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My husband has not spoken to me in 4 days and it's killing me

Outdoorsgirl
Community Member

On Saturday morning my husband bs I had an argument. I was getting ready to have lunch for my birthday with my girlfriends and he stopped as I hopped out of shower wanting to be intamate. I said I couldn't because I was running late and he persisted to try to pursued me. I was angry he didn't listen to me and I said "stop putting your needs first" this trigger him to say that this is happening far too often (it's happened once before) and I should be putting him first not my friends. He said that if this keeps happening he is going to find get a girlfriend, someone who want to have sex with him. This really hurt me and I yell at him  and shut myself in the bathroom sobbing. He followed me in and swore at me. I didn't go to lunch I was too upset and he went out for the day. He came home and got really dressed up and went out, he didn't come home until 1am.

things have been a little tough in the last three months - we just had a baby and I'm struggling with his expectations of me keeping the house clean and caring for our child. We have fought a lot over silly things like me leaving glasses outside or not picking things up in a timely manner. It's making me start to hate maternity leave and want to go back to work. Except that I love my baby so much and she makes me happy when I'm with her.

I don't know how to talk to my husband he keeps swearing at me when I say we need to talk about this. I am so sad and lonely and it's only been 4 days

any advice is appreciated

 

38 Replies 38

Thanks Geoff all very true.

Our lives have changed and he needs to understand that and more important happily embrace this.

Hey Outdoor girl,

You have some good advice on here from others.

I would like to say that you are doing great looking after your baby, despite your husband's attitude. Hopefully he will get over the fact, he has to consider being a good father, not just a husband. He sounds rather childish by his behaviour.

I know that my sister and her partner had difficulties with their baby sleeping for the first 3months, but he has settled now at a year old, but now they are having similar problems to you and your husband, we suggested they get counselling.

So if your hubby keeps giving you the silent treatment, is there your parents or another relative you could go stay a few days or so with bub to get a break from him? He might get his attitude right. You had his baby, cook his dinner and trying to be sensible and your getting treated like crap.Maybe your hubby has a hormone issue causing his moods to change.

Hopefully in time, he will start spending quality time with bub and you. Your doing great, bub needs a healthy mum. I hope you can resolve the issue soon.

Take Care

Touille.

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Outdoorsgirl, I agree with Touille - take a break, take baby and go stay with your mum. You are the one that needs support right now, and ideally you should be getting it from your husband, not the other way around.

You have a beautiful new bub who is dependent on you for her every need. Don't fall into the trap of trying to meet the every wish of a spoilt, manipulative, aggressive, needy man-child as well. Think ahead - this could set a standard for the rest of your marriage - stand your ground girl! He has to grow up, man up and make himself useful in my view. And maybe you removing yourself and bub from him for a while is what it will take for him to realise that.

You have a baby girl - you wouldn't want this situation for her in years to come would you? If your husband's self-centred and selfish behaviour is accepted as normal in your family, what will she accept as normal roles for men and women? (Sorry feminist rant, but I do believe we need to model strength and self-worth to our daughters, from their very early days on.)

Very best to you and bub

Kaz

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Outdoorsgirl,

just wanted to check on how you are going. Everyone's posts to you are spot on! He needs to realise what he has in front of him, not threaten to go looking elsewhere.

Men can change after childbirth. My ex stopped helping around the house. His view was that I wS home all day and should do everything, he didn't consider that I was looking a a child, getting up several times a night, had lack of sleep. I didn't eclectic much from him, just to cook dinner every now and then on the weekend, I was happy to do everything else. He also thought that I didn't deserve to go out with the girls for coffee or shopping now and then while he looked after the kids. His reason wS that I had all day everyday to do that (my friends didn't have kids and worked all day every day) and that as I wasn't working I didn't deserve time out. He would go out and play golf on weekends, go to the football and even take sick days to do so but I didn't deserve it.

who was going to look after your baby while you went out for your bday? Did he do anything special for your bday? You cancelled your plans cos he upset you and he sent out all day and night instead.

what is he like with bugs? Does he help with bathing or cuddle and story Time? Does he spend time with her.

some people do not appreciate what it takes to look after children, sure you may be home all day but you never get to do anything in peace.

i hope you get to enjoy your maternity leave and don't cut it short because of him. Everyone has their own reasons for going back to work but if you really want to be home you should try and enjoy ad you won't get that time back again.

cmf x

Outdoorsgirl
Community Member

Thanks for checking in.. things haven't improved. I tried to approach him about talking and suggested seeing a counciler and he wouldn't answer me. I asked him if he wanted to communicate out of this silent treatment and he still wouldn't answer me. I got so upset I tried to hand him the baby and said I need some fresh air you take her and he refused he claimed he had 'work to quote' and left. I got some stuff and put it in my car and went t go but really have nowhere I was going to find a hotel for the night but for now I'm now sitting in my car feeding my baby wondering what the hell to do now...

You seem so upset, you should stay in a hotel for a night to have a break with bub. Call up your mum and have a chat or friend. You need adult talk to hear you out in person. When you go home, perhaps let your husband be for a while longer, getting emotional will only cause him to be more defensive. Don't tolerate verbal abuse, your his wife, not his slave. Try just keeping away from him and see how things go.

Hi Outdoorsgirl,

I've been reading this post. It sounds like you are now in a situation where you just don't know what to do.

Have you called your Mum to let her know how you are feeling right now? Please don't feel like you should be strong and able to cope with all of this, as it sounds like you need help right now.

You could phone LIFELINE (don't have the number sorry) or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 and ask for advice. They may be able to suggest safe places you can go to in your area.

If you don't feel like you can go to a hotel you can always go to the nearest hospital, the staff will be understanding, you and your baby will be safe there, the staff may be able to recommend options for you.

Wishing you and your baby well, from Mrs. Dools

Thank you for your support Touille

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Outdoors girl - I'm concerned about you and the bub. Make sure you are safe. I agree with Mrs Dools, call your mum, or your friend and let them know what's going on. You don't have to put up with this.

Kaz

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey,

ok things seems to have taken a turn. We are all worried about you and yes time away sounds like a good option.

i hope you're able to contact family or a friend and spend time with them as I think you need the support.

please keep in touch with us, we are worried and we do care for you.

cmf x