Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, 🦄

Im sorry 😢 I haven't been supporting you much lately. Ever since the person said I shouldn't be helping others while I'm not well "are you faking it till you make it". I have backed off a bit trying to help others here on the forums,because I started feeling guilty giving advise that I wasn't following myself, but this has made me feel worse in myself because while I was talking to others I was also helping myself, it kinda helped me feel needed.

I have to get well Deebi, I'm sinking to much, my post on my other thread will explain more about me and what's been happening to me recently. I don't usually clam up like I have been doing, I'm sorry, I've been inside my head to much and I know how detrimental to me at health that can be..I've just feeling the loneliness so much lately..I have to change my mindset.

Deebi, I want to thank you, for your friendship, your kindness, your unrelenting patience with me..❤️ You so much..I really hope you are getting your 🔥 fire brighter, mine will come. I read your arm is starting to build up with pain again, I'm really sorry you have to endure this pain, Managing both physical and mental pain is incredibly hard..

Deebi do you think it's the jolting from walking that's causing the flair ups of pain? If so maybe you could keep it inside your sleeve um not put your arm through the sleeves or strap your arm to your body some how when walking. Don't know honey probably I'm silly rambling, but I do care..

Been thinking of you a lot lately, I will be back at yours tonight my sweet friend, holding your hands 🤝 even tighter then before 👂Listening you even harder then before and 👀 Watching you even more then before, and 👼👼👼my angel wings are around you but still ever so gently.. I might take your spare bed tonight if that's okay, bean bag is a bit noisy when I turn around on it..I don't want to wake you..👩‍❤️‍👩 loving my broach..I haven't taken it off since Sunday,mit helps me ❤️.

Kindness only ..

❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗.

Grandy..

[Sapphire_]

Hello my dear Deebi.

Im glad to see you pepping up again. Youve done great to get your amazing spark back.

Sorry to hear your arm is giving you grief again. Bummer hey. ☹

Hope you get some descent sleep tonight.

❤Sapphire🌟

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and all),

I’m very happy that things seem to be gradually improving for you. That’s wonderful to hear. I know you’re still struggling but I’m glad you’re in a better mental state than a couple of months ago....

It sounds like you had a much needed good day with your support workers. What a lovely group 🙂

The physical pain sounds awful...

Thanks for your soul-masterette hugs and well wishes ❤️ Yes, something like that...not quite red shoes but close enough. Lol!

I didn’t end up buying the flowers. Maybe today or tomorrow.

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB,

I wrote an earlier post (I think?) I don’t know what I’ve done with it. Having one of my moments. Lol. In any case, I’ll check again later.

sending love and soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Oh goody just lost that post.

Always love hearing from you Grandy thank you

I know you've been sinking hun always keeping an 👁 on you and its awful when you clam up. You dont say anything wrong. Opposite you help people so much and if it helps you too why not I reckon.

Yeah Grandy we have to work at our mindsets. We can 🤝 and reignite our 🔥..💑

Your friendship means a lot too Grandy. I 💖 you very much as well ⚘🦄

Thanks for your care and concern re arm the muscles feel bruised 😨 needed doing tho.Ok but sore. Arm a swine last night but usual maybe bit more aggravated like yesterday, It is easing but clearly long way off better. Yeah GP said walking down hills jars neck/back but it WAS every step phew now not mostly. Good ideas not rambling thank you for thoughts 🤗 sweety thing 😚

The loneliness bites doesn't it.. 🎄✨

Cool glad you're staying. haha you're so cute not wanting to wake me when you roll over on bean bag lol considerate sweet heart

Love your company xx thanks for calling in. I'll keep eye on your thread

Hold in there sweets 🤗

[demonblaster]

Hey my darlin Pepstar lol yeah those moments aye

I replied to you all recently and didn't land but all good.

Hope you're ok apart from the fuzzies 😆

Im going back to bed rough night pain and awake often but ok xx

Hope your days good sweet.

Thanks always Peps ☺ take care darl xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,🦄..

Please be okay with your arm. Sending you some magical angel dust, to help you sleep and hoping it helps with your arm pain. I'm really sorry you have to endure the pain, I so wish I could take it all away...

Love and Care,

Grandy👼

[demonblaster]

Thankyou my darling 😚

Widdle kittens just thinking bout them they get into so much mischief..love em. What colour do you like, I havent been back yet to the thread we were talking about them. Dools bought them in. I know you've got 2 dogs did you say you have a puddy tat too

Feeling a bit average today but not good sleep so probs why. Considering making a call wish you could say yeah/nah Grandy to help make up my mind lol I'd trust your intuition 🤗

Ok bit of walk lunch

Love 💖 🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄

I had two little kittens visit my thread this morning, but they disappeared, do you know who they are from? I lost there avatar name, they looked so cute. Makes me want to cuddle them.

I hope you have a lovely walk, but I am concerned about your arm, please take it easy...look after yourself...I don't have puddy tats but yeah i used to..I remember what puddy tats said to me....They are so funny to watch jumping on everything..lol.. would love to have again...👩‍❤️‍👩

please be okay.. look what I found..🐥🎏🍷☎️💫🌴✨🌹🌻

love and care,

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Ohh how gorgeous little darlings aren't they. Good yeah thx I was careful and arm just bit ouch.

Left msg with friend for chat wasnt sure but did. Actually chatting now. Mmm

Have you been up to walking darl

Bbs