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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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CrystalOco Constantly feeling lost!
  • replies: 1

I am 37 and I am still struggling to work out who I am. I was groomed and sexually abused by my uncle when I was 16. I didn’t tell anyone for 8yrs. When I did tell my family I wasn’t supported. I even had to have my eldest daughter DNA tested to prov... View more

I am 37 and I am still struggling to work out who I am. I was groomed and sexually abused by my uncle when I was 16. I didn’t tell anyone for 8yrs. When I did tell my family I wasn’t supported. I even had to have my eldest daughter DNA tested to prove my “innocence.”It’s almost been 21yrs since my traumatic experience and it still consumes me.I have put on a lot of weight and I know that I am probably an emotional eater but feel like I have lost all control. I try and put on a brace face but some days I end up a crying mess in bed. I don’t know if medication is the answer. I just feel like I am an empty shell and although I have things to be grateful for I can’t see it. All I see is an old, fat body covered in stretch marks. I just don’t know where to go from here? Will I ever feel truly happy?

Echtis I don't know how to get better
  • replies: 2

I don't get along with almost anyone. I feel like I'm an alien in every social situation. I either don't talk a kill the mood or talk too much and make people uncomfortable. On top of that I have begun to feel extreme disgust towards almost everyone ... View more

I don't get along with almost anyone. I feel like I'm an alien in every social situation. I either don't talk a kill the mood or talk too much and make people uncomfortable. On top of that I have begun to feel extreme disgust towards almost everyone I meet, disgust only beaten by my self hatred. There is something wrong with me, and I am on the verge of breakdown. Nothing helps. I share how I feel and it doesn't make me feel much better, at least not for long, about the time it takes for me to realise I wasted my time. I do not know how to love myself, which is required for me to grow and heal as a person. I don't think it's possible to have self love or develop it if you've never been loved. I am a wounded animal, trapped and enraged. I refuse to take my own life or hurt others. I want to be free and be able to love myself, but I cannot as I do not think I deserve love. Even my inner child does not.

second time Both Parents died during childhood.
  • replies: 4

Hi Just wondering if anybody else here also lost both parents during there childhood. Interested in sharing how this 'unique' experience impacted us.

Hi Just wondering if anybody else here also lost both parents during there childhood. Interested in sharing how this 'unique' experience impacted us.

BirdieBro Mean Parent
  • replies: 6

I have adult children. I am an adult. And yet I can’t have an adult conversation with my mother. She continues to point out how fat I am and I know it sounds pathetic, but I don’t know how to tell her to stop. The rage makes be binge. I’m now aware o... View more

I have adult children. I am an adult. And yet I can’t have an adult conversation with my mother. She continues to point out how fat I am and I know it sounds pathetic, but I don’t know how to tell her to stop. The rage makes be binge. I’m now aware of this so try to curb what I binge or pick up some weights and go hard with those instead. I have tried but she says I’m being sensitive. Maybe I am, but she should respect that. I’ve actually lost 5 kilos. My friends who I see regularly have noticed but my mum who I see 3 times a year (perhaps she has noticed) says to my kids in front of me, “she still has a big tummy.” I can’t stand it.

foxandfate PTSD from work boss
  • replies: 1

I started a new job in February 2022, in a role that I had the potential of completely loving and making a career out of. However, my direct manager is hostile, angry and at times, vicious. They refuse to speak to me in person unless it is a direct p... View more

I started a new job in February 2022, in a role that I had the potential of completely loving and making a career out of. However, my direct manager is hostile, angry and at times, vicious. They refuse to speak to me in person unless it is a direct powerplay to them, being that they will only speak to me if the news/information reflects badly on me and there are other people present to hear it. If I am in a room (eg: staff kitchen/ photocopier room) on my own and they walk in, they will immediately turn around and walk out again. I have NEVER received positive feedback, only 'constructive criticism' or just 'this is wrong'. I feel so unwelcome in this role and in the company. Last week I had (unexpected) surgery, and was told by my manager that I was expected to be in the office the next day. When I arrived, I was told that I shouldn't be there and to leave. I am starting to have panic attacks about my role. They claim they want consistency with reports, schedules and the like, so I copy the layout and content of the previous report/schedule - then it comes back with amendments and edits that are completely different. I cannot send an email to anyone, inside or outside the company, without sending it to them first for edits. I am now on anxiety medication and sleeping tablets - a new development since starting here. I know I play a part in all this and it isn't 100% all them. I have developed a fear of coming into work everyday, I cry in the car on the way in of a morning, and when I get home I just sit and feel numb. I feel so useless. I know I am intelligent to do this job, and can do it well. However the panic I feel from their aggression and hostility is crippling. Their direct manager is aware of it, and has pulled them up on it a few times, but the behaviour just becomes more covert and discreet for a while. I'm looking for a new job, however I no longer feel capable of being 'a good employee'. I spoke to the Employee Assistance Program company and was told the conversation was confidential. Two days later I got a phonecall from HR stating that I am to utilise the Employee Assistance Program, then it has to be on my own time, followed by an email HR sent that CC'd in my manager about it. I'm sure this isn't normal.

melhun79 Husband unwell - how do I cope?
  • replies: 1

My husband has been in and out of hospitals these past 4 weeks. Chest tightness and pain. He has AF (Arterial Fibrillation) The emergency teams plug him of drugs and send him home each time. At home we can be sitting watching TV then all of a sudden ... View more

My husband has been in and out of hospitals these past 4 weeks. Chest tightness and pain. He has AF (Arterial Fibrillation) The emergency teams plug him of drugs and send him home each time. At home we can be sitting watching TV then all of a sudden pain and tightness, so there I go again trying to help him, calling the ambulance him being carried away to another hospital. I don't know how to cope. Im always on edge waiting for the next pain episode. He has developed PNES (Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures) which is so hard to watch. I help him best I can. But I feel like running away or into a corner and hide from it all. I don't know where to turn to get help. The GP laughed at me and said 'thats life miss, we deal how we can'.

fireswan Hate being at “home”
  • replies: 4

I’ve never done anything like this but here goes nothing. I have childhood trauma that I have been working through over the last almost 3 years. Unfortunately I’m a full time uni student still living in the same house with the same people with no oth... View more

I’ve never done anything like this but here goes nothing. I have childhood trauma that I have been working through over the last almost 3 years. Unfortunately I’m a full time uni student still living in the same house with the same people with no other options at the moment. After being away from this house for the last two weeks, coming back has been the biggest spiral I’ve ever gone through. The intrusive thoughts are getting louder and all of my tools I usually use to cope are just not working. I just want to pack my things and drive away, never looking back. I’m at such a loss because I don’t have any other accommodation options, I can’t even afford to feed myself this fortnight. I’m exhausted from not being able to sleep here and I just don’t know what to do…

Toby1977 PTSD and my partner
  • replies: 22

Hi everyone, I’m here to ask for advice and help and some points of view on my situation I am currently in with my partner. We have been in a relationship since April and we fell in love the right way and it was and is still beautiful in my eyes. We ... View more

Hi everyone, I’m here to ask for advice and help and some points of view on my situation I am currently in with my partner. We have been in a relationship since April and we fell in love the right way and it was and is still beautiful in my eyes. We have had some tragedy’s along the way her father passed away after a long term illness he succumbed to in July. So clearly this has added to her problems revolving ptsd. She is a childhood ptsd trauma sufferer and I knew of this early on but I did not know much about it until the last month as it’s starting to affect our relationship. I first noticed that communication was not happening and I questioned this with no answer and I have to say that is hard to deal with when you don’t understand. I was and have been polite and caring in regards to asking what is happening, as when things are amazing and all of a sudden go like that you think that the relationship is all of a sudden in trouble and you are standing there wondering why as nothing has really happened. Over the last month this has gotten worse and she asked for space in which I was not really around her a lot in that time so I honoured and respected and I’d this. She came to me eventually and it was lovely to reconnect again, things seemed great again. But now things seemed to have gotten worse, she is saying she only likes her me time and it was heartbreaking to hear she, then spoke with me on the phone and said we just need to slow things down a bit and I honoured her wishes again. I hardly sent texts just occasionally to say goodnight and hope your day was good nothing else in between. She would do the same, I noticed if I was busy and didn’t text that she would randomly text and say she loves me. This is all so very confusing for me and the worst was last night, I have noticed a decline in my own mental health in which I have seemed out help with anxiety I’m going through now and this situation is making it worse especially when this is happening with the person I love and loves me. Yesterday she text me to ask for help to put together some furniture and asked me to bring her some food she felt like so I’ did as I love and care for her very much and wanted to see her I hadn’t seen her since Tuesday night so it was 4 days and I missed her a lot I didn’t say this though in case she thinks I’m needy in which case I’m not.

Michael G H Where do I get advice about trauma support? Trigger warning
  • replies: 4

Hi,I am new to this forum and not sure if this is the right place to add a bit about my long past childhood experience. I am doing research as to what level of punishment is acceptable. I have been attending a 12 step MH peer support group (Grow) wee... View more

Hi,I am new to this forum and not sure if this is the right place to add a bit about my long past childhood experience. I am doing research as to what level of punishment is acceptable. I have been attending a 12 step MH peer support group (Grow) weekly for about 14 years which has been really beneficial for so many issues but my long past childhood experience of being punished (not sure what for) keeps coming up in my mind and I guess I am thinking it must affect my life day to day. I have never spoken about this before to anyone. I am now 68 and keep having thoughts of long ago when my father used to use a cane when punishing me for something. I think this was how he was disciplined. It didn’t happen often and my father was like any other mostly. However I keep remembering one of the last times I was about 12. I don’t know what I did but I remember counting the welts on my body from the cane after, there were 52. I remember this because it is the number of weeks in the year. Many welts would have been because the cane might hit you in more than one place for each stroke so the number is coincidental. I do remember that he stopped only because the cane split. I remember after thinking that I should go to the police but I was too ashamed. I wonder if this has been a factor in my depression and low self worth etc throughout my life. I have spoken to the Blueknot help line and basically the Counsellor just gave me a list of Trauma trained Counsellors. There are so many different kinds of therapies that it is quite hard to know whether I would benefit and I imagine the cost would be substantial to follow through with any one of them. Is the answer just finding someone to spill your guts to, seeing a psychologist for the suggested 20-30 sessions or something else? Am I just letting my thoughts run away with themselves or is there a reason to seek help at this time in my life and importantly if so what sort?Kind regards Michael H

Anzee Stuck
  • replies: 94

Hi, my two daughters and I have left their dad a few times now, but this time around I felt like I really didn’t have much choice to leave as I was being threatened by services if I didn’t leave. We spent 4 months in 8 different crisis properties and... View more

Hi, my two daughters and I have left their dad a few times now, but this time around I felt like I really didn’t have much choice to leave as I was being threatened by services if I didn’t leave. We spent 4 months in 8 different crisis properties and refuge spread out across the state. We experienced some awful things during that time, including further abuse somewhere we were meant to feel safest. Anyways a court ruled it wasn’t sustainable for us to continue moving around, so we got the house back and their dad had to leave. But he just continues to find ways to control where and how we live without even having contact with us. He made it so he owns everything we have and we can’t escape him. We have been homeless on more than one occasion so I’m too scared to even just cut our losses with the house and walk away with nothing because I can’t go back to having nowhere to live and living out of suitcases, always on the move. But even with a full no contact IVO he still has that control over us and I feel like I’m just going to end up going back to him because it’s more predictable than being controlled by a far. I have no idea what his next plans are to sabotage us and he’s always two steps ahead, so I am in constant fear waiting for the next thing he’s going to throw us. He has moved on (likely only a couple of weeks after we left, whilst telling me how much he loved us and wanted us back etc etc) and I have been talking to someone new recently but I’m so scared that if he found out we’d all be in danger. So I feel like he just continues on with his life, no responsibility for the kids (which is a good thing and what’s safest) he sees who and does what he wants but at the same time still holds so much power and control over me/ us. I want to be able to move forward but as well as being so scared he won’t be able to accept that, I just don’t feel like I can risk that homelessness. Both main times we left I have applied for rental after rental and in different areas and have been turned down by every one. I just feel like I’m so trapped under his control still while he’s out there free to live his life. All of the support workers including the police have suggested because of the severity, I should make criminal charges against him but I still defended him and his behaviour to every one I’ve worked with because I do still love him and he is the father of my children but he just continues to screw me over any chance he gets, but I know I’m stuck with him.