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21, single, broke and now a mum...

KiraRain
Community Member

Hi,

i recently had my beautiful son just before turning 21. I haven't had any problems with depression since I was 14 and my parents had just separated, but I started feeling incredibly lonely and upset while I was pregnant. I was assured this was quite normal, so my doctors basically blamed hormones. The father of my child hates me for keeping my baby, and decided he was going to pretend we'd never met. My friends are all 21 and act so young, all parties, boys and drinking. I felt so alone. Once my son was born, I was overwhelmed with love for him. But now that it's been a few months, I'm beginning to sink. I cry myself to sleep every night, I feel so alone even though I'm never by myself. I constantly worry about money because I'm not working and Centrelink doesn't pay me much since my son isn't vaccinated. I feel like no one understands, I feel like I'm a horrible parent, I feel like I'm selfish and cruel for having a child without a stable lifestyle. I love my son, but I hate myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I've never felt this bad before, and all I want is to give my son a happy life. I don't want to regret having my son, but what kind of parent am I? I'm sad and broke, what kind of life can I give my son? I just need reassurance that I'm not the worst person in the world right now.

3 Replies 3

Touille
Community Member

Hi KiraRain,

Welcome to the forum.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy 🙂 I'm sorry to hear the father didn't want him, it's your right to keep the baby, they are so precious. Right now you are doing what you can, do you intend to get the baby vaccinated eventually? It would be hard being young and a mother, but many women have successfully succeeded in raising their child. You should ask for support on the numbers on this site to see if you can chat to a person. Feel free to chat on the forum too, there are many mothers and caring people. You are still young and give your son a good life, there are young mother support groups you can contact. Do you have any supportive relatives? It's normal to be stressed, continue to see your GP and maybe a counselor to help you​ cope.

Take Care

Touille.

Guest_322
Community Member

Hi KiraRain,

Sorry, I'm a little late to your thread. Even though our circumstances are very different, your post still struck a chord with me as we're very close in age (I'm 20 years old, a uni student and don't have any children).

I'm assuming that that's your baby boy in the photo? He's gorgeous btw.

Even though you have this incredible love for your son, it must be so stressful and lonely. It seems as though you're basically doing this on your own. Sure, you may have your son's company- and as beautiful as that may be- you still need other support. You know, someone to share your parenting experiences with, someone to give you a day off, etc.

If it's any consolation, I don't think you're a horrible parent. Sure, maybe you don't feel as though you're providing the most stable environment for your son. But hey, many parents have raised children in difficult circumstances before, and have had those same children become healthy, thriving adults.

I have a friend who comes from a single parent family, and for years her and her mum struggled financially (as well as in many ways). Guess what? Said friend is now at uni taking actuarial studies and making plans for her future. I guess the point that I'm trying to make is children are perhaps more resilient than we give them credit for, and that many will turn out okay like my friend 😊

Moreover, you clearly care about your son. You want the best for him and worry about his wellbeing. Bad parents don't stay up at night worrying about their children, okay? So I hope that helps reassure you that you're neither the worst person or worst parent. I think you're doing the best you can, given the circumstances. The fact that you're soldiering on, despite the many challenges, is amazing in itself.

Dottie x

wantalife
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Theirs not much more beautiful than a mother and her baby. It's hard to say as a guy, how you could you feel but look into those little eyes of that gorgeous little soul that.... yes, probably screams and yells at feed time, burp time, spew time, change time, interrupted sleep. Life doesn't end now it's a new start.....one of many life changes. I'm a single Dad of 3 I adore and always will, partners may or may not stay the same but your children will