(Trigger warning) PTSD - Military related. Advice on how to control or prevent triggers from happening, especially as a loving Dad

[Navy_Blue]

Hello BB faithful,I wasn't sure if this fell into my previous threads categories and could not find an existing one, so started afresh-apologies if this is supposed to fit somewhere else on the site or I should have placed it in my existing threads.To cut to the chase for those who have not read my previous posts; whilst on Counter Terrorism deployment my team and I were seconds away from being blown to smithereens by a diesel fuelled IED. The situation then compounded itself by our team then having to witness the bad guys executing children amongst others at point blank range, whilst laughing as they fired single shots down their lines of victims. First off I should add, all victims were bagged (black bags over their heads) the bad guys then went down the line one by one firing a single shot above each victims head and then kick them over - this was seen as hilarious fun. The bags were promptly removed and then the true executions took place back down the line finishing with the children - some I can only guess as old as 12 the rest probably younger. We, my team, agonisingly were in no position to act to save any of these victims for various reasons I cannot discuss.At the time I was a first time dad,my first deployment away from my wife and then 9 month old baby girl. This I can only imagine fuels my triggers. I am now a father of three beautiful children and it has taken eight years for me to be finally diagnosed with PTSD. I have been seeing a psychologist and have recently been referred by my GP to see a psychiatrist. Sadly my first appointment is not until late Feb 2017. My triggers have been getting worse, the smell of diesel for starters, children screaming, loud noises similar to explosions or gunshots and I am way to protective over my children, when in reality they are just doing what children do (on play equipment, running, jumping etc...) Febuary seems so far away and whilst my GP has prescribed some medication to help me sleep, I am still awakening with horrid nightmares waking in a cold sweat and shaking. Added to all this I am recovering from major surgery, so trying to balance treatment and prioritise what needs attention first. I have received endless support from many CCs thus far, but after what had started as being a better day for me today went down hill rapidly after a significant unforeseen double banger trigger event. I way out of character lashed out at my children, much to their confusion and then quickly removed myself (cont)

[Navy_Blue]

Hi Lynda, once again you come back with all the right advice and suggestions. I took the liberty of 'googling PTSD' and skimmed through some pages, how right you are it explains the basics but not the true definition of how it affects me. I guess it is a starting point for her and perhaps establishing a joint counselling session will help shed further light when the opportunity to do so arises and my psychiatrist thinks the time is appropriate. Humour has always been my strong suit,I am glad to say that I can still make her laugh and that she tells me she loves that about me - even being able to still do so after all I have been through and witnessed/experienced. Whilst times are tough right now,we do still have each other and that fact remains unwavering.We both need rest and a break from all life's stresses to focus on us again-we just need to find a way or strategy to make this possible.Thank you for your continued support and compassionate advice, I am eternally grateful. ❤️NB

[Croix]

Dear Navy Blue,

Humor. The following is just about 2 people, my wife and myself - your mileage may vary.

In in my wife's moments of anger, irritation, frustration and generally being sick of it all my response by repeating that I had limitations -no matter how I phrased it - was not a help, in fact it could further incense the situation. She already knew that, she already knew I loved her, she already knew I felt guilty - just at the time it was no help.

I surprisingly often found the best track for her at that particular moment was to try to find something that made her laugh (I also kept a supply of her favorite lollies and would offer her one on the end of a long stick - funnily enough she ever never wacked me with it) . She'd then feel a tiny bit better even if the situation had not changed.

Obviously, as you said you both need a rest and break as in the long run respite is essential. I hope you find a practical way of doing so soon.

In my case my wife's mother helped on umpteen occasions. My wife also later said that going to work helped her. Probably my stay in hospital had an up-side too.

Is there any help to be found about what she can expect in the carers' forum?

My best wishes to you both.

Croix

[Navy_Blue]

Hello again Croix, like I mentioned in my other thread I cannot thank you enough for first your compassionate interest in myself and my case of PTSD but more importantly your continued wise counsel to not only me but advice that will also help my family. PTSD as I have slowly learned it not something that is likely to affect one person only, it as I have come to understand from this forum along with further reading of my own and through eventual clinical voice - it effects a family, sometimes numbers far greater than just that by one sole individual. I will use you above suggestion and put it to my loving wife to have a look through the carers section/threads for help, advice that may assist her with my condition. Thank you again o'wise Jedi 😜 Thank you, thank you for so much time and thought you have invested in me, someone you don't even know - yet I feel we have connected and from my side strictly speaking I know how you feel when you write your posts, just another reason why I am so proud and honoured to have met you. Best wishes to you and to your family as well, I am grateful that you can take precious time out away from them to give so muc to people like me. Cheers, NB