This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All...saw my psych today. I've been feeling low for about the past week. It's mainly due to Covid and being in lockdown. He said how I am feeling is common. It was my youngest daughter's birthday yesterday and I didn't get to see her. First time ever that I haven't seen her on her birthday. Going to see my psych was the only time I've left the house all week apart from going for short walks around the block. He doesn't want to see me for 3 weeks. I don't know what I'm going to do when the Olympics are over. I had to give a presentation this morning at an executive meeting. It went well. I do feel more interested in work which is good. At the moment am watching Australia in the men's hockey. Hope everyone is ok.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

Thanks for your update.

yes many people are feeling a bit down in lockdown. I am glad you like Olympics . Then there will be the Paralympic and I find them fascinating.
I am sad I can’t see my grandchild for at least 3 more weeks.

Does anyone feel more tired in lockdown .

[asdff]

Hi Lisa, Quirky and all the others reading, We aren't in lockdown but there is always the threat on our doorstep. I was stressing as we have a Birthday party on this weekend that we are hosting. Plus actually going out as a couple. The date night is an easy reschedule the B'day party would be a nightmare to do. As it's for a child and there dissapointment would be too much for me.

Lisa, Did you do the online Birthday greeting. We did for my Sis in Law and even baked her some cupcakes that we ate., When in lockdown. My pysch rang me duing our last lockdown and said something along these lines. You find it hard as you are social. The others I speak to are on the Autism Spectrum and they say they've been training for this their wholes lives. Avoiding people.

It's hard being sensitive too. I have a friends that has an unwell husband. I want to help but I have a bit on today and tomorrow. She knows I am thinking of her. I wanted to drop a meal over.

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone

An adult child of a close relative organised everyone to do a video greeting for her parents both having a big birthday this year. i saw the finished product and there were some people I didnt know but some did a funny one, some sang a parody, some just talked to the camera, and others went down memory lane. i am sure the close relative really enjoyed the video.

[Guest9337]

My experience with bpd expressed itself today through me attempting to create connections where ever I could, even to the person who raped me 17 years ago and I have never known/seen since the event.

Why are these "connection"'s so important I have threatened my own survival needs by attempting them?

[quirkywords]

hello everyone,

thanks dng

I have no experience with the connection that you have made today and am so sorry you have had to experience such trauma.

Did you have an idea of what you wanted when you contacted this person?

I read on another thread you are self caring by sleeping. I hope that helps.

Take care

Quirky

[asdff]

Dng have you been through therapy for this situation?

Im not great today. The tears have been leaking out. Why can’t I be someone else? Someone that doesn’t cry lots. Misread situations, overthink things? I try and talk about it but I’m getting more insular as I find people don’t listen or care. I wish my psych would write back about changing my appointment datE. If I don’t hear anything tomorrow. I will ring.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I want to be like a woman I worked with years ago. She does not worry or think about things and never lets thingS others say or do upset her. She told me I think too much really!!!???

the thing is I didn’t cry and get upset easily I would not be me.

[asdff]

Quirky I wish I didn’t overthink. I wish I could take my brain out and put another one in.

[quirkywords]

I wish there was a stop button on my brain so I could sleep.