When buttons get pushed

[Speak Your Truth]

Can anyone help ? My buttons have been pushed to the point of bringing on severe anxiety. Does anyone think this is curable ? I am desperate to feel relaxed and at peace again and to be able to enjoy my life. I don’t know how to cope

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Birdy - thank you for your post where you said “can I give you a biiiiiiiig hug and you can cry if you like and I'd hold you tight and make you a cuppa and just listen.
Would it help to talk about stuff”

Yes please, you can and I would LOVE a biiiiiiig hug, to be able to cry, have you hold me tight, make me a cuppa and just listen” - my need for all of that seems endless, endless, endless.

I feel like a big baby, although I’m way beyond that age, and do feel like I want to be held tight, be allowed to cry and be looked after. I am so tired of not having those things in my life. I can’t even cry on my own, the tears don’t come even though I want to.

My other posts today tell you how I feel, I can’t say more, except ‘thankyou’ for your kind post

[Losstt]

I hope you're feeling better since your last post...

If i could i would give you a cuddle ♡

[Speak Your Truth]

Thank you Losstt- I would give you a cuddle too. I guess you need one just as much 🤗 💐🌻

[Birdy77]

Dear SYT,

You are not a big baby, wanting to be cared for and given a big hug and told everything is going to be ok. I think it's a natural genuine human need and I'm sorry there's not someone there to physically do that for you right now.

How are you today SYT?

I came across your name the other day when I was reading a poem, Desiderata, that another member mentioned, you might know it, part of it says "Speak your truth quietly and clearly / ... you are a child of the universe, / no less than the trees and the stars; / you have a right to be here ... with all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams / it is still a beautiful world. / Be cheerful. / Strive to be happy."

Easier said than done some days hey. But you are cared for here SYT. Biiiiig hug and I will make you a cuppa ☕

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hello Mary and thank you for your post of 7 April. I have replied to you before saying sorry for taking so long, now I’m doing it again - sorry 🙁

I do read but I have good fiction, non-fiction and self-help books gathering dust - unfortunately I find it hard to settle down and relax enough to read for long.

I have watched Mamma Mia and watch other movies/tv programs that make me happy or are appeal and I also like ABBA too and music that is relaxing and peaceful.

I feel like I am in a very deep hole and it’s sooo hard to climb out of it. I’ve said before that I feel like I’m on a roundabout that I can’t get off it. Some times I feel quite well and strong, especially in the late afternoon and evening and the next day I wake up feeling low and get lower by lunch time. It’s very discouraging.

I do know that of course I must take responsibility for my moods and happiness and I have the best of intentions for myself, but I struggle to keep up with everything and I have developed some very bad habits thru my life that I’m paying a heavy price for now.
Maybe I’m really not all that bad - I guess my inner critic might be talking. I don’t know really

thanks Mary

[Speak Your Truth]

Thank you Birdy - that was a lovely post, you are kind.

Desiderata - yes I know it, and somewhere I have a framed version. I must have a look for it - thank you for reminding me.

I seem to feel better in the evenings and although tired I sometimes don’t want to go to bed because I don’t want to wake up the next day feeling really down again and have to struggle through another meaningless day.

Thank you for the cuppa - you make a good one ! 🤗😘

[Birdy77]

Hey SYT 😊

I think I understand that feeling, like in the morning you have the whole day ahead of you.

You mentioned a while back that a couple of unexpected people had come into your life, has anything progressed with them?

How are you today? I feel like I'm on that roundabout with you SYT, so you're not alone. Maybe we should turn it into a merry go round 🎠

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Birdy

So how are YOU Birdy ? What’s been going on in your world this week ? Did you want a cuppa ? I just made you one ☕️

I wish neither of us, or anyone for that matter, should know ‘that’ feeling - we’re a sad lot aren’t we.

The 2 new people - one was what I guess could be called a ‘false start’ and the other ... hmmm, I’m not sure yet. She may have been put off by my low mood. Time will tell.

Well it’s nice to not be alone, on the BB forum anyway, but for me at home or out in the world it’s really hard. Part of my situation is that I hardly know anyone and have to ‘start again’ in a whole new environment which is really hard ’cause I’m quiet and a bit shy anyway. And now that my confidence both inside and out (I know it shows on my outside) has taken such a battering and is so low it’s even harder. It takes me ages to get going in the mornings, my place always seems to be in a mess, my time management skills are terrible and I never seem to catch up or get productive things done with my day. So yes it is like being on a roundabout but it couldn’t be called a merry one by any stretch of anyones’ imagination.

If I wasn’t living alone or had some daily supportive contact I really do think it would help a huge lot.

Its late now Birdy and although I haven’t had a big day it’s been hard and I am tired 💤

thanks for keeping in touch Birdy. I wish it were possible to get to know some of the people on the forum. I’d like to have a cuppa with you in real time and get to know you properly.

bye for now, hugs 🤗

[Birdy77]

Hi SYT ☀️

We'll it's afternoon now, so I'm hoping that you are starting on the upswing of your day?

I understand what you mean about bring tired at night, even if you haven't "done" much. The thing is, if you are anxious, your mind is going hell for leather the whole time, and that plays out in your body as well of course manifesting in tension etc, so it really takes it out of you, just getting through the day. I have this thing at the moment that when I wake, no matter if it's in the middle of the night or in the morning, my teeth are clenched to the max and I can just tell they've been like that while I'm sleeping. Not a relaxing way to start the day.

It's hard moving to a new area and starting again. I too have done that. I had grand plans for what I would do and what it would be like, and it's so not what I planned. I had some bad depression and anxiety just after I moved here and it put a spanner in the works in terms of meeting new people and getting out and about.

I have made things super awkward with one if the neighbours too ... she wanted to be friends and kept knocking on the door with her daughter, hoping I'd invite them in. I wanted boundaries though, as I'd had a terribly annoying neighbour at my old house who would constantly pressure me to look after her child. Anyway i was a people-pleaser back in the day, and had had enough of that role. New beginnings and all that. Now it's awkward with the new neighbour because i have never asked them in for fear of them invading my new space. No happy medium. They probably think I'm rude and a total weirdo. I'm not rude, but I'm not saying I'm not a weirdo 🤪

When your confidence is shot down, it makes everything so much harder. You're not alone SYT. My confidence has taken a battering too. It changes everything.

Have you been going for walks SYT? I tried to start my regular walks again this week, but I think I've only done 3 days. Better than zero. I will go today as well (I will try). What do you like to do? Like, to make you feel good or happy or calm? I read that you used to like to read, but not the concentration is a bit rough at the moment. What else do you enjoy?

Nice talking to you SYT 😊

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hello Birdy -so good to hear from you.

I will have to reply to you a bit later today.

I read Donte’s posts to and from about the homeless man this morning and I feel both numb and gutted.

What am I on about !!!! I have a house to live in, a comfortable bed, food in the cupboard, tv, a bit of money in the bank. I am safe, there are no violence, drug or alcohol issues.

I have to ask myself ... am I just feeling sorry for myself ? have I got ‘my stuff’ way out of proportion ? what am I on about ? WHAT ? WHY ?