Relationship and family issues

Decision time - walk away from wife & son or stay?

replies: 6

Hi - 3yrs ago my world crashed due to stress/burnout.....went from a high flying Exec on a six figure income to being medicalled out of the workforce and due to aggravation of an existing condition found to be Totally Permently Disabled. After a coup... View more

Hi - 3yrs ago my world crashed due to stress/burnout.....went from a high flying Exec on a six figure income to being medicalled out of the workforce and due to aggravation of an existing condition found to be Totally Permently Disabled. After a couple of years fighting insurers finally had claims accepted and now financially OK. During this time my missus put up with moving several times as our position changed etc. We have been married for 10yrs+ have known each other since we were teenagers and have a wonderful 9yr old boy. Over the last three years and due to my impairments caused by my injury my missus has got more frustrated and angry.......she cannot get over that the long hours i used to work and stress it made caused all this - I apologised but she cannot firget or forgive. I am unable to drive due to my condition and spend my time pottering around the house, taking the dog for a walk, doing hobbies etc. My missus says she no longer loves me like she used to, constantly rejects sex and the rare occasions it happens its get it over with ASAP, she regulary verbally abuses me, says she hates me, screams and yells. Aside from the evening meal and washing she does next to nothing around the home - I do most of the rest inside and outside, she does not work, my income being 75% of my former income provides a reasonable life.......I have sat down and tried to talk on numerous occasions byt just get yelled at.......it seems like I am just being used.......I do not need the rejection and abuse.......my son sees this as well - so sad. Anyway its decision time - I have told her a few months ago I do not have to put up with the abuse, she needs to forgive (doesnt have to forget), we need to reconnect sexually and emotionally........nothing has changed.....so do we break up and sell the house.......the biggest concern would be my son likely having to go to a crappy public school as she would end up in public housing with very little money (even with me paying 100% child support).......but maybe a dose of reality is what is needed for her to see how good we actually have it compared to many others? Thoughts, comments and suggestions welcome...

anger & guilt

replies: 5

hi, im seeking advice regarding anger issues towards family. I've apparently never been a simple child, i was always known for throwing tantrums and getting super angry and as i've grown up i realise this is still a problem. most of the time my anger... View more

hi, im seeking advice regarding anger issues towards family. I've apparently never been a simple child, i was always known for throwing tantrums and getting super angry and as i've grown up i realise this is still a problem. most of the time my anger is ignited by small things, which is something i am ashamed of. I tend to over-react and I react so quickly that i never think about my actions. At the time of my anger (whether it be me slamming doors, throwing things & damaging items) i do not regret the things i do as i feel like its the only way to express my anger about a situation. I have had family members try to restrain me when i get into such situations but it will always end in a physical fight between them and myself. Now i would NEVER intend to hit a family member, or push them or hurt their feelings intentionally, however i just cannot control myself and i always destroy whatever is in my path. My biggest problem now is that all i do at night is replay those times over in my head (even from many years ago - yes this has happened more than once) and i feel so guilty about it, I dont mean to hurt them but i feel like a disgrace, i have a heavy heart and dont know how to deal with both my anger and my guilt after these events happen. the worst thing is, all i think about is how ive hurt my family both emotionally/mentally and physically and how they wont be around forever and this destroys me. I'm in need of some serious help, anything, i never want to lay my hands on my family again, i never want to say anything that will hurt them or break their hearts like i have done previously and i need to know how i can make it up to them, i will never forgive myself and when they are gone i fear that i will implode with emotion and lead to something bad (personally). How can i stop feeling guilty, how can i prevent these outbursts. can i ever forgive myself? has anyone experienced this? Ce-Ce

When things fall apart how to put them back together

replies: 2

Recently had a split with the Mrs the battle had been going on for sometime I tried so hard to get things to work but it didn't work out. To overcome her anxiety and depression and to live a life became difficult, she would come back to me anytime bu... View more

Recently had a split with the Mrs the battle had been going on for sometime I tried so hard to get things to work but it didn't work out. To overcome her anxiety and depression and to live a life became difficult, she would come back to me anytime but when she does it doesn't work and now i feel like a broken man because I had to turn her away for health reasons and self care. I do love her but I didn't know how to fix the situation and it fell apart and I started developing mental health issues myself while with her. Also at the same time I had job issues I accidentally crashed the car and the company came after me for $1000 and I got lawyers involved because it was illegal what they where doing. They dropped it but then went after me at work so after another talk with with lawyers I decided to leave, currently studying 3 courses at the moment to try and fix the job situation. I guess I do have to admit I do not feel confident at present and have lost my way big time. The internet dating is a lot of work and if it doesn't work I feel down after. I'm 32yrs old and was looking forward to the next stage of my life and going back 5 steps and things not working have brought back the past as well. Current situation isn't great and feel like I am at rock bottom, I am finding it difficult at present but I am fighting hard. My mum and her partner also had a split during this time so she is suffering from depression so it looks like I have no hiding place it's all around me. A family issue also raised it's head at this time as well it was about the money my grandad had when he died so I had to sort that as well I have been getting smashed. Courses are full on as well but are keeping me inspired to keep going and not to fall into a hole. I have been getting counseling both with her which has stopped and by myself now, they tell me to be patient and concentrate on sorting things out and do my study. I also forgot I got scammed as well during this time and they opened 10 bank accounts in my name and it looks like a phone account as well after doing a check on credit check today worst 1 yr of my life ever. Life can be difficult at times and my theory is just to keep breathing well I guess it works because I'm here and I'm training and pushing threw it the best way I can.

Alone. But not!

replies: 3

Since we lost our daughter in march, I feel like my husband and I aren't .... I don't know just we don't talk, he now has a "friend" that snapchats him all day/night, it feels like he's avoiding me, I asked him why he talks to her and doesn't talk to... View more

Since we lost our daughter in march, I feel like my husband and I aren't .... I don't know just we don't talk, he now has a "friend" that snapchats him all day/night, it feels like he's avoiding me, I asked him why he talks to her and doesn't talk to me he said it's easier with her and he can't talk to me because I get upset, ive told him I feel hurt and betrayed that he's talking to another woman, he got mad said that if I think he would cheat on me we shouldn't be together, that it's my issue not his he hasn't done anything wrong, am I over reacting? How can we fix us when we are both so broken. Thanks for listening. Xx

Wife seperation

replies: 2

Good morning can I please have some advise. My wife has just left me again while she is pregnant. We have two other children together and she has done this before in the past when pregnant. We have a blended family and my wife previously has four oth... View more

Good morning can I please have some advise. My wife has just left me again while she is pregnant. We have two other children together and she has done this before in the past when pregnant. We have a blended family and my wife previously has four other children to another father. Each of those pregnancies she would seperate from the father so it looks like there is a trend. She is not thinking straight and needs help, even though she believes she is ok. This pregnant was unexpected as I had the snip in September last year but didn't work. She also started a new job in January this year and hates me for getting her pregnant. What do I do? She is Currently living with her friend which she goes too each time she does this. She told me last night via email she is coming to Collect her beds so she must be moving into her own place. She has also told me she has left and it's over and she won't be convinced otherwise. What do I do

Does anyone have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem?

replies: 3

Well well. After game one in the Origin. And who should knock at the door.... That old black dog... Wearing a NSW jersey. Lol you not. As ive heard and seen many a sports lover cone financialy depressed after a disappointing gsmbking result this time... View more

Well well. After game one in the Origin. And who should knock at the door.... That old black dog... Wearing a NSW jersey. Lol you not. As ive heard and seen many a sports lover cone financialy depressed after a disappointing gsmbking result this time of year. Do any of you have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem? I was one. It agrivates and adds to ones mental problems. Such as anxiety. And depression. Lets start a page about this. Cheers.

The five languages of love

replies: 6

I thought it would be helpful to share a little of what I've read on this topic and leave it to you to test the theory in your own relationships. I read Gary Chapman on the languages of love. In no particular order they are: providing words of affirm... View more

I thought it would be helpful to share a little of what I've read on this topic and leave it to you to test the theory in your own relationships. I read Gary Chapman on the languages of love. In no particular order they are: providing words of affirmation. This is when you say something positive about a person that is based on truth or some concrete example. It's not just a compliment or cliche. It needs to be honest and from the heart. The second language of love is giving gifts. Such gifts have to have meaning for the recipient. Not just roses on Valentine's Day, but something they will value and regard as special. The third language of love is performing acts of service. Some people find that doing things for others is an act of love. That's not to take advantage of people and their kindness or generosity, but rather to be gracious and appreciative when something is done for you that you want or need. Be spontaneous rather then strategic. Don't give to get back something in return. Help out to show you care. The fourth language of love is spending quality time with someone. Doing things together and really being present for that someone is highly valued as an expression of love. Really invest in the activity and give of yourself. The fifth language of love is appropriate physical touch. A well timed hug, a massage, a touch at the right time and place can convey loving tenderness, kindness and compassion. It brings you closer together. Chapman suggests that we have a preference for a particular lanaguage. Which is yours and which is your significant other's. Notice what they complain about. They might say, we never spend time together. That person has a preference for quality time. Notice which language they use with you. If they are a gift giver then they probably prefer gifts given to them as well. Reciprocate. Be conscious of such expressions of love. Observe which language is used and in what way. Test out the various styles and see what works. Have a conversation about your preference and how it is expressed between you. Be careful not to misinterpret the language and the intent. Tell each other what language you prefer and how you like to express it and experience it. Hopefully it will strengthen the bond between you and contribute to those positive strokes needed to keep a relationship going. Remember that we need five positive strokes for every negative stroke in order for a relationship to survive.

Advise on how to disclose Bipolar Disorder to Manager

replies: 3

I need to be admitted into hospital for management of my Bipolar Disorder, I am coming off one medication and onto another & my Dr would prefer this done in hospital. I have a 'sick note' from my Dr and I have set up a meeting with my boss to discuss... View more

I need to be admitted into hospital for management of my Bipolar Disorder, I am coming off one medication and onto another & my Dr would prefer this done in hospital. I have a 'sick note' from my Dr and I have set up a meeting with my boss to discuss having time off. Any advise on how to have this conversation with my boss? (My boss can tell by the sick note that it has been written by a Psychiatrist although my condition is listed as medical illness

Needing help for daughter

replies: 2

My husband and i seperated late last year after 20 years of marriage. Neither of us were happy and we had put the children through enough the last few years with arguing. He left and is renting with my older daughter and her boyfriend. I am staying i... View more

My husband and i seperated late last year after 20 years of marriage. Neither of us were happy and we had put the children through enough the last few years with arguing. He left and is renting with my older daughter and her boyfriend. I am staying in the family home with my younger daughter until its sold. I didnt plan to but have met and fallen in love with an amazing man. My youngest daughter is an incredible girl of 19 but family was the most important thing in her life so this has devasted her. She is trying but says she cant accept all that is happening. She has always suffered anxiety and is in meds for that. . Her dad has let her down and they are not close although they are building a relationship now. She is seeing a counsellor fortnightly and i went to a few sessions where we agreed to me seeing my partner twice a week..he doesnt come to my house and she has only met him once and suffered a panic attack. My daughter and i have always been close and we spent and spend time together. She has tried to organise things to keep her busy on my 2 visits weekly.She works full time but doesnt have many friends. I am really worried about her mental state. She has threatened suicide many times, has physically attacked me and when i visit my partner she threatens to come and burn his house down etc. I slept over at my partners last week for the first time and she was up in the middle of the night vomiting with panic attacks. I was calling my partner once at night when she had gone to her room but she says i cant do that as it causes her to have a panic attack. She is booked into a physchiast at the end of the month to get her medications reviewed. I feel she needs more treatment than what she is having . I think she has depression..she cries a lot. If my partner wasnt the one i want to spend the rest of my life with , i would end the relationship. She feels its too soon but i didnt plan to meet him and fall in love. I am so worried about her and her anger is getting worse. I am scared of her at times., i thought Cognitive Behavior Therapy might help. I am desperate as its been like this for 6 months. My partner is very sympathetic but feels he is the reason for her mental illness and if he removes himself from the picture, she will get better. I love them both and dont want to lose either. Anxiety has stopped my daughter doing so much in her life....university, travel etc. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated

Past friend who hurt me trying to make contact after 3 years.

replies: 6

I had a work colleague/ friend whom I met at work , we were very close and worked together a lot , in fact everyone said we were joined at the hip, we also had similar histories . We were friends for about 5 years prior to this work incident. There w... View more

I had a work colleague/ friend whom I met at work , we were very close and worked together a lot , in fact everyone said we were joined at the hip, we also had similar histories . We were friends for about 5 years prior to this work incident. There was another person at work who was very lazy and not liked, my friend in fact stated how she couldn't be trusted . I used to get a lot of weekend shifts with this woman, I talked to her as a normal work colleague and nothing else . Anyway I had a lot of personal family issues going on at this time and my friend knew , but I didn't tell anyone the details , not even her . I was having anxiety and depressive episodes and to top it off this "woman" at work went to my friend and said a lot of untruths "apparently what I had said ". I was blindsided by my "friend" as she went ballistic at me in front of 5 other workmates , I was humiliated and devastated that someone I trusted and was a friend, believed this woman over me. She knew I was under stress from the issues but allowed her anger to overrule any common sense . I was so hurt , eventually I broke down at work told my supervisor and HR became involved , this woman was given a written warning for the distress she caused me , I had to take 4 months off work because I couldn't face seeing my so called "friend"and was scared she would verbally abuse me again , I was a nervous wreck. I eventually moved on to another job within the same facility to get away . Anyway yesterday I ran into my "friend" at work , after not speaking to her for 3 years . We said hello , how are you, then I thought I am going to be the better person , just act normally , we spoke about general things for 20 minutes then she said it would be nice to get together for a coffee and chat ? I was anxious but agreed, we again exchanged numbers , when I got home from work she text me saying ,"It was so nice to see you today, I have a lot of apologising to do ... I am in two minds , she really hurt me by believing someone whom she "dislikes" over our friendship which caused me great distress and my eventually leaving. I have to admit I have avoided her and I assume she was told by HR to not approach me after the whole incident. Part of me wants to resolve it for my own peace of mind but I am unsure how to handle it . Thanks . July

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Decision time - walk away from wife & son or stay?

replies: 6

anger & guilt

replies: 5

When things fall apart how to put them back together

replies: 2

Alone. But not!

replies: 3

Wife seperation

replies: 2

Does anyone have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem?

replies: 3

The five languages of love

replies: 6

Advise on how to disclose Bipolar Disorder to Manager

replies: 3

Needing help for daughter

replies: 2

Past friend who hurt me trying to make contact after 3 years.

replies: 6

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Decision time - walk away from wife & son or stay? replies: 6

anger & guilt replies: 5

When things fall apart how to put them back together replies: 2

Alone. But not! replies: 3

Wife seperation replies: 2

Does anyone have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem? replies: 3

The five languages of love replies: 6

Advise on how to disclose Bipolar Disorder to Manager replies: 3

Needing help for daughter replies: 2

Past friend who hurt me trying to make contact after 3 years. replies: 6

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Decision time - walk away from wife & son or stay?

replies: 6

anger & guilt

replies: 5

When things fall apart how to put them back together

replies: 2

Alone. But not!

replies: 3

Wife seperation

replies: 2

Does anyone have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem?

replies: 3

The five languages of love

replies: 6

Advise on how to disclose Bipolar Disorder to Manager

replies: 3

Needing help for daughter

replies: 2

Past friend who hurt me trying to make contact after 3 years.

replies: 6