I'm only getting worse, need to find somewhere I can work on my triggers

[Loligiggles]

Hi. I've reached a crisis point in regards to my ptsd and despite what people are telling me, I'm still getting worse and worse. I keep on trying to find anything that can help me work through my triggers but I can't. 

There's no group meetings, no controlled environments, nothing over than just telling a person that this thing happened and that "you're making improvements" which, I'm not, I still can't tell people no and can't tell people what I think without fear of violent physical or verbal retaliation. I can't even stand up for myself, because I go into shut down when I need to act. I'm in constant pain as well and even my hobbies, which cost money, aren't doing anything anymore and it's impacting my savings.

[Healing heart]

Hi there, glad you found here to post. I hope that things have improved. I’m in similar situation and stressed. The services are also very difficult and overworked around Christmas and also counselling is hard to come by. It’s hard to see. Lack of money in the short term makes things difficult. It is strange that in a time of high employment that this should all be happening. 

I would suggest keep looking for help as it does take time to arrange and get in the queue. 

There unfortunately seems to be this merry go round with things related to dv.

I have found work places willing to risk safety rather than help. I have lost jobs and the perpetrator has found me or there is risk f being stalked to new workplace.

I read that they are attempting to make dv a health and safety issue in workplaces. This will be a long time. 

At the moment reaching out and keeping calling and going is the path it seems most logical to take - with do close to Christmas I think the servIce close down a tad. 

[Croix]

Dear Liligiggles~

Welcome back. I understand from your previous posts that you had been treated by a psychiatrist and had also moved away from home to uni. As this was a while ago I wonder if your situation has changed.

One worrying thing in your current post is that you said "can't tell people what I think without fear of violent physical or verbal retaliation" and go on to say you shut down rather than act. Faced with violence many will shut down, it quite understandable.

Do you mind if I ask is it the people you live with that are using physical or verbal  violence? If so do you  have any alternatives ot living with them?

To get back to your original question, which was not seeming to make headway wiht PTSD and dealing with the matters that are troubling you.

I'll start by saying that everyone is different, and I'm not a doctor, just someone who had recovered to a pretty reasonable space from PTSD, anxiety and depression.I'd expect if I (who was a complete mess) can reach a decent level of recovery many others can too. The factors I found most helpful were competent medical care, with medication and therapy, good family support and importantly getting out of the environment that caused my illness in the first place.

I'm not saying what helped me in moving away would help you -or even be practical, we are all different and have differing circumstances. I would say that medical help is a must and hope you are continuing to be treated. I found it helpful to discuss my progress wiht my psychiatrist, and often had medication changed or adjusted accordingly. Is this something you can do?

I'd also suggest keeping on trying wiht the drawing, I'm sure in time you will start to produce work you will appreciate. I had similar creative difficulties with writing that have cleared up.

Croix

[Loligiggles]

Hi! Didn't expect to be remembered, it's a pleasent surprise.

I managed to move away from that environment, I cut off all contact with them, foster family, friends with that foster familiy, family members, etc. I'm just stuck with that response now and medical care isn't doing much. I can take all the meds but that's not going to change my response. I'd be calm but I still wouldn't be able to stand up for myself when the need arises and psychology isn't doing much. It's just me telling the person what's going on and they reassure me that I'm doing better, while not doing anything to make me better or giving me anything to do.

Drawing hasn't been successful unfortunately. The most I've done is gather art I like and want to implement into my art. 

[Croix]

Dear Liligiggles~

Well I'm glad you were able to get away from those toxic people. I'd have to disagree with your assessment of yourself though. If removing those people from your life is not standing up for your I don't know what is.

I'm not sure what you expect from medical treatment, I would not think it would make the separation any easier, however that does not mean it can't improve your life - even if like me it took time.

I always found the best were the ones that explained a plan to me, with a timeline and what to expect. Not always telling me I was improving, but being realistic, as I think everyone has ups and downs, mine came in waves, so sometimes I had improved, other times not. All in all improvement did come.

Perhaps you ought to ask them if there are exercises you can do, eihter wiht their direct supervision, or at home.  I guess it depends on the type of therapy you are receiving.

Can I suggest you don't give up on the creative things. OK, at the moment you may not feel the ability to draw, however you are collecting things that resonate with you . I would think that shows that creativity is still inside you and active. Perhaps you might move to pasticcio and combine elements of what you have found into an overall artwork.

What do you think?

Croix