Relationship and family issues

Growing resentment towards step-kids and ex's

replies: 9

I am seeking some input from others who have navigated similar situations and have found limited information from the perspective of other men on this topic. I started my relationship with my partner knowing she had two children from previous relatio... View more

I am seeking some input from others who have navigated similar situations and have found limited information from the perspective of other men on this topic. I started my relationship with my partner knowing she had two children from previous relationships (teenager and a toddler). At the time it didn't seem to be an issue to me; I was head over heals in love with my partner and whilst it was an adjustment for me having kids around when we were in a new relationship we made it work and still had time to ourselves. Our relationship progressed quickly and my partner and I also had a baby (my first) early in our relationship. I couldn't be happier to be a father; I love the new role and have changed my life to make sure I am home as much as I can be with our baby. In the lead up to having our baby and certainly since though I have a growing resentment towards my step-kids and the ongoing relationships my partner has to manage with her ex's for the benefit of the kids. I am uncomfortable when the kids from her past relationships interact with our baby, dread when those kids our returning home and often feel like I miss out on experiences with my partner and our baby due to the impact mainly of the toddler she has from a past relationship. Things feel perfect when the other kids are not around but that all changes when they come home and the return of those kids also means interactions with the ex's which is something I dread having as part of my life. I understand that these issues just come with the territory of being with someone who has children from previous relationships but I am increasingly concerned about whether I can cope with this being my life because the resentment is clearly not healthy or sustainable. I haven't spoken too openly with my partner about the growing feelings towards her kids but have over-talked about the issues with the ex's particularly the father of the toddler because due to the age of the child there is a lot of contact. I feel stuck now in a constant battle of weighing up how good things are in the relationship and being a new father against the anxiety/resentment/frustration I feel about having other kids from past relationships interrupt that and the involvement of my partner's ex's in our life. I understand these are my issues, there is nothing my partner can do about them, but I am increasingly focused on these aspects of my life to the point it stops me enjoying the good parts of my life...

Isolated and alone, marital issues, etc

replies: 18

Hi, I'm a mother of 3 and have been married for 19 years. 3 years ago I found out that my partner is cheating on me, with an ex-girl friend. He has been cheating on me on and off with this person for about 22 years. Yes, he has been cheating on me pr... View more

Hi, I'm a mother of 3 and have been married for 19 years. 3 years ago I found out that my partner is cheating on me, with an ex-girl friend. He has been cheating on me on and off with this person for about 22 years. Yes, he has been cheating on me prior to getting married too! Since I found out, I have been completely distraught, felt like my whole world has ended. He is apologetic, and wants to work it out with me. But I do not trust him. He lied and cheated for 22 years. Everything I know about his affair to date are things I have found out through other people. He has never disclosed anything 'new'. I feel so isolated and alone. My kids do not know anything about it. When I am with them I pretend everything is normal. But I am dead inside.

I don't know what to do.

replies: 1

im going to be honest, I don't really know how to start this, I've been thinking for a few minutes now and so I'm just going to go with this. To start off, I'm going to give a little context (?). I'm in year 10, therefore, looking at some certain top... View more

im going to be honest, I don't really know how to start this, I've been thinking for a few minutes now and so I'm just going to go with this. To start off, I'm going to give a little context (?). I'm in year 10, therefore, looking at some certain topics in a class at my school. One thing I had to do in this class, is reserch different types of abuse. after I looked through examples, I realised that my mother could be emotionally abusing me (just an hour ago she threatened to leave me and my younger sister, who is still really young). Off topic, today was her birthday, and all throughout the week she has said that she doesn't what me or my sister to do anything for her birthday, so that's what we did. Come an hour and a half ago, she started yelling at me for ruining her day, saying that shes going to cancel my birthday later this year as I have already started planning it, (I don't want a party, I just want to go to a water park about 2 hours away with my parents and my younger sister, that's it. I was 'planning' it now as a few years ago my mother went through a serious medical condition, and didnt do anything to make her feel special on her day. i get that, i want to feel special on my birthday, but she clearly stated that she didnt want me or my sister to do anything today. Anyways, she has said that shes going to leave mulitple times over the years (for about a year and a half?). ive told myself that im going to leave the house im in as soon as i can (which is hopefully in the next 3 years as im only 15 right now). im trying to find work close to where i live, as my father wont really drive me somewhere (almost) everyday (i used to be close to my father but when i was about 10-11 we grew apart and now he only talks to me when he wants something, which im not complaining). ive been through depression before (and still am) and i was even suicidal early last year and went to counciling at my school. just earlier i put in a digital form to talk to a counciler at my school again later this year. im sorry if this is all over the place and my words dont go well together, but im trying my hardest to make it all sound good and readable for others.

Post break up confusion/worthiness

replies: 3

Hi there, It’s been two months since my last forum post. My ex-partner (M/22) reached out to me (F/23) this past week to grab coffee - three months post-breakup. In his message, he clarified that he did not intend on getting back together because it ... View more

Hi there, It’s been two months since my last forum post. My ex-partner (M/22) reached out to me (F/23) this past week to grab coffee - three months post-breakup. In his message, he clarified that he did not intend on getting back together because it would “hurt both of us a lot more.” I appreciated the honesty and didn’t want to have any false hope. When we broke up, he said he couldn’t be in a committed relationship, which I believe is still true. At the coffee catch-up, we laughed a lot and cried a lot - especially when I asked the hard questions for clarity. He told me he cared for me deeply and liked me, but after a year together, he didn’t feel what he thought he “should” feel. He said my feelings were stronger than his and that he didn’t want to lead me on. For context, we were together for a year, celebrated an anniversary, and I met his family (for a formal dinner which he initiated) two weeks before the breakup. We never officially labeled the relationship. It was always difficult for him to define the relationship or make it official, and I struggled to have conversations about where we stood. All he would say was that he enjoyed spending time with me, that I was a sweet girl, liked me, and that he did see a future but was not ready to go steady or official. A few months before the breakup, I believed he saw a future with me. I was happy to wait because I admired him so much and felt he was worth it. He said that during our last date - about a week before the breakup - when I asked if we had a future, he realized he couldn’t see one with me. I’m posting because I feel confused. I’ve accepted the situation for what it is, but I can’t help feeling unworthy or like I wasn’t “good enough.” He says he cared deeply and that the relationship was great, but I guess our feelings weren’t equal or mutual. How do I stop feeling unworthy? Did he think he could do better or just want to explore other options? Because I truly felt loved during our relationship. On one date, he even told me he admired me more than I knew.Important note: meeting the parents went okay. He said I was very shy, but that his parents and sister thought I was sweet. He also suggested we work on my confidence, so that seemed promising. Asked him about it during our post break up coffee and he stated that meeting the parents did not contribute to his decision to end things. He also said I can reach out anytime if I need anything because he still cares for me and wants to make sure I’m okay and looked after. That sounded very similar to what he said during the breakup - that he couldn’t be the partner I needed or look after me the way I deserve.Any thoughts or advice to get past the confusion? Thanks and apologies for the information/details.

My girlfriend wants to use weed frequently around me and its creating emotional distance between us

replies: 2

We're both 20 and dating for just under a year now but she still smokes weed very frequently, usually not going 3 days without it (and used to smoke every night).Shes told me that shes gone through some really traumatic stuff including when she was r... View more

We're both 20 and dating for just under a year now but she still smokes weed very frequently, usually not going 3 days without it (and used to smoke every night).Shes told me that shes gone through some really traumatic stuff including when she was really young, so i understand there are some issues with her mental health that need to be treated, whether that be through an unhealthy dependence on weed or through therapy. Yet every time i have mentioned the latter she becomes defensive and claims that she only rarely uses weed for her mental health and that its more so just something she really enjoys where it increases the enjoyment she gets from doing activities like watching movies or crocheting. She also has a fear of being hurt so she could be lying but at this point in our relationship with her trusting me pretty well and knowing me i sort of believe her. Her family is also very enabling drug-wise, with her dad encouraging her to use weed at 13 and her mum and step father regularly smoking with her as a teenager.However, i feel like if youre enjoying your life and your hobbies there shouldnt really be a desire to smoke that often? furthermore i wouldnt care as much if she didnt smoke around me but she does and even when were in the middle of doing something like eating at a restaurant or drinking at a bar shes said multiple times that she really wishes she could smoke a joint, and has done so on occasions.Ive voiced my concerns to her and how it creates emotional distance between us and makes me feel as though her mind is elsewhere during what are supposed to be specific times where we are sort of only supposed to be thinking of one another such as the previously mentioned situations, but she keeps saying she doesnt really understand and has continued to smoke around me, albeit at a lesser amount. The last couple times shes smoked in front of me when weve been out have also been around one of her friends, which make me feel like she knows it hurts me but if her friend is there i either cant say anything or she feels more 'supported' and can source the courage to ignore my concerns.Just this valentines day she said that she loves me and i do believe her, ive had moments where ive loved her too and we really are amazing together at times but then i just dont understand why this is such a big issue for her if its relatively harmless to stop or restrict

Imbalanced emotions and numbness

replies: 4

For the last year I’ve been struggling mentally but lately i feel like it’s getting worse, i have recently gone off birth control as well. My anxiety is through the roof and i feel sad or ‘numb’ to feelings a lot of the time which is not usual for me... View more

For the last year I’ve been struggling mentally but lately i feel like it’s getting worse, i have recently gone off birth control as well. My anxiety is through the roof and i feel sad or ‘numb’ to feelings a lot of the time which is not usual for me. This has severely impacted my relationship with my partner and my social life. I feel detached from my partner and sometimes don’t feel any connection or emotions towards him but I know i love him. My symptoms include;Mood swings - anger and sadnessExtremely insecureOverwhelmed easilyAvoid social gatheringsNumbness of feelings Waves of emotion towards my partner (loss of interest)im considering going on anti depressants or anti anxiety medication as I don’t feel like myself at all and I can’t deal with it anymore and I don’t want to lose my relationship- please tell me I’m not alone experiencing this

What next does well but won’t get help

replies: 1

Where to start I F40 and M50 have been together since I was 16. We have three kids all doing great. Back in the day we used to use IV speed, heroin and Ice, Pot. Anyway after like 7 years we both beat our addiction. 17 years pass and Last year I noti... View more

Where to start I F40 and M50 have been together since I was 16. We have three kids all doing great. Back in the day we used to use IV speed, heroin and Ice, Pot. Anyway after like 7 years we both beat our addiction. 17 years pass and Last year I noticed my husband acting weird but the thought that there is no way he would go back to drugs it was unfathomable to me! I missed it for at least 12months. I finally realised and confronted him he had admitted to smoking METH and Picked up a habit. Over the last 6months he is smoking heaps of pot but had seemed to quit started running his business again, and started to look well. Anyway I got to a point that I trusted him I wasn’t going with him when he gets his pot the person and sells ice. I just started not to go with him to a friends house that is also a tradie but I knew used. Anyway he replased last weekend and I’m so angry he was lying so confident don’t worry I don’t do that anymore you don’t need to come with me then Bam high and behaving badly and I’m so angry. I look back now and I do think he has used a couple of times and I missed it. But this weekend was blatant. I have put so much time into helping him giving up my weekends each week to do his hobby. I work full time he only works when he has jobs. I don’t want to use and I’m feeling so angry how do people deal with this I’m tired I don’t want to have to follow him everywhere for him to not use or to be in charge of making sure he is happy I’m tired. I also don’t want to lose my house while I have two kids in Uni and One in year 12. I understand relapse is normal it’s the lying I can’t deal with. what should my next terms be because he has refused all forms of treatment to date.

My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together

replies: 184

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feelin... View more

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feeling. I needed to come here and put out how I'm feeling about the whole situation as well, from an older brothers point of view, but to be honest, I don't even know where to start. My brother, with the biggest warmest heart, with physical and mental heath issues, developed an ice addiction, he neglected his health and in the last year, my mum and I have done nothing but tried our damn hardest to help him, both professionally, personally, financially, the whole lot. He got himself into a fair bit of trouble about a year ago, and in lead up to his sentence, his smoking of ice increased, as did his lies, and everything was spiralling out of control for him and everyone around him. I left my well payed job to be more closer to my mum and brother in need. The whole process has been so stressful, and it's been so hard to now see my brother get taken away. He's such a vulnerable person, a "gentle giant", who without pointing the figure, influenced to trying ice, became hooked and majorly lost his way. His bedroom became his haven, he never left it, and my poor mother who became so submissive to his behaviour, did her best to care for him while he was in the darkest time in his life. I'm feeling fragile. I'm finding myself withdrawing. Having a hard time sleeping, and when I do, I instantly wake up with a cracking head ache. I start crying at unpredictable times, I've somewhat distanced myself from my boyfriend, I have my mum staying with me until she's going to be ok living alone. My brother has left behind some financial stress, and I'm left to now collect the pieces, to cancel his accounts, and to work out a ways to pay back all these "Afterpay" type transactions he's made over the last several months on top if fine reminders in the mail. The whole thing is just hard, but there's that glimmer that this is perhaps that divine intervention that he's needed, as nothing I or my mum did worked. I've been seeing an amazing psychologist for since this all began about a year ago, my GP has suggested I get on anti depressants which I'm almost contemplating. Are there any other siblings out there who's maybe been in my shoes who might be able to give me some advice? I'd appreciate it immensely.

Tired and overwhelmed

replies: 2

I'm struggling lately, and feel guilty for admitting I feel this way, because I know I have alot to be grateful for. I feel like my life is slowly crushing me but if I slow down or stop, the people around me will see I'm not worth being around anymor... View more

I'm struggling lately, and feel guilty for admitting I feel this way, because I know I have alot to be grateful for. I feel like my life is slowly crushing me but if I slow down or stop, the people around me will see I'm not worth being around anymore and will leave. I have had anxiety and panic attacks since 16, have tried therapy previously but it didnt help and I can't realistically afford it at the moment. Tried my GP recently but they made me feel worse and were reluctant to help. The last few years have been rough, work feels draining and unfulfilling, yet it provides stability and flexibility that are hard to give up. My partner struggles with severe depression, I supported him and managed the household for several years while he got better, he is alot better now most of the time but still struggles and I'm constantly worrying about when his next low period will be and stressing about how to cover everything when he is off work due to it, and feeling guilty for resenting him at times because I know its not his fault. I've also recently went no contact with my alcoholic parents as I realised when I stopped reaching out, I no longer heard from them unless they wanted something. They were constantly speaking negatively of my partner despite being asked to stop and were wanting to always overstep boundaries I put in place. I am involved in running a charity in my free time which I use to love but feel lately it exhausts me and am beginning to resent it too. I dont have nergy to do anything on weekends just want to sleep and lay on couch. I want to stop feeling this way but am not sure how to make a change as my motivation is at an all time low and have been crying alot. I'm also scared to ask for help because I feel like my problems pail in comparison to others but I know i need to do something. I'd be grateful for any advice, suggestions and perspectives on what has helped others and where to start

Broken up by my depressed boyfriend

replies: 7

I feel so broken and lost. My partner of 5 years has told me he needs to be by himself to heal as he is so depressed and struggling to be happy with life and his self worth. It came out of nowhere, we have so much love for eachother and never had any... View more

I feel so broken and lost. My partner of 5 years has told me he needs to be by himself to heal as he is so depressed and struggling to be happy with life and his self worth. It came out of nowhere, we have so much love for eachother and never had any relationship issues besides his side of opening up with communication, due to childhood trauma from his parents not allowing him to in a safe space. We talked about our future with how many kids we’d want, holiday trips, future plans and found out he did want to engage to me. Then a few days later he told me he can’t do this anymore. I want to support him as much as I can. He asked and hopes for us to stay friends as he says he doesn’t want to lose me, but i explained I don’t know if I can be just friends as I can’t suppress my feelings for him. I want to offer him to go back on a break (which we first tried, but I struggled as I thought I had done something wrong and he didn’t want me. So he’s now explained that’s not the case; but because he is struggling mentally). But I’m unsure if he will take up that offer and it will hurt me more if he’s not open to it. I just want him to know that I’m happy to wait for him to be his better self he keeps talking about. He is in a tragic state himself, both crying our hearts out and saying we miss each other and love each other. I’ve mentioned he should see a therapist as what he’s been trying to fix himself by for the last three months has done nothing. But he’s hesitant about it. He told his friend two weeks ago he wants to be with me but doesn’t know how to, if he can’t love himself he can’t give me love. Then two days ago he says he’s still not ready as he asked to catch up and for us to hopefully stay friends. I don’t know what to do, I’m so broken, I don’t want to lose him, my body is going through withdrawal from the person that I love so much and I’m spiralling with my mental health over this loss. I’m scared once he’s better that I won’t be the lucky girl to see him as his healed self that he’s happy with. Everyone is saying to give up on hope but how do I just give up and not try my best to be there for him when he is struggling with himself. You can’t just leave someone you love struggling when they open up about being depressed and feeling lonely. He says it’s not fair for me to wait but I want him to know I’m happy to without putting pressure on him.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Growing resentment towards step-kids and ex's

replies: 9

Isolated and alone, marital issues, etc

replies: 18

I don't know what to do.

replies: 1

Post break up confusion/worthiness

replies: 3

My girlfriend wants to use weed frequently around me and its creating emotional distance between us

replies: 2

Imbalanced emotions and numbness

replies: 4

What next does well but won’t get help

replies: 1

My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together

replies: 184

Tired and overwhelmed

replies: 2

Broken up by my depressed boyfriend

replies: 7

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Growing resentment towards step-kids and ex's replies: 9

Isolated and alone, marital issues, etc replies: 18

I don't know what to do. replies: 1

Post break up confusion/worthiness replies: 3

My girlfriend wants to use weed frequently around me and its creating emotional distance between us replies: 2

Imbalanced emotions and numbness replies: 4

What next does well but won’t get help replies: 1

My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together replies: 184

Tired and overwhelmed replies: 2

Broken up by my depressed boyfriend replies: 7

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Growing resentment towards step-kids and ex's

replies: 9

Isolated and alone, marital issues, etc

replies: 18

I don't know what to do.

replies: 1

Post break up confusion/worthiness

replies: 3

My girlfriend wants to use weed frequently around me and its creating emotional distance between us

replies: 2

Imbalanced emotions and numbness

replies: 4

What next does well but won’t get help

replies: 1

My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together

replies: 184

Tired and overwhelmed

replies: 2

Broken up by my depressed boyfriend

replies: 7