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Dealing with finding out you're adopted

Tricki
Community Member

I'm 46 years old and two years ago I found out I was adopted after receiving a letter in the mail from the Dept. of Human Service. This came as a compleat shock and I'm still struggling to deal with it today. My dad (adoptive dad) passed away 12 months before and I have not spoken to my mum (adoptive mum) about this as I just can't bring myself to as I know it will cause her distress. I have met my birth Mother and I also have a half broth and sister who are nice people but I do struggle to feel any connection with them and I do get frustrated at times and just wish I never knew. Unfortunately me finding out also caused me to find out that my older brother was also adopted and he also had no idea. I have had to deal with most of this on my own as my partner and I have seperated. I have two beautiful kids who have been my rocks but I feel I have let them down as they now know the family they have know all their life are not blood related.

Don't get me wrong I have had the most amazing life and I love my mum dearly, I just wish that my parents had of told me instead of finding out the way I did and at the age I was.

2 Replies 2

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Tricki, I'm sorry that at your age you had to find out, because I believe that your parents had the responsibility and courtesy to tell you at a much younger age, so now you're children are in exactly the same situation as you were in, and whether you want to tell them is a decision you have to make yourself, but I don't believe you can decide by yourself, you need to know all the consequences, some you know and some you may not, and talk with a psychologist, this will then offer you more choice as to what you want to do.
I'm really sorry but it's not going to be as easy as it sounds and whether you want your children to keep going thinking that who they believe as being their family is the best solution, maybe it is, because you decide to tell them, then there will be too many unsettling years ahead for them.
Adopted children should be told at an early age, and not by coincidence, it's the same as kids being told by their friends that Father Xmas isn't real, I think that was my greatest disappointment I could ever hear, so will the same scenario be like telling your children.
If nothing is said then their life will go on with nothing to worry about, but I know how upset you are, and rightly so. Geoff.

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Tricki, welcome to the forums. We have another member with a similar story currently posting - you may wish to read their thread and reach out to them:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/recently-found-out-i-was-adopted-in-1973-confused---very-complex#qmbLEXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A