Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Tony.

I'm sorry to hear all of that also, that's all horrible.

Yep, no one needs any of things you mentioned in their lives.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony thank u for sharing

I'm beginning on that path and have a much better protective field.

I went to a support group for MH and ended up meeting an abusive man there... but what was fantastic was that it happened in the confines of the group. They got him away from me , stood by me, believed me, and then gently educated me about how to heal from abuse and understand it. Since then I read all i can on the matter and am learning about it. It is surprising who I've found to demonstrate narcissistic behaviours. Sometimes the ppl seem very sweet and innocent. It's quite satisfying to be able to walk away now and get away. I'm so glad u are safe now from ur mother, that although she tries, her efforts are wholly unsuccessful as you said - you have no tolerance for it.

[Guest_4643]

I'm so sorry to hear that Sleepy

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tayla i'm very lucky I had the support of the group and was okay

i have never seen that man again and continue to go to and enjoy the support group

[Guest_1643]

update... no sleep again last night... rough rough night

i had my appointment with a very average GP today

He is always very rushed and when I ask qs about mental health he doesn't appear to be listening

I was going to travel to see him in person but decided to do it over the phone, I feel glad I didn't waste my time travelling as the appointment wasn't so helpful. We did make progress on a few technical things which was good and he said he will call me on Monday evening.

I wouldbe more upset today if I had relied on or had high hopes for the appointment, but I expected as such. The better GP returns on Monday and will hopefully have more advice for me.

[Matchy69]

Hi Sleepy I am sorry you didn't get any sleep last night.That really sucks and know what that's like.I am sorry your doctor wasn't really helpful.I don't know when my doctor will come back from holidays.She had so much time of last year with having a baby and covid19 and eventually came back at the end of the year and now is on Christmas holidays.I don't think I need to see her for awhile.
Take care,
Mark.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Sleepy.

Yes you were lucky you had the support of the group, that's horrible that that stuff happened to you though, I'm really sorry.

Hmm, your GP doesn't sound very helpful and I'm sorry for that also. Are there any others you can see nearby or at the same clinic? Totally up to you of course. Sometimes I feel like my GP doesn't listen to me either and rushes me out of the door.

Hopefully your next session will be better.

Mark - sorry to hear that, I hope she comes back soon so you can see her. I know professionals need a break but sometimes for me personally, it makes me feel like they don't care. Thats just my thinking, I'm not saying it's the case or anything, just me being paranoid I guess

[Guest_1643]

Hi there Mark

Sorry you haven't had regular access to ur gp but good that u dont need so much support. It's confusing sometimes keeping track of when they are back or there.

I have another more helpful GP who is on leave.
He sees me more with MH. I am relieved they are bulk billing so I can see both and change at no cost. this is good. I used to go to a private clinic and the care wasn't even that much better and I had to pay out-of-pocket.

[Guest_1643]

Hey Tayla

thanks for checking

I have another GP I see who is better but he is on leave

I have changed recently to the new one. He's on leave for a week so I had this check in with another GP

he's not that bad and is good with everything generally but doesn't have amazing grasp of MH

He wasn't offended I told him I'd like to see the other GP at the same clinic as well, because I need more help with my MH and he specialises in it. I didn't want to lose him as he is really nice but he just hasn't helped me so much with my MH

They are both nice enough but yes the one I saw today isn't so helpful with complex MH and doens't have good MH referals either, I have to find them myself when I was seeing him. Like through google... which was tiring.

[Guest_4643]

Ah okay, I get you Sleepy.

At least he wasn't offended. It sucks when professionals are on leave but I guess they're entitled to have breaks too. I know I struggle with it.

Are you doing ok now?