New psychologist......

[PamelaR]

Hi all

Everyone welcome to have their input.

This week I'm off to see a new psychologist. My previous one retired and I've been trying to find a new one. The last two were pretty average and didn't help me at all in what I needed, i.e. to get through episodes of PTSD, anxiety and depression.

So, how am I feeling? While I've been waiting for my appointment, I've become very active in writing in BB. This has helped me to realise how - NOT ALONE I am. While it's not good for those of you who are experiencing these episodes, I do take comfort that help is at hand.

So, what am I afraid of? That I have to retell, relive, re-experience my trauma(s). Yuk, oh yuk. However!! When I started with my last (good) psychologist, she did not need me to retell, relive, re-experience my trauma. It was good enough for her that I had already opened up everything and explored all the hidden secrets with the previous psych! So it was easy for us to move on to 'identifying those things I was currently experience', 'what processes I needed to put in place to move on', 'get in touch with my inner child and give her the comfort she'd never had'.

So, what does this Thursday have install for me..... Hopefully, if he's worth his weight in gold, i'll not need to open up the scabs that have closed and healed. That we'll move on to how to proceed being retired, no longer working, suffering bouts of PTSD, anxiety and depression. So keep your fingers crossed for me.... Will let you know how I go (BTW, my GP says he's very good 🙂 ) Here's hoping!!

Kind regards

PR

[PamelaR]

Hello Karen and everyone else

Thank you for your post Karen. It is sad to hear you're not comfortable with your psychologist. IMO it is essential to feel comfortable with the person you share traumas with. When I trust the person I'm more likely to open up about my traumas.

I have ceased seeing a couple for various reasons - one, I didn't like her therapy (i.e. the methodology she used) and the other one was just because of a very strange incident at a session that left me feeling vulnerable.

On another thread you'll find I've suggested to you that you find someone else through the use of SKYPE (i.e. face to face on the internet). It's not my preferred option for myself, however, if I had no choice, i.e. no availability in the town I'd probably try it to see how it worked out for me.

In response to your query - 'Resurfacing your trauma from before with your new psych, will this bring you down or do you think give you that sense of release'. To be honest, last weeks session did give me relief - i.e. I cried, pounded my pillow, thrashed myself on the bed and screamed. Felt so much better afterwards because I haven't done that for some years now. It's like releasing those 'demons' (black dog) that keep hold of me and pull me down.

Having said that - it's not going to be a bed of roses for me. I have not opened up yet about all my childhood traumas. I've just mentioned those that are simple and easy to (dismiss) get over. The more difficult ones still need to be talked about. And it is these ones I think that are still causing me the anxiety, depression, ptsd in my life. As he said, I may have worked at changing my responses to situations but haven't really dealt with 'why they happen in the first place, to change my thought process and to create new pathways'.

So, to cut a long story short (LOL - take a long time hey), and to answer your question - I expect I will be feeling terrible for a little while until we get to the bottom of everything. But because I've been there before I know I can and will come out the other side happier, more grounded and more at peace. I am a survivor!!

Kind regards

PamelaR

[blondguy]

Hi Pamela

If I can stick my beak in for a little bit on this one....please forgive me

Ggrand Karen....It takes a massive amount of strength to vent the pain we have gone through to a therapist. Not to talk/vent about our feelings will only enable our pain to keep us in a dark place even longer

It took me 48 hours of being upset during and after 'venting' to a therapist that I was actually on the road to recovery. The feeling of peace is wonderful afterwards....The anxiety dissipates....the depression also does

Seeing a therapist is no vacation...it takes determination....patience and a very strong desire to heal.

Nice1 Pamela 🙂

Hugz

Paul

[PamelaR]

Thank you Paul

Not sticking your beak in at all. Great to get the discussion going. I think the important thing to remember is each person's experience of trauma, how they have lived their life and how counselling is managed can differ significantly.

I think it would be fair to say that the first time I remembered and talked about it with a psych I spent 3 months crying (huge sobbing), it was painful and as you say Paul, you do have to be strong to get through it. While it is NOT easy, once you're through it, the feeling of calm and serenity is amazing. It leaves you feeling like - why didn't i do this years ago when I was younger. My answer - Didn't have the wisdom, knowledge and skills that i have now to get me through.

Hugs to you too Paul. Thanks for being around.

Pamela

[blondguy]

Thankyou Pamela for understanding

I was 23 when the anxiety was crippling and it took 13 years for me to cry to a therapist.....Its not easy at all. I love what you wrote....."Didn't have the wisdom, knowledge and skills that i have now to get me through"

Ditto here and what an inspirational post Pamela!

Great stuff 🙂

My kindest as always

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Paul , & Pamela,

Thank you both for answering my questions,

Thats a daunting picture that I visualise when I read your responses. If my first visit was anything like the rest of the visits will be, then I'm in for a hard battle.

Paul....The feeling of peace is wonderful after...

Pamela....The feeling of calm and serenity is amazing...

These two statements One from you Paul and one from you Pamela is something I've been after for so a long time.

I'm not so sure if I will be strong enough to do this.

I can only try, I want this so much, I think it helps me to know what the effect therapy might have on me, knowing gives me a fighting chance to get through this, as I have no one here to pick up the broken pieces when I return from my appointment, it gives me a bit of a heads up, and I can get my coping tools, grounding box prepared and ready to go.

Thank you both so much for sharing your stories about what's it's like with therapy. its made me a little more aware as to what to expect and how much strength I need to pull on to get through on top.

You are both very much appreciated by me,

Kindness only,

Karen..(Grandy).

[PamelaR]

Hi Karen (Grandy)

Thank you for your pos. More importantly though, that you continue to seek wellness. That is so important on your journey.

You say I'm not so sure if I will be strong enough to do this. This is difficult to respond to Karen. There is no crystal ball to say how things will turn out. Imo you have 50/50 chance of getting to the feelings both Paul and I have reached. I'm sorry I can't offer you anything more than that, ultimately it is each individual's choice about how they proceed from here. Yes, it is difficult and heading into the process with the view you won't success is difficult too. My personal preference would be to turn the stories you have in you head about that around. Look at it like - I want to be feeling good. I want to feel at peace. I want to feel calm and serene. I hope this helps a little for you to gain the strength to make the moves you want to make. I believe in you Karen as do many others on BeyondBlue.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Shad0w]

Pamela I just wanted to thank you for posting this. I have had some bad experiences with psychologists jumping straight to my past and not having strength or frame of mind to deal with all the emotions that are brought to the surface in a healthy way. I’d actually given up trying to get help. I ended up in hospital in December and refused follow up psych help. I thought I could not cope with any more and that there was no way I could get lower than I already was. Then my Mum who I have cared for for the last 10 years past very suddenly after a fall and I have sunk into depths that I did not know existed. My Gp is organising a psychologist for me to talk to and he’s letting them know at this point it’s just to talk about current things and coping mechanisms. The past will wait until I’m strong enough to deal with it. You’ve given me hope that I can one day get there and start healing the wounds that have destroyed my life for 30 years. Thank you xx Good Luck with your continued journey

[PamelaR]

Hello Shad0w, welcome to Beyond Blue.

Yeh, I can understand how difficult some psychs may be. And yes, it's good to get away from them. I must say though, generally when I've changed psychologist this has little to do with what they want me to open up about. For me, i need to have my beliefs, thoughts and emotions challenged - that's the only way i can move forward. This generally means loads of pain, crying, sobbing and screaming (into pillows).

I am pleased to hear your GP is organising a psychologist to talk to without immediately delving into those areas you'd rather leave under cover for the time being. My personal view is, a psychologist is there for you, they need to help you, not to hinder or make your anxiety or depression worse. At the same time, I think, I also have a responsibility to help them, help me. It's finding that balance that works for you and the psychologist.

Thank you for your kind post and hope your journey is good also.

[Guest_4987]

Hi Pamela

What a great thread! It has been a few years since i have seen a psychologist but would like to say i remember how good it was when i hooked up with the one i bonded with.

I suffered from a young age and was a very damaged young boy, i looked for help..kept looking and one day i found what i was looking for. You and paul mentioned things like serenity and peace these things in my opion are gifts of life and need to be worked at and for the most part need to be learnt.

Looking back at my history i always need to be with other people mates, girl friends, partners etc and if i didn't have these things i was a total mess. Today is so different I live by myself and some times i do not see another human for weeks on end. My point is, i learnt over time with help with the right psych anything is possible just keep at it. Sorry for the horrible writing I'm just gaining use of my arm again.

Love to you all

Wayne

[PamelaR]

Hello Wayne

Lovely to have you pop in here. Thank you for your complement about the thread. I think it's the people who contribute to the thread that makes it worthwhile - people like yourself.

You seem like your life is on track and you are managing!! Fantastic for you. Sorry to hear that you suffered from a young age, that is hard. So very difficult. My brother also suffered from a young age until he was 17. He has never sought any assistance to work through the issues that have arisen from his childhood. It is sad to see, ultimately it is his decision about whether he speaks to someone or not.

You mention say 'sorry for the horrible writing I'm just gaining use of my arm again'. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your writing!! It does make me want to ask though - what happened to your arm? Also,is there anything the Beyond Blue forums can do to assist you at the moment? Anything you'd like to discuss? Always welcome. Find the thread you think that suits, or alternatively start your own thread.

Look forward to hearing from you again Wayne.

Kind regards

PamelaR