New psychologist......

[PamelaR]

Hi all

Everyone welcome to have their input.

This week I'm off to see a new psychologist. My previous one retired and I've been trying to find a new one. The last two were pretty average and didn't help me at all in what I needed, i.e. to get through episodes of PTSD, anxiety and depression.

So, how am I feeling? While I've been waiting for my appointment, I've become very active in writing in BB. This has helped me to realise how - NOT ALONE I am. While it's not good for those of you who are experiencing these episodes, I do take comfort that help is at hand.

So, what am I afraid of? That I have to retell, relive, re-experience my trauma(s). Yuk, oh yuk. However!! When I started with my last (good) psychologist, she did not need me to retell, relive, re-experience my trauma. It was good enough for her that I had already opened up everything and explored all the hidden secrets with the previous psych! So it was easy for us to move on to 'identifying those things I was currently experience', 'what processes I needed to put in place to move on', 'get in touch with my inner child and give her the comfort she'd never had'.

So, what does this Thursday have install for me..... Hopefully, if he's worth his weight in gold, i'll not need to open up the scabs that have closed and healed. That we'll move on to how to proceed being retired, no longer working, suffering bouts of PTSD, anxiety and depression. So keep your fingers crossed for me.... Will let you know how I go (BTW, my GP says he's very good 🙂 ) Here's hoping!!

Kind regards

PR

[PamelaR]

Hi everyone

Didn't sleep at all last night, though I did sleep from 4.45 to 11.00. My appt with the new psychologist is tomorrow. I've been thinking about what to put in the list of things to discuss (it's getting very long) - having a wine tonight to settle me down a little so i can sleep tonight... Having alcohol to sleep is not good and I really don't want to make this a habit... Easy to do when you don't have to get up to go to work the next day 😞

Where do I start, what's most pressing, eek. I'm not so good at evaluating my self conscious. It doesn't like to expose itself. That makes it difficult to self manage. Must stop angsting and hopefully the psych will take the lead and ask me the questions he needs to help me.... Here's hoping.

[blondguy]

Hi Pamela

Congratulations on your VC by the way 🙂

Nice1 having your appointment tomorrow Pamela...thats excellent....and yes Im serious

I saw a terrific mental health worker in a community center in 1996 and I thought I was wasting my time and was mega nervous too.....(he was free so I grabbed the offer of help:-))

This was my second visit with him and he zeroed straight in to the reasons I was stressed. He then asked me to go in to more detail about my dad.......within 5 minutes I was crying like a baby.....and I had no idea of how clear and peaceful I would feel the next day...It was a light peaceful feeling devoid of anxiety. (I still had to see him every week for 7 months to 'fine tune' my old thinking)

Sure...initially I was very scared...mega embarrassed...at how my much I was crying...This guy found a way to unlock the door from the pain I was going through by asking me some questions....It was that simple

At the time when I was crying I was more worried about what the receptionist and people in the waiting room would think of me.....(I was 36 and more worried about what people thought of me instead of my own recovery)

Just sharing if thats okay Pamela. My apologies for not being on your thread earlier

When we blow off the steam we have bottled up......then we start to heal.....more effectively than ever before

Hugs for you (if thats okay of course) 🙂

Paul

[PamelaR]

Thank you heaps Paul!!!

Yes, I know the release I'll get, I guess it's just the apprehension. Yes, the steam has been bottled up...

Hugs caught! I'm a big one for hugs. Love them to bits. 🙂

PR

[blondguy]

Thankyou so much Pamela for the kind post 🙂 You just made my day!

The anticipation is a pain for sure....I remember it very well

As you mentioned the release is wonderful

Do you have a morning or afternoon appointment?

Paul

[PamelaR]

Glad I made your day Paul 🙂

Nice to know someone understands the pain. Though it's not nice for you or for me. But it is what it is.

I have a morning appointment. Through all the b.....y traffic, ugh.

PR

[blondguy]

Hey Pamela

Thats a small but important bonus that you have a AM appointment as you dont have to overthink the appointment all day

Do you have anyone you can call when you are on your way to the appointment? Not for help or anything...just a gas bag to someone that loves a good chat....The drive will pass in no time.....Its probably the cell phone being a distraction but your drive in the traffic will be secondary if someone is yakking away on handsfree

In traffic I always used to call....anyone...and just say hello and then before I knew it I was at my destination.

A copy of the daily newspaper is also a good distraction as anxiety cant manifest when our thoughts are elsewhere

Just throwing it out there if thats okay 🙂

Be gentle to yourself Pamela.....you deserve to be

Hugs

Paul

[PamelaR]

Hi Paul

Ah, never thought about that, but you're right. Having a morning appointment means I won't dwell on it. It never used to be an issue really because I generally worked all day 🙂 Now though, it's a little different.

Tend to not talk and drive, even hands free. Usually listen to classical music (or folk, or techno - depending on my mood.) Tomorrow i think classical, or Justine Timberlake or Pink LOL it helps to relax. I usually sing out loud. The alternative is to take my husband with me. He's offered, especially to drive me home. But I think I'm up for it. If not, I'll go and have a coffee before driving home.

Hugs

PR

[PamelaR]

Hello all

Huge thanks to those who have popped by to post - Geoff, Blondguy (you're a legend Paul), Mandy8 (Amanda), Bindi. Hugs all around. If you hadn't already gathered I'm a hugger!!

Everyones input, feedback, responses (what I want to hear and what I don't want to hear) are totally welcome

First appt with new psychologist today. Think this one is a goer. Has helped me already through giving me a 'structure' of how the mind works and some HOMEWORK :). Great!!

The downside, hmmm, as I anticipated I will have to visit the past and lift the lid on stuff I probably don't want to do to help me move on. But the reality is, I survived before and I will survive again!! This time I'm in a much better head space than I was before. So now I can say - BRING IT ON.

It is amazing the anxiety i was feeling before and after the appointment, and how I'm now beginning to feel a little more alive and able to assess what's happening.... Dare I say a little more energy. Did a little work in the garden this afternoon - woohoo. That maybe because I found some 'sweet potatoes' yesterday. I didn't even plant them - they grew up from the compost. Howzthat??

Thanks once again all you beautiful caring people!!

[blondguy]

Hi Pamela

Kudos to you for your achievement 🙂 You have done so well!

Thankyou for the super kind post too

Nice1

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Pamela, and everyone else.

I have been seeing my Pysch for a couple of months now, but only for anxiety, sadness, ptsd. and depression. I think she was trying to get me to feel more comfortable with her. I can't, for some reason trust her.

My last visit, was the first time she asked me to disclose a small part of my life, I did, but we never talked about it, I was then shown the door as soon as time was up. I left there a total mess, and stayed that way until a few days ago.

My next appointment will be in 8 days a continuation no doubt from my last appointment. I know if I feel the same as my first visit again, how I'm going to feel afterwards,

I have read here on some threads that after people disclosed their secrets, and talk even a little, that they feel a rush of release for them, and they felt more accepting and peaceful with their lives. Why didn't this happen for me.

Why didnt / don't I feel this, to tell you the truth I am frightened to go back for my next visit, but an agreement means I have no choice. I felt so much hate for myself after the last visit, that I was scared of what I might do.....Will all this get better, their iis no other Pysch available. Unless I travel hundreds of kilometres,.

Pam you seem to be comfortable with your Pysch, can I ask you if that's ok, Resurfacing your trauma from before with your new pysch, will this bring you down or do you think give you that sense of release.

Karen. (Grandy).