Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

🤗 thanks cant do anything really

Goin to bed soon

In pretty deep atm ok though. Didnt grab the reins this time

Ok Grandy yous wont let me sink I'll have to hold yaz tighter for while head on shoulder holding all hands

Hells no playground.Starts cant do anything nothing there to inspire me its like this between times sometimes get rev on but usually not. Tablet bratting has all time so atm have to do this this way typing but got it working again for now

Listening so thankful just roar this is bs

Whens enough before fire reignites

[Ggrand]

Hey DB,

Just please rest, but go back to your other thread and re read, remember your coping skills, yelling, screaming. Self talk. You can do it...

Whatever you want me to do for you can wait until your in a better spot, honey. take your time and you will get there.. your oomph will come again full speed ahead. Please just rest, sleep maybe now, while your sleeping minds not thinking, we got you hands honey, lol I think yours are loosing circulation I have them that hard..a gentle hug, with my L&C radiating through to you.. please be okay Deebi.

I'll. bbl. just remember I /we all care deeply for you our special Lady.. Deebi.❤️.

[smallwolf]

DB,

I am here for you... When I needed someone, you replied and helped me. Now it is my turn to be there for you. I am unsure of what coping skills Ggrand is referring to, but I also know that when things I tough I will ignore what my psych as told me. And a gentle reminder from someone/anyone can help. I am holding onto you also ... if through the Ethernet.

SM

[demonblaster]

Thankyou very much smallwolf and Grandy

I got a couple more hrs sleep and feel sooo low have a really bad headache and crying like I did as a teen yet Im not in the deepest yet

Thankyou holding on wolf too

[Ggrand]

Hello Demonblaster..

You won't sink because I won't let you..Ok you let yourself slip further then you have for a while, so now is the time to get your ammunition out and kick some Beasty butt.

Believe..believe you can kick [IT]s butt. Belief is one of the most powerful of all problems solvers..

Hope...We should never let our fears hold us back..ALWAYS HANG ON TO HOPE..AND DONT LET IT GO EVER..DEEBI.

Reason...special needs tt, your friends r/l and here Deebi your BB friends..your fallen trees, your birds, our stars, the grass under your bare feet, Peace, love, Deebi, you never know what around the corner, so fight Deebi,

Want...no one want to feel this way Deebi, turn your want into the strength to move upward towards push the dark out let the light in.

Ok honey, The brain can only think one thought at a time..don't attatch emotions to downs, allow negative thoughts to slide through, dismissing them as useless. Challenge your thoughts honey Why? How can this help Me? Hard self talk. NO NOT HAVING THIS!!.

Deebi, it's going to be hard for you to pull up from being so low. I hope you will be ok..

My arms and wings from my avatar have encased you, bundled you all up and my angel wings are drying your tears, holding you tightly in there strong magical wings delivering the light you need to fight this. . Hands oh yeah not letting you go honey, holding tight..forever.🤝🤝

I will just sit silently here now for a while, if you need me I'm here honey.. I'm keeping a close watch on you 👁👁. honey..

Love & Care.

Grandy..

[startingnew]

You are Demonblaster- you blast demons away for others and i know that soon enough you will beat this beast. you are a machine, keep ploughing through your strategies, through the fog. hold onto us, we wont let you go, we will help you crawl around in the dark until we find the door handle, window or light switch to let some light come back in even if its dull to start with.

Use us to lean against until your strong enough to hold yourself up.

still here for you, not letting go and offerring shoulder to cry on anytime you need

oxoxox

[Ggrand]

Hey Special Deebi 🤗.🔱

Still sitting silently with you..please be ok Deebi 🤗.

I hope you have a deep sleep, and that headache is gone when you wake up..🏝

Im going out front to sit, I've gone down some , but I'm fine. If you need me just 📮 Let me know..

Good night sweet Deebi, sleep well and peaceful dreams. 💤💤💤.

Love & Care always.❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I have just skimmed through the last 20 posts and it’s moving to see all the beautiful support you have been receiving (and giving). You’ve clearly been in an emotional dark pit lately.

Maybe it’s my imagination but it seems as though you’re trying to take things slow(er) this time and not pushing yourself too as much. I like the sound of that. A gentler approach as you said:

Push through nah not going to, just going to be for now try and stay neutral...

And

Maybe it's from the deepest that I'll find the fire again. No hurry, have to work on other ways don't wanna step back

Good on you as I know you’re usually someone who prefers to reign in your feelings. I’m sure your other approach has its place too. I suppose there is a time and place for everything and all different approaches.

Offering many, many soul hugs and even more well wishes.

❤️ Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im still here sitting with you, remember that I care deeply DB..

I hope you slept well last night and you feel a little bit of lightness flowing through for you today. How are you going honey?

Looks like we're in for a goood storm, it's so windy here, the sky is so dark, and the wind is blowing dust everywhere, I'll be back later, Im not really good atm. Tomorrow's pysch appointment is freaking me out..and it pulled me down.

please be okay. Deebi.

Love & Care deeply. ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗

Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Dear lovely Deebi,

Im just in to visit and to let you know I care and I hope you are slowly heading up towards some stars..

Im sorry honey, I haven't been able to help you much this time. Please be ok Deebi, hold my Hands, while I gently put my angel wings around you..

I'm sitting here with you DB, waiting for you to re-surface.❤️ .

(L&C).

Grandy..