This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Hello Beautiful People, woah what a washout. I liked the explanation of fake people wanting to see you at Christmas Time. Why haven’t you called throughout the year? I wish I could say no, to some of the exhausting outings we have had in the lead up to the 25th. We have one tomorrow that I could do without.

Velvet, I dislike greatly spoilt children and spoilt people in general. The notion of keeping up with The Jones’s. Not for me, at all. Our children get presents but we don’t go overboard. Their cousins get way too much plastic and items that in two days time, will not get played with.

It has been disgustingly hot in WA. Today a small reprieve.

[quirkywords]

asdff,

I think you can be spoilt by money and possesions but maybe not by affection acceptance and love.

Been cold and wet here for three days.

Aries I think I should socialize less as I either make people set and uncomfortable when I tell them what happened on NYE 2019 or I say things that upset others as some people don't get my sense of humour!

Maybe I need to stick to the keyboard for socializing!!

[Find_hope]

My Son 34 yrs old has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar. Just wondering if there is someone who can talk to me about what to expect. He's been prescribed a mood stabiliser and a anti psychotic medication. He was hospitalised 4 times in 2019. And now again late November this year. He had a manic episode, so he was hospitalised for 5 days. He now has the depression. Its been 4 weeks and the psychiatrist has increased his mood stabiliser to raise levels. He is now feeling like he can't do anything. Very tired. His depression fluctuates.

[quirkywords]

Find hope,

thanks for writing your post and welcome to this thread.

We are not train medical people but we have lived experiences and our experiences vary.

It is difficult when one is first diagnosed as you would be getting lots of information.

Did have symptoms for many years before the diagnosis or did his behaviour chnage quite quickly and her got a diagnosis quickly.?

Alas it can take a while to get the right dosage and type of medication.

The trouble with mania , you feel so amazing and invincible and you dont know why everyone else wnats to stop you having fun. With depression you know you are un well .

I found that writing down my moods and dates and then I saw a pattern. It took me years to recognise for me my highs were more destructive than my lows. In between his depression and mania does he have a time when he is stable and you can talk to him and working out how to mange his moods.

Everyone is different as you will find when others answer. I cant say what to expect medication .

I found the more knowledge I gain about my illness and myself helped me to manage .

Please feel free to ask question s as much as you like.

This is a long thread, if you go to page one and first post there is a useful description of what having bipolar is like.

[Airies]

Find Hope as quirky says we are not experts but have lived the experience and continue to do so. This thread is full of hope. There’s lots of info out there, probably best person to talk to is a psychiatrist. It’s early days and the best thing you can do is be there to support him. Any questions please ask also take the time to read the thread and the road we have travelled

[Find_hope]

Thank you for responding. My Son is through a public system. And I can't get to see the psychiatrist, but i ask questions, through his case worker. really wondering can a person with bipolar lead a good life

[Find_hope]

Thank you for replying. I think he may have been suffering for longer than the last 18 months. Remembering back over the last 8 years, there are now things I see as maybe signs. But I thought he was just very enthusiastic and excited and then depression after break ups. Last year he sold his house, left his good job and gave away possessions. holidayed I think a little too often. He felt all he wanted to do was give to other people. Especially those with less than him. He started to do things that were dangerous, and thought nothing would happen to him. He had also tried a couple of different recreational substances. Maybe this triggered this major manic episode. Not sure. Then came the depression and hospital on 3 separate occasions. He didn't like the idea of the medications. So would stop taking them on and off. He had also become very spiritual. He wasn't properly diagnosed with Bipolar until November this year on his 4th hospital admission. Not sure if this triggered the mania but again he used a recreational substance about 2 weeks before the mania started again. His mania was like he spent lots of money and started doing little rituals, burning candles, talking a lot and he didn't sleep for days. He became really angry. He was yelling at nothing. So we called an ambulance. He was then admitted to hospital for 5 days. He was given mood stabilisers and anti psychotic medications. He came down from the mania over about 2 weeks and then the depression set in. The psychiatrist has increased his mood stabiliser twice as to get his levels correct. The depression is a little better, but all he want to do is lay down as he has no motivation. he looks so tired. He does manage to get his breakfast and shower most days. I wonder if he'll get to the stage he is happy again without mania happy. And if he'll lead a good life. I worry will he find a partner who'll accept his illness. He has been living with us since early this year. We take really good care of him. Take him to appointments and give him lots of love and encouragement.

[Find_hope]

My wish is for my Son to get better. And for him to lead a healthy good life.

[quirkywords]

Find hope,

I will share a bit of my story .

I was diagnosed at 16 with manic depression as bipolar was called back in the 1970s.This was a time of stigma and ignorance. So I was in denial for 16 years in which time I had extreme highs and lows until I had three children and was unmedicated and ok during pregnancies.

I was under pressure when my youngest was 2 and I took a mood stabiliser that suited me and stabilised me and I have been relatively episode free for 30 years.
I have not been good at relationships but marriage lasted over 20 years.
Everyone has different experience. If he can get his moods stabilised . Some people like me are lucky to find something that works with little side effects. However many people find the side effects very difficult.

I know people who have bipolar and have been married for over 30 years.
it is early days and things can take a while. He is lucky to have your support.

Hopefully he will be happy without being manic. I did things I am ashamed about when manic and it is very seductive. I wasted lots of money, got into debt and did risk taking activities.
There is so much more information and support available now.
He is maybe feeling confused now and wanting that high feeling back.

I think trying to talk to someone when they or high or low will not work. I was so irritable and angry when high and I felt everyone did like me being happy.

You may need to look after yourself as caring for someone can be exhausting and upsetting.

The black dog institute has a website that has helpful information about how to support someone with bipolar as well as other information.

[velvetfaerie]

Thank you for your replies to find hope quirky and airies.I liked reading them. Helped me as well. Welcome find hope. These guys are epic. Asdff as well! *waves*

Christmas. Was not enjoyable. Too hot. Mum starting talking to me about inappropriate stuff. Dad was ranty and angry abiut a subject and was directing it at man thing. The day before I ran all about town in 42 degree heat. Again not fun.

His child copped both my barrels today. Spoilt entitled rude child. 13 is old enough to understand it isn't all about presents. I think 4 years of of rage came out of me. If she is old enough to dictate how things run for her here she is old enough to cop my wrath and some truths about her own behaviour and mother and sisters.
Her sulking over the gifts she got from me and her nana just made me see red.

Her father allows this behaviour so... I had it. I went KABOOM.

I said after it all "if your mum now wants to start attacking this house send her after me. This is me. Your dad had nothing to do with this. This is my doing. My anger. My having had enough of the way you and your mother and sister treat your father like an atm machine."

I am still very angry.