This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

hello everyone
Velvet

It sounds like a very hot and not such a joyous Christmas .
I hope there was some pleasant times.
I think a sulking child being unhappy about presents at Christmas would make me annoyed too.
Did man thing support what you said or ignore it.?
I hope you do something enjoyable today .

[velvetfaerie]

No support just blame
me.

He's pushed me out of my home. Seems only him and his kid matter not me and I've been out in the suburb. I came home and am on my back verandah.

I'm too scared to enter the home I bought. Mine. A decade ago.

This is wrong.

[quirkywords]

Velvet I am so sorry you are treated this way.

You should be able to enter your own home. That is very sad .

[asdff]

The rage is here. The rage when people don't do what you ask them to do the first three times. Or you explained yourself a few times nicely, then they don't do it. Then you yell at them. I do this at home, not in public. The last few days has been crazy, like usual the Mum is doing everything for everyone. Then Mum gets cranky because she doens't want to go to the 11th Christmas gathering for the year. My daughter said you can stay home. No I can't this one is for extended members of husband's family. It's more of a going away party. You know when you have to hold it together for a few hours. That is what I am going to have to do. I can actually feel my heart. I don't think it's racing it's just stressed.

[asdff]

Find Hope in response to your question can a person with bipolar lead a good life? My pyschologist seems to think so. I've asked her that question many times. She tells me bipolar people have jobs that they hold down. Interpersonal relationships are a hard one for us bipolar people. I know personaly that if an intimate relationship breaks up. Like a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario. I acted differently to a non biopolar person. When this happened to me. It was a long term relationship and I had to move states for a few years. I was not in a good way. I was devasted. The loss of his family was probably the worst. Sorry about the waffle but I wanted to share how I've noticed us bipolar people are different to those without bipolar.

Velvet, not cool. Entitled people in general annoy me. Entitled teens, well I've got a teen and she is a pain in the butt but not entitled. She does dislike clothes etc, I bought her. So now I don't buy without her there. I hop ehtings improve a little.

[quirkywords]

asdff, a goof life but maybe a different life to one they had planned. I was going to be an academic and I know there are acadmeics with bipolar but I was too erratic to study.

I did not have many relationship before I got married and I only knew him 3 mths before we married. Not sure if that was bipolar or me being grabbing a man who stayed with me longer than a few days!

It was not a waffle asdff, it gave insights.

Find hope I depends what you mean by a good life. Compared to my peers at school who got higher degress and were doctors, lawyers, principals, entrepeneurs etc my life seemed different. I was lucky enough to run my own business for 14 years. As a mother I can see how you would care for him and worry as well. Hopefully things will settle down but it may take time.

[Find_hope]

My Son has been through three relationship breakups. All were long relationships. Each time his depression got worse. We are not sure how long he's had bipolar. Maybe he's had it all this time and only in the last 18 months his manic episodes have reared their head to the extreme. He's always been an over conscientious person. Doing everything to the extreme. But we had no idea, there could have been a illness. I feel so sorry for you, my Son and everyone suffering from this illness. Is illness the right way to describe Bipolar? He is living with us in a rural area away from his friends. Missing them heaps. Though he finds it hard to get the mind energy to contact them. He worries he won't find a partner again. He thinks nobody will want him with bipolar.

[Airies]

Find Hope, I’ve been lucky enough to be with my wife for over 35 years. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the early 90s medicated, survived and worked in a stressful job.5 years ago I had a major breakdown and with numerous hospital admissions, treatments, pyschs I turned the corner.. I’m now on a disability pension as a result. A good life, I’m lucky I have family, I’ve become very very isolated. If I want to chat I do so here because we get one another. It’s an illness there’s no magic cure. One learns to live with it. Asdff you don’t waffle like velvet and quirky your posts are filled with insight.As Velvet so delightfully puts it this forum rocks, it’s the bees knees. I am so tired leading up to, surviving Xmas and the aftermath. How have I coped, emotional eating. I’m going to be kind to myself between now and New year and then hit the excercise again. I couldn’t cope with teenagers. I had some chap try and rush me through the self serve checkout at Coles. First he says are you going through? Well yes. Then there’s a free checkout .. no there wasn’t and then he hits me in the back of my calf with his trolley NO APOLOGY. I was pissed off. Years ago it wouldn’t have mattered. In fact I would have thought I was to blame but boy he was lucky I didn’t give him a gobfull. Do you think due to our bipolar our patience levels are somewhat lacking at times.

BTW Quirky you come across as pretty calm

[velvetfaerie]

Hugs asdff.
Myself and a few ladies I know... and seemingly yourself... endure these things a lot. The way people treat us. How we go above and beyond to be treated like dirt. To have MH issues.
We have a common root - trauma.
I have minimal teen kid experience. I've never been in a blended family thing like this.
I think us bipolar folks can lead a good life. We all seem very hard working, loyal and honest, caring. Opinionated. Smart. It's just managing the short circuits we have along the way is all. I think we go above and beyond so others never have to feel as we have and do in life.

I have a brilliant book. I'm reading it. Enjoying my solitude in my room while he shops and child plays the computer.

[Find_hope]

Hello quirkyword's. Your story sounds a little like my Son. I'm not sure, but ever since he was a little boy he was very energetic. Always wanting to excel at everything he did. He would get cranky if things didn't go his way. But I have seen many children like this over the years. So I don't know if he has had bipolar a long time or if it came on later. As the years went on he moved to the city to attend university. he passed and went into his first job. Lots of pressure. Then he moved onto another job, again lots of pressure. Both in management. Then on to his most stressful work in the emergency services. During this time he was in he had been in three fairly long term relationships. Each ending with him suffering depression. Whilst in the city he was on the go the whole time. working, relationships, fitness and health fanatic to the extreme. He too over the years went lots of money. back 18 months ago he left his good job and sold his house and was giving his possessions away. He began doing risky behaviour. He then turned to the spiritual quest. Spending time obsessed with with this and hoping it would cure his depression. He went to different countries over the years on holidays. But with the spiritual thing happening he started to go to countries where he could hopefully get healed in a spiritual way. With his last manic episode he spent huge amounts of money and was very spiritual. I think I may have mentioned some of this in my last post. My mind is so exhausted, I forget what i've said. I'm sorry. During the last few weeks his manic has moved to depression. He's so down and finds it hard to imagine feeling anything like normal. So he can get on with his life with friends and a partner. thank you for listening and thank you for your story.