Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Back atcha SLD ☺

Sweets I feel stink when I say I'll do so ething and don't but plan to in next couple days reply. Took couple meds that didnt work for their purpode but have settled down the mania so going to log off and bed soon.

Hope you guys are coping reasonably well if not good. Do care very deeply. Love 🤗😚

My/our Grandy 🤗 really hope your physical health settles or better get answers. When I'm in these times I'm not here for you/se enough, feel pretty average about that. Trying to work in self care I know you all get it but..😐 anyhoo eventually get there then back in another soon after 🤔😕

Night lovely people, you ALL are awesome kind caring souls.

Night sweet lady, 🤗 sending your cutey pixies back to look after you tonight and run around your bed. You're the special one

Much love hun 💑💜🦄🐣🌹

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

It’s good to see you sounding more hopeful. That’s inspiring to hear...

I feel just take your time with replies. There’s no rush or pressure...just when you’re feeling up to it.

Super soul hugs,

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Woke and had big anxiety. Got through. (Nearly finished post, close to 3 hrs)

3 days ago-ish I got another low cost idea to get art out & make $. Was pumped could see it's a go. Either stopped thinking on it or got distracted think both. Was feeling good but not buzzing. Thought I was out or at least picking up out of this one. It was another mania. Snuck up. Other meds slowed it yesterday, think it's still trying. Pretty sure I forgot 2 med doses at least, could be the reason.

Can be small stimulation to go into mania I think more so when very tired. I've thought pulling up mentally can as well from lows when extremely tired or exhaustions in play and read something on net recently along those lines.

Hoping I'll be able to avoid the deeps again or at least pull through.

My major concern atm is it's nearly a mth now as mentioned it's astonishing how long you can hold without enough sleep. I'm guessing anxiety will start being more prominent and the deeps will try harder. Atm I'm handling ruminating thoughts/scenarios with distraction. Constant unless occupied.

GP fri, I'll try to get in before to get a bomb to give me more sleep, I HATE! WITH A VENOM a med I've had in the past to give me sleep. (I was desparate for mths or longer begging GP's and psyciatrists for a bomb yrs ago. It works (used for BP) but the moods savage in wicked deep depressed on waking and through the day. Since I've wondered if it was how I was going to feel anyway when I came down, bit different but severity the same. That was in what I think was type 1.
Mostly the sleeper family meds are brilliant but not always
HAVE to sleep! to recover and cope better. Majority of the time I try not to rely on them but other times resign to needing them scared of getting hooked. Haven't had many so far this episode

1) 1000 no: count back
2) Ruminating thoughts
3) Anxiety ? Bringing on downs.(laters)

While I'm in these I just need to focus mainly on getting through. There's things I want to try but not atm. Am trying even in good times it's so hard to put things into practice but getting there at snails pace.

This is B! if I can turn the pain to fuel my resolve. Can't explain that soz atm

Thanks listening

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Deebi,

Im really sorry I haven't been here to help you along the past few days..🙇‍♀️... I am fine....Your not your cycling and need reassurance honey...I'm here to help if I can...💜🤗🕊..

Breathe through your anxiety Deebi, or distract yourself the best way you can..Please be okay....Good luck with your gp Deebi..If you need meds to sleep, I know you don't like to take but maybe you need one...

Deebi..., I always remember, that you used to self talk so sweetheart, if you feel the beasty starting to take control. Remember your self talk, Deebi, remember your in control of your thoughts no one else but you...tell beasty "Nope. Not listening. Not interested. Leave me alone, beast. You are not real. I do not negotiate with you not ever not never". I’m stronger than you are!” I'm in control of me not you.....choof of....go away. "If you feel the pull of beasty today just try to let it flow past your thoughts and around you like a river, then into the river, down stream and away....

You can get through this..You're a very strong person, your mind can do amazing things as you have mentioned somewhere, so believe in that sweetheart and pull on your strength and and some of mine and believe in yourself, that you can and will get on top of this and pass through this episode You've kept me strong when I was down. My turn now to be here for you and keep you believing in yourself, keep that hope, faith, belief, and determination alive my sweet friend...Love you so very much Deebi...

I hope your day is good Deebi and I really hope that you have come light in your day today..💜🤗🌹🕊..

Oops Deebi...I almost forgot..get Deendy out honey squeeze her tail and let the 🔥 unleash onto beasty and shooo...shoo...shooooooo [IT]..xx. away..


👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🕊👼.

[demonblaster]

Grandy if you read this please I mean it I don't want you to feel obliged to reply. I know you're not in a good place atm so darlin look after you ok I'll see you when you're ready. I'm adding to my post at yours here because it's to do with the following as well.

You'd get this I know. A way or an attempt to explain some of how I get confused is my love and I would be watching a show on TV. Half an hour or so after I was what appeared to be watching intently taking in every word and following it I'd turn to him and ask what it's about 😆 the darling always so patiently explained. Mostly in BP either way more on downs. Know of 4 people do that so there'd be more for sure. Kinda unwinding I guess.(repeating some stuff soz to make my point)

Otther times I get the general gist but not necessarily details.

Sometimes click straight away or can take days-literally yrs.

In these times it's harder to absorb and of course memory cops a flogging but not all the time in BP.

Was going to post this in Quirkys thread but did here instead so I'm not posting too much of my stuff at hers and explained a bit more to you I hope.

Peps thanks hun I do appreciate that.

🤗☺

💜💑

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

You just explained how I can get at times...I understand you so much..

Doesnt change nothing you know...

I hope you never forget that I love the person you are...please don't ever change...💜🌹..

Im not doing good at all Deebi...but looking after me is caring for the ones I love..to help take my mind of what beasty wants me to do..

Love you forever💜🤗🕊🌹..

[Ggrand]

Hello again Deebi,

My Post just landed above your latest one..

Be okay please..💜🤗🕊🌹.

[demonblaster]

I feel bad when you write such beautiful posts your time effort and support esp that you're in a hard place too 🤗💜 and that goes for everyone. I know youse get it and I'll get back 💗

Your poem is beautiful too Grandy & to our loved Mandy how sweet you are.

When it's got me as we know it's so hard to say stuff or takes an age.

Learning more as I go esp this one. Just had lunch with 💑 so ok for now.

Overall not good but ok other times. Tbh this is a dangerous time I'm teetering on going to a very dark place (not talking about leaving) BUT I haven't gone under as such. By god it's trying but so am I Mutt! The intensity.

• Note for later. Anxiety. Pulling through or out. Not going deeper with

Can't have too many sleepers cause body gets use to them and don't work. Those I do have cause so badly need sleep through this and helps other way.

I'll be ok Grandy thankyou. Just gotta hold up and get through. You too lovey, we ARE stronger than beasty. We're both starting to rise. Yes our thoughts are us as you said to Mandy.

Going to god I hope sleep even if I need med. (Allowed)

You're really beautiful Grandy love you ☺💜💑

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Deebi,

Please don't ever feel bad for the way your feeling.

Awe...hun Its my time well spent Deebi, I have no one else except you and the beautiful people here on BB.. I'm really pleased you had lunch with your 💑 and I'm hoping it was special for you..

Deebi,..., you don't need to say stuff, just concentrate on getting beasty to choof off, and get well...once [IT].xx has choofed off....you'll be back...


You have come such a long long way , and I'm so very proud of you and your achievements...I know in my heart that you will find a way to totally beat the beasty, so no more downers..there's a way Deebi, because others who don't have mh don't have a tormentor hanging over them 24/7 so it is possible.....Why should we then?

Im really hoping you won't go down to the dark spot..if you do I'll pull you out. then I'll hold you in my Angel Wings and protect you until your strong enough again lovely sweet lady...

If you need sleeper it's okay to take one...you need sleep to pull up and stabilise yourself....

I hope you are going to be okay, special lady..Your doing really good sweetheart, keep up the good work...

L🔥Ve. Y💜U..VerY MuCH, 🕊👼🦄..

🐣🐳🦊..Awe they cute you like. ..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy.👼🕊..

[demonblaster]

Heya

Thanks Grandy yeah really good day ☺ how are you going?

Yeah I'm getting this.

Like what you said. Always do 💜🌹

Goin to bed lovey 🦄

The cats are pretty average but chooks and whale are cute. You like them

L🔥Ve. Y💜U..VerY MuCH, 🕊👼🦄..

pweddy ☺🤗 you too sweets

Night good folk 👋