This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Thanks for all the replies. Husband is still physically sick and has been to see different professionals. It’s just seems to be wear and tear rather than something he did. Guess who then game down with a physical sickness? Me, a week’s worth and I was contemplating hospital before the antibiotics finally kicked it. Add it, we are going on holiday next week. Somewhere warm away from the freezing weather. So, I was stressing if I could get on a plane due to cabin pressure etc. plus still not sure if husband will be on the plane too. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

i have adult children who have children. The love me but also let me know my mothering skills were lacking. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff I have had a cold persistent for 5 days now gastric dizzy etc. partner gave me his cold but all the focus is on him. I get that as he is much older than  me and has degenerative illness.

i also have no energy . Asdff hope you both feel better soon. I have said that no body seems to take my physical sicknesses seriously. 

[quirkywords]

Aries   Velvet Asdff and all those reading

how is everyone. I am till coughing sneezing etc and confined to the house . 
has anyone read or heard or seen anything interesting lately.

[velvetfaerie]

I have been busy as. I had some mild germ for a few days too but nothing too bad. I hope the sicknesses have all abated?

My workplace is finally imploding and I am bringing the popcorn!!! 

It is almost as if expecting people to work extra every week for free, chronically understaff the joint for 6 years expecting the same output, demand apps go on personal devices, (to invade the home and get more free labour!), use personal cars, etc etc is crossing a line! Shocking isn't it?!?!

I care when and where needed, proportionate to my payrate and job description, plus the colleagues I care about. 

Other than that, I don't care 😊

[Guest_70806212]

I am finding it difficult with my paranoia too and are always thinking if i think of something bad it will happen. I am also in my 60’s but it has been getting worse where travelling anywhere causes me into a panic. I have not seen a psychiatrist for a number of years so it might be a combination of my age and medication as there are no stressful events to cause it. Hope you feel better.

[Sophie_M]

Hi there,

It sounds like things have been getting a bit harder to manage lately, especially with the paranoia and the panic around travelling. That can be really unsettling to deal with, particularly when it starts to affect your day-to-day life more.

What you mentioned about not having seen a psychiatrist for a while, it might be worth considering reconnecting with some professional support if you’re able to. Sometimes symptoms can shift over time, and having someone review things with you can help make sense of what’s changed.

You’re not alone in experiencing this, and it’s good you’ve shared it here. Hopefully others can relate too. If things start to feel more overwhelming, you can also reach out to the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[Airies]

Hi folks,

been away from here. Hitting the gym, long walks for hours weather permitting and weighing and logging food. Weights coming down. I’ve a goal weight. I need the exercise to obtain some sort of balance. If I don’t hit my daily target it mucks up my sleep etc. is it healthy? It’s working for me. I go to extremes with my bipolar. Looking at a hospital admission in the new year for a change in meds.

[velvetfaerie]

Exercise is apparently good for inflammation... it does help my gut. 

I am waiting to hear from the medical folks for diagnostic imaging repeat 12 months after my last lot.

Not to brag Airies, but I have lost 9% of my body weight this year unintentionally. I don't recommend this method though. My PJs are not staying put and my dog must be getting seriously offended !!!! 

The suspected GI condition noted last year seems to be showing its head! 

*sigh* 

[quirkywords]

Aries you sound like you have a plan with your weight and exercise. Velvet your work sounds unsettling but you have a way to cope.