Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Robby60 non-binary
  • replies: 5

I have a child in their early twenties who over the last couple of years has embraced non-binary culture and evolved a friendship group of people who are non-binary or trans. I am now under the impression that my child intends to start hormone therap... View more

I have a child in their early twenties who over the last couple of years has embraced non-binary culture and evolved a friendship group of people who are non-binary or trans. I am now under the impression that my child intends to start hormone therapy. While I appreciate that there are people who undertake sex changes and become more at peace with themselves as a result, I worry that there is a significant contemporaneous political push of non-binary concepts, for example people writing children's books for pre-schoolers introducing such concepts, and that there seems to be conflicted research on this topic with some ardently advocating non-binary concepts and others expressing concern about health outcomes. My child is super touchy at any conversation about this with me.I have seen a research paper that shows a higher incidence of childhood trauma correlation in people who self-identify as non-binary. My child has had some childhood trauma. I know two other parents who have non-binary children and both these children have failed to launch as economically independent adults.I'm very worried that my child may go down a path, possibly non-reversible, that might fail to provide the peace of mind they are seeking and end up with them being worse off. I am trying to figure out how to distinguish between someone who has true gender dysphoria and someone who is looking for anything to try to escape themselves. Any thoughts appreciated.

Lostgal My partners been unfaithful in the past and I dont know where to go from here.
  • replies: 1

I feel so lost. I have 2 beautiful children I adore. I first found out my partner had cheated in 2018 when I was 9 months pregnant with my first child. We separated in 2021 but it only lasted 6 months. We decided on a fresh start and build our dream ... View more

I feel so lost. I have 2 beautiful children I adore. I first found out my partner had cheated in 2018 when I was 9 months pregnant with my first child. We separated in 2021 but it only lasted 6 months. We decided on a fresh start and build our dream house. We fell pregnant 12 months later and I found out I had an STI when my bloods were done. I was 12 weeks pregnant then and he said it must have been from when we separated. We are alone out here so I decided to stay and see how I felt once the baby was born and the house was built. My second child is now 18 months old I’m in my dream home and I feel so unhappy. I have no respect for my partner I actually hate him but I cant seem to bring myself to leave. He's ruined both my pregnancies for me and he shows me no love and support. He says that he does but I don't feel any the house is silent. But somehow I'm still here. Im not the loving partner I know I could be because he doesn't deserve it but I am hurting myself being this distant. I get frustrated with my children constantly and I think thats down to our relationship or maybe I blame them for still being here with their dad. How can you hate someone but not be able to leave them. I wont allow myself to make this work because he does’nt deserve my love and kindness but really Im just hurting myself in the process and turning into a person I don't recognise. We will here with no family I moved here for him nearly 10 years ago.

Guest_92311439 Relationship/ commitment
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm currently dealing with a dilemma if that's what I can call it. I was in a relationship for 4 years and for the for first 2 years it was the best thing that has happened to me, over time I had to relive some previous anxiety and depression... View more

Hi all, I'm currently dealing with a dilemma if that's what I can call it. I was in a relationship for 4 years and for the for first 2 years it was the best thing that has happened to me, over time I had to relive some previous anxiety and depression I went through a few years before the relationship started, this started to affect my ex partner and our relationship in major ways I was distant she felt unloved and all that. We have been apart for 7 months now and we still talk here and there as we are both struggling to move on or let go. Just looking for some advice on why I would feel like this:50% of me wants to let go because i feel my anxiety and depression is stopping me feeling what we once felt together but the other 50% is telling me that she is it and I want her, and only her. The thought of me or her being with someone else just just doesn't feel right at all and neither of us have yet. I'm just really cconfused.Thank you for reading

mellowp Interstate Move & Relationship Issues
  • replies: 2

My husband and I with our 2 children (13F & 9M) moved from Melbourne to Adelaide. The move occurred for a few reasons, my husband grew up in Adelaide and wanted to move back (especially after mental struggle of COVID lockdowns and affordability of ho... View more

My husband and I with our 2 children (13F & 9M) moved from Melbourne to Adelaide. The move occurred for a few reasons, my husband grew up in Adelaide and wanted to move back (especially after mental struggle of COVID lockdowns and affordability of housing) and to give the kids a slower paced life. We were having some strained relationship issues and thought the change of scenery make help. We both have national/state-based roles so could move without issue.I was on-board with the move for the promise of better opportunities and to do it for better environment for my husband and children.Although this has come at the cost of myself. I have really struggled with the relocation (it has now been 17 months). Previously I was very active and had a really good social and work network. Since moving here I have predominately been working from home, I have not met anyone except for my husband's friends' wives/partners (which at times a forced relationship). I have actively got the kids involved in lots of sports, and am participating in sporting Team Manager roles etc. But despite all of this I am feeling desperately alone, isolated and at time depressed (due to my situation).The relationship issues that were there previously had compounded, due to my feeling of giving up everything I had to please everyone else. My husband meanwhile has settled back in really well, and has reestablished old friendships is busy and out all the time with work or sporting clubs. I have expressed my feelings from the initial move and every day and week since. I have tried to tell my friends back in Melbourne, but they don't understand. My husband early on stated "you need to try harder" to feel settled, my need to "give it a chance" etc etc. Unfortunately my husband has let me down and has not supported me with this move and the way I am feeling. It has got so bad that I am looking at separation and relocating back to Melbourne with the children (whom have struggled as well, for various reasons). I am at a loss.

Guest_94809296 is it wrong for me to feel upset and doubt myself when me and my gf arent as intimate for some time
  • replies: 3

me and my girlfriend have been together for just under a year, we are both late ish teenagers and i am just under a year older than her, and lately i have noticed we sometimes fall into periods of arguing a lot more than usual, and i can’t help but n... View more

me and my girlfriend have been together for just under a year, we are both late ish teenagers and i am just under a year older than her, and lately i have noticed we sometimes fall into periods of arguing a lot more than usual, and i can’t help but notice these periods usually occur after we aren’t as intimate for a while. when we do go for long periods without intimacy which does include sex but is mainly just kissing or long hugs or even just looking into each others eyes for a while and other romantic stuff like that. it gets on my mind and it has been upsetting me quite a bit lately, especially because earlier in our relationship we did stuff like this so often and both of us were very happy to do it and were really open about it like we would talk about how good our sex was or how good it is to just lay and look into each others eyes or how much we liked longs hugs and just forget about everything else. like even when i try to guide the conversation into something like that like a long hug or just staring into her eyes for a while she usually gets distracted and doesn’t notice i am trying to have these moments with her. Or when i try to be more sexual she is quick to say no and to stop which i always stop as soon as she shows signs of not being interested or tells me to stop and i try my best to comfort her and say she is 100% entitled to say no, and i can’t tell her this because i feel if i do it will sound to her like i am trying to guilt trip her into sex but when she does say no and we don’t have sex for a while it does make me a bit upset especially since earlier in our relationship we would do it a lot like multiple times per week and sometimes multiple times per day. it makes me feel like maybe i am not as attractive as i was at the start of our relationship or she is not as attracted to me but she does assure me a lot she loves me very much. I guess what i’m asking is if it’s bad for it to affect me when we don’t have intimacy for long periods of time and if it is bad i need help on how to not get upset when we don’t have them. and if it’s normal then what should i say to her without it coming across like i am trying to guilt trip her into having sex with me when she doesn’t want to

CMF Lonely Hearts Club. Do we miss the person or the relationship?
  • replies: 84

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own exper... View more

So I've been wandering around the forums and reading people's threads hoping I can be of some use to someone. I've noticed I've been gravitating to threads regarding relationships and breakups and they sound quite similar and the same as my own experience. Our hearts are broken by people who: no longer want to be with us; cheat on us; stay with us but don't treat us right; That's just to mention a few. There are many reasons why relationships don't work and its always hard on the person trying to keep it together. So if someone cheats on us, treats us badly, lies to us, isn't around when we really need them, why are we so heartbroken when they leave us or why can't we leave them when we are clearly unhappy with the situation? Why do our hearts hurt so much even though it's been broken? Why do we want to stay with the person who broke it? Do we miss the person or miss the relationship or the idea of the person? I can't stand my ex most of the time, he has good traits but at times is rude, irritating, careless, selfish, treated me very badly but still I find myself feeling sad sometimes when I think of the good times but I remind myself that i'm not sure if that was the real him. I question this because he treats him mum the same way and yet she does everything for him. Yes she is annoying and overbearing but how do you treat your own mother like that when she does as much as she does for you? I used to love his laugh, the late night calls, that he made me feel like a teenager again. Now I find his laugh annoying, he's laughing at my expense, I find him irresponsible and childish. Yet I feel sad. I don't miss HIM. I miss the company, the fun, having someone to do things with. I feel lonely. None of this is a new revelation. You can google the topic and read up on it. In time we may start to enjoy being on our own again, being our own person, not being put down or treated badly. We realise we have the chance to meet someone else, someone who really wants us and treats us great, our soul mate. So why do we feel lonely and miss a person who mistreated us, or cheated on us? Why do we fight hard to be with someone who doesn't want us? Why is it so hard to move on? cmf

SizzleW Is it emotional abuse?
  • replies: 2

I have been married for 13 years. Over the last 2 years I feel like I have been emotionally abused. He likes to talk about my past (i was a wild child, experimented as a teen etc..) he did not in his teens. He likes to talk about my past sexual histo... View more

I have been married for 13 years. Over the last 2 years I feel like I have been emotionally abused. He likes to talk about my past (i was a wild child, experimented as a teen etc..) he did not in his teens. He likes to talk about my past sexual history (i feel as though we have been married for so long what does it matter?) We have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. He likes to make snide remarks about my past, he likes to hold it against me, he thinks he's not good enough even though I've expressed multiple times that he is. Today was kind of the last straw for me - he had a terrible dream about me and I have to deal with the consequences of that dream. Is this emotional abuse?

user123 My son loves it his dad's house more
  • replies: 4

Hi all, we are in a (to a degree) amicable coparenting situation however my son's stepmom (she is 22YO we are 36YO) - we both share 50% of the custody.My son (6) doesn't stop talking about how amazing they are and how much he loves it over there. It ... View more

Hi all, we are in a (to a degree) amicable coparenting situation however my son's stepmom (she is 22YO we are 36YO) - we both share 50% of the custody.My son (6) doesn't stop talking about how amazing they are and how much he loves it over there. It a bit of Disneyland over there with the whole family involved, lots of sleepovers, he goes away for work a lot so he goes to babysitters. Where over here, my family is overseas, we are always there, every day is the same. His new partner is desperately obsess with him to the point when his dad is away for a whole week she will still claim his week. I am trying to be supportive and be happy for him when he talks about them and how much he misses them and let it go over my head but it builds up inside of me, it makes me sad and I already have a lot of anxiety naturally. He can be very emotional, he is very frustrated with the situation always being between the two households, he says when he is here he misses them and when he is there he misses us.Lots of emotional outburst, even for not finding his second sock in the morning, but its all underlying due to the situation. It causes a lot of tension. We are planning a holiday because its been a full on year - all we want to do is relax but I feel like we will have to deal with a lot of meltdowns. Should I be selfish for one time and go without him and focus on us, however I won't help to feel guilty as little one (9m) will be coming. My second son with my current partner. Anyone in similar situation please? I would like to bounce ideas with someone who's in the same boat!!!

Courtesky88 Ex-Partner has depression
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone... I was looking for some advice on my current situation. I was with my partner for 7yrs and we have 1 child (4yrs). In Nov 2023, we broke up due to a plethora of things, but the main one being the intimacy wasn't there and we neglected e... View more

Hi Everyone... I was looking for some advice on my current situation. I was with my partner for 7yrs and we have 1 child (4yrs). In Nov 2023, we broke up due to a plethora of things, but the main one being the intimacy wasn't there and we neglected each other since the birth of our child. He moved out in Jan 24. Since the break-up, my ex has discovered that he has depression and is currently seeking help. We are still super close, and on have been on a couple of dates and been intimate since the break up. We regularly tell each other that we miss an still love each other. However, I have done some soul searching and have realised that he is the only one I want to spend my life with....I love him dearly and would love to try and make this work. I have not voiced this too him due to his mental health, I don't want to add anymore pressure on him at this time. He has expressed not in a direct way that he would like to make things work, but I'm a little confused. When we see each other on the weekends, he is super affectionate, happy and like his normal self, yet, when it hits Sunday night and all throughout the week he goes MIA. I only hear from him if it's in regards to our son, and his messages are blunt and have zero emotion to them. I'm beginning to become really confused as to what the situation is and also feel a little used when we are acting like gf/bf on the weekends and everything is fine, to being treated like I don't exist during the week. He says that all he does is work, come home and sleep as he has predominately 'bad days' during the week. I guess my question is, no matter what, I would like to be there for him, but also with the hopes of re-connecting and trying again in the future. How do I approach him? Should I be messaging and checking in during the week even if I get ignored? Am I annoying him? Should I just leave him alone during the week and just enjoy the time we spend on weekends? Do I cut everything off and let him deal with whatever he needs to and if he comes back then great? I have never been in this situation before. It's hurting me deeply. Any advice would be great! Thank you for reading.

Novocastrian My friends don't reach out to me, ever. When I reach out, they're willing to catch up, be friendly and all that. Why don't any of my friends want me?
  • replies: 11

I'm an emotional guy (26M), which most interpret as needy or just plain weird, but I know that I need close relationships to survive. I've been dealing with depression since I was 14 and suicidal thoughts since I was 16, and the only thing that got m... View more

I'm an emotional guy (26M), which most interpret as needy or just plain weird, but I know that I need close relationships to survive. I've been dealing with depression since I was 14 and suicidal thoughts since I was 16, and the only thing that got me through the suicide attempts was decent counselling and close friends. Most of my friends have moved away and don't even have the initiative to call or text to catch up, but when I miss them enough to reach out (every month or so), they're readily available to play online games together and catch up. Why don't any of my friends take initiative to reach out to me? Being the only one to organise events makes me feel abandoned and that they're only tolerating my calls/texts/gaming catchup sessions out of obligation, or that I'm some sort of charity case to them. How do I live with this?