can anyone give me ideas of how to move on from dwelling on 'if it was me' feeling? I'm 35 and I've never experienced anyone like this before and find myself completely confused. I feel like such a bad person sometimes because I never got an answer.

SleepyCyber Family issues
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone so, I’d just like to come on here and talk about how I feel. To save a whole lot of backstory I’ll start by saying I moved in with my step mum again, which I regret because I knew how it would be here from the first time. I moved back he... View more

Hey everyone so, I’d just like to come on here and talk about how I feel. To save a whole lot of backstory I’ll start by saying I moved in with my step mum again, which I regret because I knew how it would be here from the first time. I moved back here again as an impulsive decision and like before I’m treated like a personal house maid. I sleep on the couch and pay 300 In rent, I’m made to feed two pets that aren’t mine, I do the dishes daily, I’m constantly called by my step mum and step sister to clean up their messes so I’m really feeling like Cinderella here, if I ignore them or don’t do something for one day I get ripped into and sometimes get called rude things. I’m trying my best to look for places to rent but it’s a little expensive and I don’t have my own car to go to house viewings, its so exhausting to live here and having to do everything for them, all I can do is cry and you guys are the only ones I thought of to talk too but maybe this was my own fault, I knew what it was like here and I decided to move back please let me know what you guys think, sometimes I think I may be overreacting because I’m used to doing things for myself and not for other people

Guest_89870894 I am lonely, depressed and i don't know if i can do this anymore
  • replies: 2

Hello I have never done something like this, but im willing to try anything to get me out of this hole. Recently, I've lost my two best friends. For their own reasons, they wanted to grow. One told me in person and one over text. The thing is, I don'... View more

Hello I have never done something like this, but im willing to try anything to get me out of this hole. Recently, I've lost my two best friends. For their own reasons, they wanted to grow. One told me in person and one over text. The thing is, I don't blame them at all. I don't know why anyone would want to be my friend. I hate even saying that sentence because it's so cringe to say, I feel like i am just asking for pity. I feel like a shell of a person and i don't deserve the house over my head, food, friends, money or even breathing the air i breathe. I know i have people that care about me, it's limited, but i know they care. Although, everyday the reasons for staying here become more unclear. I constantly think about the people in this world who have REAL problems, the ones who are living on the street, grieving, disease etc meanwhile my life is very privileged. I've never even been to a funeral. Why am I like this? I've struggled my whole life with depression and anxiety and substance abuse in the more recent years but again, it is not as severe as a lot of people have it, or is it? I can't stop cringing at the thought, do I have the right to be sad or don't i? I don't know what to do. All I do is stay in bed, go to work, repeat. I can't remember the last time I went to a party. Or the last time one of my friends asked me to hang out. What is the point?

Rails Break up
  • replies: 1

It’s been 3 months since my 10 year relationship ended . My ex partner decided that he was unhappy in his life, ended our relationship, taken time off work and sold his house . He is turning 40. He ensured me that he loves me, but is just unhappy in ... View more

It’s been 3 months since my 10 year relationship ended . My ex partner decided that he was unhappy in his life, ended our relationship, taken time off work and sold his house . He is turning 40. He ensured me that he loves me, but is just unhappy in life and needs to go and find what makes him happy and wants to travel and maybe work overseas without me or the relationship. I’ve been really struggling since the separation. I have been managing work and doing my general activities, but as it gets closer to his time to leave the country I’ve come more emotionally unstable . I have now started to become emotionally unable to manage my break downs and will cry for hours, I will also have thoughts on death, and feel stuck and am so tired of feeling sad . I have some really great friends and family, and adult children who I speak 2 and adore . However, I am still in love with my ex partner and he is aware and I can’t seem to “move on” and I am waiting for him to realise he is making a mistake - which is delusional in away. My ex and I are still very good friends. I just don’t know how to even start to process the changes in my life I am 44 and how to manage my emotions.