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Guilt after trauma

DIDbloke
Community Member

Hi All

I experienced sexual abuse as a 5 and 6 yo. At the time I was obviously not able to understand what and why this was happening to me. I twisted it all around in my immature mind and thought it was my fault, perhaps I had been naughty or bad or something. I also (for reasons I don’t understand) thought that if I had been a girl, this would not have been happening to me, so it was my fault for being a boy.

 

Even though I realised years later that I was a victim the guilt lodged on my subconscious or unconscious mind and is still there undiminished.

 

The combination of this guilt, DID and PTSD, have left me with very low self esteem and a subconscious drive to punish myself physically, mentally and in other ways.

 

Are there others with guilt from childhood abuse and how do you handle it?

2 Replies 2

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi DIDbloke
 
Welcome to the online forums DIDbloke and thank you for your courage in posting, we're really grateful you did.  We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
While we would never claim to understand what you have gone through and what you continue to go through, we do want you to know that trauma shows up in many ways as time goes on; we find ways in which we can feel safe even if it means those ways can sometimes be harmful to us.  We do hope that you have sought support via your GP or a health professsional in order to help you find a way through this.  If ever you feel like you need to talk this through, our fully qualified counsellors are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat Click Here .  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.  While you wait for a response to your post, we thought you might find the follow resource helpful to take care of you in the meantime:
   
We’re sure you will hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M
 

Bob_22
Community Member

Hi DIDbloke,

 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for bravely reach out. It must have taken a lot for you to come here so thank you for trusting us. I'm sorry to hear about everything you've gone through at the guilt that followed.

 

As Sophie mentioned please don't be afraid to reach out to Blue knot or the counsellors here at: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor if you ever need to talk to someone about how you're going. Additionally you can always visit 1800Respect.org.au for counselling around sexual violence if you'd like. They have some good info on their website which can be found here: https://www.1800respect.org.au/violence-and-abuse/sexual-assault-and-violence 

 

I do not have much personal experience with childhood abuse and guilt but as someone who was bullied as a child from friends and a family member who suffered from alcohol abuse I can somewhat empathise with those who have experienced abuse. I never went on to develop guilt but instead it manifested as anger within myself which I'm still struggling with today. 

 

I find talking to my psychiatrist and psychologist helps a lot with dealing with these issues. They are helping me process my emotions as well as any attached guilt or grief. If you are comfortable I would advise reaching out to your GP to talk about potentially being referred to a mental health professional about what you're going through. They can make a world of difference and are relatively cheap when subsidised by medicare.

 

I hope you are also able to connect with other stories on these forums from users who might be in a similar situation. It is a great community.

 

I hope this helps. Please keep us updated on how you're going and don't be afraid to reach out. Welcome again and thank you for sharing your experience. 💙

 

Bob