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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Leth My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together
  • replies: 184

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feelin... View more

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feeling. I needed to come here and put out how I'm feeling about the whole situation as well, from an older brothers point of view, but to be honest, I don't even know where to start. My brother, with the biggest warmest heart, with physical and mental heath issues, developed an ice addiction, he neglected his health and in the last year, my mum and I have done nothing but tried our damn hardest to help him, both professionally, personally, financially, the whole lot. He got himself into a fair bit of trouble about a year ago, and in lead up to his sentence, his smoking of ice increased, as did his lies, and everything was spiralling out of control for him and everyone around him. I left my well payed job to be more closer to my mum and brother in need. The whole process has been so stressful, and it's been so hard to now see my brother get taken away. He's such a vulnerable person, a "gentle giant", who without pointing the figure, influenced to trying ice, became hooked and majorly lost his way. His bedroom became his haven, he never left it, and my poor mother who became so submissive to his behaviour, did her best to care for him while he was in the darkest time in his life. I'm feeling fragile. I'm finding myself withdrawing. Having a hard time sleeping, and when I do, I instantly wake up with a cracking head ache. I start crying at unpredictable times, I've somewhat distanced myself from my boyfriend, I have my mum staying with me until she's going to be ok living alone. My brother has left behind some financial stress, and I'm left to now collect the pieces, to cancel his accounts, and to work out a ways to pay back all these "Afterpay" type transactions he's made over the last several months on top if fine reminders in the mail. The whole thing is just hard, but there's that glimmer that this is perhaps that divine intervention that he's needed, as nothing I or my mum did worked. I've been seeing an amazing psychologist for since this all began about a year ago, my GP has suggested I get on anti depressants which I'm almost contemplating. Are there any other siblings out there who's maybe been in my shoes who might be able to give me some advice? I'd appreciate it immensely.

Peoplepleaser Tired and overwhelmed
  • replies: 2

I'm struggling lately, and feel guilty for admitting I feel this way, because I know I have alot to be grateful for. I feel like my life is slowly crushing me but if I slow down or stop, the people around me will see I'm not worth being around anymor... View more

I'm struggling lately, and feel guilty for admitting I feel this way, because I know I have alot to be grateful for. I feel like my life is slowly crushing me but if I slow down or stop, the people around me will see I'm not worth being around anymore and will leave. I have had anxiety and panic attacks since 16, have tried therapy previously but it didnt help and I can't realistically afford it at the moment. Tried my GP recently but they made me feel worse and were reluctant to help. The last few years have been rough, work feels draining and unfulfilling, yet it provides stability and flexibility that are hard to give up. My partner struggles with severe depression, I supported him and managed the household for several years while he got better, he is alot better now most of the time but still struggles and I'm constantly worrying about when his next low period will be and stressing about how to cover everything when he is off work due to it, and feeling guilty for resenting him at times because I know its not his fault. I've also recently went no contact with my alcoholic parents as I realised when I stopped reaching out, I no longer heard from them unless they wanted something. They were constantly speaking negatively of my partner despite being asked to stop and were wanting to always overstep boundaries I put in place. I am involved in running a charity in my free time which I use to love but feel lately it exhausts me and am beginning to resent it too. I dont have nergy to do anything on weekends just want to sleep and lay on couch. I want to stop feeling this way but am not sure how to make a change as my motivation is at an all time low and have been crying alot. I'm also scared to ask for help because I feel like my problems pail in comparison to others but I know i need to do something. I'd be grateful for any advice, suggestions and perspectives on what has helped others and where to start

Sunshine11 Broken up by my depressed boyfriend
  • replies: 7

I feel so broken and lost. My partner of 5 years has told me he needs to be by himself to heal as he is so depressed and struggling to be happy with life and his self worth. It came out of nowhere, we have so much love for eachother and never had any... View more

I feel so broken and lost. My partner of 5 years has told me he needs to be by himself to heal as he is so depressed and struggling to be happy with life and his self worth. It came out of nowhere, we have so much love for eachother and never had any relationship issues besides his side of opening up with communication, due to childhood trauma from his parents not allowing him to in a safe space. We talked about our future with how many kids we’d want, holiday trips, future plans and found out he did want to engage to me. Then a few days later he told me he can’t do this anymore. I want to support him as much as I can. He asked and hopes for us to stay friends as he says he doesn’t want to lose me, but i explained I don’t know if I can be just friends as I can’t suppress my feelings for him. I want to offer him to go back on a break (which we first tried, but I struggled as I thought I had done something wrong and he didn’t want me. So he’s now explained that’s not the case; but because he is struggling mentally). But I’m unsure if he will take up that offer and it will hurt me more if he’s not open to it. I just want him to know that I’m happy to wait for him to be his better self he keeps talking about. He is in a tragic state himself, both crying our hearts out and saying we miss each other and love each other. I’ve mentioned he should see a therapist as what he’s been trying to fix himself by for the last three months has done nothing. But he’s hesitant about it. He told his friend two weeks ago he wants to be with me but doesn’t know how to, if he can’t love himself he can’t give me love. Then two days ago he says he’s still not ready as he asked to catch up and for us to hopefully stay friends. I don’t know what to do, I’m so broken, I don’t want to lose him, my body is going through withdrawal from the person that I love so much and I’m spiralling with my mental health over this loss. I’m scared once he’s better that I won’t be the lucky girl to see him as his healed self that he’s happy with. Everyone is saying to give up on hope but how do I just give up and not try my best to be there for him when he is struggling with himself. You can’t just leave someone you love struggling when they open up about being depressed and feeling lonely. He says it’s not fair for me to wait but I want him to know I’m happy to without putting pressure on him.

Pippa_thebold Parents - controlling my relationship
  • replies: 9

Hello Everyone, I am 19f. I have recently begun a relationship with someone who is slightly older (>4 years old) than me. I currently study full-time and work part-time, due to this I live at home with my parents. My parents, have 'told' me that they... View more

Hello Everyone, I am 19f. I have recently begun a relationship with someone who is slightly older (>4 years old) than me. I currently study full-time and work part-time, due to this I live at home with my parents. My parents, have 'told' me that they don't like this person that I am seeing because of their lifestyle choices. However, these lifestyle choice don't effect my in any way, and my partner has since made a change towards those choice. Despite this, my parents have told me that I am not allowed to see my partner and I am not allowed to talk to my partner. I have reached out to my parents many times to sit and talk with my partner but my partners have threaten violence towards my partner if they ever see them I want to be with my partner, as they make me unbelievably happy and being with them makes me forget about the stresses of life. However, I am unsure of what to do in this situation. I am worried if I move out my parents will no longer speak to me and I'll be stranded on a low income job, trying to work my way through a university degree. Please help!

Pippa_thebold Scared to tell parents about relationship
  • replies: 4

22f dating 25m Back story, 3 years ago dated this person my parents FORBADE me from dating them threaten (22m at the time) with violence etc. The reason they FORBADE us from dating was because he used to take drugs at festivals. Since then I have dat... View more

22f dating 25m Back story, 3 years ago dated this person my parents FORBADE me from dating them threaten (22m at the time) with violence etc. The reason they FORBADE us from dating was because he used to take drugs at festivals. Since then I have dated someone else lived with them since splitting I have moved back home with mum and dad. Context I'm a uni student who also works full time and does pay them rent. I ran into 25m again back in Feb and we have fallen back in love all over again. I want to be with this person for many reasons but I will run out of space. However, I have such intense and crippling anxiety about telling my parents. I am so scared that they are gonna react violently or kick me out. I love my parents but they do not take it lightly when their kids do something they don't like. I do see my partner as much as I can but my parents are always on my grill about where I am and how long I'm there etc. I love my partner and want to be with him all the time. I just don't know how to go about telling them, I am so scared of the fall out from that but I know I need to tell them. I guess I'm just looking for some advice?

blues23 Difficulty knowing where I stand
  • replies: 2

I went on a holiday trip with my family 3/4 days in it fell apart my child and that of my family members child mucking around my daughter doing something mean ( i didn’t see half the things as I missed half or wasn’t present apparently my child start... View more

I went on a holiday trip with my family 3/4 days in it fell apart my child and that of my family members child mucking around my daughter doing something mean ( i didn’t see half the things as I missed half or wasn’t present apparently my child started stuff and then the other child got in trouble for it I didn’t know that my child started it ) I told my child to stop being mean and keep her distance and stuff my family member said that they would go do separate activities to reduce the tension all fine they also mentioned that if my child mucks up again my child would be blocked by my family members kids , ( later denied saying this ) also told me my child was untouchable / on last their legs & they just have to put up and accept my child behaviour because she is she and is untouchable/ all things upset me & my child as I said we would go home from trip as I felt uncomfortable cause my child was acting up I was told I was blowing things out of proportion, overreacting ( I do this all the time when my daughter does something or is mentioned to be in trouble ( from what I remember my family member has never mentioned anything about my daughters behaviour to me and if they do or have I address it with my daughter) I told family member that if she does something and I’m not around or in the toilet to tell her to stop. My family member after our day of separated activities after I’d already told my daughter off and kept her separate for a few days & she’s apologised/ me too had apologised/ my daughters got told by my family member she was acting like a cow during her behaviour towards my family members kid I stopped this from escalating/ I don’t think my daughter heard what was said to her / on return home my family members pets were at my home being looked after by someone else in my home the pets had vomited over my child’s Xmas present/ pooped and made a general mess of my house/ I said as a passing comment maybe even a conversation starter : or even a comment to myself that it would take me 6 weeks to clean it / family member snapped at me told me to stop dramatising so I replied I was just saying and left them to their devices went out to my car and started taking stuff out and keeping out of family members way, family member continued to clean even though I asked to stop & leave. After returning home been few days family member has been distant I send txt they send thumbs up only reply when they want something or need something . I don’t know where I stand it looks to me they don’t want us around I miss my family member but I’m also like thumbs up what does that mean am I getting silenced / Should I just let it go and not bother them anymore . I’m pretty hurt by things I’m sure family member is too but don’t know what to do or if I should bother anymore.

not_dead_yet Overwhelmed
  • replies: 4

Hello, i dont even know what to talk about or how to put this into words theres just too much. Ive been told to concentrate and not fidget when i do it subconciously so when i concentrate on not fidgeting i get told off and hit by my tutor (this is j... View more

Hello, i dont even know what to talk about or how to put this into words theres just too much. Ive been told to concentrate and not fidget when i do it subconciously so when i concentrate on not fidgeting i get told off and hit by my tutor (this is just 1 teacher). She has said many colourful words about it and my weight and my looks. My mum sits these classes and whenever i tell her i want to quit, she cries and says that she is stupid, she cant do anything right, all her money has gone to waste and that she should never care for me again etc. Since school is back, i can get away from my parents and i feel better at school, though the stress i get from the amount of work is also gnawing at me. The only person i can talk to about some of these problems has gone overseas and cant text anymore, im worried about them leaving but i keep telling myself they wont. I barely have the energy to get in the shower and after a few days when i did, i just stood there for 10 minutes without actually cleaning myself. My mum has gotten more obsessed with me because she sees me less because of school, she keeps telling me why should i close the door when i change, that see wants to watch, that since she made me she should have the right. I have more but i dont think i should share it all in one post. Sorry if it doesnt make sense. Ive relapsed again and i dont know what to do.

tahliasdesire I ruined my life
  • replies: 3

I regret everything in my life and I'm only 18. I can never make my mum happy, whatever I do seems to make her mad and I can't deal with it anymore. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's everyday I'm being screamed at over something I did or didn... View more

I regret everything in my life and I'm only 18. I can never make my mum happy, whatever I do seems to make her mad and I can't deal with it anymore. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's everyday I'm being screamed at over something I did or didn't do, or something that my dog did. I'm only 18, my mum and dad never taught me how to do basic things like laundry or cooking or washing dishes so now I feel like a complete failure. I try to love my mum, I really do but I resent her for not believing me when I told her my dad sexually assaulted me when I was younger. I regret not going to the police sooner, I regret giving in when my mum and siblings convinced me to tell the police that it was all a lie so my dad didn't go to jail. My entire life I've been bullied, since Kindergarten up until highschool. I've always been the ugly kid, the weird girl so when year 9 came around in highschool I started hiding in the toilets during first period then running out of school when the bell rang for first class. I didn't graduate highschool and I regret it so much. My brains forgets things so easily and it frustrates me even more now that I can't get a proper job. I'm such a failure that when I got my first job, they silently fired me after three weeks. I tried my best even when I hated talking to customers. I can't find the motivation or the want to find a job anymore but I desperately want to run away and live on my own but I can't. I have my dog (miniature dachshund) and he's complete chaos. I feel guilty when I think about surrendering or rehoming him. I don't want to be the reason he goes to a horrible family who can't love him. I love my dog so much that if I run away and end up homeless, I don't want to have to bring him along with me and put him in danger. If I do end up running away I don't want to leave my little sister behind. She's like my best friend and I don't want her to be stuck dealing with my mum and 2 year old autistic brother. I have an older sister and another little brother but they don't live with us currently and I'm so jealous of them. I don't know why I'm making this post. I have zero friends or relatives to talk to about my feelings and needed a venting place. Some days I just want to end it all.

Kristina Abusive Marriage
  • replies: 3

I met my husband 8 years ago, and pretty much from day 1 he has been cheating on me. I’ve lost count of how many girls including his exes contacted me that he’s still sleeping with them. Friends told me how he was sighted with other women. I went thr... View more

I met my husband 8 years ago, and pretty much from day 1 he has been cheating on me. I’ve lost count of how many girls including his exes contacted me that he’s still sleeping with them. Friends told me how he was sighted with other women. I went through a traumatic divorce a couple years before I met him, and I believe that played a huge part in staying with him inspite of all the cheating. Every time I would confront him, he would either deny or just break down crying and apologise. I am an attractive woman with a great career and supportive family and friends, financially independent as well. So I can’t explain why I chose to stay, but I kept falling for all the promises. We got married 4 years ago, and when I was overseas visiting my parents with my 6 month old daughter, he had women living at our home. I’ve had women come to my home the day after my baby shower to confront him, because he had them believing that he was single and living with a divorced, pregnant cousin (me). He’s been engaged to at least 3 other women during our marriage, his family has met those women and made promises on his behalf without ever saying anything to me, but eventually I found out. Over the years, the constant cheating made me shut down emotionally, and we stopped having sex because every time I tried, I used to visualise him being with other women. He complains about how I don’t go to the gym, look after myself, have sex with him. I did gain weight post pregnancy but I addressed his concerns and became fit again through diet and all the work looking after a baby requires. We have a cycle every few months, where he shuts down, calls me a great partner and friend but not a wife. We’re very social, so he accuses me of caring for our marriage only for optics in the society. He tells me that he’s tried to change for me, but that I haven’t done anything for him. We just got back from a 4 week vacation overseas, and 2 weeks after he’s stopped all communication with me, we live like strangers in the house. I maintain an upbeat exterior for our very happy 2 year old daughter, and I know he’s judging me because I look happy and normal, whereas he’s just mopey and acts depressed. I think I checked out of my marriage in most ways after a cycle about a year ago, when he rang up a divorce lawyer but then we reconciled. I always try and talk to him, only to get the response that I’ll never change and he’s just tired of me. He’s told me that he’ll be using online dating apps to meet new people because his emotional and physical needs are not being met. I have done so much for him and his family over the years, prioritising them over my personal space, comfort and even morals. And now I feel like I’ve just wasted all this time. He’s not talking about a divorce yet, but I will not oppose if he does. I’m just keeping up with our current engagement because it offers a kind of stability to my daughter, who he is an amazing father to. I’ve decided not to try and work on things anymore, I don’t want to reconcile, but I also don’t want to give him the pleasure of being the good guy who didn’t take the first step towards a divorce. Am I right in having given up?

OceanListener How to cope with relationship ending
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, and I don’t know how to cope. I’m 22F and I was with my partner (23M) for almost five years.Over the past few months, he became very close with a female coworker. At first... View more

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, and I don’t know how to cope. I’m 22F and I was with my partner (23M) for almost five years.Over the past few months, he became very close with a female coworker. At first I tried to be understanding, because I don’t believe men and women can’t be friends. But their friendship started involving frequent one-on-one time outside of work, coffees, dinners, long walks, drinks, and late nights.What hurt the most was the lack of honesty and boundaries. There were nights where he told me he was just having a few drinks after work, but then I wouldn’t hear from him for hours. Twice, he ended up staying at her house overnight. The second time, he lied and told me he was staying on another coworker’s couch, which I later found out wasn’t true. These experiences damaged my trust deeply and left me constantly on edge.He repeatedly assured me she was “just a friend” and that nothing was going on, but the secrecy and emotional closeness made me feel uncomfortable. Even coworkers noticed how close they were and made comments or assumptions, which upset me further because it confirmed the situation looked inappropriate to others as well.I also noticed a difference in effort for example, he went to a café with her that I’d been asking to go to with him for months. I never really got the chance to meet her properly, and it often felt like I was being treated as the problem for feeling hurt.Recently, after many emotional conversations, our relationship ended. He is moving out, and I’m struggling with the grief and shock of losing someone who was my person for so long. I feel devastated, angry, and confused, like I was losing him emotionally long before it was officially over.I wasn’t trying to accuse him of physical cheating, but it felt like an emotional betrayal. How do I stop myself from spiraling? I would really appreciate any advice or perspective, because I keep wondering if I overreacted or if this really was inappropriate.

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