Relationship and family issues

Historical Child Sexual Abuse & Family Court Proceedings

replies: 3

I’m currently in the middle of Family Court proceedings about the care of my two children, who are 11 and 9. I was their sole and primary carer for years after leaving their father in 2018. Over time, the pressure of single parenting, work stress, an... View more

I’m currently in the middle of Family Court proceedings about the care of my two children, who are 11 and 9. I was their sole and primary carer for years after leaving their father in 2018. Over time, the pressure of single parenting, work stress, and a long history of domestic violence took a toll on my mental health. In early 2024, I reached a point where I knew I wasn’t coping. My mental health was deteriorating, and I wanted to keep my children safe from a man I had been involved with who was emotionally abusive and connected to drugs. As a protective step, I asked their father to care for them temporarily while I got help. After that man was arrested later in 2024, I cut ties completely and started addressing my mental health and substance use. The kids briefly returned to me, but their father then moved them to a school far away, which made it impossible for me to get them there without transport. Not long after, he began withholding them. Around this time, I also reported the inappropriate relationship he and I had when I was a minor. That process is still ongoing, but it feels like it has stalled, even though the evidence is there.The last time I saw my children was in May 2025. Since then, the Court has focused heavily on my past mental health struggles, the domestic violence I experienced, and my history of substance use. Even though I’ve been actively working on my mental health for two years, I feel like the context — the trauma, the abuse, the reasons behind everything — is being ignored. What hurts the most is feeling like the system is allowing someone who harmed me to use the legal process and my children as a way to continue that harm. I’m doing everything I can to heal, to be stable, and to be the mother my kids know and love. But it feels like the more I try to speak up about the abuse, the less I’m heard. I guess I’m asking… why does it feel like victims are punished for the trauma they’re trying to recover from? And how do you keep going when the system that’s supposed to protect you seems to be working against you?

Betrayal

replies: 2

My husband and I have been together for 14 years married 10 with 2 kids. Over our time together we have had many up’s and downs which I know is normal. When we met I made it very clear on my boundaries towards pornography, strip clubs, topless waitre... View more

My husband and I have been together for 14 years married 10 with 2 kids. Over our time together we have had many up’s and downs which I know is normal. When we met I made it very clear on my boundaries towards pornography, strip clubs, topless waitresses and anything that falls under that umbrella. Over the years we have had the bucks party arrive and yes lied to about what went on, he’s attended other bucks parties and taken himself into strip clubs out of feeling peer pressured. The most recent 1 year ago was me discovering he watched porn and then when I confronted him he denied it to very quickly admit yes he did. I can’t explain the gut wrenching feeling that came over me where i feel vomit rise up and I wanted to run and not stop running. I was lied to and betrayed..again. One year on and I chose to stay and work through this. He knows it wasn’t ok and he knows how badly it’s destroyed all my trust. He has attended a few counselling sessions but I feel like I’ve had to “nag” him. He was asked by councillor to write in a book again he’s not consistent. When I bring it up he gets very emotional and tells me how ashamed I am then I feel bad for him. I shouldn’t have to beg him to be consistent and show me that he wants to make our marriage work. He assured me he would do whatever it took and he wanted to change his ways as he isn’t happy with himself. It’s really exhausting and I know he loves me but he just wants to stick his head in the sand and forget any of this happened. Because none of the previous times were ever resolved and I was told to “get over it” and “are you still on about that?” I never fully healed. This time it needs to be done right. I can’t heal from something I didn’t do because I feel bad about making his emotions cripple him. Mix in kids and it’s very hard to discuss anything really. I came from a broken home and it’s something I never want. I love him so much and I know inside there’s an incredible man, the man he was when I fell in love with him. I’ve never forgiven anyone before for betrayal, I know it won’t be easy but I need to know he’s going to make the effort.

Narcissistic wife

replies: 17

I have posted under the title overwhelmed but I really want to write about Narcissism because I think it might be helpful to anyone else who feels they are locked in a narcissistic relationship and it will help me clarify my thoughts Firstly I am awa... View more

I have posted under the title overwhelmed but I really want to write about Narcissism because I think it might be helpful to anyone else who feels they are locked in a narcissistic relationship and it will help me clarify my thoughts Firstly I am aware of the criticism around the word Narcissism to me the word is a shorthand for describing a group of behaviours that I believe my wife expresses I am not a professional I just wish to share my lived experience.I will describe some of her behaviour There are events that really stand out in my mind as particularly cruel and demonstrate a lack of any ability to express empathy and then there are the everyday interactions that often seem too trivial to mention but these follow a pattern and are just as destructive possibly more destructive because they are easier to excuse or blame yourself for, they fly under the radar.These examples may seem vindictive and you may think I am getting back at my wife in some way I want to say that non of these events have come out of for example infidelity or massive arguments this is the background noise if you like of our relationship.One of many examples i could list is fairly recently i came out of hospital after a abdominal operation my wife had to pick me up because of the anaesthetic we drove straights from the hospital to the school There are two routes to the school one down a road with about eight speed humps I asked my wife if she could take the other route she ignored me and ignored the obvious pain I was in every time we drove over the speed hump we picked my daughter up and then despite me telling her how much pain I was in drove back the same way. Our relationship is punctuated with events like this that express a complete lack of empathy care and compassion for another human being The everyday events are more like finding out what is important to you what are your core beliefs and then going about trying to undermine them for example if you value truth and openness in a relationship to portray you as a lier My wife knows I like deserts so now if I ever refuse a desert when offered it is proof that I am a lier and nothing I say can be trusted. I have always had pets in my life and would never be cruel to any animal at Christmas the cat was about to climb into the Christmas trees so I grabbed it and pulled it out from behind the tree my wife said do not hit the cat you have a really cruel streak in you. The examples are endless Thanks beherei will continue the post

Spiralling I Just Want to Be Me Again!

replies: 3

I am not sure where to begin I have been having serious issues with my mental health for over a year now and it is starting to affect my day to day life, sleep cycle and family dynamic. I feel I am a catastrophic thinker and see the worst in every si... View more

I am not sure where to begin I have been having serious issues with my mental health for over a year now and it is starting to affect my day to day life, sleep cycle and family dynamic. I feel I am a catastrophic thinker and see the worst in every situation. I can't be happy, I don't look forward to anything, I am petrified I am going to lose my family. I have no friends because I was deemed too difficult to be around. I am not socially outgoing either. I panic at the slightest disagreement or bad situation I automatically think the worst case scenario. I have major issues with my eldest son and his partner she verbally and phyically abuses him in front of me but in fear of losing my son I stay quiet. I have tried to discuss this with my son but he shuts me down, he is smitten with this person and has said he can't live without her. My son moved out recently to live with his partner and they are both struggling financially. They come to visit and it makes me feel uncomfortable and I feel I am walking on eggshells around them and am starting to dread every time they want to come stay over. My husband is at his wits end with me all I do is obsess over my son and his wellbeing not a day goes by where I am not mentioning my sons situation. I know what the right thing to do is I just can't train my brain to stop overthinking and spiralling. I am scared I am about to lose everything. Please help me!

Worried

replies: 1

I have recently separated from my husband. It’s only been around 3 weeks ago. We still live in the same house. I look after my three children 7,8&9. He is an alcoholic, although he’d never admit to being one. This is why we are no longer together as ... View more

I have recently separated from my husband. It’s only been around 3 weeks ago. We still live in the same house. I look after my three children 7,8&9. He is an alcoholic, although he’d never admit to being one. This is why we are no longer together as he didn’t put his family first. I look after our children 99% of the time. He doesn’t help in any way, shape or form with them. Pretty much never does anything with them alone, only takes them to his brothers who lives locally. He mentioned he was taking them to an event about 45 minutes away next weekend and it goes from around 4pm until 9pm. He is planning to drive there and come back home after. My concern is that they are going to an event where alcohol will be served and he will have the kids out after dark and will be driving them home. I just don’t trust him and I’m worried about my children’s safety. We don’t have a parenting plan in place yet. Please help, I don’t know what to do

Me Time

replies: 3

Does anyone else ever wish they could have time living away from their family ? That is how I have been feeling recently.

unplanned pregnancy

replies: 1

Hi I have been with my boyfriend 8 months. We both live separately with family about 2 hours apart. I am 8 weeks pregnant and to be honest we haven’t had a proper discussion I just assumed things were ok and we would work it out but he told me last n... View more

Hi I have been with my boyfriend 8 months. We both live separately with family about 2 hours apart. I am 8 weeks pregnant and to be honest we haven’t had a proper discussion I just assumed things were ok and we would work it out but he told me last night his concerns about having a baby now in our situation ( a short term relationship, not living together, both early 20s, financially not prepared) Im not sure I can go through with not keeping the baby and he’s not sure our relationship can handle the added pressure it will bring. Has anyone been through this before open to all advice

Family and friends loss

replies: 2

(TW: Self-harm, Suicidal Ideation, Family Abuse.)To recap, at the start of 2025, I lost my entire friend group of six years. They were my chosen family, but when I was at my lowest, they accused me of "suicide baiting" instead of helping me. To make ... View more

(TW: Self-harm, Suicidal Ideation, Family Abuse.)To recap, at the start of 2025, I lost my entire friend group of six years. They were my chosen family, but when I was at my lowest, they accused me of "suicide baiting" instead of helping me. To make it worse, my best friend’s boyfriend used that moment to attack everything about me.. my weight, my living situation, and my art. I’ve spent the entire last year grieving them, and recently, after I tried to apologise to make things right, they just blocked me. I’m also finally no contact with my biological family, so I truly have no "home base" to go back to. I feel like I’ve lost my shorthand, my humor, and my sense of safety.Just a month ago i was in hospital twice for suicidal ideation and self harm, the second time because after i had blocked my father we had a heated conversation where he said trying to take my life was weak and denied everything he did to me in the past so of course i relapsed. The hospital has recently put me on new medication. Im almost 23, and i feel so lost without my friends. It feels unfair. And i feel like i cant make new friends anymore. I’m convinced my life is one big joke. My dad and his girlfriend are having a baby, and i won’t get to see them grow up. And i hope my dad doesn’t hurt them like he has with me. despite this, i have a strong urge to start my own family, and make sure they’re loved and cared for. I am already doing the work to try and bring my future kids into this world.

Just been dumped again

replies: 2

8 years ago I met girl in Thailand who just dumped me this morning.In fact shes ended it many times since my return to Aus. This girl is unique in that she is child like in her ways and I always suspected maybe some form of Autism. I took her under m... View more

8 years ago I met girl in Thailand who just dumped me this morning.In fact shes ended it many times since my return to Aus. This girl is unique in that she is child like in her ways and I always suspected maybe some form of Autism. I took her under my wing so to speak and for years helped her out. She became almost like a daughter to me ( she is 38 ) im 61. I spent couple years living in Thai but returned because of lack of money. But when i was homeless some years back this person gave me purpose to live when all around me was cold and bleak . Now i have depression again and I lost the only sunlight i was getting and that was our daily phone calls. I dont know if she will call me again or if this is one of her weekly mood changes. The point is im too afraid to be left in my bleak depression alone. I know all the sayings let people go if you love them but i cant help being selfish and need her more than she needs me. My only goal i had was to get well get job and go visit her . Without that goal i have nothing. Im sick of depression robbing my life and robbing my ability to fight on. My life my housing my outlook is so bleak im too afraid to really look at it because im scared of going insane. I seem to have put up a blocker and i think my brain is trying to protect me from that reality

Narcissist the label

replies: 25

Nowhere it seems more common than USA where people claim someone is a narcissist. Anything that evolves there, comes here quite quickly now with social media and internet influences. I read recently a question from a member of an international forum ... View more

Nowhere it seems more common than USA where people claim someone is a narcissist. Anything that evolves there, comes here quite quickly now with social media and internet influences. I read recently a question from a member of an international forum - "My narcissist boyfriend has gone silent for 2 weeks, does that mean it's over?" What followed was numerous answers all centreing on all actions a narcissist does, like using the silent treatment as a weapon, manipulation and grandiose reflections of themselves. Yet no one asked what actions the man labelled a narcissist actually did to deserve that label apart from having no contact for 2 weeks. Was the man using silence/absenteeism as a weapon or was he needing a break from a toxic relationship? Was he batheing in confidence or does he have a narcissist grandiosity demeanor? Does he manipulate or does he over suggest things due to not giving enough feedback? Google "narcissist meaning" there is 9 signs of one- Nine Signs and Symptoms of Narcissism Grandiosity. Exaggerated sense of self-importance. ... Excessive need for admiration. ... Superficial and exploitative relationships. ... Lack of empathy. ... Identity disturbance. ... Difficulty with attachment and dependency. ... Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom. ... Vulnerability to life transitions I'd suggest most people claiming their partner is a narcissist, wont satisfy most of these symptoms. So the label is overused, inflammatory and unjust... bullying. E.g. A woman marries a guy that, later on has proved he is (in her eyes- lazy, looks in the mirror hourly, need constant praise, doesn't show empathy for her struggles and relies on her career success for financial stability. They have had 3 kids and just separated.... He exercises his rights to 50% custody which is opposite of her desire of full custody. His partner labels him a narcissist. He loosely fits some of the 9 signs, enough for her to justify it. Little did anyone realise that HIS symptoms also mirrored depression, lack of confidence from a poor upbringing, stares at the mirror because he has social barriers, feels shame and has a loud voice. Friends believe her. That example might draw a long bow but claims by many that a narcissist is one when they are not is also a long bow...even longer! The message here is evidence, if not presented to endorse the label someone uses...It's likely a gross exaggeration. Best not to fall for others claim someone is narcissistic imo. TonyWK

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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