Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Ohh and Grandy thank you so much loved the stars 🌟wrapping around me and your special 🦄💨☄dust to protect me and your wings..love it alll ..awesome 🤗 ...oh and the melted choccy 🍫 ohhhhhh don't tell Peps ok yummmmm.

Oh..oh ... oh... lol love that.. I bought you something special .. 🛴 it's so it's quicker for you to come to mine and as a back up in case of a flat .. 🛵..there all sorted now and here's a 🍔🍟 snack in case you need energy

You're precious 😚🤝🌹 💑 💼🦄 🌈👀💗💜

Love you Floss (my beautiful Grandy lady 🤗

[Chloe_M]

Hi DB... How are you going? I don't post much here but I have been reading 🙂

x Chloe

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

We had a MH Co-ordination and MHN. (not my one).come to talk to us about Rural Abversity Mental Health Program (Ramhp). I found it very informative and interesting..had a 😭 Don't know why but I lost it..in front of everyone🤦‍♀️.....but I'm fine.....😌..not going down, won't go down, I won't let nothing spoil tomorrow, been waiting 38years for this day....I have some reads from that ramph ..Will read later...

Love caring for you, and thank you for letting me Deebi, Ok I got a new present 🎁, from you..lol you spoil me so much..🛴...☺️..um.. I will wiz around yours tonight and maybe we can go spinning around town tonight, before sleep...,.Thank you for 🍔 &🍟..yummy..I enjoyed it was hungry after meeting..

Ive been going to bed earlier as well, sleeping better, waking up earlier, but can always go back to bed again..Sleep is so important for mh.. It's good you have someone to talk to who understands..mh guy sounds nice..I have mhn again on Tuesday morning, she's worried about me for Mother's Day.

Thank you Deebi, for caring and talking to me..I love that so much....I hope your days been a good day Deebi, and you got out a bit today...have a nice walk, so many trees are falling here so dry....

Love you Deebi 💜..

Warm and huge squishy hugs,🤗🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..xx

bbvl (be back very later).

[startingnew]

Hi SL

im glad you were honest with your mh worker, he sounds like he suits you well and understands your needs too. i dont think your lazy, pain is a dreadful thing and affects us so much and youve had quite alot of pain. im glad your pains subsiding now though so you can be up for at least visiting tt.

hope your day was ok today

hugs xoxo

[demonblaster]

Nice to hear that thanks Chloe

Today earlier I was feeling quite good thanks which has lagged a bit now but ok ☺ Had a walk which was good tho back of my heels complaining sometimes I have to stop, so watching that. Probs the shoes that were a friends who gave me a few pairs slightly smaller than my size but comfy. It's only started in the last 3 walks I think.

Hope your lifes settling down more for you ☺

Hey gorgeous Grandy thanks for update ohh poor thing you needed to cry and let it out good on you I hope they were caring towards you and comforted you, ohh come ere 🤗 wow you've got your🔥happening you go girl this is so good to see floss

Oh sorry being thick do you mean floss/y with Grandy eg; Grandy floss or any of them individually 🙄

Love being looked after ☺ yeah let's zip round sounds cool, on bikes be neat

I'd love the fallen trees that's what O should do draw from memory, have they've been ok. but if yous need a good drench eh. Wow the sun in front of mountains cool or what, is that where the cows are? We saw some playing once it was beautiful to see looked like Mum Aunty and youngy but big in size, they jumped around banged into eachother it was so neat them being playful and gentle just loved it. They seem content in eachothers company most of the time, just cruise along

Sleep is important for MH. Everyone's, it's our strength. Same can go back to bed. Today I felt better thanks Grandy happier for a while, so must be starting to pick up. Lunch tomoz with lovely one. Love her very much Grandy.

Hoping to go back to tt soon, moved a bit and played with special group seems to be ok no pain so far hoping that stays

Yeah he's a top bloke hun, glad your nurse is looking out for you Tuesday.

Special day tomorrow darlin 🤗

Hope you're feeling better health wise too and keep getting good sleep. Ok bbvl ☺Oh and I've been going off here earlier too and just quick check later before bed. Improvements woohoo

Love to you and to Starwolf you're both in my thoughts and heart 💗 that won't change 💜

Be well all you lovely people🌹 thank you ☺

[Ggrand]

Good Night Special Friend,

I hope your day was good. Deebi be careful with your heels, is the pain underneath..I wore flat shoes, those really flat ones with like a cardboard sole..I ended up with plantar fasciitis, omg the pain in the morning or after resting.not to mention walking....lasted a few years then poof disappeared over Night... I was so happy..

Anxiety keeping me awake tonight..but that's okay I'll sleep tomorrow if I need to...

Deebi, yes the mountains are directly in front of me and around one side. Not close but can make out trees etc..the mountains are straight in front of house, but not close distance but not to far either, the sun comes up there every morning around 7ish..I sit outside and watch but not every day, only when I need uplifting.. definately tomorrow morning I will...

It's really nice to see those huge big cows running around and having fun..lol they make me laugh. Yes we need rain so badly now..water restrictions are now in force..Farmers are loosing there cows due to this inland drought. It's sad..The kangaroos are coming down from the hills looking for water and grass..

Awe I hope you have a great lunch with your friend, she sounds really special and I'm pleased that you love 🕊🌹..her..Makes me feel more comfortable knowing you have people that love you, that live fairly close to yours.🤗💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

just be careful with tt, I'm so pleased it's healing, oh honey, you went through so much deep pain.🤕🤕..so sorry you had so much..I hope it doesn't come back..

i didn't want to go Tuesday morning, but she insisted until I said yes..

Deebi, Thanks sweetheart, yes I'm feeling better with my health, better sleep yes a lot better, but not tonight..lol I'm over yours tonight that 🛴 You gave me. I kinda got some ⚒⛏ and tinkered around with it now it goes like a 🗼🏍.ill get to yours in a blink of an 👁..Love you so much..you treat me so special...

Good Night Sweet Deebi, Please don't change..Sleep well and dream good dreams, 🕊🦄🌹💜... 😍 ..I am so grateful for your friendship...

Love and Care deeply Deebi..💜

Special huge squishy hugs 🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,

I just came back to check..I have posted to you at 11.50 ish..but not through yet...

Good Night.💜🕊..

Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and all),

I’m happy to head sleep is improving. That is fantastic news 🙂

Thank you for the beautiful things you said. You’re a wonderful friend yourself, Soul Hugger Master.

I agree with you that we never stop grieving lost loved ones. It’s never the same after they are gone...they leave a whole.

I hope you get to go on a walk today 🙂

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD thanks for calling by.

Yes he's very good this guy, good bloke and excellent at his job. We get on very well.

Hoping to play tt nxt wk or after, the numbers are right down so going to have to try and get people interested, a few were sick and core group so no idea where it's heading, if we can keep it going.

Lunch today with a beautiful friend and its a gorgeous day so two plusses already

Hope you're on the improve lovely 🤗

[demonblaster]

Heya Pepsims soul apprentice extroadinaire

Well well we have another title to your list of names 😃

Thank you calling in lovey and you're very welcome you are a lovely friend 🤗

Thanks got a lunch with a really lovely friend and hope to walk later in arvo

Yes actually been awake wee hrs the last couple of nigjts but no probs getting back to sleep so thats good and yes lovely to be sleeping well again thanks

Very true it's never the same when someone leaves and there sure is a hole left. Hard learning process but as long as we keep going and getting through which I have done and with BP slamming on top phoo hard ride but coming out the other side.

Ok hope your days good lovey and that you're well and also on the improve ☺

🌹 oh how's that stash of chocs going, haven't melted or anything horrendous like that I'm hoping 😂🍫🤗