My husband has not spoken to me in 4 days and it's killing me

[Outdoorsgirl]

On Saturday morning my husband bs I had an argument. I was getting ready to have lunch for my birthday with my girlfriends and he stopped as I hopped out of shower wanting to be intamate. I said I couldn't because I was running late and he persisted to try to pursued me. I was angry he didn't listen to me and I said "stop putting your needs first" this trigger him to say that this is happening far too often (it's happened once before) and I should be putting him first not my friends. He said that if this keeps happening he is going to find get a girlfriend, someone who want to have sex with him. This really hurt me and I yell at him  and shut myself in the bathroom sobbing. He followed me in and swore at me. I didn't go to lunch I was too upset and he went out for the day. He came home and got really dressed up and went out, he didn't come home until 1am.

things have been a little tough in the last three months - we just had a baby and I'm struggling with his expectations of me keeping the house clean and caring for our child. We have fought a lot over silly things like me leaving glasses outside or not picking things up in a timely manner. It's making me start to hate maternity leave and want to go back to work. Except that I love my baby so much and she makes me happy when I'm with her.

I don't know how to talk to my husband he keeps swearing at me when I say we need to talk about this. I am so sad and lonely and it's only been 4 days

any advice is appreciated

[Quiettall]

Hello

It sounds like you two are in a very touchy situation. Is it worth thinking about arranging a special outing just for the two of you...a date night or nice lunch together, where you can both relax and get back to being what you were like before bub arrived? Things wont change dramatically immediately, but it might give you both an inkling of what you both have let go of. He is obviously feeling a bit left out with your attention to bub. It is sad because bub is a product of what you both had presumably.

Maybe to involve him, why not suggest a celebration where he invites some friends round to share lunch together.....do you have some couples or family to invite, to lighten the mood somewhat?

Feel free to keep posting as there are others who will be happy to support you

[Kazzl]

Hi Outdoorsgirl, I hope you are able to post again and let us know how things are.

Kaz

[Outdoorsgirl]

Wow thank you all for your messages this morning. All !

Bubs and I are ok. We stayed at a hotel and went out for breakfast this morning.Nothing like a good cup of coffee to cheer you up some.

We have gone home as I need nappies etc and it was hard for my baby to sleep somewhere unfamiliar, I felt very guilty for this. He was left for work so it's peaceful.

im going to leave my husband be for now like some have suggested and see how we go. When we're not talking he's not horrible it's just isolating.

it seems that when I push the topic of trying to reconcile is when he becomes nasty. Maybe I need to respect his need for space and hopefully we can talk about his concerns soon, it's coming up to a week now though and I do worry that the distance is growing between us.

i agree with what everyone is saying, I need to make time for him too as I guess he felt frustrated with me making time for my girlfriends for lunch and not doing something for him instead. in some ways it's childish and selfish but I guess I need to consider that maybe he is calling out that he is feeling neglected too.

Thanks again for your messages, this and a good nights sleep has certainly made the load feel so much lighter today.

[Touille]

It's great to see your post this morning and that you and bub are well.

It's good you feel better today. I wish you have a great day. It's a really post of how you can try and let things take things.

Seems, having bub could be more overwhelming for your husband, he obviously has to realize on his own that he needs help to adjust, than surely he will be a good father.

Take Care

Touille

[Outdoorsgirl]

I received this message just before.. I'm gutted...

you putting your friends before our relationship , and that's how you really think .

Your selfish and have your proritys wrong .
But that's how you really think that's why I think it's over

[Touille]

So your husband thinks you are putting your friends first, you still have a right to see friends and he has too many high expectations for you.

Try not to get to upset, he should be discussing this face to face, not by text. Has your husband always been difficult to communicate with?

[CMF]

hi outdoorsgirl

Touille summed up exactly what I was going to say. Has he behaved this way in the past or is this change in behaviour sudden?

cmf x

[Kazzl]

I'm sorry Outdoorsgirl, but how old is this man? He sounds about 14! He obviously has no idea how pathetic he is being.

I'm glad you had a peaceful night last night hun. Just keep taking care of yourself and bub. You're the one she needs, and she needs you well, so do you.

Kaz

xxxx

[Outdoorsgirl]

He's 32 and yeah I guess he's always been difficult to communicate with.

he came home and I said to him that I'm sorry he thinks that I put my friends before you Him and I'm sorry he think I'm being selfish. I've only been a mum for 3 months and I'm still learning how to be one as well as a good wife and still the person I was before. My life has changed so much and I haven't really got the hang of it yet and clearly I've missed the mark where your needs are concerned and I'm sorry for that.

this seamed to open the flood gates for him to attack me about everything I miss the mark on, from not enough sex to not cleaning under the bed or stacking the dishwasher properly. I sat there and copped it on the chin for 3 hours until I finally snapped and swore not at him but in frustration. He then yelled at me that he made a mistake marrying me...

I've spent the last hour in the shower crying my eyes out. I just don't know where all this hostility has come from. He says I've always been messy and he's sick of it. He says I'm disrespecting him and he shouldn't have to live in my mess. If you came to my house you would not think it's messy..

i wanted to leave again but bub is alseep and I already feel guilty about taking her to a hotel as she didn't sleep much so I've gone to bed myself here. He seems to be leaving me alone which is good because I'm exhausted.

In the morning I'm going to go to the doctors because I don't feel very good and need to be well for my little girl like you all said. She started cooing today and it melts my heart.

i also need to work out a longer term solution for us both because the environment has become toxic.

Thanks for listening and sharing your advice.

[CMF]

Hi outdoorsgirl,

hes complaining you don't stack the dishwasher properly? Dies he check it? How does it affect how the dishwasher is stacked? Why doesn't he stack it? Does he check under the bed to see how clean it is? You don't have to answer these.

has he become like this since having your baby? You really do not have to put up with this. Do yin have family you can stay with? You need support, not to be made to feel useless. You are a great Mum and a wonderful person who is trying to everything to the best of your ability.

i hint removing yourself from that environment is a wise choice. Sounds like he is the one that needs counselling.

cmf x