This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Ha ha that would annoy me Quirky. I just wish they had a tiny shred of empathy. This person is in my family and could have gotten the Bipolar gene but I got it. A tiny bit of empathy or perhaps I got the family quota of that. I guess being the child like person I am. I will just avoid him.

[asdff]

Why is it with a physical disease people understand and get it? With mental illness people can’t see it, so they don’t get it. I have had lots of female friends get diagnosed with ADHD lately. I have looks at the symptoms and I have some of them. The anger, not being able to finish tasks. Do I need a sign that says I have a mental health illness? I may look fine some days but on the inside I’m not fine. I push myself to do things at my children’s school, to run a household but really I’m not okay.

[quirkywords]

People ask me how I am if on rare times I opne up and say i struggle at times, they say you look fine.

The thing is I have both physical and mental symptoms and causes so why the dichotomy?

When V mentioned ADHD I remember looking up the symptoms and I have most them . I think if you carry on and seem to manage your life people dont see you crying in the bathroom. this thread is a place where people get wo we are and that helps.

[asdff]

Quirky what about crying in public? That is usually me when I am down. I can't keep it in. It leaks out. The tears. When I was on the road to diagnosis. I had two friends at my children's school. They didn't even need to say anything as soon as I saw either of them. I started crying. One of them suggested I had bipolar. She was a GP. Thanks to her and my pysch I have a diagnosis. My Gp friend has since moved away. My other friend is still there. She works now though, so not as much contact but still a very special person.

[quirkywords]

asdff

Your friends sound great.

I cry in supermarkets at the dentist, I am a crier except when i was at school and in trouble once, I laughed instead of crying. The one time I needed tears but they didnt come.

What crying patterns do others have.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I find it difficult to cry. I think it's because of the meds I'm on. There are times when I think I should be crying but the tears don't come. I think the meds numb my emotions.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

It is interesting that your medications cause you to cry.

I have always cried a lot especially at the frozen section of the supermarket.

I know about feeling numb and caring but since I have been medicated I feel better.

[asdff]

Before getting my diagnosis I was on a different type of medication. I would cry at family functions, in the car, you name it I cried there. Now less crying. I still cry loads. I cried last night. A figurine was broken in our house. I am not a hoarder. The opposite. It was something from my childhood. I cried.

[Airies]

I’ve always been very emotional until meds and treatments. I’m like Lisa. I should cry at certain things, emotionally numb. The other night I was in bed. A photo of my wife in her going away outfit flashed before my eyes. I could picture every detail and I was quite emotional. My wife had earlier become quite emotional after something occurred at work. It takes a lot for her to break. All I could do is hold her hand. I’m becoming aware that the years are flying by . I’ve made mistakes and so so lucky to have what I have.

[quirkywords]

Asdff and Aries I found your posts moving as the visual imagery was very vivid.