Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good morning Deebi...


I can't seem to sleep tonight and I thought I would just pop in and wish you a beautiful day today that's full of light and love... because there is nothing more beautiful then the morning sunrise to remind us that we have a brand new day to live and to make some special memories....I hope your day today will be a good day with some light shining in your life..

🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....xx.

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful/s

Wasnt going to but going out today with a MH group for lunch then meeting with yesterdays love to shop a bit

Feel your wings love and care 🦄 pulling me up and wrapped in your wings. You're truly beautiful. Everything you say thank you Grandy.

Phoo gotta get showered and choof

Same goes for you Grandy

Love to you 💜💗💑

[Ggrand]

Enjoy your day...I'm really pleased you went to your mh group and shopping after with yesterday's love...Well done...Company you like and it does help to pull you up...

Grandy...🌹💜🕊..love..

[demonblaster]

Very little left in the tank. Put off shop but saw 💑 early lunch was good and saw others around.Yes people do pull me up. Nice ones anyway ☺

Going to sleep soon & put off tomoz so I can more too. Few things on next wk

Grandy I felt awful this morning didnt ask how you are beautiful. Was just up and struggling a bit.sowwy darlin. How are you my dear dear friend 🤗

Love you long time 💜💑🌹

🕊 for us all 🤗💗

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,

Thats okay if you didn't go 🛒 shopping...🎒.,the important part is you spent time together, and even saw some other friends, sounds like a good day.. mh group seems to be helping you, which is really really good..

I hope you had a sleep this afternoon and an even better sleep tonight....

Please don't feel awful about not asking how I am....

It's hard in the morning to get our thoughts together especially if we have to go out...Please don't be sowwwy, special lady..you have nothing to be sorry about...

Sleep deep and peaceful 🕊tonight my sweet kind friend..

Lots of love 💜💜from me to you as well as heaps of hugs..{{🤗🤗🤗}}..

G💜💜D. N🌹GHT..xxx😘..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[quirkywords]

DB

I read your posts here but don’t reply much. I have just got up to date.

Sendin gym kind thoughts and letting you know much you are respected and loved here for all your compassion and kindness to others. I do hope you find some for yourself.

Quirky

[demonblaster]

You are so beautiful Grandy 💜💑 working on another post for ages to you, helped with how I was, woe wasn't a good place Have things to do. Pumpkin soup, some for 💑 she got ingredients I would have, but so glad thought I had less $ for shop but phew more than I thought. Gotta charge this in a ticcy. Hard not to be sowwy 💜 you so deserve and I do usually ask and listen to people I care about. Beasty self focuses in its consuming smothering way love🤗😚

Dear Quirky what a beautiful post to wake up to. You moved me, you often do. Much respect and meant what I said to you a while back. Thank you 💗🕊

Bbl beastys not let go yet but I'm getting there. GOD IT's bloody hard work either way down or getting through but at least being proactive you see cracks of light.

Hope you're all having a better day.

We can get this!

🤗👋💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Special Deebi,

You must be the queen 👸🏻 of 🎃 soup..I'm not good at making it...sigh...

Its like winning a little in lotto 🎉 when we find a few extra $ in our purse or bank...😁..doesn't happen much but liking it when it does...

Deebi, You're a very caring, kind, considerate, compassionate, loving person and I know what beasty can do to you...so please don't be sooowwwy about anything...

I hope your picking up honey, you have been struggling now for wow a long time..,come on Deebi...lets you, me and Deendy 🐍 Choof beasty off for a long time...forever would be good...

I hope your day was good Deebi,

We can get this....I hope...

Love and hugs sweet Deebi..💜&🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy 🌹🦄🕊👼..

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 🤗💗 and all

Haha yeah getting to be Queen of soups I'm not usually a soup person but thick ones yip. I'm a guts like to bite into food. 2 pumkins to cut. Hard little devils. Worth it tho.

With breaks trying to get this extra 12ish kgs off before I give up the puffs...Sigh...again! Italics stuck again.That and occassional binge eating whacked it on, I'm better prepared in headset to lose weight, apart from a shame it's stirring up the hip groin more and been to hell with that for yrs, weight loss helped no end.possibly from my back affects me (hurts most days but bearable just when this weights off.

Did untold jobbies today just starting to get a headache daghh & didnt think I was bending overly and always aware to be careful but my backs complaining, it's a mess but lucky core strengths holding it to a point. Gotta go easy atm sitting moving and getting up. Should be right hoping. Hot pack later.

MH group (new) & special beautifuls after that tomoz. So need to get more & longer sleep but holding thanks Grandy.

3rd I think day off meds. Would have preferred to be stronger and outta downs before going off but all good there's not a lot that can take me furthur than majority of them. Well said about tormentor, how true eh.

Day was terrible to start and lucky I didnt post because the one I was working on for you was similar to bits I'd not long posted at yours. Helped anyway being a good distraction and being busy today. Did too much actually but they're nearly finished. Good they're out the way.

We CAN and will get this hun 💜 I get it takes time but the frustration is the 1000 pce jigsaw has about maybe 20 pces in place, the rest all there but working on getting them in place. My head just can't do it at any pace but on saying that majors this time getting through the attacks and geez SO many. Starting to work out some stuff with anxiety. I can get through them but their connection with downs (laters)

Love our Deendy and love you sweet lady very much 🤗💜💑

Thanks for being such a beautiful friend GLady ☺ 😚🕊

Hope you've had a better day lovey.

[startingnew]

Just stopping in and leaving some hugs for both you and Grandy xoxo