new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[monkey_magic]

Hi Blueberry,

I'm finding out more and more as I go along as well. I challenged my diagnosis and treatment and the psychiatrist didn't like it so the corrupt psychopath put me on an order and they say if I go off the meds I will relapse. It's the same thing they say to everyone. They are dehumanised. I'm saying that because they do not care that I'm harmed by their drugs. They keep powerplaying....

I'm getting a lot out of this thread. I like how brutally honest you are ecomama and you give great advice based on your own lived experiences.

[ecomama]

Hi Bluberry & monkey_magic & anyone else reading

In the words of Winston Churchill during WWII "Never ever ever give up".

I DO have a strong faith and I DID Pray to have 'the next best person to help me put in my path' if I should proceed 'or else please throw me off my path'.

I ALWAYS got 'the next best person'... miraculously..... I did alot of other things but all legal & never got in trouble with the Law.

I would call the free Women's Legal Service (WLS). I suggest to all women to call them when in troubles like these.

WLS are freaking geniuses.
They keep up to date with ALL things legal & were leagues ahead of ANY paid Lawyer I spoke to.... & I spoke to alot lol.

All the paid Lawyers and Barristers asked me if I was studying Law lol... I said yes but I have a completely other career and only studied Laws pertaining to my case(s). WLS were beyond excellent with everything for me. They couldn't represent me but BOY could they direct me on what to tell my legals to do. (btw it's usually the other way around... your Legals tell you... not in my cases. I relied on WLS to advise me).

Tbh this morning I could feel something mounting again... I felt it yesterday and then again this morning. In reflection I know of 5 reasons why the psychopath is reacting.

I also studied all I could read on Narcissists and Sociopaths and Psychopaths. I still AM! It's been almost a decade doing this.

These studies helped me tremendously. They think in completely the OPPOSITE ways to me.

At the moment I'm listening to "People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human evil" by M. Scott Peck.

I would highly recommend reading and keeping his earlier book "The Road Less Traveled" because it explains ALL types of relationships and you can get a feel for his writing. It was through THIS book that I was introduced to what I was dealing with. Luckily I found it early on.

But I also Googled my issues with said person in particular and found forums that had links to psychological websites that were invaluable to me in helping me understand these disordered creatures.

"People of the Lie" would be harder to read for a non-Christian but it certainly has case studies that make you sit up and REALLY understand.
Listening to this very macabre book is what lifted my heavy depression that swept in a few weeks ago. Sounds odd but Dr Peck made PERFECT sense to me in a number of his statements.

Sending you all the energy possible
Love EM

[Guest_498]

Hi monkey_magic,

I would certainly keep challenging it until you get the result you're after. I will be doing the same. 🙂 I hope you're feeling better today. I've been in bed for most of the day, feeling a little blue. I'm sorry that I cannot be more helpful to you in advising you on what to do but know that I'm here to listen should you need an ear to lean on. x

[Mara56]

Dearest Em,

I'm so proud of the bravery of your YD. She certainly has had a good role model.

I am not going to say a lot. I have read the previous posts. You are such a beacon of light to so many people. Sharing your wisdom in relation to navigating the legal system in relation to DV I'm know will help many on this forum.

You are an inspiration!

Love

Mara

[Guest_498]

I hope you've had a great day at work today. Thank you for all your advice and suggestions. I did some readings on narcissism as well, as I needed to know what I was dealing with (my twin sister is a narc & ruined my life and relationships, hence the reason I'm in this mess). Narcissists destroy people and their lives without any remorse. They're horrible people. And, at the age of 40 now I enrolled in a bach. of Criminology at Deakin University to commence next year in the first trimester. I will matriculate into bach of Law though - will be a 4-year degree (ouch). lol.

My case relates to unethical & unprofessional conduct by these medical professionals, both health and mental health. The underlying issue is of family violence. I've been a victim and got set up - mostly by my narcissistic sister who has been brainwashing my family against me for as long as I've been alive. She got worse as she got older. I didn't know the extent of her hatred towards me until recently.

I need to re-report to Victoria Police but I have reservations because they mightn't investigate like the first time I reported. The drugging is going to be the hardest to prove without any evidence. I've got circumstantial, that's it. I've looked at the Ombudsman some time ago and I'll see whether the VEOHRC will refer my case to them. I will wait for the outcome once I decide to lodge my complaint.

[Guest_498]

Hey monkey_magic

there's also the mental health complaints commissioner. You can lodge a complaint with them or call them to seek advice about your situation. The tribunal exists also to hear your case. Talk to the commission about this.

[ecomama]

Hi everyone (love to you Mara)

Please contact whomever your instincts tell you to.

When I contacted the Ombudsman I was OVERWHELMED with the support I was given. The Ombudsman opened up Courts that had shut me out. Combed through Police until he found some I could rely on and I could...

In the end my case was successful and the perps tried to attack me on the way out of the Courthouse.
Sociopaths.

The Police were protecting me on the way out Thank God and were preparing to walk me to my car... I only had one left to race me to my car whilst the rest were tackling and cuffing the crazy people.

The Police handled everything from there.

Within about 12 months the biggest clean out of corrupt Police happened here.

Anyway that was a LONG time ago.

My other Court stuff had to happen to get an abusive ex out of my life.

I've learnt so much. Wish I was BORN with this knowledge! lol. Don't we all.

We're here to support you all the way.

I encourage you to watch Brene Brown's special on Netflix. If ONLY I had known THIS before the Courts lol!

Love EM

[monkey_magic]

Hi everyone,

Thnx for your help Bluberry.

Ecomama I am so proud of you. You have gained so much knowledge and took it all the way. Very brave.

I know people that have had terrible injustices happen but thought what they were facing was too big and scary to tackle. You prove that anything is possible with the right ppl and if you don't give up! That takes immense strength.

[ecomama]

monkey_magic I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!

No matter what you do from here on, you are an AMAZING person and also full of strength.
And intelligence too.

I really hope you can get the crazy people off your back.

With you all the way.

Love EM
PS: Thankyou for saying you're proud of me, it means alot to me. My current boyfriend was the first person to have said it to me in my life... and I argued with him over the "vanity of pride" lol! Yah he's American and boy could he talk me DOWN on that one! Woah LOLOLOL. Now he says it ALL the time and I say it to him too. And to you too, because I am.

I saw a monkey hanging in an office last week and thought of you. And smiled. You're gorgeous.
Thankyou. xxxx

[monkey_magic]

Hi ecomama,

I had to laugh at get the crazy ppl off your back because of how true it is.

You're very welcome. You really are a beacon of light.

A leader X