Hi everyone,I’m writing this because I feel like I’ve been carrying
something heavy in silence, and I’m hoping someone out there might
understand.My partner and I made a long-term agreement with my parents
about 18 months ago. They were heading into ...
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Hi everyone,I’m writing this because I feel like I’ve been carrying
something heavy in silence, and I’m hoping someone out there might
understand.My partner and I made a long-term agreement with my parents
about 18 months ago. They were heading into retirement with a mortgage
still hanging over them, and the pressure was starting to show. For
context, they have both been on government pensions for over 15 years,
my dad due to disability, and my mum as his registered carer. Over time,
they came to rely entirely on that income. My mum didn’t pursue any
part-time work, and while that may have felt stable to them, it left
very little room for building long-term financial security.We offered a
plan, not a handout, not a demand. A structure that allowed them to stop
worrying about mortgage repayments while keeping their home. We took on
the payments. We also placed funds into their offset account to reduce
interest. It was framed as a shared plan, our way of saying: “We’ve got
you. You don’t have to sell. You don’t have to panic. Let’s buy time and
make smart decisions together.” And to make everything clear and fair
for all involved, the agreement was formally drafted and signed through
legal channels with input from lawyers.The intent was twofold: to remove
the burden from them so they could retire with more comfort, and to
invest in our own long-term future as well. As their only child, the
home was likely to become part of my future inheritance. But more than
that, keeping the property in the family meant avoiding a situation
where they’d be forced to sell under pressure or come back to us years
later needing emergency support they hadn’t prepared for. It was a
practical, loving, forward thinking plan.But now, after months of
distance, they have started quietly talking about selling the house
because they say they believe they will be happier living back overseas
(their home country in Europe). Without acknowledging the agreement, the
support, or the vision we all committed to, they have started planning a
move that erases everything we worked toward. No conversation. No
collaboration. Just… erasure.We even suggested an alternative: they
could rent out the property and use the income on top of their pensions
while they settle into life overseas. That way, if their move to their
home country turns out to be temporary or uncertain, they would still
have a home to return to here in Australia. It felt like a gentle,
balanced solution, one that respected their freedom without discarding
the foundation we built together.But because we don’t agree that the
house should be sold, because we have asked for the original plan to be
acknowledged, we’ve now been labeled as controlling and self-interested.
It’s deeply frustrating, especially since they are the ones currently
benefiting from the agreement: stress-free housing, financial relief,
peace of mind. Meanwhile, the inheritance that supposedly “benefits us”
is years away and still uncertain. Our contributions have been
immediate, ongoing, and made with care and yet the narrative has flipped
as if we are the ones being unreasonable.To complicate things, one of my
uncles (dad’s brother) judged me harshly when I expressed concern and
accused me of being selfish while we have quietly carried thousands in
repayments and emotional weight. Another uncle has quietly supported us,
and I’m grateful for that but still, I feel alone in this. Like we were
used, not partnered with.I don’t want to turn this into a war. I don’t
even want to be angry. I just want to understand: has anyone been
through something like this? Where family makes a joint plan with you
and then acts like it never existed the moment your contribution becomes
inconvenient?How did you protect your peace without shutting down
completely?How do you move forward when you still care, but can’t carry
the weight alone anymore?And honestly, do you think we are being selfish
for holding our ground? Or are we just trying to stay responsible in a
situation that feels quietly rewritten around us? I would genuinely
appreciate some outside perspective.Thanks for reading. Even writing
this out feels like a small release.
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