She didn’t want to see me again after she didn’t orgasm

[2Nice]

A bit of background, I have been single for 3 years now after a 3 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend that was up and down, hot and cold. She ended it in a text message. I consider her the only woman I’ve loved, although it appears despite her regularly saying she ‘loved me’ etc, she was apparently using me. 
 

its been an incredibly hard road trying to come to terms with it. In the two years that followed, I dated quite a bit but didn’t find a relationship. I had some good sexual relationships but eventually lost interest and for the last year mostly kept to myself. 
 

I’ve recently moved to another major city and went to a dating event. I met a very attractive 28 year old girl who is more than 10 years younger than me. During conversation, she said she didn’t want a relationship but would consider casual. I met her for drinks tonight and things went well, the conversation was good although she made comment about my age and little things that she said was her ‘putting shit on me’. We went back to my place and was intimate, she wanted the room to be completely dark which I thought was odd, as she’s very attractive, but no problem. 
 

During intimacy, she asked ‘what I liked’. She wanted to try some different intimacy things in the bedroom. It wasn’t really my kind of thing, and I think I started to feel a bit uncomfortable, but continued. 
 

She basically started making comments that made me feel bad about her not being satisfied and said the guy she’d been with a week ago had made her satisfied. I said sometimes it takes more than one encounter and asked if we could see each other again, she said I don’t know but maybe. But obviously to me, that’s a no. 
 

I feel from my experiences over the last few years and my ex girlfriend, that many women just want to sleep around etc. I dont know how to feel, but I feel very depressed and empty. My ex girlfriend also felt like real love, but in final conversations with her, she said she’d only miss the intimacy with me. Are there any real people out there? Or is it just about sex and sexual gratification. 
 

It’s hard to know what there is to look forward to in life, when true love/romance etc was always so important to me, but it seems it was a widespread myth, and that it hard for me to live with. 

[Sophie_M]

Hello 2Nice,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with our community. All of this sounds really, really disheartening. It can be so painful to experience romantic rejection, and even more painful feeling like we have more capacity to give and receive love than our partners might have at the time. 

It's really courageous to put ourselves out there again after being hurt. I can imagine it would have been quite jarring to have been on this date feeling so uncomfortable - I am sorry you felt this way. I know it's hard, but please remember that you are allowed to voice when things don't feel okay and you're allowed to say no.

It seems like you are wanting and needing something much deeper than physical intimacy, and it is definitely out there! It's just a matter of finding ways to meet people who are aligned with who you are. It's so amazing that you are putting yourself into dating environments - that takes a lot of vulnerability. I am wondering, have you ever explored any of your hobbies or interests and found that you've organically met people that way? 

I'd love to hear more about what you have tried and what you'd really like in a partner - let's get specific and go from there! 

Speak soon, 
Sophie M. 

 

[therising]

Hi 2Nice

I feel for you so much in regard to the challenges that have led you question so much. While I believe some things and people in life can be highly questionable at times, it's the answers that satisfy us which can often lead us in the best direction.

Some perfectly reasonable questions to ask could be

• Is this person emotionally mature enough to be able to mange or develop a romantic relationship? Are they able to develop a more soulful kind of connection, as opposed to simply a physical one?
• Why does this person not have a filter between their thoughts and what comes out of their mouth? Do they feel self entitled (to say whatever they want), have they never been taught about a filter or are they unfeeling (unable to feel how their words impact others)?
• What kind of people are my kind of people? On the other hand, which kind of people are definitely not my kind of people and why do they trigger me so much?
• When it comes to sensitivity, how can I manage learning how to sense in constructive ways while also learning how to manage what I can sense as being stressful and/or depressing?

When it comes to self understanding and personal evolution (through and beyond what can feel deeply challenging), I've found such a quest can come with a never ending amount of questions. With each constructive answer there is a step forward in the right direction. We come to know our self a step at a time.

If emotion is 'energy in motion', some people can look for high end emotion through extreme levels of sexual energy that they can only feel or experience in certain ways. Some will look for a more peaceful sense of emotion through a romantic type of energy or feeling. Some may require a combo and others find all their emotional needs in ways that don't require sexual or romantic forms of energy that can be felt. Everyone's different. I think finding what works with a partner can involve exploring what energy levels and what types of energies work for each other and together. Can be a bit of a Goldilocks experience, getting a feel for what works and what doesn't until we find the person who's 'just right' for us. Until then, everyone else can seem questionable and even highly questionable at times 😁 Btw, who the heck would announce how the person before us satisfied them? To me, that sounds extremely questionable and somewhat insane 😅 There are plenty of people out there who would question that and understandably so.