Im going to try and answer, even tho this post is old, and even though it took me an absolute age to do the right thing. Partner is xxy so has some significant issues understandably around gender. I knew before I married him though. Originally I didn't understand. It drove me crazy, he would not decide one way or the other and I think we argued because I wanted him to choose.
I wanted the reassuring knowledge of yes he's a he or no he's a she. 20years lived experience. I now uunderstand that I really should have tried to look from a different view. He has taught me this by supporting my own self discovery. Support is key. Be with them as they walk through the mess, ask them what they need. Keep talking to them. Try to remember it isn't about you, not your fault in any way and not something you need to fix. If they want to dress differently, help them get the clothes. Having this attitude of 'I love you and whatever you need im in..' will be seen by your kids, you can talk to them too, communication is a wonderful thing. Get a counselor for your hubby, you 🙂 talking to someone outside of the family also helps.
Good luck on your journey.
