Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

You're a sweet chickadee aren't ya. 🤗 boomerangs.

Thanks darling.

Take care lovey

😚

[demonblaster]

Status. Day 4 off meds

4.30am shouldnt be doing this its 6am now. Have to get up early. Frequently erratic sleep coming out. Close to recovered.

I'll start working on sleep hygiene. Slight changes made. Not as many day sleeps this time. Will research & read sleep thread.

Walking stimulates but tires too. Sometimes with exhaustion don't for 2-5 days but not much difference to recovery time. Up to a mth +. This initial shorter hypomania 4/5 days and recent about 3ish days before going off meds.

Learnt you can't relax as such in depression. I knew I could handle the downs following the Blacks. Won't do that again it sunk me deeper ok ish with distraction.

This morning I've woken without downs. 5 ish hrs solid sleep.My concern without day sleeps when possible has always been

1. The exhaustion will hit harder & longer for recovery
2. Depression be deeper harder and longer. Too much now

Will find a balance when to/not go out in BP to allow coming down.

Started and will sometime finish a progress post.

Started thinking how to work through & apply past pain hurt. Formulation I think. Need to re-read post.

Will try for another hr or so sleep.

Thanks listening

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB and all,

I’m very happy to hear you say that you’re on the brink of recovery. That is incredible news as I know it’s been a particularly long struggle this time.

I think your plan to work on your sleep hygiene is an excellent one 🙂 Good idea to research various tips.

I suppose walking has its good and bad points. I know you noticed it stimulates but can I ask if you mean that in a positive way (healthy stimulation) or a negative way (e.g. overstimulation)? Sorry, I wasn’t sure what you meant...

As always, your commitment to your ongoing healing and mood management is inspiring. Your self insight is always impressive.

I look forward to reading your “progress post”. That said, of course there’s not rush or pressure...just whenever is a good time for you 🙂

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepstar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Deebi, (🙋 Waves to all the other lovelies .

I make lots of chicken vegetables soups, it's easy chuck everything in the slow cooker then walk away..

Hard Deebi but you can stop smoking...I have now for nearly 3 months...I used to but smokes instead of food...Then I had to think rego and council rates verses smokes..the rego and rates won...

Be so very careful with your back sweetheart...i know sometimes we forget to be careful..

The post on my thread Deebi, brought tears to me..I have copied it onto notes so I can access it easily..💜..Thank you again for that...yes I use here for distraction,it helps..

😃 like the jigsaw puzzle.. yeah I wonder if I ever get the whole 10000 pieces in place..😁..

Your lastest post.....Deebi, I'm so very happy to hear that you are close to recovered, and you woke without down...I'm hoping you continue to get more light coming you way throughout the day...Your doing good with coming off the meds.. Well done..

I hope you got some more sleep before your mh group outs today and your special beautifuls after.....Please Deebi, don't forget to wear Deendy,🐍 just in case, her 🔥 has been re-fuelled and ready to choof off beasty...

How are you both physically and mh wise my lovely lady?..

Enjoy your day today... I hope you gets lots of light and peace 🕊 today as well as lots of hugs from your friends..xx

Lots of love ❤️ and lots of big Huggly hugs 🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely lady..

I really hope your day out with your mh group and then your friends went well...I can only hope your friends know how sweet,Kind, and just beautiful you are...

Im unsure of how your feeling, so I'm going to send you this 🍄 Which is a home for these Magic little teeny weeny animals they are smaller then the little light on your golden 🛴...These little animals..🦍 🐘 🐄 🐅 🐆 🦏 🐂 ...all love to do the tango 💃🏻 on people's shoulders and back..You should feel them Deebi, feels like a very expensive professional massage...but the animal massage is better because I trained them to tango and to love you or anyone I send them too..

When your ready for bed they will jump out of their special little Mushroom home 🍄..and give you the best tango massage that you will ever have special lovely lady..😁..Just put the 🍄 Home on your bedside table before bed....Oh please sweetheart if you can leave some water out for them, in a thimble is okay..💜🕊..they will be happy and might even sing you a special relaxing song 🎶 if you can't sleep....Please be okay... are you okay Deebi?..

I need to try to sleep now Deebi... I hope you sleep really deeply and the moon fairies dance around you tonight and shower you with the magical 🌙 moonbeam light ⚡️💥 .......Love 💜 you very much Deebi..

Good Night lovlies..sweet dream of peace 🕊..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🕊👼..

[demonblaster]

Hey my/our Grandy

You like your soups, I'm not a fan of soft veg I think that's why lots of kids don't like them but el dente more flavour but it'd be a good way of veges so I might blend it.

Smoking is kinda self harm indirectly. We know its bad for health & crippling $. Digging the hole deeper but under stress the worse time. Good on you G. Have been rolling tobacco from butts sigh. . Around 17 + grand in about 3 &half yrs. SO hacked off. Now working on weight loss again & durries same time probs tomoz, joy. I'll do them! Mind set distraction, good reasons and more practice not stressing.

Oh that other thread we were on that I was baffled but didn't want to say, I think I know what they mean so I'll give it a try in the next couple of days actually maybe I'll email, Instead of talk directly and see otherwise I could try something else but that might be the go do you think?

I was planning earlier bed and log off but I usually do people first, 3 hr easy ph call from a bloke I like a LOT dayamm and he's very good to me, (when I can I'll do something back) getting married very soon 🙂 From both MH groups. Wasnt meant, good friends will do. Noticed his hugs at the new group are very long though. 😁suits me. Yes heaps of hugs few from friends and both MH loven it. New one its either hug or shake hands. I lead today, still learning ropes.

Deendy jumped on me this episode squeezed his tail so often I thought he'd deflate but nah what a goer 🤗 Been thinking bout you with broach on your slipper, it gets me, just see the love & cuteness in that like you are. I can only imagine what your thinking 😆 crazy kiwi 😄

Huns I'm going to try to do more status updates in case anyone might be reading they may only want to know re BP & similar so I'll try and reply on those if you're ok with that treasure 😚

So glad you 😢..😆 warped humour only cause you got the msg I wanted to express, truth Grandy really L&A you 💜💑. Wasn't going to reply tonight after call late tea then bed but can't do that to you again so when po I'll at least daily be in touch. Thank you from 💗

Peps🌟was going to reply to you tonite too but tomoz lovely. Did more on improves today OMG doing things! Couple things from before and today want to yak about with you dear friend 🤗☺

🕊

[demonblaster]

💜 for caring so much. Good thanks posted just. 🤗😚

U be ok always beautiful friend

😍the 🍄 ohhh everytime 😃huge buzz you seriously rock. Feeling the massage hun. Ripper Grandy you really are very good at these. Always loving our time

🤗💑

[Peppermintbach]

Hi incredible DB (and all),

I am just saying hello and sending you my love. I understand you’re doing a lot of self reflection and trying to gather your thoughts so there’s no need or rush to reply to me. As I said, I’m only checking in to see how you’re going ❤️

I’m cheering you on as you continue to gain self insight and learn more about yourself.

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey our lovely gentle Peppy (so cute) Grandy and all 🌹

You're always so appreciated Peps, I've always felt as you do re replies but I'm often not good at getting back to all. Aim to tho

Going back to bed soon woke with another ouch head which is easing yet worsening, I know no sense in it, sharpness gone but it's settling in. Will need meds daghh more tiredness.

Been reading your narrative posts & with Sez I'll get back to youse. Interesting. Hun I use peoples memories 😆 truth sadly, mind you doesnt work that well lol. Comparing to others &narrative if ok laters in case I forget plz could you nudge me ☺👍I'll check back. Improves with notes but need work on people ones. 👋 and hi back lovey from the girls threads 😚

Want as many do, for you to be happy Peps 🤗 thank you hun always for your care and time 🕊

Grandy remembered after I posted last night (not landed) just before I went to yours. Penny dropped in too so cleared couple of things on my mind.Trying not to babble on so much. 😆 yeah and how's that goin Deebi 😁 wouldn't mind his teeth tho 😄

And the status thought I'd try for 2/3 times wkly.

Backs settled btw lovey how bout your health. Thoughts anyway but big day/s hun. You're tougher than you know. Keep breathing darling and remember your good times and us here.So much love ☺ writing here cause have to do some bits for today 💗

Big day too & varied bits through till Sat incl. Not getting much chance to come down but ok 🤗💜🍄🌹 try for earlier nights.

Both you're 👌🕊🌟🕊💑

[Guest8901]

Dear DeeBee,

As always, I am reading along with you, and enjoying your regular updates. I latched onto your sentence yesterday that you were "close to recovered". I really hope thats the case. You do seem to be more positive and proactive just lately than you were a week or more back. So things must be looking up.

I dont know how you manage to keep up with all that social activity you fit in. But I also know its very important for you, so well done for making that effort to keep yourself well.

As you know, I greatly admire you, and feel honoured to have met you here. Keep up the good work, and keep up the inspirational posts which benefit far more people than any of us would know about. You're amazing!

Mandy