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Not comfortable with my husband
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We've been married for 3 years. We have a 2 year old son together. Everything was fairytale like in the beginning but during my pregnancy I wasn't treated with the respect or care that I envisioned and after the birth of our son I was pressured to snap back to my old self really quickly and pressured to return to work. This drove a wedge between us. I felt really unsupported. Our son was a difficult baby who suffered terrible colic so naturally the bulk of my time was devoted to him. My husband liked to escape alot. He would go drinking and gambling at any opportunity and when he'd return home he forced from me what I wasn't comfortable to give him. This upset me so much and has really scared me and broken my trust for him. There was a time I unscrewed a door handle from the door because I couldn't physically lock it to escape him. When sober he tries to kiss me and apologise to me and talk me around but I just feel so heartbroken and I find it extremely awkward and unpleasant to be close to him or intimate with him. He won't take responsibility for awful things he's done whilst drunk as he can't remember. It's been over a year I've felt this way. I hope I wake up each day and feel a little different but each time he forces himself on me it pushes me even further away.
How on earth do I begin to repair this ?
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Hello,
Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.
I am so sorry you have been disrespected in so many ways by your partner. I hope you know you deserve better, we all do, yet for some reason we believe we need to stay put.
Babies pick up on any tension and become tense themselves, this is probably why your son suffered with colic. Believe it or not, I am in my 60s and still occasionally have a bout of it when I am particularly uptight about something.
I also had a husband who sexually disrespected me and also disrespected me in many other ways. One day it was once too often and that was the end of our marriage. I did not have children, but I don't aspire to the idea of staying together for the sake of the children, living in a tension filled environment is not healthy for anyone but particularly for young children.
It doesn't sound like your partner is all that concerned about the welfare of either you or your son.
I guess the question you need to ask yourself is, how much disrespect are willing to take before it is enough, or in fact, too much.
I can't tell you what you should do, that needs to come from within yourself.
I would urge you though to give a lot of thought to whether or not, this is how you wish to continue living.
You are not alone, we are here to support you and I am happy to continue this conversation if you wish.
Take good care of yourself and your child first, your partner is an adult and can look after himself.
indigo
