Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi Hun

Good news about GP and Psych hun. Shame about darts though

loven the gun. I'm starting to wind down so I might jump over to your place in a tic quicky chat then I'm going to shut down early and bed too. When I'm functioning which I am going well thanks darl so far, beasties trying but not having me and been busy which as we know helps I'll re read and reply to posts

Daghh phone looks like it's batteries konking out so trying to sort stuff with that's a bit much atm not stressing. Friends clued with computers (PC friend) so going to get stuff on the SD card, asked when I got it at the phone shop and the bloke didn't know. WHAT!! I could have sussed it on PC but ... Not sure exactly if I've got that computer stuff sorted yet but time will tell

Was mostly on me but when you need the sleep so bad, a misunderstanding for the time with an out so I missed it 😞

Tried sleep sarvo didn't happen. In mania moreso but I feel I"m out of it but was thinking a lot. Dunno and woke early this morning usually mania rot. Oh well is what it is.

MH bloke brilliant always and can get to new MH group every week now, that was the misunderstanding with times so that's a plus.

Think I get a lot of migraines in BP but then I have BP a lot and do have them out of as well. Dehydration could contribute cause in mania we're all over the shop aye and forget to drink but trying. Think I said this already if so soz (not sure if I deleted it) Adds to exhuastion cause of meds to rid it. Thought could be too I get so whacked might sleep in weird position without moving.

Thinking what you said about posting to others lovey. I'm thinking until I can get the motivation up in betweens to use the mania energy for other jobbies and wondering if triggers but I"m not sure if I get triggered, I'd know & haven't really felt like I do. Unless I stick to people I know or something. This one's quicker cause I don't have to think as much and on PC.

Wondering if having people contact helps me no end but whether that keeps me up but I usually put people first other stuff laters, clearly much laters lol. This episode so far I haven't been too much up and down, just a few roughs in mania but that helped pull me through too. Mind open thinking clearly.

Thanks hun always ((xx))

[startingnew]

HI SL


your new friend sounds loveley, its good to be able to have offline friends too. I hope the frienship continues to build more too.


Have you tried thought challanging at all or journalling? Perhaps that would help with your thoughts too? Oh and also turning a negative into a postive? Im not sure if your familiar with those but im happy to share them with you if you like?


How are you today?




Hello Grandy, Peps, Birdy, Mandy and all who are here too

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi..

Just calling in to say goodnight..Just lost a long post to you, I'm really sorry 😐, Geez that makes me 😤..took me a long time..

.I'm off to bed early as well. I hope you have a good sleep and dream of peace.🕊..

Wanted to post a reply to you.. some things I wanted to talk about in your post...a little upset atm..but I'm okay.. my silly fault I think..

Im in need of sleep I think..

🙋..hello Starts and all...Sleep well everyone..

Love you Deebi,

Love ang hugs 🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD thanks dropping by lovey I'll try to keep this quick woke at 4ish hate this part when trying to come down, IT has a bag full of toys. Took sleeper. Resisted a rew times coming in here.

Yes she's really lovely and phoo hard rot she's had/has.

• Thought challenging. Yes and I need to make it a habit. Helps

Journalling. Yrs ago I wrote pages off how it is but haven't journalled so going to start. Going to habit that too. Don't know much about.

Negative to positive. Yes lately and becoming more habit, just did some a few times.

Yes please darling if you don't mind explaining. I keep meaning to go to your coping strategy thread too pretty sure I've been there.

I'll forget if I don't say now. My tablets an 8 whatever sometimes I can't read the last words, the reply covers it so others too may have that but it's usually signing off. Still lost the sign in on top R) after a maintenance.This is faulty could be that.

Yesterday overall good thanks hun. The latest downs been ruminating but I know it's trying to pull me down which helps but need to act on thoughts more. I thought I'd started taking notes for strategies I did in bits but getting more organised now and bulleting those will catch my attention for tomoz.

The last couple of waking up early is hard on waking and was unwinding last night watching tv and kept redirecting concentration, it's funny I rewind recordings sometimes up to 5 times other times I don't worry. Starting to catch pain and go from there before it tskes me further.

Too easy to go with it. Nearly did then sometimes I'm feeling it breathing through and thinking if positive I need to find Wolfys post on REBT again. Thats helped a Lot.

Hope you're getting a break and some improves.

Nigh nite lovey and thanks 🤗😚

[demonblaster]

Hey hun its frustrating isnt it I lost a whopper to you and it had some helps I hope to you other day esp when it takes an age.

You're a sweety Grandy thanks for always being here 🤗

You too hoping you sleep better.

Yes when we're tired and you get so little sleep our emotions go South and we get more sensitive. Good knowing why

See youse today. Friend coming in morning so I can hoping sleep in arvo. Sleep hygiene I've learnt goes out the window in BP gotta get it when you can. Not ideal but ..

Love you too hun 💜💑🕊

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and a wave to all),

It sounds like you’re doing a lot of reflecting to figure out a new routine that works best for you. Good on you 🙂

Hopefully your strategy to “catch” a sad thought before you get too low helps you. I suppose time will tell how that goes but I’m certainly hoping for the best.

Have fun catching up with your friend today, and I hope you get some rest later this afternoon.

Super soul hugs,

Pepstar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Special Deebi,

I noticed you posted early today, I'm sorry honey that you're still not sleeping enough..

Yes it gave me a few tears last night when I lost my post..
From now on if I know I'm going to do a big post I'm going to do it in notes, then copy n paste, that way if I loose it I have a copy..

You're doing a good job keeping beasty away. 🔫 I'm really proud of you, keeping busy. I think doesn't give beasty any time for it to take hold of us..because our minds are constantly busy..

I'm not sure is the same for you or others Deebi, but I noticed that if I will get a migraine that lasts for days I seem to go into some kind of episode, moreso mixed, sometimes mania...

Maybe you're still in mania, but a lesser intense mania this time because of your self care with sleep and more social outs..

Your MH guy sounds soo nice, I'm pleased you like him and get along. A new mental Health group, that sounds great as well..I looked into a mental health group here, geez we got nothing, Government really needs to pull his socks up where country NSW is concerned...

Deebi,, I really hope you don't have C-PTSD..Its, so hard to manage, I go down when something triggers me before I even know what happens, it like a rock thrown at a window, it breaks as soon as it hits..and imo most times the trigger brings on a BP downer, then with the both together, is very hard and very scarey...I'm so hoping you don't have..

I usually just stick to my special regulars here when I'm not feeling my best...Deebi I'm just so proud of you very much, you're trying so hard to do things to help yourself..

Definitely, I think socials and being around people are helping you, I can well kinda hear in your words that you're doing a lot better then before..

I hope you have a good day today and enjoy your friends company..and I hope you do manage to sleep this arvo...

I need to go now and start to pre pare myself for volunteer job...It looks like a nice day here today,minhope you got the same sunshine..

Have a good day everyone,

Deebi, you have a special place in my 💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Thanks Peps & Grandy

It's starting to get to the pointy bit end distraction's working. Its starting to slam. Ruminating from other night but there were really good parts too. Thanks Peps I now I need to do more thought challenging and others after catching it from taking me lower. Really helpful. And looking around etc.

Now I've locked myself outta PC, joy. lucky & hoping PC budz can sort it. Peps and any lovely other friends here geez I feel awful saying I completely trust Grandy and Starwolf. Keep thinking & feeling bad how youse might feel. I feel safe and so cared about here by you guys and feel love for youse too and trust. It's about how strong for them. I really hope that didnt hurt anyone and I mean what I said 😢 sorry. Hope you're feeling brighter 🤗

Grandy you answered what I came in for, I'm not sure apart from breathing 1st in what order to do next but I read here depends what works for who. Whether to feel the pain and do the rest or what you said helps actually think I'll do both & distraction.

It's slamming if I let it as in keep thinking and feeling. I'll try and get notes in order to refer to. Haven't not done it on purpose it's my head and did do some but all over the place and this tablet plays up think it was affecting the app so using another

Yes thinking still some mania cause that's usually the only time I need sleepers. It pushes to the wall (nearly now).

New MH group I defended a friend but would have anyone, wasn't aggressive but it was bloody wrong and if it happens again I'm going to speak up more. I won't say which group because it could put anyone reading off but it was people being people and started from the leader. I'm holding back on more as I'm new but 😡and so were others. They stopped when I said and supported the bloke. Disappointing.

gtg. got to go

thank you very kind good people.

Love you hun 🤗💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 🦄,

I hope you had a lovely time with your friends today..

.Your such a loving and loyal friend to defend your friend in mh group..I could imagine in r/l just what a beautiful friend you are...

Im pleased I was able to answer something for you, I like being able to help you and the other lovelies here...your all very special people..

How are you feeling sweetheart?..here for you always..

Deebi, I need to sleep now or soon, I'm really so tired, I will probs be back later, but now I need to sleep...

Please everyone be okay..and look after yourselves..

Love you Deebi,💜🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy.....xx

[demonblaster]

Hi guys

Not ok but coping so far mostly. Its good getting out seeing people and doing other stuff but often like now I just need to bloody recover and get through but things popping up that I need to do MH/GP and trying to push through I'm sick of breaking promises cause of this and apart from MIL havent seen some family in an age but not sure if I'm going to be up for it again!

PC virus and phones on its way out. Financial & getting worse. GC hosp to check syrinx need $ for that soon need to go prepaid soon till ph gets sorted more $. Another separate issue pulling me down big. Down on myself at times, its trying its best. Slight back out enough to really hurt over a speed hump today going slow ok apart from most times getting out of chair, probs chopping wood. Didn't think. Seeing psych tomoz good & earlier time but have to postpone a GP test. Bit of sleep sarvo

Ok round people, laugh talk etc but don't want to be atm vague at times and general feelings low. Feel insecure. I'm trying so hard not to be annoying or cause friction or hurt people by speaking up (ok about MH group that was just bloody wrong, 3 of them) thanku G. Everythings starting to get overwhelming I'm ok but idk either Grandy. Wanted to at least wish you good day at work forgot. Looked and looked cant find what it was you said that helped. Sorry this is only negative there are good things. holding but at times think I'm going to go under. Few days smoking. Mania every BLOODY time! Too much stress even tho its great. In mania everything I say I intend to do and follow through then its back to downs and then friggen nothing. Down on myself not all the way and near futures looking bleak for few reasons SIGH!. On saying this theres a calm happening with bursts of crap.

Nigh nite thanks. I know it won't stay like this better ,not.L,o.v.e Grandy darling hope u sleep ok, Bbl replies. Shame we can't just turn the lights out sleep through these times and wake up refreshed. Barely know what day it is.