Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,🦄, Pepper, Startingnew,Amanda, &ball.

I was so pleased to read your post and you said you will be 👌 ok. You have your fight, strength, hope and self talk back, well done, I'm so proud of you 🏆, I'm in awe of you spirit..

I wish we knew a way we could steady your arm when you go on your walkies. I will put my thinking cap on 🎓..

[[{{{👼🤗👼🤗}}}]].

I get stuck with my words in my head sometimes and that's how I am atm. Worry, love and Care for you so much ❤️🤗👼.

I hope your day is a good day.

❤️🤗, Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Dear Mandy so sorry I didnt talk directly to you sweet and your in such a deep place yet you took the time and effort to support me youre a real special sweet thank you so much. I couldnt word it properly yesterday but better today coming back phew slowly.

Hope you're starting to see some light darl. I do feel for you and care very much 🤗🤗🤗

Starts SLD thats great your art well done hun, talent or what. Hope you're proud of it ☺😚

Thankyou too darling for your always solid support, think I'm coming back bout bloody time arms starting to settle bit more, still hurts but not as intense thank goodness.

Hope you're starting to pick up too I was nearly up to date earlier so will pop over soon.

🤗🤗🤗

[startingnew]

Thanks DB it cant show the entire painting its too big so its take abit of it out but you can see it ok. i do quite like that one- i use Qtips to do the flowers.

good to hear your arm is finally starting to get better and that your coming back up. no im not really much better had a therapy session today and was really hard and not sure how im going to cope with what she is asking and then not talk about how im coping/not coping.- havent written about visit yet. need a break from it for now. feeling physically sick and mentally drained- sleep deprivation is wonderful isnt it. if you need a laugh picture me getting up and walking into the door it was half open and instead of opening it fully ran straight into the side of it - fell straight on on my backside with a few choice words- yep i laughed so you can too.

[demonblaster]

😀 you make me so happy reading your posts and thank you so much like the other beauties here looking after me. Gems.

Hey did you see how much the gorgeous 🌲 grew and just a couple spoons of weet bix, who'd of thought aye

Yeah finally starting to come back hun, meeting newish friend nxt wk for quick catch up love being around her shes affectionate like I am shes lovely so happies for that. Still bit average kinda empty but not depressed so thats a goody.

Gotta get this tablet seen too. Poltergeists

So hope you're feeling brighter my darling know how you feel about locked words, hey Im here for you when ever you need me too sweety lady. Anytime! Mean it, doesnt matter how am at time okeen shopping ...picked up something for you...🍬...oh hang on.. if can just grab that ...🎁...🕹...thought we could play some games till the ✨ come out. Oh had few last night thought of you.

Did I 👀 leave my 🍼no my 🎂...nah my...🔎.. 💋..ah theres my lippy. Loven your thinking cap lol and havent got hands holding just these 👐

ig love darl 😀🦄🌲⚘🍬😲🐤😙

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. Not a problem at all. I actually thought you did respond directly to me? My name of Mandy8 appeared on a post you wrote yesterday, so I thought that was to me. But thanks anyway for replying again today.

I'm sorry you are so sad re the loss of your beloved partner. I lost someone special too, but a long time ago. It was my very first boyfriend. I was 20 at the time, he was 3 years older. It was an innocent and respectful relationship, but I loved him so much. We'd been going out together for a year and had spoken about marriage, kids ... you know a lifetime together. But it wasnt to be as he died in an awful farm accident. I was shattered and vowed never to fall in love again. And I didnt, I never went out with anyone after that. But that changed after what happened to me when I was 26, where I was assaulted. After that I was totally lost, needed someone to take care of me. All the wrong reasons to find love again, I know. But I thought I did with my now husband. Turned out I was not in a fit state to be making decisions like that. I should have just left it where it was. That my one and only love was lost to me when I was 20.

I think what I'm saying is that you are so lucky to have such loving memories of someone so special to you for a long period of time. I know it doesnt make the pain of loss any easier, but at least you had him for the best part of your life.

Oh dear, I'm not sure if this is reflecting what I'm trying to say now. I'm really sorry, I'd probably best leave it at that.

I care Deebs, and I understand your loss. I'm sorry you're suffering on so many counts now. But remember that that there is still so much love and lightness in your memories and in your life now.

Amanda

[demonblaster]

😆 oh thats awful Starts even though oops still 😂 R U Ok darlin

How warped Im still cacking it...and yet do care lol ohhhh excuse me for a tic...😅😂😅huh hymmm... right ...straight face on..🙂

Oh yeah sleep deprivation its devastating mentally and physically isnt it poor thing surely your body has to give in soon.

oooowh nearly forgot your little pressy too...🔎...mot that small ...👀..looking for it...🦋...and something else too...🌹ook after youtself sweets xx🤗😚 thank you darling ☺

[startingnew]

Glad that got a laugh hope its one of those belly laughs. youll just have to imagine the shock on my face when i said oh s#@t theres a stupid effing door there while i was sitting stunned on my backside. Im ok though was pretty funny though ans with your warped sense of humor thoughts u would enjoy my stunt today.

Thank you for the prezzies heres something for you too 🍰🍫🍧🌺🌻🤗🤗😘

[demonblaster]

Ohh Starts that just put me into hysterics, one of the whacked things you acquire when nursing is a warped sense of humour. I think it deflects the terrible things we see. What horrors so many suffer.

So hows the head now, any shiners. Geez having bit of trouble containing myself lol

Thanks SLD that last part was belly laughing.

Oop... sooo... lol ..how are you ....really...😅...😷.

Calling nurse lovely ....😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

[startingnew]

whatever works i reackon! so glad that gave you a laugh made me laugh too- im very talented when it comes to running into things or tripping over things esp air (meaning nothing at all) - i wish it was a clear door wouldve made it less embarrassing but not this door is brown and clearly visible just off in lala land! ive got 2 convos happening- will continue on my thread so it stays together.

[demonblaster]

😄