new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[ecomama]

Croix said:

Dear EM~

Yes that is exactly what I meant, helping someone and standing by them because you love them is one thing, you do certainly do that, but are more driven.

Your YD's revelation is heartening, as is anyone associated with you, such as a son, joining the police. It is a complex life where one often has to do things one might prefer not to however his understanding will bear fruit

Croix

Thankyou Croix, your wise guidance is really invaluable to me. I waiver then worry lol...

Abuse can knock the self confidence out of a person. But I know I don't have 'all the answers' ever... being okay with that for my children is a whole nuther thing lol.

YD is loving work and hoping for a traineeship whilst continuing her education in some form.

I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready for any of my children to join the Police force but I have supported all their decisions to do this or any other employment choice. It's a noble career, I'm just a total scaredy cat about it.

Thankyou
EM

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:

May I ask you 1. did authorities listen to you right away when you reported over the years? 2. at any stage, did you wanted to give up due to vilification and reprisal on your reputation? I ask because this is how I feel.

Sometimes I feel that no one will care, and no one will listen to my story. The feeling that I mightn't be believed is deterring me from taking action. 😞

Hi Bluberry

I'm so glad you're here... btw you can ask me ANY THING and there's no "intrusive" reactions... just might take me a while to form my answer lol.

1. The Police ALWAYS believed me. There were lots of hiccups because of restructuring and horrible colliding things at the same time throughout one long duration of stuff... very sad that one.

Yes they listened to me right away. In fact once they closed the Station to TAKE my report and got Detectives down immediately.
It's pretty scary, I had a support person with me from Red Heart.

If you are afraid to report you can phone a Station and ask for the Police Social Worker to call you back.... my daughter had to report this year and SHE found the Social Worker very understanding - 2/2 for our family. 2 have supported us and both have been exemplary.

The Detectives were very realistic about WHAT they thought could be proven & prosecuted etc.

It's not the Police.... it's the Courts that are nowhere near as good IME.

2. Couldn't give a rat's b** about my "reputation"... I wasn't the perpetrator of crimes.

How could reporting to Police damage your reputation?

Who would even find out that you had reported except for the perps?

Most definitely I would talk to the Police SW.

It is always your prerogative whether you go ahead with reporting etc after that. They will encourage you but they can't make you.

Here for you too.

Love EM

[Guest_498]

I don't have any support person to help me through the reporting. I need one. I reported once before when it happened, however, I didn't have the evidence I now have. I didn't fully have the knowledge that I have now, of what happened to me either. And, thank you for your response. I need to work up the courage to report. It's still raw and I'm not as tough as I thought I was. You're very brave by the sound of things.

[monkey_magic]

Hi all,

I want to report as well. I'm lying here with nerve damage bcas of psych meds. The evil public psychiatrist won't take me off the order and I'm getting worse. My case isn't a straight forward one. They're going to keep injecting me...and they have been knowing these drugs are doing me harm. I just want it to stop.

I need help.

[Guest_498]

Hey monkey_magic,

I don't know your story but I'm sure there will be help out there. May I ask whether you're on a compulsory order? If so, try to get information and advice from independent mental health advocacy. Have you reached out to anyone before?

[monkey_magic]

Yeh I'm on a community treatment order. I've reached out a lot... it's a waiting game and my health is compromised.

[Guest_498]

ok. so, if the medication is compromising your health, why won't they take you off them? It seems unfair that you can't do anything about it. If you did go off it, will your condition deteriorate? or are there any other alternatives to the meds you're on? I honestly don't know what advice I can give you other than the advocacy organization I've just mentioned. May I ask how did you get the community treatment order? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I don't know a great deal about it or the processes involved. All I know was that when I got set-up, I was confused as nothing was explained to me. I knew it was bogus. I enquired and complained to many organisations and found out a lot. But when I went to the police I didn't have the evidence with me. I didn't know the true extent of what they did.

[Guest_498]

I'm going to try get some sleep now. I'll check in when I wake up. G'night all xx

[ecomama]

Hi girls

I'm working today, please keep talking through things.

I have HOPE things will get alot better for you both, I Pray for this also ofcourse.

Decades ago I had to get help from the Ombudsman in the sector. IDK if they're even around anymore.
But that call turned the tables on an extremely dangerous situation for me then and it was getting worse.
In fact my calls for help (and I DID get help!), amongst others I'm sure, had an enquiry commence and major changes to a local authority.

I think if you can find that News Reporter I pointed you to, who's been on Australian story twice, of you can both / all reach out to her, she will help.
She worked for years to bust a ring and she had zero help from authorities for all that time.

Once she published and risked everything.... it forced the Royal Commission into same.

All you need is ONE, just ONE person within the Police... a Senior Constable I'm thinking and ONE just ONE good Detective as I had... you may not get the outcome you want... The Judge may disagree...

BUT what I did in ONE case (yes I had experience of several abusers) was to start with the Court / Judge I thought was the fairest. Then went through THAT Court.

I PRAYED so much.

It all happened for me in the most important of all cases.

Please also reach out to the Red Heart Foundation. They may not be specific to your cases but may have legal support and direction for you all. The one thing I know for sure is that this foundation saves lives every day. They are all volunteers. They work tirelessly for the safety of women and children.

I know they saved my life and my children's lives, but it was because I followed and asked questions.

They also provided a support person to go with me to Police and attend Court when she could.

It's REALLY important to build up your IRL support network if you can possibly do this. Do whatever you need to do.

I also had the local Women's Health Centre on board.

You could also call the Women's Legal Service line and speak to AWESOME Lawyers there.
I ended up having one Lawyer's direct number to give me direction for MY Lawyers and Barristers for the most important case.

I really wish you all well.

Peace and Healing be with you.
EM

[Guest_498]

G'afternoon ma'am (Ecomama),

You're an AWESOME person!! So strong, brave, and encouraging! I will do whatever it takes to fight this. It isn't fair what happened to me, it's causing me great distress .. so I can't stay silent. They must be held accountable. They can't treat people this way. I will reach out for help also with your recommendations. xx

I'll check in again soon.

Love BB