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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Alesandra Disengaging from toxic mother and siblings
  • replies: 7

Hello. I grew up in a household with two extremely narcissistic parents. On top of that my father was very verbally abusive, intimidating and would constantly put me down in front of others. He continued this behaviour towards me until he died 5 year... View more

Hello. I grew up in a household with two extremely narcissistic parents. On top of that my father was very verbally abusive, intimidating and would constantly put me down in front of others. He continued this behaviour towards me until he died 5 years ago. I have no feelings towards him anymore so don't grieve his death or wish he was alive so I could confront him. My mother is elderly with early dementia and the wreckage that she allowed under her watch is something I can't forgive. She was absent when I was growing up - always off doing something for her work, her social life and her status. She was also emotionally absent. She raised a bully of a son - my brother - who bullied me into adulthood and sexually abused me as a child. When I told my mother about the abuse when I was in my 20s she said "worse things have happened to people." My sister, like my mother is a narcissistic and extremely superficial. She wants my brother's approval constantly so will support him in any dispute. A year after my father's death the trauma of my childhood and the ongoing bullying and degrading behaviour of my brother just came to the fore. I lost it and confronted each of the family members. Since then (4 years ago) we have barely spoken and despite therapy I don't feel I have moved on. I have been demonised by my brother, sister, their partners and their kids and have no contact wth them apart from occasional emails (which are extremely triggering) about my mother's care. I also loathe my mother but because I was constantly made to feel by my father and then my siblings that I was the cause of all the family fights and that "I would kill my mother" I am in a constant state of guilt when I don't see her. When I do see her I have a simmering rage. I would love to know how I can disengage from my family of origin. I have constant suicidal thoughts because of them. They will never reach out to me in any way or show any remorse and I just want to have nothing to do with them. But cutting them out completely is so hard. Any help appreciated.

BS TW DV and SA
  • replies: 3

TW DV and SA Hey everyone. I think I just need somewhere to vent a little bit. I am a chef, qualified in march. Earlier in my apprenticeship though I worked with a chef who I thought was really great. I worked for a big company so sometimes it was ha... View more

TW DV and SA Hey everyone. I think I just need somewhere to vent a little bit. I am a chef, qualified in march. Earlier in my apprenticeship though I worked with a chef who I thought was really great. I worked for a big company so sometimes it was hard to get that one on one learning. But he really took the time too teach me and show me a lot of really cool things. I really enjoyed working with him,he was a bit rough around the edges but working with him I really felt like I had found a mentor. He left the place I work for almost a year ago now. And I have just found out that he has been arrested and charged for Domestic violence against his wife. I feel shattered and angry. I come from a back ground of family violence and sexual assault and I am always SO vigilant about seeing the sighns. Even my partner says I'm too harsh on people because the second I get a funny feeling I won't go near that person. And there were sighns. He would be late from work because he had to take his wife to the hospital. Or he would have rage fits that were really unnecessary and uncalled for. Being a chef though, it's really common (not right! But common) for people to get angry. So I just filed it under that i guess. One particular instance was one night I had to run the kitchen because he couldn't make it to work at the last minute. And the next day he said it was because him and his wife went out with friends and she had a bit too much to drink and slipped on the road side and split her eye open, he had to take her to the hospital and he even said that the doctors had pulled her aside to ask if it was DV. He said he understood though but he'd never do that. I feel so blind sided. Again. I feel like I should have seen something. Not that it's my responsibility or anything. But just once again I fell for someone being kind to me and they turned out to be someone completely different Too top it off my dad messaged me this week for the first time in about 5 years. I don't talk to my dad. He was one of my abusers. I just feel so anxious lately. And I know all of this contributing to it. Its affecting my work and my partner keeps making saying I haven't seemed myself lately. I just feel so sad and alone.

riddle95 Trauma from childhood resurfacing
  • replies: 3

Hi world. I feel like I'm really struggling lately with old trauma resurfacing. I haven't been able to sleep the past few nights because I just get blasted with memories. I can feel it physically and I've started having random dreams that are variati... View more

Hi world. I feel like I'm really struggling lately with old trauma resurfacing. I haven't been able to sleep the past few nights because I just get blasted with memories. I can feel it physically and I've started having random dreams that are variations of the trauma or just stressful in general. I'm just finding it hard to deal with and I feel like I have no one to talk to.

Echtis My experience with EMDR
  • replies: 5

Hello. The initial session left me feeling like a hollow shell of rudimentary human emotions. I felt safe, but I also felt like no one, as though I was in disassociation. Since then my feelings have felt extraordinarily one note, though I have troubl... View more

Hello. The initial session left me feeling like a hollow shell of rudimentary human emotions. I felt safe, but I also felt like no one, as though I was in disassociation. Since then my feelings have felt extraordinarily one note, though I have trouble telling what I feel at all still. I think the worst part of it was that I felt stripped of any personality, drive or wants since the session, like I have been mentally wiped. In theory this is a good thing, but instead I feel lost and soulless, acting out old habits and hobbies for reasons I do not know why, for I no longer care about them. Has anyone else felt this way from EMDR or any other treatment?

Patricia-1 Miss
  • replies: 3

I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for a very long time. I am struggling to make new friends and I am not sure how to cope with my anxiety and depression. Sometimes it’s hard for me to get through the day I struggle to do anything

I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for a very long time. I am struggling to make new friends and I am not sure how to cope with my anxiety and depression. Sometimes it’s hard for me to get through the day I struggle to do anything

lisa1987 Ocd and thoughts of death
  • replies: 3

dpes anyone have ocd and constant thoughts of death and dying? Keeps going around my head won't stop

dpes anyone have ocd and constant thoughts of death and dying? Keeps going around my head won't stop

Beccy_g Greif
  • replies: 4

I'm trying to deal with the suicide of my son, march 23'

I'm trying to deal with the suicide of my son, march 23'

Patches63 Wanting to isolate
  • replies: 2

TW: content may trigger due to info about emotional abuse/DVFor years I’ve not been comfortable being around lots of people. Family gatherings have me feeling on edge and wanting to go home just after I arrive. I have Adult Separation Anxiety and fea... View more

TW: content may trigger due to info about emotional abuse/DVFor years I’ve not been comfortable being around lots of people. Family gatherings have me feeling on edge and wanting to go home just after I arrive. I have Adult Separation Anxiety and fears of abandonment and struggle in make/keep friends. Due to this I have small group of 6 friends.recently received message from one of these people checking up on me as I hadnt been online for couple of days. After mentioning I was struggling with anxiety and had been keeping to myself I was chastised. Part of me knows she trying to do right thing but it immediately took me back to early teen years where I was emotionally controlled. That night the nightmares started again. Nightmares of times I had blocked out for decades and now wish I could get rid off. From early to mid teens I was child of DV and was emotionally controlled by my dad. Everything I did, everywhere I went only happened if he allowed it to happen. This at times included me not being able to attend days of secondary school. Late home from anywhere or did anything without permission and I was verbally abused.In my nightmares at times my dad is the abuser and other times it is the person who recently sent me the message. I have trouble trusting anyone and this has left me feeling even more worried about trusting anyone. Since getting the message only times I’ve left the house has been for bare essential items. Had made arrangements to spend few hours with different friend today but found I couldn’t pluck up the courage. Phoned and explained I couldn’t make it, again. Know isolating and being on my own ( have pets for company ) isnt good long term for mental health but at the moment just want to everyone to leave me alone Patches

sashamentalhealth dealing with anger
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, Just thought that i would share what worked for me. I struggled with PTSD for years and felt like i could never overcome it. i felt so angry everyday as i couldnt redirect my anger to my abuser and hold them accountable. i felt confused ... View more

Hi everyone, Just thought that i would share what worked for me. I struggled with PTSD for years and felt like i could never overcome it. i felt so angry everyday as i couldnt redirect my anger to my abuser and hold them accountable. i felt confused with all the anger i had and felt like i didnt have any place to channel it from. as a result, i lashed out over small things to the people i cared about and shut myself entirely from everyone and everything. i saw a therapist weekly but still couldnt control my anger. i didnt want to be consumed with anger and tried to find ways to channel it. i found boxing to be particularly helpful as it was a safe way to demonstrate my anger in a controlled environment. i also become a part of the community which helped me stay connected with people even if i didnt want to. still, i felt like i needed to express my anger to the right target. so, i began writing "letters" to my abuser and dumping all of my anger and hatred towards a paper. i know that there will still be anger as PTSD is very complex and enduring in its nature. however, these things really helped me along the way and have continued to help me today. i hope that this is useful for anyone reading it. i am also sorry that we have to go through this and will always continue to be unfair. i wish the best of luck to everyone and i hope that we can all find peace in ourselves one day.

Eagle Ray C-PTSD and fear of people
  • replies: 103

Warning: possibly trauma activating content. I have made significant improvements in complex trauma symptoms in the past year. One of my biggest fears is that people are going to harm me which is ever-present but had lessened a lot. Then on Monday I ... View more

Warning: possibly trauma activating content. I have made significant improvements in complex trauma symptoms in the past year. One of my biggest fears is that people are going to harm me which is ever-present but had lessened a lot. Then on Monday I got triggered by something that is probably not harmful but activated terror in me. It’s too much to explain the context here. Do others have this extreme fear of people and if so is there something that you’ve found helps you? To me it is experienced as life threatening terror. I can feel my body literally recoil from any contact with humans. Animals are safe to me but not humans. I have experienced a lot of trauma throughout my life. Over the past week I’ve had unrelenting anxiety which yesterday also became depression which I know is a result of the anxiety not resolving. I want to run away from all people and go somewhere remote in nature. I’m also dealing with bouts of cognitive confusion linked to an autoimmune condition I have which isn’t helping. I know self-isolation is not a good or healthy long term strategy. However, I want total isolation from people right now. It is the only way I can feel safe. It can feel like this is the only way I can be safe in life, to avoid people as much as possible, even though there is part of me that loves people and wants connection. But right now connection feels profoundly dangerous. I am back in the centre of my childhood terror. Right now the Bruce Springsteen song Brothers Under the Bridge is speaking to me in which a Vietnam veteran tries to explain his need for isolation to his daughter. I think my grandfather was like this in how he isolated from others following traumatic war experiences. I think I’m trying to work my way out of this inherited intergenerational trauma as well.