This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet that sounds terrible. It makes me angry that people treat you like that Velvet. I think that behaviour is controlling and abusive. I am so sorry you are treated like this.

asdff, I started a huge list of about 30 items at start of lockdown, now 3 weeks later ; I think I have done two things on the liset!!

[velvetfaerie]

Had lots of it lately. I'm over it. I've just cut people put of my life.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I think some people can be so selfish and entitled and treat others badly. I am sorry you have to experience this.

last year I found I had to cut contact with people which I had never done before and that was so hard to do, but I was becoming so stressed and glad I did.

I hope you have some people you can rely on.

[Guest9337]

velvetfaerie said:

So when someone threatens you and your property and you say you'll have them charged.... then they say prove it... is that abuse ?

Lot's of stress happening there velvetfaerie I see/read. Hi mate, I advocate for children/people!

If "they" threaten you or your property, that is something the Police can deal with after you report it. You'll need dates, times, observations, photos, witnesses, that kind of thing, but you can go into a police office or telephone call simply with "they threatened me" and Police walk one through from there.

If "they/alleged offender" say prove it - that's just irrevelent, because it is up to the Police to prove it, not you.

So no you aren't being abusive per say, instead when they threatened you, you threatened them back. So it's an escalation problem, rather than an abuse problem if you follow me.

Once someone threatens a person/property the appropriate action is to report it to the people who professionally deal with "threatening" behaviour. At work, the ohs people, or the human resource people, or the complaints department.

As a citizen we have heaps of options too, but Police are the big one, once police acknowledge the issue they aim to reduce conflict and defuze issues and create civility.

[Airies]

I get easily startled, hypersensitive to most things and at the moment clenching teeth and then not. I haven’t been back on the bike in over a week, sore back and I guess I could blame COVID. Undercurrent of things going on subconsciously that I’m not aware of. It’s all or nothing .
My wife at home thanks to Lockdown. We walk daily but i think the message is getting through slowly regarding the wearing of masks.I’m tired but have energy to burn.

V I understand completely where you’re coming from. Take care , look after yourself and we are here if that’s any consolation . Off for another walk before my teeth break. Met the young couple across the road. Asked him what he did and then I went into the whole spiel about where I had worked in justice and so on and so on… Did I need to blurt that out.. no . I need to learn to shut up to a degree.
Anyway another day in this maddening world.

[velvetfaerie]

Yo David.

The funny thing is it was under security cameras with audio recording ahhaha.

Hi guys.

Hectic busy. Not avoiding you guys.

Work. Life. Argh. I will be calling in sick soon for a me day. Mine. For me. No one else.

[quirkywords]

Airies

Do you think a stationary exercise bike or a tread mill are a bad thing. Partner wants one but I still walk outside but he does not go outside much and works on computer inside.
I feel the treadmill and a stationary bike are a bit artificial maybe times have changed.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I hope you get a me day soon or a me week, wouldn’t that be nice.

[Airies]

Quirky, I’ve had both and still have my spin bike. Depends on how much useage whether old or new. I brought my spin bike second hand a number of years ago. It’s bomb proof unlike me.

[asdff]

Airies, I hold stress in my teeth and jaw. I remind myself to unclench my teeth. I don’t grind them at night.

i had a session with my psychologist today. I may have a victim mentality. Oh dear. How to deal with that one and change it. I should go and see the psychiatrist too. Oh. Soon. I feel I do take on board what my psychologist says and take action. It’s just I need a few days to process it before I action this one.