Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Oh I'm sorry to hear about your back, I thought straight away when you said chopping wood of your back...Not sure on back if cold or warm packs...I think what ever you feel that helps you.. Please let your go know about your back next time you see him/her...

Its good you managed some sleep this arvo..I went to bed I think around 7.30pm,woke at 11.30pm, I really hope I can sleep more tonight, back on the lounge again, later I'll go to bed..

Deebi, idk but I think better if your around people, they talk to you about things. They keep your mind busy..It's okay honey, don't upset yourself about forgetting to wish me a good day at work today...I know you wish me a good day everyday as I do you and others..

It looks like very soon you will have beasty whispering in your ears....

Please copy this read it often when your in the clutches of beasty...This is the truth..not beasty...Don't listen to what he tells you to do, don't listen when he put you down, you are not your depression nor are you what your depression says you are...You are a caring, lovely, compassionate, well loved, beautiful, very worthy, very useful, very helpful person whom is well loved by me and others...This is the truth. Not what beasty say to you...Try to remember the truth, I speak the truth..your friends speak the truth...beasty lies all the time...Don't believe [IT] xx believe me, believe us..we are your friends sweetheart beasty is your enemy...I love you and will walk with you even at a snails pace if need be, holding your hand to get you through this hurdle and the next and so on......

You talk to me when I'm down and you make me feel strong you can even get me smiling sometimes when I'm down even when you were sad and hurting inside,you help me through my downers, I want to help you through yours..
Don't believe beasty, it lies..Please believe me your worth so much. You're worth more than anything in this world. and I want you to know that. I don't want you to listen to beasty..I will always try to make you believe that you have a beautiful soul..When beasty has hold of you, Its so easy for us to believe him, then we get down on ourselves. .Please never be down on yourself...You do so much good honey...

Nite night Deebi and all...No darling, it won't stay like this.🕊..Sleep well, I hope tomorrow your still okay,

Love 💜 and big long hugs 🤗 Deebi...hugs for who likes them,,,,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and a wave to all),

A huge huge from me as you are sounding disheartened and discouraged at the moment. It must be so stressful with the financial struggles, promises made during mania “catching up” to you, witnessing a friend being treated unfairly in the MH group plus general low mood. I can see why you said you’re feeling overwhelmed...

I’m glad you’re feeling confident that this low mood won’t last. I suppose now you’re waiting for your mood to lift. As you said, it will lift but it might just take a little time...

Also, about what you said earlier. You’re lovely and deeply compassionate to think about us 🙂 But seriously, please don’t worry about it...

I know you’ve always felt a special connection with Starwol and Grandy, and that’s beautiful and something to cherish. I feel your connection with them is your connection with them 🙂 In the same way that I feel your friendship with me is your friendship with me. Same for everyone else here...

What I’m trying to say is I think that each relationship has its own beauty and uniqueness so if you feel a special bond with and trust in Star and Grandy, that’s more than okay for you to express those feelings...I don’t feel it takes away from your connection to me or others.

No 2 relationships are identical when it comes down to it. I hope that I’m making sense. You don’t have to apologise for your feelings. But you’re very considerate and caring to think about us 🙂

All the best with your psych appointment today.

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepstar xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thanks girls

GP knows with back sweety

Beautiful posts both of you. Bbl

🤗🤗💜

[Ggrand]

Good morning, Deebi and all,

Just calling in to wish you the very best today with your psych visit...🕊💜.. holding your hand sweetheart, maybe if you want to we will have a nice cup of coffee and some raisin toast after...

Peppy, hello, I hope your doing okay.🤗, big huggly huggles hug to you and Deebi today....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy and Pepstar ☺

Peppy thanks so much re friendship thats all true, glad no offense taken. And for continuing being so constant and supportive. You're a champ darl ☺🤗🍫 ☘ I've come a long way with mania and still learning about it. Both goods. A while to go yet but that's ok as long as it's happening. I'm trying to habit no promises.

Grandy love thanks, that beautiful post 💜 You're so sweet & supportive.

WOW liking this psych too. Was going to start journalling and she wants me to, too with anything upsetting me Starts if you're reading to save you writing that part to

• Challenge thoughts
• with thoughts,
• feelings,
• behaviours.

Atm just wanna get through this then I'll start. Also heard convo here about speaking up and she wants me to. I said I may lose friends but true she said the right ones will stay. Majority are good friends no grief. I'd much rather talk but depending on their reaction whether temper which I'm getting control on or hurt. I don't want to argue anymore. I think some stuff we need tolerance and let it slide but if it pulls me down. Recent stuff she thinks triggers. Agree. Had decided to talk to friend/s.

Good sleep 2ish hrs. Wasnt sure if I was going to cause thoughts so deep breathing with relax in exhale 💜

I will go for a night you're right. Worst time when you're wide open vulnerable and SO deeply tired. Felt like my eyes were sunken back on waking this morning. Not anaemic, Irons good. Earlier bed tonight and sleep as much as po tomoz. x

Starts would it save you time if I have a good look through your coping strats thread sometime, or maybe guide me to certain parts. Need to catch up here first with you loves. Best new threads first & loneliness thread too. Few regular things on now days and working on motivation by doing things but recovery first.

Love a cup and raison toast what a lovely idea. We could go to Granbies cafe 🤗 love you 💜🌹

🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im happy for you that you like your new psych, I think it's important that we make a kind of connection with them so we can trust them...

Getting as Sleep as you can sounds like a good idea, you have come a long way Deebi with your BP, you should be proud of yourself, I'm proud of you..

Thank you Deebi, for wanting to have a ☕️ and raisin toast with me..at Granbies cafe...🌹💜..Love you very much..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹👼🕊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and a wave to all,

I’m also very pleased that you have a good psych in your corner 🙂 It sounds like she is helping you come up with coping strategies, etc, which is great.

I hope journaling works out well for you. I know that a lot of people find it therapeutic so maybe you will too.

I suppose maybe just “pick your battles” when it comes to difficult conversations with your friends. Some things you can just let go but maybe other things need to be discussed. I suppose it just depends on the situation...

All the best with all the fantastic changes you’re making ❤️

Love and super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Hi Sl

Sorry its taken me so long. ill write them up for you, if you have any other questions then please do ask, i dont mind.

THOUGHT CHALLANGING
1. Pick the thought

2. Reality Test it
so ask questions such as 'my evidence FOR and AGAINST this thought' 'am i jumping to negative conclusions?' 'are my thoughts true in all cases all the time?'

3. Looks for alternative explanations
'are ther any other ways i could look at this situation?" 'what are the positives of this thought?'

4. Putting it into Perspective
'whats the best thing that can happen?'whats good about this situation?' will this mattter in a few years?'
5. Use Goal Directed Thinking
'is this thought helping me achieve my goals?' what can i do that will help solve this problem?' 'is there something i can learn from this situation to help me?'

Um theres one of them.. im trying to find the others for you, but the coping thread has quite alot there. ive got a few more to add there now that ive got my computer back.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest Deebi,

Im again just calling in to see how your feeling today...

Your very quiet, but I do remember you saying your going to sleep as much as you can today...I hope you do and you get a really good sleep and you feel a bit better then yesterday..

I thought I would have a look 👀 in my 💼...because the second part of your present has set now I need a few ⛓⚙️⛏🛠🔨⚖️🔦 to start making it and shining it up brightly, like your brightly shining soul...

How are you going honey..you said beasty won't get you?..Are you okay?

Thank you for saying nice things about Gizmo on the pet thread, I appreciate that so much....your such a beautiful person Deebi...Please be okay..💜🕊👼 L o v e. Y o u Deebi

Have you started to journal yet?

Is it okay for me to stay at yours tonight? I really need company...If your doing it hard I'll just sit with you and hold your hand and give it a gentle and reassuring squeeze every so often so you know that your not alone and I care very much for you honey...

Will be back over in a jiffy, I need to 🚜 over mine and get some yummies for tonight....and my special blankly..um can I bring my dogs over as well..They are well behaved 🐶 🐶...

kind thoughts and big squishy hugs 🤗.

🕊👼Grandy...xx...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD thanks heaps. 3 posts up I wrote what pysch said (more to it but basics) & quick msg to you 😚

Thanks so much. I'll read again sometime soon. It didn't take long at all. I'm very thankful you doing it. Have read some in your coping thread ages back I remember now and will again.

Hope you're better darling. I will get back and catch up with everyone as soon as I get outta this one, few days maybe wk/s yet. At two friends places recently I've seen different coloured lovely ornamental magnet butterflies with a few dots in a little tail. Guess who I thought of ☺🤗 😚❤🤝

Grandy hi darling friend, you never have to ask ever to stay. Furs are welcome, I've got some toys here for them & a bone 🥜 😆 sort of

Thanks, no dammit didnt get day sleep at all, up earlyish too. PC good friend in morning. Miscommunicated with beautiful 💑 friend for regular catch up & lunch, I forgot to say next wk so went, we ended at her place her partner good bloke too we're family to eachother love her so deep Grandy. Got home tea time.

Then working honestly hrs on emails for here and it won't go through. reported it to mods. Could be site or tablet gremlins. Annoying but I'll try sending tomoz or day after.

Beasty trying but going well overall thanks hun 🤗 best ever so far but not finished yet. Very tired gotta get up early damn it for visit to MIL and family. Try and sleep as much as po on w/e with luck then more MH & other beginning of wk.

You're very good to me & you are too. Btw meant to thank you re someone special called you Grandy at yours. I was deeply moved. What a caring good friend you are. I'm very lucky to have a lot of love and care around me here and rl it's keeping me here seriously and here WOW 🌹

You're very welcome Grandy. It was a beautiful very well written rememberence. Honestly a pleasure to read. 😊/😔 How are you doing lovey?

😀pressy coool. 😆..🚜 What you're not taking 🛴 lol we've got so many great memories. Love you too, a lot floss 💜🌹💑

Journal not yet but thinking today I should start while the bigger hurts are on. Not sure how much time tomoz & today busy all day.

Good we can use Blanky 😊 we'll sleep well tonight. Might need Big Ben to wake me, amazing how long we can hold up.

Needed to breathe a few times & habiting relax 💜 on exhale. Looked around too ⚘gotta keep mindset up.

Thank you 🦄