This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All

V- a me day sometimes is a must. I took 5 weeks to just focus on me. I'd never done that before but I now realise I needed it. I'm glad I went into hospital. I definitely feel better for it.

This online learning is exhausting. I'm doing more at home than what I do at school! Have called many parents telling them that their kid hasn't been online. They usually say but their always on their computer. You can't trust teenagers to do the right thing!

I see my psych tomorrow. I had the option to do a phone consult but I've chosen to go in. I'd rather be face to face. I don't know when this lockdown is going to end. The numbers are still high. This could go on for several more weeks! At the moment my other half is home from work for the next week at least. Today he played golf! I'm not sure why you are allowed to play golf? I've at least started going on a short walk in the afternoons. It gets me outside breathing fresh air. How is everyone else coping?

[asdff]

Lisa,sending strength.

[Lisa611]

Thank you Asdff. I guess those of us in lockdown need to have patience. Hopefully these tightened restrictions have an effect in the next few days.

[quirkywords]

hello

asdff i grind my teeth and wear a plate at night. Mum did too. I am unaware I do. I hold tension in my jaw .

Lisa when I was teen I would be in my room with a big text book but in it was a book I was reading. I could show my parents the cover of the book. Maybe kids now are on computers so parents assume they are online learning from school not watching tik tok or you tube or whatever teens watch!!

Hope you can relax at home.

Aries I dont what a spin bike is. It is hard to get an unbiased review. Stores online say free shipping but it can be anything from 40 to 300 dollars to deliver!!.. Maybe a treadmill would easier. Hard to buy secondhand when we dont leave the house.

[velvetfaerie]

Finally assessment with the psychiatrist in 2 weeks.

Spin bikes are epic.

Lockdown .... it will come west again mark my words.

[Airies]

Quirky, I believe there’s a shortage of excercise equipment among so many things, building materials and so on.

Lisa I love your first paragraph. It conveys so so much.it takes so much courage to go into hospital and even more to walk out. I’m supposed to start a emotional wellness group next month but not sure if it will go ahead with lockdown and same with a PTSD one . We shall see.
V , agree I just need to get on mine more. I’ve been slack this week, but I walk every day weather permitting

[quirkywords]

Aries is that wellness group one that is with a well known mental health group, or a local one.
Since Lisa mentioned her support group,I thought I may try but there are none in my area.
I did read about a wellness group but it cost money.
Velvet I agree and wouldn’t be surprised if up north was affected too.

[asdff]

You are right Velvet. It’s only a matter of time before we are lockdown again.

Quirky, have you looked a picture of a spin bike? Kind of like an exercise bike but without the fan part in the wheels. You can tighten the load. Im sure there are many other features I just don’t have the mental capacity to describe them all.

I got told yesterday I have a victim mindset. Okay, so how do I change it????

like you Velvet, I need to see the psychiatrist. Apparently my meds are doing what they need too.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Asdff Thanks for the information about the spin bike. I will look into it.

[Airies]

Quirky, the group is at a private hospital. My private covers it but there’s a initial outlay. I find the groups emotionaly draining.

in regards to a spin bike Asdff captures it quite well. Mines an ex gym one so it will outlast me. I brought it second hand.

A victim mindset that’s me to a tee. I’ve become cynical, negative, very impulsive also even my dreams have a victim mindset as they often revolve around work, I appear lost on the Backfoot. I guess I’ve always been the victim defending myself. I don’t think I’m capable of changing .