Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

Hey SL (and everyone)

sorry ive been slack here but am back now xox.
Glad you like my avatar, I dont believe anyone is perfect at that quote however it can inspire others not to let others bring us down. I tend to let any little thing bring me down so thats also an inspiring quote to me too. Its also nice to have an avatar that is inspiring and symbolic of something rather than turning it dark and letting it represent how im really feeling but comeing here and looking and letting it remind me that life is forever changing.
I am proud of you for giving up smokes, they arent easy as ive witnessed before. Its not an overnight solution so go easy on yourself, if you can can down even 2 or 3 a day then that is a start.
I like the beyond now app too, it works very well but if you need help filling it out, a helpline can help you work through the steps too.


Forum burnout is real, its the same as carer burnout. Your so busy taking care of everyone else you forget your own needs. Sometimes taking a break means sticking to just a few threads. When life becomes tough for me, ill check into my thread just so you know im sticking kicking other times ill stick to just a few threads instead of saying hello to newbies. Sometimes I wont post but ill read a lot. Its just a matter of what you feel up to really. We all just do what we can and that includes the Ccs, they are people too and are allowed to have tough times and breaks.
If being here helps then your more than welcome to stay, if your having a rough time and cant keep up with your regular threads then theres no harm in stepping back, increasing your self care taking a few breathers and then come back. Learn to recognise the signs that your taking on too much for example- for me I loose motivation to come on here, I stop reading new posts, I find I dont have anything to say or have trouble getting the words out or become overwhelmed by reading too many threads and feeling pressure to post or forcing myself to post (not that is actually true but when my thoughts change to that I know I need to step back and take a break).


Im sorry your pain is coming back, thats not good but I hope its starting to subside now or maybe just a pulled muscle causing abit of pain. Having abit of extra stress makes us tense and makes muscles more tight and easy to pull or casue other pain issues. Try a heat pack, or the cold wet towel as Grandy suggested too.


Sending my continuous love and support to you
xoxox

[demonblaster]

Thanks SLD I remember ages back youse & Peps discussing managing threads & had that in back of mind but it all takes time to implement, havent yet learnt time management or self care in that regard but if its not here then something else in BP. Manias as hard to contain as depression to lift. My deepest concern thanks to great moderation & emails etc a few comments on posts I've considered first but still posted, one eats me in particular was a heavy so at least learning from but sheez got such a long way to go could be mths even a yr, lot of effort & hard work, hope I'm worthy (not saying to get compliments, I mean it I'm not sure if I'm good enough or ever will be, something to re'-consider I guess) yeah in some ways is good but..) I want so much to do right by bb they run this place so well with so much respect I'm constantly blown away how they do it

So happy you're back Starts, Steel girl or I should say darling x

Oh heaps of things I mean to get back to yaz on but forget, character limit etc but at least on pc learning to read & do notes. Know bits of pc stuff hard to explain but all takes an age but getting there. No formal training well an hr but knew most of that oh & a short web page design remember sweet BA lol

Sigh too much fun but gotta look at the positives as the saying goes what doesn't kill us makes us stronger...think we've got to learn from it to make us stronger

Most personal stuff I hear here on various threads I was aware of but although confronting , painful but good to bring to surface to work on & so much else in regard to depression here LOVE here thankyou bb

Thx SO much for your ongoing support & great help always hun, hearing listening & loving too 🌝⚘couldnt find butterfly so open here & see what flies out 😙🎁🎀

Yesterday you might know the thread was another post took literally hrs to do, a very sensitive confronting one in many ways again aware of...but often think later urghh but I basically wanted to just tag it but didnt want to rush off & not offer some support in process, if only words came easier & in moments of clarity even in "episodes' there they are. But in process learnt something valuable

Grandy stuff I'll get back to you on, thinking & have in past too for the why's

Really hope you lovelies are finding today easier much L&Ç 🤗 (lolly scramble- 1 lolly 😉😲 yes there will be 😭

[startingnew]

Learning is a lifetime thing loveley, it took me a while to be able to step back from here. I basically lived here at one point but now I realise that it doesnt help me and it doesnt help others if I am too tired, or not up for posting to others. It means putting yourself first in order to help others. I thought it was so selfish to do however I had good mentors helping me along my journey teaching me that in order to help others I need to help myself first. Sometimes I put what I need on hold not because of others but because im putting it on hold for the time being as I cant see a solution so distracting myself from it . Thinking that its helping others by helping myself really helps so maybe its the same for you too?
Which post is it thats eating away at you and ill take a look- just tell me the thread name and the date and ill work it out from there.
Good enough for what DB? I think your worthy of many many things and really anything you want to achieve I believe you can xoxo
ill let you in on a little hint DB- if ive taken a few days away or there are several posts before I respond I will get a pen and paper and basically draft all my responses before posting. e.g if youve written me 3 posts but havent been able to respond ill combine my entire post to you based on those 3 recent posts of yours to me- does that make sense? And so on for each person who has postsed in the time ive been unable to respond.
Or if they are really long posts ill draft before I speak. That might help ease your mind that way if your not happy with it you can change it and not regret your post- I also use a word document and that helps with the characters count as well.
Hopefully this helps.....
ill always be around SL, if im not on your thread I am never far and sometimes ill take a day and just read as im too tired ot respond but need to think about other things other than whats happening to me.
If you ever need help with a thread- give me a shout and ill take a look. I dont mind at all. If you think someone will benefit from my own experiences then happy to share whatever I can.


Sending lots of hugs and tlc xoxox

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Take your time responding and no pressure to reply to me if you’re not in the right frame of mind for it.

I know you’ve been struggling a lot lately. It has been a rough time for you, that’s for sure. Super soul hugs...

Butterfly Wings has kindly wisely some good points about self care as well as suggestions for forum use. Definitely some great material there 🙂 I’m glad you’re thinking about your own health more and trying to figure out what works best for you.

Personally, and I don’t say this as a prescriptive list as you definitely don’t need to or have to do what I do. We are all different and need to do what works for each of us. But in terms of how I use the forums with self care in mind:

• I have started taking 1-2 days off posting each week for the past couple of months, and if I do post on those days, I keep it to a bare minimum (1-2 posts). But I try not to post at all on those 1-2 days.
• I usually log in only once per day. Sometimes I do log in multiple times but I try not to. The reason is it can be tempting to continue replying if I stay logged in so I log out once I feel I’m “done.”
• i tend to reply to posts in quick succession of one another. I post most of my replies in the one “sitting” rather than intermittently because once I’ve replied, I’ve replied and I can log out and try not to worry about it for the rest of the day.
• I use an alarm (I’m serious) with a gentle ring tone to try not to spend more than a certain amount of time posting. If I can’t get to all the posts in the one day, I put those posts at the top of (mental) priority list for the next day.
• I sometimes skim instead of reading thoroughly. This can be a bit hit and miss. The plus is your speed of reading but the drawback is you might miss important points. I usually do this if there are a lot of posts to get through after I’ve been away for 1-2 days. This (usually) works okay if you’re a fast reader though 🙂

As I said, those are just some of my personal strategies. It’s not a prescriptive list as it may not work for everyone. We are all different and I suppose we just have to figure out what does and doesn’t work for each of us 🙂

Here if you need to talk but no rush or pressure. Take your time ❤️

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

I wrote a post earlier this morning. It’s not up yet but I want to give you some soul hugs in the mean time.

Pepper xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Wait, now I’m thinking maybe I accidentally cancelled it (did I? Rhetorical question).

I’ll wait and see before trying to re-type it...

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

your post is up Peps, that is an awesome list!. i tend to do the limited time too sometimes in 2 sittings though just depending on my day, how busy it is etc etc but i also prioritise threads. if i know theres a chnace after i post i wont see that member for another few days that one will take the i cant do it later box.

very good tips indeed!

[demonblaster]

Thankyou everyone

Yes Peps / Starts I do want to talk but going for walk in tic which should help and having a big soul cry atm which is ok for release just makes you feel so blaghh

Got a stack more sleep today up early no thrill there, breaky pills (must be improving,remembered the. Little bit here bit of tv and back bed for several hrs hard sleeping I think about 4/5. Been sleeping more in nights not needing sleep meds now which is when I know Im starting to come down but still waking horrid hrs & early it pushes but better than nothing

As most know breakthrough sleep seems to bring on more emotional pain maybe because we start to relax more, the guard coming down.

So that wasn't lol what I want to talk about so either later tonight or next couple days

SO appreciate you all 🤗 (this one reproduces so plenty for all

Oops telling eveyone Im lucky not to have visual or auditory hallucinations but I do have auditory on occasion. Apart from the occasional louder voice that scares just cause of fright which I can understand the rests neat like being in a club and the murmuring its relaxing & helped drift off concentrating on it. Maybe mind doing distraction. Didnt go into full mania that can be a precursor (?word) to

Phew

This is heavy but nowhere near how they use to be so AM getting stronger & through. Look out Hercules ...I'mmmm commminnnng 🔎🏋️‍♂️

Laters lovelies

[Ggrand]

Hi DB, Starts, Pepper,

Keven Sorbo ( not sure on the spelling) He has to be the best Hercules ever, I had a crush on him, I have all the series and movies of Hercules.

Love and Care,

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Hey lovelies

Grandy darling if Kevin Sorbo's the ridiculously good looking, built like ooh la la & has the nice gentleness to him ... repeat oooh la la. This one did with Zena or Xena warrior princess sometimes in same show or alternating, mmm mmmm Yum or what!!! 🙂

Know your not travelling so well hun, thoughts love & care always xx