This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff I used to be like that I had two speeds flat out or shut down

Has anyone been caught in the middle of two people who keep dumping their complaints about the other onto me .? I find it stressful.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...well another 4 weeks of lockdown! And the numbers are getting worse! The kids will miss out on a whole term of face to face learning. My school is in a hotspot area. They want Yr 12 kids to be vaccinated so they can return to school and they'll be given Pfizer BUT nothing has been said about the well-being of teachers! It's madness. My eldest daughter will have to postpone her wedding AGAIN. Second time in 2yrs because of covid. If they cancel the wedding they'll lose their deposit. The earliest date they've been given is in January. It's really disappointing. On the plus side I'm getting to watch the Olympics.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

i don’t listen to covid news as it just goes on. I do the right thing.

I feel sorry for year 12 students. In my day HSC was 100 % on HSC exam in November.

Ifailed my trials as I really lost year 11 due to my moods. So I only passed HSC by studying manically for 6 weeks prior to exams. 2 years in 6 weeks.

How did others cope with exams at school and year 12. .?

[quirkywords]

Fanny and Alexander

[asdff]

Quirky, I didn’t do well with the stress of years 11 & 12. I used to study a lot. I was stressed all of the time. I got into uni and I wasn’t any better with my stress levels. I am the type of student that finishes the assignments before they are due so I don’t have to think about them. Just typing this is making me anxious. I’m no better as a parent. I get anxious with my high school age daughter’s school work. Lucky my husband is calm and even tempered. My psychologist thinks I was manic during uni. I studied and had a few part time jobs. I like to think of it as my life’s work crammed into four years. I don’t think I’ve achieved much since. I find all of this hard as I used to be so goal oriented. Now My goal is to get through the day and survive.

[Airies]

I struggled with maths, English was my thing and a few of my friends went to uni. Asdff I think we’re pretty good at selling ourselves short. I think we’re all high achievers and have crashed and burned.
I like you want to get through each day and survive. Trying a new diet lol and glued to the Olympics . My wife is the sensible one, I’m not. The other day I had a hearing test and was physically shaking during the test. I am at times so fragile

[Guest9337]

Afternoon quirkywords!

Way back in 1991, i think it was, I undertook year 14 - yep I spent 14 years in primary + high schooling, because I elected to repeat year 10 and year 12. Made me the "respected elder" at the school.

I smile gleefully when I read your method of cramming 2 years of study into 6 weeks, I have experienced similar happenings! Do you ever wonder what you could cram into 2 years if you studied like u did for those 6 weeks?

I have, and it led me to be happy about my mania component. The other day I wrote about 7000 words in 39 hours. That's more than an entire undergrad university subject expectations of students over a semester.

[asdff]

I’m not sensible at time Airies. At time I’m like a 3 year old child have a tantrum. Plus my brain goes off on tangents.

I came on here to post about me being a “Karen”. We have our front lawn mowed. I would do it myself but we don’t have a lawn mower and no other lawn. Okay, so the young bloke that does it. Did it today. I thought surely he isn’t doing ours it hasn’t been 8 weeks) Lo and behold I come home and see the invoice. I contacted him eventually. He took over from someone else and he does our neighbours lawns too. I said we are on an 8 week mow. Happy to pay for this one. Really if you looked at our lawn he has taken it down to the sand. Ha ha.

[asdff]

Also a family member is meant to come from another state to our state for a holiday. We all know Covid is not a friend to travelling so I can’t see it happening. It’s my Dad and I get really anxious about him coming. I shouldn’t be thinking about it because it probably won’t happen, he just keeps contacting me and it’s not something in my control.

[quirkywords]

thanks everyone for your feedback re studying.

asdff I can throw a tnatrum too or I sued to slam doors and car doords such a diva!!

Aries I think I have been average all my life peaked at 11 and then disappointed everyone with not reaching my potential. I was always called an under achiever but what if thats all I can do!!

dng if I crammed for 2 years I would end up in hospital. after 6 weeks i was exhausted.