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My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together

Leth
Community Member

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feeling.

I needed to come here and put out how I'm feeling about the whole situation as well, from an older brothers point of view, but to be honest, I don't even know where to start.

My brother, with the biggest warmest heart, with physical and mental heath issues, developed an ice addiction, he neglected his health and in the last year, my mum and I have done nothing but tried our damn hardest to help him, both professionally, personally, financially, the whole lot.

He got himself into a fair bit of trouble about a year ago, and in lead up to his sentence, his smoking of ice increased, as did his lies, and everything was spiralling out of control for him and everyone around him. I left my well payed job to be more closer to my mum and brother in need.

The whole process has been so stressful, and it's been so hard to now see my brother get taken away. He's such a vulnerable person, a "gentle giant", who without pointing the figure, influenced to trying ice, became hooked and majorly lost his way. His bedroom became his haven, he never left it, and my poor mother who became so submissive to his behaviour, did her best to care for him while he was in the darkest time in his life.

I'm feeling fragile.

I'm finding myself withdrawing. Having a hard time sleeping, and when I do, I instantly wake up with a cracking head ache. I start crying at unpredictable times, I've somewhat distanced myself from my boyfriend, I have my mum staying with me until she's going to be ok living alone.

My brother has left behind some financial stress, and I'm left to now collect the pieces, to cancel his accounts, and to work out a ways to pay back all these "Afterpay" type transactions he's made over the last several months on top if fine reminders in the mail.

The whole thing is just hard, but there's that glimmer that this is perhaps that divine intervention that he's needed, as nothing I or my mum did worked.

I've been seeing an amazing psychologist for since this all began about a year ago, my GP has suggested I get on anti depressants which I'm almost contemplating.

Are there any other siblings out there who's maybe been in my shoes who might be able to give me some advice? I'd appreciate it immensely.

182 Replies 182

Hi Petal22

You made the comment you like to know how things are going? So here is a bit of an update . 4 months of parole down and 4 months to go. .Little steps, mostly all positive and has remained going along the right path. The parole officer and a programme called kickstart gives him goals to work to and tactics to use in different situations, He doesn’t have to see the parole officer as often or have as many urine tests as he has been going well . .Despite a few frustrations with him adapting to non prison life, things are going well in the home front and his girlfriend has been wonderful. He finds it hard to communicate which is frustrating for her , but is gradually improving .. we were warned of this… and getting into new routines was hard . Cooking together has been a time of bonding and creates opportunities to talk that we don’t do just sitting down together .
Now he is playing soccer he has started to reconnect with friends abd helps fitness and feelings of positivity.
It took a while to feel comfortable shopping on his own. This last week has seen an improvement there though.

Time with the extended family is pretty good now which is wonderful . This weekend he is seeing a mother member of the family that he was in conflict with last time they met but may he may not remember it. Hopefully all goes well.
My son is a very different person to the one that went in that was a mess!!He learnt some valuable lessons in prisons.

Earnjng a place in low security accomodation was wonderful for learning many household skills and no disciplines he refused to learn at home sadly. A few disciplines were slipping lately so after discussion we have set up some reposter’s for household chores to encourage good discipline.by is all!!

I still feel quite anxious at times …as I couldn’t something happening and getting tempted again and going back to prison

He said he won’t ever go back to what he was doing and he is trying g hard to stick to that . He certainly won’t risk it now, but I just hope down the track he can be wise about these things. Especially with the stresses of work and other frustrations .Its different with 4 rather than just my husband and myself but we are all adjusting… Our son loves being at home but their are little frustrations sometimes too.. that’s natural and he manages sharing all this
I look forward to hearing others stories . Stay strong

Nameless1

Hi Nameless1,

Lovely to hear from you 😊 and sorry for the late reply.

Im so glad to hear that everything is well.

Thats fantastic that your son is playing soccer.

I hope your sons interactions with the family member went ok.

Im really glad that your son has learned some valuable lessons………….. the person that goes into the storm comes out of the storm a different person…. I find it remarkable really…. I believe things happen in life for a reason and sometimes we can’t see that reason at the time but all will is revealed at the right time .

I understand your anxiety but we can’t control what others do…….. I’m sure your son has learned though and will want to do the right thing.

I understand with stressors he may have …we wonder how he will react to these challenges……… hopefully he can channel his stress in a more positive way like his fitness…. and if he’s struggling in any way I hope he knows he can always reach out to someone.

I hope you had a nice Easter 🐣

Hi Petal22

Thanks for the reply.
Things going well with soccer, reuniting with friends that will be a good influence , and fitness…,cooking but focussing on healthier and less of.. we all are.

We will be never know what went on exactly in the storm apart from the little snippets that you listen well to and store but grateful for the good influences in prison who reached out to him to encourage the changes so he doesn’t want to go back.

Thanks again for replying . I appreciate your insights and comments

Nsmeless 1