Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi🦄...

Deebi honey I want to talk to you is I can.

Everyone on BB just adores you, loves you, cares for you. Not one person is obligated to answer a post, that's the rules..(well I think it is). I answer you because I want to so much, and the others are the same I'm sure of it..

We well I don't post expecting a reply post every time and I'm sure your the same. except when interaction is required to settle/calm someone when they are really struggling. I'm really sorry, I feel maybe I'm leaning on you to much, I will back off, if you say I am...

You are struggling with both physical and mental pain at the moment and that is in itself excruciating pain. Take a step back and start looking after yourself as best as you can with no shortcuts along the way, you are important honey to you first and the forums second...please listen to me and try to understand this❤️🤗.

You mean so much to me, I love you so deeply it's like you are now a part of my heart, when I am really bawling my eyes out, now this is the truth, I never ever lie. I will open the forums up, come to this thread and just sit with your thread open and watch your gorgeous rainbow colourful smiley, sometimes for well it was an hour once, then I will talk to you letting you know how I'm feeling or trying to comfort you or just to say goodnight with some fun pictures.

Now honey, if you feel that people are forcing themselves to respond to you, I know you are 100% wrong, but if you still feel this way just stay on your threads and a few more only until you feel better.

Awe honey you hav been knocked down so deep this time, your getting their but the sleep your getting is being interrupted every time you move or turn around, which is not a deep sleep, therefor your waking up tired and cannot catch up..Which is making you not get your happies..keeping you down..because of pain and lack of quality sleep.

I am so scared of loosing you, I feel your presence when I talk to you and when I'm listening to you, I know that sounds silly but I really do.

Please Deebi you don't need to answer, I just wanted to let you know what I just said,..honey if you we're here standing in front of me my words would be no different then what I have just said to you❤️🤗. The only difference would be I would give you a long gentle hug to confirm my words and comfort you.

You are so loved, admired, honoured and treasured by the forum users.

no more letter room left.

Love and Care for you always. ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗

Grandy👼

[startingnew]

i second what both GG and Mandy have said.

you are struggling and we are here because we want to be. if we didnt want to then we wouldnt be commenting on the things you write or ask how you are or how your coping.

youve helped me up many a time too with these same exact thoughts, and helped me see past that. i dont plan on going anywhere and leaving you either.

please keep talking and if thats abit too much to respond properly just write what you can manage. we are pretty good at picking up things here only a few words are neccessary

love and hugs xoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB,

I feel the deep sadness in your post...

I agree with everyone else. We all choose to reply because we want to do it. We like you for you...

I feel maybe this is just Beasty feeding your head ideas. Playing on your inner demons...insecurities and all playing up.

How about you take a spot next to us and we can take turns to help you dry your tears?

Just take your time. Write if you want, rest if you need to...gentle, gentle, gentle.

Loving soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hard to explain not depressed as such lot of crying not happy.. just am

Empty

Missing him harder more often slamming at times Maybe full realisation

Even writing here like a thick wall stops

nothing no want pleasure just am atm

Walked bit today havent much lately

You all make a difference.

Please be ok xxxx

[Ggrand]

Dear Deebi,🦄🦄

❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗 👁👁.

[demonblaster]

Deep 🤗⚘

Moving post Grandy

Love you deeply too

Thank you all of you

Bed soon nigh nite x😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Deebi🦄,

Just popping in to say 😴💫⚡️✨,

Praying for you tonight honey for some happies to come through the night and be absorbed by your soul tonight. So much I hate you feeling like this❤️. Hurts 😢so much that I can't help you.

I found this little 🌲 tree outside I'll plant it in your garden and we can sit under it tomorrow in the shade and have 🥃 lemonade, 🎂 a big cake topped off with 🍫 Chocolate and 🍦Ice cream....lol we will have to really 🏃🏃 hard..

Im truely sorry honey that your not well,

Sleep well tonight, Gosh I hope you sleep well. 👁👁

Good night 💤💤with peaceful dreams.

(L&C) ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗 always

Grandy👼

.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

You sound completely emotionally run-down. Empty as you said...

It must be a painful place to be...

Sitting next to you so you’re not along in this confusing pain...

I know you miss your love more than words can express. He was the love of your life. You had something truly special together. Maybe your sadness is partly grief and loneliness...

Gentle soul hugs. I hope you feel the warmth...

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

You're a treasure thank you Grandy lol loven the tree you planted. Geez its grown.

I'm going to be ok sweety, woke up today and said no more. Mind you going back to bed soon but think Im caught up.

Arm hurt bit from walk yesterday and usual in bed havent used it much lately. Opening curtains hurts.

You're a real gem Grandy love you so much. Thanks so much for your great company laughs and love and for looking out for me. 🦄...👀... too

Peps you beautiful friend too, thankyou as well darl.

Yes re my love, party, family going near future and this family we had a lot to do with and he was very close to. Its ripping. Lot of Ghosts thinking being there without him. We did pretty much everything together.

Yes grief and loneliness is part of peps darl. Its a different lonely, I see friends and contact with people intermittently or steadily sometimes, its love and security gone, learning to live with your own head doing it all alone its hard Peps. Through the worst.

Thankyou beautiful people ⚘

[startingnew]

feeling for you DB, its hard being alone even in a room full of people. i was watching mrs browns boys last night and this quote i think would resinate with you

'you can still be alone in a room full of people, if the one person your missing isnt there'

sitting with you xoxo