Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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jojo05 Would you want to know?
  • replies: 3

I've already gone into the details of my separation from my husband so i wont retell it all again, what im after is a bit of advice on something I've recently found out. Last week i found out theres a strong possibility my husband has got the OW preg... View more

I've already gone into the details of my separation from my husband so i wont retell it all again, what im after is a bit of advice on something I've recently found out. Last week i found out theres a strong possibility my husband has got the OW pregnant, i know he wont come forward and tell me himself because hes not exactly the most honest man around but i think it would be the respectful thing to do considering we've only been separated for 4 months. I've thought about asking him straight out because i want to know if its true. We have been in contact most of the time since he left but over the past 3 weeks he hasnt contacted me at all and i think this maybe the reason, im just guessing thou. Would any of you want to know and how would you go about asking?

Alan2 Young Marriage Ending
  • replies: 2

Hi, My wife has told me this morning she can't go on with our current marriage. She has been upset with my lack of motivation and unwillingness to seek help for depression I suffer. I'm a musician and suffer from a lot of anxiety and depression pre a... View more

Hi, My wife has told me this morning she can't go on with our current marriage. She has been upset with my lack of motivation and unwillingness to seek help for depression I suffer. I'm a musician and suffer from a lot of anxiety and depression pre and post work, also we have planned to move overseas once she has finished her degree (she's a foreigner) and questions what I'll do when we go. We seem to have one big argument every 6 months (married 3 years) and I think my inability to change from those arguments ultimately has put her in this position. I cannot sleep, function or concentrate with this going on, she is staying at a friends because she thinks I will pressure her decision, I was so adamant that I will change. We regularly tell each other "I love you" but this seems an extreme and quick decision. I take a lot of the blame for not at least getting help for myself but can't help think that this is a dash decision, or have I just been blind to the fact. 3 years doesn't seem long and considering I thought we were still in the honeymoon period this is extremely shattering. I've booked in to see my GP regarding a mental health plan but if this all goes south as I fear, I can't see how I'll survive... Thanks for listening, I'm really struggling.

Lolah Newbie - The low down...
  • replies: 3

Hi, so this is my first post and it feels weird but I feel I need advice maybe, support maybe, maybe I just wanna feel respected, I don't know! I just feel a little lost. So here's the low down.. I've been Married for over 7 years now, I have a 1 yea... View more

Hi, so this is my first post and it feels weird but I feel I need advice maybe, support maybe, maybe I just wanna feel respected, I don't know! I just feel a little lost. So here's the low down.. I've been Married for over 7 years now, I have a 1 year old and am now pregnant with my second, 14 weeks along. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 4 years ago now, saw a psychologist then a psychiatrist who put me on meds and who did help me a lot! It took me a good 2 years before I did anything about what I was going through. I couldn't sleep and when I did I'd wake then toss and turn the rest of the night. When I did wake I'd wake shaking and jittery. I kept thinking I was dying, actually I convinced myself I was. Short of breath, heavy in the chest, dizziness, heart racing to the point doctors put me on heart meds to slow it down. I had to see a cardiologist cause they thought it was my heart..so you can imagine my anxiety! The panic attacks were terrible! After I got the help I needed I got better but the last few weeks have been real hard, I'm crying at least once a day! I feel I have no support from my husband, most times I feel I can't talk to him and when I do, he's like what's wrong now? Why are you crying? Get over it, geez you whinge a lot and that's just the start! He has said a lot of things to put me down and make me feel worthless. Early on he had a real bad temper, screaming at me throwing stuff, punching and kicking walls and back then I was very clear that he needed to get help or I was leaving! He did get help and he's a lot better now. I was terrified of him, I'd leave the front door unlocked just in case. But like he says, that's the past I guess and he has changed. I'm just feeling so alone, like no one understands me. I want his support and respect but I just don't feel it and looking after a 1 year old, being pregnant with the next and trying to manage things at home it's just so hard, exhausting! I don't want to leave the house most days. And I'm kind of feeling like my son doesn't want to be around me now he always goes to his dad. Not to mention my husbands mum irritates me I just can't tolerate her and I really don't want to see her anymore nor do I want my kids around her.. She's always making absurd comments toward me. If I mention it to my husband he never makes a stance for me but instead tells me to grow thicker skin. And that my family is no better. I'm sick of feeling lonely, sad, upset all the time..

monty I think my girlfrind may be working as a prostitute
  • replies: 5

ok so where to start. my names josh im 22 years old and have been with my gf for the past 6 months i love her alot and she means the world to me. up until recently we have had a great relationship, this was untill she started a job baby sitting now w... View more

ok so where to start. my names josh im 22 years old and have been with my gf for the past 6 months i love her alot and she means the world to me. up until recently we have had a great relationship, this was untill she started a job baby sitting now what first got me suspicious was she was taking sexy underware to work every day the stuff she only used to ware for me on top of that she was makeing up to 600 a day now when i questioned her about this she said the family are very rich the dad is a ceo of a large company and thats why they pay so much. still not convinced i waited untill she left her phone in the room with me while she had a shower i found msgs there talking about rosters and hours she needs to be in i also found a string of msgs from someone who said they were from her first day of work at "studio relax girls" from the same person was msgs asking when she is working and "i miss the way you make me feel" also replys from her saying im already booked up so you can wait or just see one of the other girls. armed with this evidence i confronted her about this she rejected it all saying its just a joke between her friends and she is doing babysitting. i however was not convinced so i called up this "studio relax girls" described her and made an apointment to go see a girl who matched her description. i got to the place and found her there in red lingerie she look shocked to see me i left the place straight away without speaking to her. about 6 hours later i turned my phone back on and she called me saying how sorry she was and that she DOESNT DO FULL SERVICES no one touches her and she doesnt touch them sexually and only gives back massages after a long discussion going over and over that she says she doesnt do anything sexual i took her back. she went a week without going there and ignoring there calls then she tells me se is going to work there doing nothing sexual only doing massrges like she was before i hated it so much i argued and had fights with her regarding it finally she said im working there get used to it or im leaving you. i am deeply in love with her so i backed down and let her do what she wanted regardless of how much it hurt me. she has done two shifts now since i found out the first time i smashed the living hell out of everything that was around me got angry and fell apart inside i begged and begged her not to go back but she did her second shift since i found out was today i spent the first half of the day in bed crying feeling sorry for myself and talking to her on fb i figured whats the point of this so i called up a good mate of mine just to go hang out and talk s**t i told her i was going and ill talk when i get back. so about an hour and a half goes by and she sends me a msg saying that she just had a one hour client i think ok stay calm she wasnt doing anything sexual its all ok, 5 minutes after that first msg she sends me one saying "i slept with him call me", i threw up died inside felt like i had been torn apart i was full of anger and sadness how could she do this to me i race home and call her as fast as i could. she then tells me it was only a joke and she just wanted me to call her because she miss me i could not believe it was she serious did she think this was funny. she tells me im over reacting and stop being so clingy. my question to everyone is am i just being naive trusting her? was she confessing to me then chickened out? how can i trust her? i love her and want to be with her but this is tearing me apart and i honestly feel like i dont know what to do

Lostgirl94 Am I being selfish?
  • replies: 3

Im currently 40 weeks pregnant and asked my friend who I live with to come to my 40 week antenatal appointment the other day, things have been a bit tense since living together and I wanted to lighten the mood a bit however when I got called in she b... View more

Im currently 40 weeks pregnant and asked my friend who I live with to come to my 40 week antenatal appointment the other day, things have been a bit tense since living together and I wanted to lighten the mood a bit however when I got called in she bought her 14month old into the appointment and I was basically chasing him around while she spoke to the midwife about her problems, I tried explaining to my partner that it was very frustrating and he told me I was being bitchy and selfish and she was a good friend so I should be nicer, am I right to feel this way I just want to cry I dont want to be a bad friend but I cant stand that she makes it all about her so much and my partner thinks its only because she doesnt have many friends, I just want a second opinion...

Ellie4321 Difficult time adjusting to blended family
  • replies: 5

Hi, Adjusting to my new life with my new partner has been a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. I have been divorced for 3 years - and have been in a new relationship for two. I have come to the realisation that somehow my new life is a bit more... View more

Hi, Adjusting to my new life with my new partner has been a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. I have been divorced for 3 years - and have been in a new relationship for two. I have come to the realisation that somehow my new life is a bit more challenging than my old one. Our blended family has 5 kids: 3 teenagers boys and 2 young girls. My main issue (among all the other kids stuff) is to adjust to my partner's attitude towards my son. There is a lot of unfairness and double standards directed towards him, it's a bit mean really. Also my new partner gets very annoyed if I spend any time at all with my son (even things like gardening or attending to his sports practice). To make things harder, he is very nice to my daughter. My partner and I really love each other's. I just wish he could accept my son in the family. This situation has been stopping me enjoying our relationship and stopping me wanting to invest fully in our couple. I feel guarded, defensive, a bit paranoid and angry... I am getting very very very angry and hurt. Ellie Any suggestions? I feel like I am losing my mind.

Ariel_84 Destructive MIL
  • replies: 25

My MIL is a manipulative & destructive woman. She told my 4 year old to eat nuts when she suffers anaphylaxis, MIL & FIL took her without asking while on a family picnic & abused me for telling her it's unacceptable pointing her finger in my face & s... View more

My MIL is a manipulative & destructive woman. She told my 4 year old to eat nuts when she suffers anaphylaxis, MIL & FIL took her without asking while on a family picnic & abused me for telling her it's unacceptable pointing her finger in my face & she was going to wash her hands of me, while I was pregnant suffering hyperemisis in & out of hospital she turned husband against me & my family & also told my daughter to listen to nan & not mummy because nan is right, during my whole pregnancy she was relentless. The more ill I was the worse she became.. she even tried telling my family & husband I was suffering from a mental illness. She refused to acknowledge I was suffering hyperemisis & was only pregnant. When bub was born she refused to even acknowledge me giving me dirty looks. It was horrible. My husband is an only child. MIL has a strong hold over him. MIL has told me she's ending my marriage, taking husband away & we'll never seem him again, said my daughters allergies & anaphylaxis are rubbish & lies about everything. My 4 year old is seeing a psychologist & has been traumatised by MIl. My six month old has been exposed to MIL's abuse. Husband is conflicted. This woman seems set on destroying me, my children, my marriage, my husband. Husband would tell me she treated her dog better then him, that she never read or sang to him. She would manipulate husband & turn him against FIL. My 4 year old is questioning her allergies, speech has been affected & suffering from anxiety. Husband said he would confront MIL when she caused problems but she refused to listen. Husband still defends & makes excuses for MIL. I have taken steps to protect the children & I from MIL. Husband is being pressured by his parents I think he is suffering from depression. He doesn't cope well with stress. I know he needs support. It's such a horrible situation.

ang15 Need advice to stay grounded
  • replies: 2

I have always had depression and anxiety since I was young. It was triggered and has manifested since I separated from my husband last year, 2 very stressful years at work, 2 special needs children and now selling the house I love and moving to a new... View more

I have always had depression and anxiety since I was young. It was triggered and has manifested since I separated from my husband last year, 2 very stressful years at work, 2 special needs children and now selling the house I love and moving to a new town. I am burnt out and hit rock bottom. everything feels overwhelming and I have relied on a great friend too much by clinging and subsequently she has backed away, I really need her and miss her terribly but I do understand why on her behalf. she was the one who understood me and knew all my thoughts and feelings. I was doing really well today and felt like I had made some progress in listening to my dreams and planning goals and letting my friend go until she is ready to talk again. I was ok with that until I saw a msg she wrote to someone else. Then all the hurt and feelings of losing her are coming back and its really hard to shake this anxiety. On top of this I am trying to make good decisions and right decisions in my future and about where I will be living but I seem to get a different response from others disagreeing. I don't know how to trust my decisions anymore, I don't know how to trust my ideas and goals. I want this all to stop its going way too fast and everything is happening so quickly. I am hurting because I am too much for people to handle. I have support from medication, psychologist and social worker so whilst that is great. Its moments like these when you are all alone and its the day to day managing and minute to minute handling of emotions and thoughts and not the once week appointments that are hard. anyone else going through or have similar experiences

Teetoe Don't want to be selfish ...
  • replies: 14

I'm struggling with guilt over my selfish feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction for my life - probably need a good kick. My husband has been diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago- he is sometimes very difficult to get along with - and I ... View more

I'm struggling with guilt over my selfish feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction for my life - probably need a good kick. My husband has been diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago- he is sometimes very difficult to get along with - and I so miss any companionship, joint activities, discussion and physical relationship. He is not in care but his life revolves around himself, because of the dementia. I am trying to move us off acreage into a smaller place which will be better for him once we move, but he doesn't want to go and blames me bitterly for it (health professionals and family are advocating it but the weight falls on me). The dementia causes lots of other problems with things here which I must deal with, and I am so frustrated with my life. I've always been a very out there person and everywhere I look I see happy couples doing things. We lost our daughter some years ago and this weighs heavy on both of us. I want to look after him but he resists that and at the same time doesn't like me going out doing my own thing. Most of the time I feel very lonely, empty and needy, but I know I must not feel this way. I also feel very sorry for him as he is facing dementia as well as physical pain with arthritis issues (for which I am trying to medical help). Is there anyone else out there facing similar issues who can give me the necessary backbone to be supportive and caring and not be so selfish?

Bubbaloo84 Feel like I'm battling it alone
  • replies: 11

I am a single mum have been for nilly 3 years. I don't have anyone who I can really trust in "my circle" well not really a circle only have my sister and brother but feel I can't load my problems on them. I'm currently going through a divorce as my e... View more

I am a single mum have been for nilly 3 years. I don't have anyone who I can really trust in "my circle" well not really a circle only have my sister and brother but feel I can't load my problems on them. I'm currently going through a divorce as my ex husband served them on me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm screaming on the inside but just can't say how I am truly feeling... It's Like I'm scared of my feelings. Scared of what I am and who I have become.. I'm so broken on the inside that I feel if I start to break on the outside I just don't know what's going to happen... I feel I have to stay strong for a little girl that is in my world. My four year old daughter. I'm so unhappy miserable and hurt.