Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Guest8901]

Hi Deebs. Great to see you around, especially since you've been fairly quite of late. Yeah, I know why, and thats understandable and quite okay.

But its good to hear that your psych apt went well earlier this week and also that you seem to be getting on top of your BP swings and roundabouts. How nice to hear you say "best ever so far". Plainly you are doing something right. We live and we learn I guess. And I cannot help but admire you for the living, the resilience, the learning, and the determination to succeed. You are an inspiration and a very positive role model to many of us here. Thank you Deebs.

Enjoy your MIL and family visit tomorrow. Take care and take the time you need to get yourself through this.

With much love and affection for you, as always.

Amanda

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and a wave to all),

I’m glad you saw your friend the other day (despite the miscommunication). It sounds like you had a good time and, more importantly, that you have a beautiful friendship 🙂

I hope your visit to your MIL’s place goes well today although the early start isn’t so great. Hopefully you have had a well rested night beforehand to make an earlier start slightly easier...

Sending my love and super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

Im probably too late but I want to wish you a really enjoyable day today with your mil, I know you love her very much 💜🌹..she is a very special person with a special place in your ❤️..My thoughts are with you both today..

Im sorry I didn't get to yours last night..I had a panick attack and it took some time for me to get it under control..

Sound like yesterday was a good day with your friend, your mix up turned out to be very good for you all...

I have lost so many posts to you and others I support.😢.makes me sad, because sometime a post can take me a couple of hours..Now I'm going to write in notes then copy over to thread...

Oh....round one..🤼‍♂️...Demonblaster....Round 2....🤼‍♀️..woohoo....Demonblaster..way to go honey..you can do this. I'm so very proud of you...Let's get you on the winners stand..🥇🏆...please Deebi, don't let beasty get you 💜🤗🕊🌹..

Present 🎁, ahhh still needing more 🛠⚙️⛏🔨⚖️⛓⚖️ So it looks brilliant...😀😂🤣. I hope you can wait...maybe a few days yet....

Keep those deep breathing exercises going Deebi, daily is good...Your welcome honey, you are very special and so is my Nik name, idk why but it makes my feel cared for, 😢

Ill be over yours tonight Deebi, Saying no to mrs panick...she's not invited in to mine today/Night...my fur babies are excited to meet you..I talk to them a lot about you...🐶🐶..

Enjoy your day..And I'll see you tonight....L 💜 vE yOu sO vEry MUcH..🌹🕊🤗..

👼👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...xx 🕊

[demonblaster]

You beautiful supportive friends thank you so much 😍

Close to exhaustion but holding up so far. Early bed tonight have to get up early as 😭 again in morning. Hopefully next couple days solid sleeping or most of days.

Mandy darlin as always you write with such heart and support. Appreciate everything you say lovely lady ☺😚🤗 I do feel I'm neglecting my friends & new or other threads. It'll happen but for now have to master the beast. Always grateful to hear its ok and makes it easier till I get a handle on what to do. If I was only one talking I'd respond.

Breathing/relax is helping no end and the rest intermittently but hard to remember and just trying to keep beasty away atm is draining. Once I get lists sorted it'll be easier.

The epiphany in mania recently was the beginning I think. Since I've felt I'm so close to getting my 🔥 back but didn't know how but it's happening. Slowly phew

More people have landed so need to choof bbl.

We can do this! 🤗🕊

💜💑 be yours tonight to post Grandy love 🤗

[startingnew]

hey DB

your sounding so busy! hoping your finding some down time for you though, dont worry about other threads unless your up for it.

an early night sounds like a good idea, i imagine your feeling pretty tired

hugs xox

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi,

I'm popping over with my fur babies...lol they will definitely keep you distracted tonight, they will shoo...shoo..shooof...that mean old beasty away.

Awe they love you Deebi, and the 🥜 you got them...that will keep them busy, while we grab our blanky and shawl and sit outside and star ⭐️ gaze....I bought blanky with me, some munchies. 🍹🍹🍡🍮🍨

lovely Deebi, can we sit on this nice swing lounge, how comfy is this. Lol my dogs are wanting pats, awe Ebony want to sit on your knee, ohh that's why, you got tears in your eyes Deebi, Ebony will dry your tears with doggie kisses, she does that to me when I cry.....Kya just likes to lay on my knee and stay their all night, I usually have each side while I'm sitting on the lounge they put there heads on my knees while I pet them..🙃😍😙..okay doggie bed time now..lol they don't want bed,..hehe there jumping all over you, oh no...sweetheart, are you okay..lucky there only tiny 🐶🐶..you fell of the swing lounge 😂😂🙃😜.now they got you down, they will kiss you...Wait,,I'll put them to bed now.Ahhh there all tucked in...

Now your turn,,,Deebi into bed now..you need sleep to fight of the beasty 👿..good girl...I will just sit next to you on this chair for a while and tell you a little story about the secret garden...If you walk along the hidden path at the beach and follow it along the crooked corner you will come across a little clearing that has a huge running stream of water...along the waters edge there are trees that have fallen, take a seat and watch the running water...listen to the sound of the water, and the sound of the frogs, mingled with the sounds of the canaries, the crickets, that dwell there Deebi, This is a Magic stream, just sit on your fallen tree bare feet in the water, canaries singing, frog ribbetting, the gentle sound of light rain falling onto the stream..just close your eyes and Imagine the frogs sitting on the Lillie pads, floating gently on the water, the singing canaries, peaceful isn't it honey...now imagine your mattress is floating on that water keep your eyes closed..while your breathe in.1-2-3-4-5..breathe out.R-E-L-A-X.. keep imagining the sounds of that running stream as your slowly but very surely going into a deep and relaxing sleep.know that I am with you and L💜Ve y🤗U very m🌹cH....

Good Night Deebi..and all....I hope you sleep well tonight and deeply..

I hope tomorrow's sunshine will add light to everyone's day..🤗🕊.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👼Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

It okay, you don't need to post on mine... . Deebi, your tired,,Please go to bed, take good care of you...it's important as you know to get as much sleep as you can when we're fighting the beasty...Sleep gives us energy to get out on top....

Love, care ang hugs..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👼Grandy 🕊💜.

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD ❤ hey sweeties ☺

Thanks darling yes had an offer for out with MH group tomoz but need rest so down time. You're right and just starting to be ok in my company at home. Empty & lonely times without partner love like many but getting there. Might be starting to like myself more. When beasty visits 😑 not much as we all know. Even feeling a little stronger not sure if residue of mania or simply getting there slowly. Maybe bit of all.

Little wary of what's to come, trying to keep the mindset and remember what's working. Hope you're ok 🤗😚

Grandy that was awesome 😀 thanks sweet and fur buddies so cute. 😁 all I did was oops roll over, did you see the 360° the swing did, I go down with style don't ya think. Felt sad darlin to hear of your panic attack, hope you're ok now🤗 you have extra emotional pain going on. With luck that fantasy 🦄 eased your mind 🐶 🐕 hope you slept better

Secret Garden how lovely, first book I ever read, was great. That really was beautiful, MIL really enjoyed too, she said you're a lovely lady again, speaks from her heart the gorgeous. Read her another one too.

Thanks so much all of you, yes ok Grandy sounds great., 😴sleeps calling gotta get up before birdies tomoz can't wait 😴😕 Thanks again 🌹 catch yaz tomoz

While I think of it a bit ago one of our amazing CC's posted an incorrect ph: no: to a newish poster. While back they made a small error in a post on their thread and felt bad so I mentioned it here rather than there so they could fix it hoping to avoid them feeling bad or embarrassed.

Nigh nite good kind people ☺🤗 🌹

Back atcha sweety Grandy 💜CARE🤗

[Ggrand]

Good morning Deebi,

Im just calling in to wish you a good day with mh group..Your doing really very good Deebi, your keeping [IT] xx away...

Also being World Chocolate Day...I decided to give you some chocolate today, a chocolate 🎂 mud cake, a hot 🍫 chocolate, some choccie bars 🍫..oh...oh...oh...yes a beautiful pink chocolate 🍫.(rare new chocolate)..🌷...enjoy sweetheart...you deserve it....

Oh I have the same chocolate 🎁 package for all the lovelies here..

Peppy, Starts,Mandy, Birdie,Pamela, and everyone else who pops in or reads here....🌹.

Grandy...👼🕊.

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz 🙂

:D lol what a wonderful day, best world day ever. You da bomb lady thank you very much. Just inhaled them.

Having trouble atm talking tho still can to people. Last night I had a lot of brain fluffs. Stroke patients in their head they want to eg: say Yes but when they talk it comes out no or similar, this happened multiple times I didn't acknowledge it out loud just went with it. Very tired one of the probs being amongst people is

1. WAY more sensitive in BP than normal (Hate it! going to get on top of it!)

1. Rather than come down I pull up. Talk more that drives people nuts and wears them out I know but the choice isn't good and majority like/love and recently that extra strengths allowing me to go with stuff and not get too down on it, tho it stays there. Head for sale, I'll just keep the good bits 🙂 I do listen, it's not one sided, sometimes it is the other way.

lol two No: 1's. Not going to even try and sort it 😄
Was trying to do stuff on the net can't take anything heavy in so later. Rang brother for help later.
Either can't understand or get emotional. I know to get through I have to challenge and do the bits but god I'm lucky to make any sense here at all, but want saying while it's in my mind.

Early lunch bed for as long as po and tomoz if no interruptions. Not going to fix anything doing it this way but this episode I guess mostly it's been in mania that I've been going well. Seemed like pointy end before but apparently not. Sigh who bloody knows with this head. I'm ok not angry or stressed overly, started to get more calm in the cycles. Phooo it's a job isn't it 🙂 At least I've had some practice at coping. Won't happen over night, just a bit hard atm to feel but can see positives. I AM going to get through the lot ,

At this stage in cycle I'm not doing thought challenging or anything much more than blocking more pain which Just want 1 time where there's not so many heavies. Breathing when I remember, distraction (looking around) and thinking positives for now until I can get go to lists organised.

bbl Grandy love at yours 🙂 love & deep appreciation and everyone that's so lovely here x