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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Gco_91 Is he right?
  • replies: 3

Hi first time posting and a little nervous. I have been in a relationshipfor 3 and a half years and pretty much right from the start he has told me that i have mental health issues. two years ago i started taking an anti depressant and started seeing... View more

Hi first time posting and a little nervous. I have been in a relationshipfor 3 and a half years and pretty much right from the start he has told me that i have mental health issues. two years ago i started taking an anti depressant and started seeing a counselor (all because he told me there was something wrong). so about two weeks ago we got into a pretty heated argument and i did lose my s##t but no more than him. anyway it got physical and he pushed me to the ground with all his strength, i should say that i had spinal surgery 2 weeks piror. needless to say i left the house. now he is saying i need to be admitted to a mental health facility because im a danger to myself. im so confused because i dont feel like i need to. Please help me.

kazzamail Separated and living as flat mates
  • replies: 8

My husband and I have been married for 14 years. In July of this year he had an emotional attachment to another woman but she turned him down. He told me that he was unhappy and had been so for 10 years and then produced a laundry list of complaints ... View more

My husband and I have been married for 14 years. In July of this year he had an emotional attachment to another woman but she turned him down. He told me that he was unhappy and had been so for 10 years and then produced a laundry list of complaints against me. Out of the last 5 years my husband has been unemployed for 3 1/2 of those and I have been the sole financial provider. When my husband was diagnosed in July with his depression and anxiety (at least he is now getting help), everything started to go wrong. I told him that I would be his support person and get him through his treatment not knowing myself what the outcome would be as far as our marriage went. My husband had mentioned moving out previously. Last week I asked him what he wanted and needed from me and he said that he needed me to let him go. I agreed to this and asked him to move into the spare room. He has since moved his clothes but nothing else out of what is essentially now my room. It has been nearly a week but I shouldn't be surprised because back in August I separated our finances (because he said I didn't know what happened with the money) and I asked him to transfer my mobile phone into my name and transfer the electricity into my name. It has been 3 months and still he hasn't done this. He doesn't seem motivated to do any of this and says that the separation is something he has to do for himself. This is soul destroying. How do I get him to show me the same respect I have shown him by agreeing to "let him go" and get him do the things i have asked him to do. Does anyone have any ideas?

BecaC Isolated from people
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, i never thought I'd be the one to do this, but... I need advice, I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. The backstory to this is easy, when I was 14 my parents separated, I lived with my mother for a bit, but we didn't get along ver... View more

Hey everyone, i never thought I'd be the one to do this, but... I need advice, I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. The backstory to this is easy, when I was 14 my parents separated, I lived with my mother for a bit, but we didn't get along very well. We would get into physical, as well as verbal fights nearly every night, before it escalated into her kicking me out. I haven't seen her in 6 years. I went to live with my dad, which was fantastic, until my grandparents (about a year ago), moved in as well. They didn't like me because they hated my mother. I am, as to be understood by their claims everyday, a carbon copy of her in both looks and personality, which always left me very defensive, because I didn't want to be compared to the woman who threw me out. Eventually, the same thing happened again, and they quite frankly told me that I was no longer welcome. My dad was upset, but he made no move to help me at all, and still lives with my grandparents in his house. i tried staying with my aunt, but apparently I had upset my grandmother so much that she was "traumatised" and I wasn't welcome there either. i couldn't afford to live on my own, so I had to drop out of university half way through my course, and my manager (I work in fast food) said they'd promote me to Manager as well. I have no contact with my family, my friends at Uni no longer converse with me, and I didn't have too many friends in high school, certainly none now. I've moved stores so I could be a manager as well. I've never felt so alone in my life. I don't go out anymore, and I just feel like I'm losing my will to do anything. I'm struggling to see the point in doing anything anymore. I can't even comprehend the point. I have no idea how to handle the feelings, I just want to stop feeling so sad.

Guest_322 Complicated grief
  • replies: 63

Hi, So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing. Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's ofte... View more

Hi, So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing. Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's often at the back of my mind. When she was around, I used to write a lot. I lived in my own head. Imagination was my escape. But when she passed away, something inside me died too. I stopped writing, and I barely engage in any sort of creative writing these days. I'm fine with uni assessments and stuff like that but I don't really write creatively if that makes any sense. It feels weird but it feels as though I've lost some of my ability to imagine and create, which I'm sad about, and the turning point was her passing. Most days I feel okay- as in I have somewhat accepted- my past and her passing. But some days, like last night, I suddenly felt like I was 5 again, and just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. And the hardest part is sometimes I think that I'm doing okay but then it sort of all starts hurting again (and I often can't pinpoint the trigger). And I remember. Dottie x

Ricardo2 please help
  • replies: 13

My wife and I are having an in-house separation at the moment. we have been married almost 20 years. it has come to a point that she is so unhappy with me that she has asked me to leave. I am going through a bad time at work and I suspect I have depr... View more

My wife and I are having an in-house separation at the moment. we have been married almost 20 years. it has come to a point that she is so unhappy with me that she has asked me to leave. I am going through a bad time at work and I suspect I have depression, seen my GP but not had the results as yet. I do not feel comfortable talking to her. this morning she told me to take the kids and go to Melbourne for Christmas, as my family live there, I told her that is not an option. I am getting help and I have asked her to get help as well, but she does not believe she needs it. what do I do

livm88 Overprotective mother, still tries to be part of my decision making, but i'm 28?
  • replies: 4

Hi, So the story is i'm a late bloomer at most things in life so far, I'm 28 (f) and still living at home (I will admit due to poor choices along with being scared to move in the past). Three of my siblings have moved out long ago (all in their early... View more

Hi, So the story is i'm a late bloomer at most things in life so far, I'm 28 (f) and still living at home (I will admit due to poor choices along with being scared to move in the past). Three of my siblings have moved out long ago (all in their early 20's), it's just our youngest sister and I at home. As i've always been a bit of a loner, my mum and I have always been close, and done a lot of things together. Recently, I met my boyfriend (first) and have been spending a lot of time with him, which I know is perfectly normal. The problem is, I can see my mum getting annoyed by the fact I don't spend as much time with her anymore (I stay at his house a few nights a week). Another issue I've been having is that I can sense my mum getting irritated by the fact i've been agreeing or taking advice from him, while I once would have done everything my mum said or recommended. Now i'm looking at things from (to her) an outside perspective, and I suppose in her mind making opposite or 'wrong' choices. From my understanding, it's normal for someone to adopt views or habits of their partner in some ways. A recent example- I was going to have my car updated/fixed at her local mechanic, but when I told my bf how much it would cost, he recommended a guy he knew who could do it for much less and recently did the same for his car, so I agreed to go for it. When I told my mum i'd cancelled her guy she became very defensive in a way that made me feel like a naughty child! I guess my mum must feel she's losing me to him? But I'm starting to feel suffocated by her. I should also note, her mum became the same way as she aged, wanting to be around her all the time, acting clingy. My mum always said "I wont ever be like your grandma", but it's definitely happening.... She was able to let my other three siblings go, and has no say in their life (while still on good terms with them). When I try to explain how I feel to her, she gets all defensive and I have to act all apologetic and reassure her. My dad knows how I feel about it, and completely understands. What can I say to her? Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks, Olivia

mgd2016 My husband is depressed and won't seek help
  • replies: 9

I don't know why exactly I am writing, I just feel that I need to talk to someone. I come from another Country and have no family here and I feel quite pushed to my limit today, so here it is. We've been together for 10 years and have two beautiful c... View more

I don't know why exactly I am writing, I just feel that I need to talk to someone. I come from another Country and have no family here and I feel quite pushed to my limit today, so here it is. We've been together for 10 years and have two beautiful children who are 6 and 2.5. My husband got a very expensive divorce when we first got together, he could never get over all the money he lost and he used to blame for it (I still think he does even though he denies it). He is a hard working, loving and caring husband and father when he is at his best, but it has become quite rare to see him at his best. His work put immense strain on him, paired with massive financial problems (he's the sole income earner), he's been very nervous and moody, that is his 'normal' now. The accusations and nit-picking is quite relentless, I have a strong personality and will not allow him to treat me badly and that's where the problems begin, I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. I tried to start a little home business to help financially but his constant telling me my efforts do not make any difference to our finances and because me working annoyed him, and the accusations that by working I cannot give him or the kids the attention they (more like 'him') needs as I give my kids plenty of attention, this is all about him, not the kids, even though he uses them to manipulate me and try to make me feel guilty to get his way. Anyway, after 2 years of absolute hell I gave up my business as I can't deal with his accusations, annoyances and nit picking. I suggested he suffers from depression but he disagrees and won't do a thing to get help. He resents me because I am at home with the kids while he has to work, but he won't allow me to work either! I suffer from bad pms and I am on antidepressants. Because he is always moody we argue a lot and when I retaliate he blames my pms and says I'm a 'bitch'. The truth is, I can be quite understanding when I'm at my best, but when I have pms symptoms I get short and can't deal with his moods and constant picking. I am so tired of trying to reason with him, everything is my fault, no matter how awful he's been he won't apologize until I 'drill' it out and he will hold grudges sometimes for days on end. Sex and intimacy became non-existent. He gave up on it and to be honest I don't feel like being with him. Help! Thank you.

LaurKonig Worried my relationship is doomed.
  • replies: 3

Hi, not sure how to start this, will try keep it short. I've been with my boyfriend for over six years now. He is the most amazing guy, he is so patient, loving and kind. I'm 29 and have had depression since I was 16, my boyfriend is aware of this an... View more

Hi, not sure how to start this, will try keep it short. I've been with my boyfriend for over six years now. He is the most amazing guy, he is so patient, loving and kind. I'm 29 and have had depression since I was 16, my boyfriend is aware of this and has been nothing but supportive about it. He asked me to marry him a couple of months ago and I said yes, but honestly I don't know if I said yes because I love him or if I am just going through the motions. Our sex life is non-existant and has always been a struggle, as I often lose interest in sex for months and am unable to do anything remotely sexual if I am in one of my dark slumps. Then because we go so long without I start to feel that he is not attracted to me anymore and that I am disgusting and unloveable. He doesnt hit on me anymore because he's scared of setting off my anxiety around sex. So we just sit around and do nothing. Honestly I don't know if the issue is us as a couple, or if its just my depression. Would I be like this with another man? I've never been in another relationship so I honestly do not know. But I'm scared that if I break it off with him to go find out, I'll lose the best partner I could ever have. We've discussed this a few times and couples therapy has been suggested and agreed to, but then we never go through with it. We're always saying we should do things and then never doing anything. I feel so lost and alone in this relationship and I cannot tell if its him or me.

Syd74 Where do I start
  • replies: 6

I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for... View more

I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for me 10 times more than anybody in my life. Apart from my mother who physically worked harder than many men picking pineapples for yrs while me & my brother were just down right terrible fowl mouth menaces, this woman gained my respect & love. But now 3yrs later still smoking that crap my gf is & was battling with depression. I'm struggling with my addiction but it's nothing compared too what my girl is going thru,she is so screwed up its terrible. I'm not goin too give up on her even tho we're not married or have kids but I have tried too forget her but I can't & never will. This girl has had some bad luck but in the last few yrs I see it as "depressions luck"geez she keeps setting herself up for a big fall,it's so infuriating too watch or more so hear what happened after only because I'm not involved. I want too leave this small town which she never left her whole life with her & be nomads around Australia. Is that gonna help I don't no?

BunnyMuffin Dealing with the anger
  • replies: 23

Hi There, My partner & I were together for almost 10 years. Long story short, we met in London, he then moved to Australia to be with me and I (not we or even him...just me) spent the rest of relationship basically dealing with his immigration status... View more

Hi There, My partner & I were together for almost 10 years. Long story short, we met in London, he then moved to Australia to be with me and I (not we or even him...just me) spent the rest of relationship basically dealing with his immigration status. Working holiday visas, defacto visas and finally citizenship. Our physical relationship ended about 3 years ago due to his emotional issues surrounding his relationship with his mother and abuses he suffered as a child/teenager. I wanted to leave him but didn't feel I could due to the fact that he has no one is this country besides myself and my family. I encouraged him to seek help and he finally saw a counselor. After 3 sessions he came home and told me that his counselor thought he had abandonment issues. My reaction was to tell him that I would never leave him. Right after his very next counselling session a month later, he decided to end the relationship. He wanted to remain friends and he wants to remain a part of my family. He told me that he no longer looks at me "like that" and that he has been getting "urges" which I took to mean sexual urges. He also told me that he and his counselor had formed the conclusion that he may never be able to sustain another long term meaningful relationship due to the abuses he suffered. For the last 3 months I have been OK with that until I saw his profile on Tinder. He has also stopped seeing his counselor because they decided that he "no longer needs help and that he seems fine now he has ended the relationship with me". I feel so much anger towards him, my days are full of rage. I don't love him, I don't want to be in a relationship with him but he remains my best friend. I want him to still be my best friend but I can barely look at him let alone be around him. Yet, I miss him when he is gone. I am carrying around so much anger towards him. I feel like my whole life for the past 10 years has been completely consumed by him and his needs and now I have just been thrown away like I am nothing. I feel like everything he said to me during the breakdown of our relationship was a complete lie and I can longer trust him. When I try to tell him how I feel all he can do is focus on how my words hurt him and he can not see things from my point of view. I just want to feel normal again. I have lost so much weight that people comment on it every single day. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I am on the verge of angry tears all the time.