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Dealing with toxic friends
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I had an interaction today with some toxic friends I dropped last year while I was on the bus going home. Let’s call them A and B. I purposefully distanced myself from them over the past few months, which has affected some of my own friendships since they’re part of a big friend group and some of my friends are connected to them.
A forced me to have a conversation with B, and they began asking the most stupidest, immature and unethical questions. Mind you we just started Year 12, probably the most stressful year of our academic lives. B said that if I didn’t answer then they’d threaten to talk bad about me online and create fake alternate accounts of me that impersonated me. I felt really uncomfortable because it felt like they were violating my privacy, with A shoving their phone and taking pictures of me without my consent. I said I wasn’t comfortable answering their questions but they kept asking, so I just shut my eyes and asked them not to talk to me. I wanted to stand up by myself, but I just stayed silent for the rest of the bus trip until they got off at their bus stop. I just wished I could say more, but I didn’t know what to say.
To trust that they were genuine at first and have that destroyed within a few minutes makes me feel dumb. I was trying to act respectful to them by saying that I didn’t want to answer their questions because I didn’t feel comfortable, but they didn’t respect my boundaries. I tried ignoring them, to be resilient as my mum said who told me that they were just trying to sabotage me and destroy my academic life. And reasoning to myself that they were projecting their own insecurities onto me. I just don’t need those distractions, especially for HSC. I just want to find friends that are supportive and mature enough. But now I’m quieter than usual, I feel like I've developed trust issues when talking with new people, and now I only have a few friends I can truly trust.
I pretend that other people's opinions don’t affect me, but they do, just a bit. I have a bit of anxiety towards people judging me now. Someone targeting my insecurities, criticizing my likes and dislikes, just switches my mood completely and makes me feel detached, not like myself. A and B talk to me as though I’m a sort of plaything for them, someone to just talk to for their own amusement and enjoyment by belittling me. I’m sick and tired of it. What should I do?
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Hi, welcome
I'd like to 1st talk about our "nature". This is pivotal to our well being.
After 3 years in the airforce at 21yo I joined the prison service and was attached to the notorious Pentridge prison one of the toughest places to work. During my 6 moths training we were taught many things but what is relevant to you is- that the weak are preyed upon, the sensitive they like to detect and the loving are the ones that inmates seek out to explore ways to deceive so to help an escape.
This meant I had to develop a face, a persona that hid all those good factors of my personality. But I was still preyed upon and what criminals picked up on was my inability to counter their verbal attacks. Some prison officers told me I was soft, or not firm enough. Another told me that when I am firm I talk too much. "Less words and more expectations". But all along my nature remained. Dont lose your nature.
So, I know your position and it is unacceptable that you have to tolerate it. Some ideas are- wait until they board the bus then sit away from them. Sit near the driver. Ignore them. But if you are pushed too far then you are justified in a short burst of reaction to counter the abuse. You might need to be as loud as you can. You would not be abusive as it is self defence.
Talking pictures in public BTW is legal. As a past investigator that was my job so I know the law. Taking audio is illegal if they dont have your consent. I doubt in a school or bus environment that police will take it seriously.
Being "quieter" and less interactive is not a bad thing. Undesirable people will annoy you all your life. So I'm always prepared to defend myself against them but of course talking your way out of it is an art form you might need to practice. Eg while being abused by these 2 people pick one of them, the likeable of the two. Focus on her. "What happened to you B? you were a really nice person and now you follow others. I hope you get back to that previous person because I really liked her." Sehe answers then you say "Are you proud of yourself abusing others"? All this could be said at a low calm voice but if the abuse continues then try to relocate seat closer to the driver. If the abuse continues then you might have to go into that defending mode.
I hope you are ok. The world is not a pretty place in so many ways. But dont let that deter you, there is many people that are beautiful souls. Seek them out for friendships.
The antelope is only one metre ahead of the running lion. There is only one chance- never give up"
TonyWK
