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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Chrisk Just need to talk
  • replies: 16

Been very lost. Lost my focus and my self esteem. Gf left me couple months ago and I'm not dealing with it very well. Feel like I lost my best friend. I've been drinking very heavily and just self destructing. I'm usually strong and very stable but I... View more

Been very lost. Lost my focus and my self esteem. Gf left me couple months ago and I'm not dealing with it very well. Feel like I lost my best friend. I've been drinking very heavily and just self destructing. I'm usually strong and very stable but I invested so much heart and soul into this relationship that it's left me a mess. Since the break up there's only been messages. No calls nothing. I just want to talk but she won't. One of her reasons was she suspected I was keeping in touch with an old gf. I wasn't. Nothing of the sort. I've been tried and convicted on pure supposition! It sux

DIDOmummy DIDO/FIFO stressing
  • replies: 7

My husband works away in the mines and though i appreciate him and everything he doses for our family I'm starting to crack a little. We have a 2 year old son and the obligatory family pets and i both work full time and study a full time course load ... View more

My husband works away in the mines and though i appreciate him and everything he doses for our family I'm starting to crack a little. We have a 2 year old son and the obligatory family pets and i both work full time and study a full time course load at university (distance). To top it off we have recently begun the whirlwind process of buying a home so lots of signing things and waiting to hear back from finance people. Work, though it is an industry i am passionate about, has been difficult as two of the people i work with seem to be doing everything in their power to get under my skin due to personality clashes and trying to just smile and wave at it is exhausting. I'm just feeling like i'm failing all the time. I'm stressing about work, panicking that we wont get the loan that I've pretty much put together on my own due to the other half being at work (though even our broker says that its pretty much a done deal) trying to figure out how to fit uni into everything else and sometime i just loose my cool and yell at my son to go away because all i want is a moment where i'm not being climbed on or hung off (which in turn makes me instantly feel like I'm failing at motherhood). I've even started having dizzy spells and have developed a twitch in my right eye which i seriously contribute to stressing way too much. Just wondering how other people in similar situations handle their plates without dropping it all.

Gippy Separation and loneliness
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm married and have 2 girls 7 and 9. My wife last week said she wanted to separate. I could see in the last 2 months that it might lead to this as she wasn't happy and this caused enormous constant anxiety for me due to uncertainties and worry w... View more

Hi, I'm married and have 2 girls 7 and 9. My wife last week said she wanted to separate. I could see in the last 2 months that it might lead to this as she wasn't happy and this caused enormous constant anxiety for me due to uncertainties and worry which lead to depression. I was prescribed medication for my anxiety in the final days leading to the breakup as I couldn't function but after she told me I didnt seem to need the tablets anymore. She also developed depression as well in the last few months. When she told me she wanted to separate it still hit me very hard, especially since I still love her deeply. At the moment we have decided to at least keep living in the same house (rented) until after Christmas but after that we're not sure when to move out. I currently dont have any close friends and my family are in a different state. We only moved here about 7 years ago so she could be near friends and family. Im now worried about how to manage our kids/work etc (we both agree on a shared plan with the kids). The rejection, isolation and loneliness is worrying me deeply and getting me down. Anyone have any ideas how to deal with this situation? Thanks

berryberrymellow My partner got bored of me
  • replies: 6

I met and fell in love with my boyfriend and we had been dating for 1 year and 6months until he decided to break up with me last night when I got home from work. We met online and I wasn't after anything serious as I wasn't sure I wanted to stay in S... View more

I met and fell in love with my boyfriend and we had been dating for 1 year and 6months until he decided to break up with me last night when I got home from work. We met online and I wasn't after anything serious as I wasn't sure I wanted to stay in Sydney at the time, I'm sure he felt the same because when we first met and we broke the ice and asked each other the usual generic 'first date ice breaker' questions, he mentioned that he had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn't sure he wanted to get back into one. And I was fine with that because I wasn't after anything serious. But what happened was that we went on several dates and found each other enjoying each other's company a lot. Eventually he did ask me out and I was happy and I asked to make sure if this was what he wanted as I wanted it as well. So I made the choice to extend my visa to stay for a couple more years. Anyway after a couple more months of being in the relationship, he invited me to move into his place. It was all sunshine and butterflies for a while and then I got sick and ended up in hospital and had to have surgery. I was in hospital for the first time in my life for a minor but big surgery, far away from home and scared . Anyway, I got through it and had to cut back on my job to recover so I was relatively financially stable but I felt quite stressed about it all because I wasn't sure how I would sustain myself for the rest of the year. My partner had arranged for us to go to Europe in July so I could travel with him and meet his family. So I agreed, both excited and stressed at the same time. while this was being organized I was working casually at a retail store and applying for jobs that would be able to help me financially. A week before we were set to leave, I got offered the job and I would start as soon as I got back from Europe. Fast forward to a week ago, my new job has been stressful with a difficult manager that had been bullying me, I got past that hurdle and my partner had exams on. During this time he had been a bit withdrawn and emotionally detached from me and I tried to hold our relationship together and he just didn't bother. He left me for the first time only for a week to go and live with his parents so we could have a break. My mother texted me to tell me she was in an accident, stress levels are at an all time high at this point. He came back and we talked to try and work things out. He didn't really try, and then he dumped me

Ellabella2010 Struggling to accept separation even though I ended things
  • replies: 4

This is the first time I've ever posted information about my private life on a public forum but I'm hoping it may help get some perspective. Long story short I have been with my partner 13 years and have 2 gorgeous children. In May I decided I could ... View more

This is the first time I've ever posted information about my private life on a public forum but I'm hoping it may help get some perspective. Long story short I have been with my partner 13 years and have 2 gorgeous children. In May I decided I could not stay in the relationship purely because I felt we had grown apart and felt he was not right for me and I felt I spent more time being angry at him and wishing he would change then actually living a good life. It took months and months to make this decision but I moved out of our family home with the girls. To keep things as normal as possible for the girls who are only young 6 and 2 he still would stay at my house 2 or 3 nights a week to spend time with them. Seperate rooms though. Anyway last week he dropped a bombshell that he recently met someone else. Since he told me I have not felt myself at all. I'm shaky all the time, my heart pounds and I feel so sad all the time and cry ALOT. The thought of him with someone else is killing me even though I had been the one to end things. And the thought of another women in my kids life scares the crap out of me. I might add this is the first serious relationship I've ever had as I met him at aged 23. Never had a real break up before and certainly not with the kids involved etc. whilst I know we are not right for each other at the moment I feel I would rather try and get back together with him so I'm not alone and don't have to see him with anyone else and have anyone else involved in my children's lives. Any advice would be appreciated.

Gloria1 Fiancé left me
  • replies: 7

I saw my fiancé change when he first started taking an SSRI 5 weeks ago. He had a nervous breakdown due to major work stressors with owning his own business and went to psychologist and doctors about his stress. He was prescribed this medication but ... View more

I saw my fiancé change when he first started taking an SSRI 5 weeks ago. He had a nervous breakdown due to major work stressors with owning his own business and went to psychologist and doctors about his stress. He was prescribed this medication but never informed me in the last 3 weeks that's what he was discussing 'us'. He didn't give me a chance, he didn't invite me to work through anything together. After 3.5 amazing years. We travelled the world together, we have a dog, we built a life and were due to be married in 3 months. He just left me and became so emotionless... I had to pack his belongings and call his parents to get him because he was such a mess. He's 36. I still don't have all the answers. All I know is that he was waking up panicking about work for weeks, I was holding him to sleep. He was scared when he started taking the medication. He was asking me to hold him in the mornings because he was frightened. The stress was hard on me too. He called me to end it after he left. He was so firm and cold. I could not change his mind or even get him to go to a counsellor with me. It's now been 1.5 weeks and no contact from him and his family have advised me they need to stay out of it & are not speaking to me either... He called my father to tell him how beautiful I was, but that he had to follow his gut and heart. There was no attempt to try work through anything together. Im an absolute mess and I feel as though I've been left in a dark hole of nothingness, whilst he will be feeling numbed by the medication. But I'm also so worried about him at the same time. None of this makes sense. I'm completely in shock, I feel lost & distraught.

Guest6093 New Dad with relationship issues...
  • replies: 4

I'm writing this as my wife is the first relationship I have been. We're coming up to 3 years together and have a 4 month old. Things are naturally stressful at home, added to which are both our financial situations. We've struggled to get on the sam... View more

I'm writing this as my wife is the first relationship I have been. We're coming up to 3 years together and have a 4 month old. Things are naturally stressful at home, added to which are both our financial situations. We've struggled to get on the same page and our romantic relationship seems almost non-excistent. Today I felt like cheating for the first time. Just sex and nothing else. I feel bad it has come to this and hate the idea of putting sexual desires before my family. Any suggestions?

RYT Controlling parents - feeling miserable
  • replies: 3

I'm 24 and I live with my parents because moving out is not feasible just yet. My parents are super controlling and contradictive and i'm getting to the point that when I move out I don't want to have anything to do with them. I have depression and r... View more

I'm 24 and I live with my parents because moving out is not feasible just yet. My parents are super controlling and contradictive and i'm getting to the point that when I move out I don't want to have anything to do with them. I have depression and really bad anxiety, and they nothing to support me. They don't even speak about it because they are too busy painting this perfect picture of our family to the outside world. When I first met my boyfriend and told him the things they say and do to me, he didn't believe me. It was only a few years into the relationship when he started to see it and now he constantly tells me he doesn't understand their logic and that they are really immature. I can't go into detail about everything that they say and do to me because it would go on forever. They are completely different when we are visiting family or in public - they are nice and they even talk to me. When we get home its the polar opposite. I get called names, ignored, whispered about (currently happening now) and argued with. I try and stay away from them at home but when I sit in my room I get told off because its "not healthy". I can't have an opinion unless it agrees with what they think. I'm only allowed to speak quietly because my dad is paranoid that the "neighbours will hear us". I'm not allowed to drink wine unless its for a special occasion, so I asked to share a bottle with mum on Christmas. She said "no, its not a good enough occasion" even though she drinks wine every night. Whenever I try to explain my side of the story, after listening to hers, she won't listen to mine and tells me to "go away" or "I don't want to see your face". This post really doesn't give justice to how cruel, controlling and contradictive they are to me, but there are some examples of what I have to experience on a daily basis. I feel really uncomfortable and miserable at home but I can't move out yet. I've tried to raise these issues with them but they don't see it. I just don't know how to cope with it, I'm feeling pretty down. I know that when I move out I can remove myself from this toxic environment, but in the mean time I don't know what to do? Regards, RYT

Letting_Life_Pass_Me_By I don't know what to do anymore!
  • replies: 8

I don't even know where to begin here. Everything is a mess! I hate my husband, he hates me, his family hate me. There are kids involved. There is our marriage to consider. I'm supposed to be moving in a week but my help walked out the door tonight. ... View more

I don't even know where to begin here. Everything is a mess! I hate my husband, he hates me, his family hate me. There are kids involved. There is our marriage to consider. I'm supposed to be moving in a week but my help walked out the door tonight. My husband and I have been fighting since our relationship started 5 years ago. We went through with marriage because I had put so much effort into it by the time it rolled around that it was impossible to walk away. I have been angry and keep lashing out at him verbally, I can't stop holding it against him that my life has been nothing but downhill since we got serious. And he can't be happy because he wants me to give him something I just can't give him and that lack of a true relationship has been driving us crazy for such a long time. I know I have been the worst possible person because I can't show him the love and affection he wants and instead I am always so angry at him, fighting with him, driving him over the edge. And I do feel bad, the guilt eats me alive because i can't bring myself to tell him how I feel. It's so toxic. And yet I sit here crying because he left and this time I don't know where he is, if he is ok or when we will see him again. I have such a messed up history from bad parents to bad relationships and before I met my husband I swore I would never let myself feel again because feeling absolutely drowns me. I warned him that I felt like that and he stayed and it was good and then it wasn't good and I just can't flip the good parts back on again because it scares me so much. He wants me to take responsibility for all the things I have done wrong, and i want to but I just can't bring myself to let those walls down and do the right thing by him. I desperately desperately want to run away myself. I know my husband would be happier if he moved on, found something more stable and loving, something I'm not ready to give him right now. But he hasn't and I think that has caused him to hold a grudge against me and that has made everything so much worse. When we argue we both play the victim, we both feel like we are in the right and the other is wrong. I don't know how to pull myself out of this mess. I am terrified my children are going to grow up messed up from watching me struggle to find happiness. I don't know what to do!

trying_hard My kids don't respect me or listen to me anymore and I don't know what to do!
  • replies: 10

I am a single mother of 3 kids ages 10, 8 & 5. My problem is mainly with my oldest daughter her behavior and my lack of parenting of it is now affecting my other children who are starting to mimic her. My oldest daughter has always been strong willed... View more

I am a single mother of 3 kids ages 10, 8 & 5. My problem is mainly with my oldest daughter her behavior and my lack of parenting of it is now affecting my other children who are starting to mimic her. My oldest daughter has always been strong willed but life with her is steadily getting harder and harder and I am miserable and I don't see her being very happy either. My daughter seems to think she can do or say whatever she wants, she speaks to me like dirt. If I try to get her to do her homework she swears at me and won't do it. Anything I try to get her to do she refuses she swears at me which now the other kids are copying. I have over the years tried calmly talking to her, reasoning with her,shouting at her, smacking her I am ashamed to say, I have tried reward schemes, pocket money schemes, I have tried taking things off her as punishment I think I have tried everything I am at my wits end. Every single day is a series of screaming matches. She takes anything she wants in the house regardless if it is hers or not. She has not respect for other people or their belongings I am constantly finding my stuff gone and then discovered she's taken it. She does the same with her siblings stuff or food. It doesn't matter if I tell her she can't touch this it is for their school lunches if she wants it she takes it. I have to hide everything. She is not deprived, we're not rich but we are not poor she has nice things but even her stuff she treats badly. Anytime she is told to do anything she doesn't want she'll scream and swear it's like her default volume is loud, but then she can be so loving so nice but that is mainly when she is getting her own way as awful as that sounds. I have tried to set one on one time with her but it's hard when there are two others kids and I feel like I am showing the other kids bad behavior gets treats. My other two are starting to talk back to me, even swear at me I still have a little sway over them but I see it dying fast. Tonight I discovered that she had gone into my handbag and eaten all of a brand new packet of chewing gum I had bought, I know it doesn't seem much but I broke down, I can't even have a pack of gum. I just cried I asked her why and she just denied it blamed her siblings when I got angry I just got attitude and she stormed off. When she is not around things are so good, so peaceful I feel terrible saying that but it's true. I love her so much but I feel I don't like her.