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Husband Gender Dysphoria

Community Member


My husband of 20 years has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This has come as a huge shock to me.

He’s saying that he doesn’t want to transition but instead wants to stay with me and our kids.

I have many burning questions….

- can he live a happy life with me without transitioning?

- is he just saying this as the safe option?

- is his transition inevitable?

Would love to hear from women in similar situations or from men who have decided not to transition and how it’s been for them?

Still feeling quite numb about it all…..

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Aura,


Welcome to the forums. While I have not been through a similar experience as you, I can understand how this might be a shock and your questions definitely seem appropriate. Your husband seems dedicated to their family and clearly has a lot of love for you and your children. Have you asked them these questions? I'm sure they must be undergoing a lot of stress themselves and perhaps having someone to discuss these concerns with could be helpful for the both of you. 


I'm sure more replies from others who have been in similar situations are coming soon, in the mean time, I hope this was helpful.


Wishing you the best,


Community Member

Im going to try and answer, even tho this post is old, and even though it took me an absolute age to do the right thing. Partner is xxy so has some significant issues understandably around gender. I knew before I married him though. Originally I didn't understand. It drove me crazy, he would not decide one way or the other and I think we argued because I wanted him to choose.

I wanted the reassuring knowledge of yes he's a he or no he's a she. 20years lived experience. I now uunderstand that I really should have tried to look from a different view. He has taught me this by supporting my own self discovery. Support is key. Be with them as they walk through the mess, ask them what they need. Keep talking to them. Try to remember it isn't about you, not your fault in any way and not something you need to fix. If they want to dress differently, help them get the clothes. Having this attitude of 'I love you and whatever you need im in..' will be seen by your kids, you can talk to them too, communication is a wonderful thing. Get a counselor for your hubby, you 🙂 talking to someone outside of the family also helps.

Good luck on your journey.