Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Waves to Grandy 🙂

I’m confused. I thought that I wrote an earlier reply. Lol Not sure what I’ve done so I’ll check again later...

In the mean time, Soul-hug-a-thon!

Pepper xoxo

[Guest8901]

That sounds amazing Karen, and thanks for sharing your sunrise with the rest of us. Hey ... it must have been good - it got you up and out of bed. Which leads me to ask, how are you feeling today? You are sounding a little more positive I think. Hope thats the case anyway.

To start the day so beautifully with your description of that stunning sunrise, is a gift. New, pure, serene and tranquil - it sounds so good.

Warm and caring hug back to you with much gratitude.

Amanda

[Guest8901]

Dear Deebs, hope you slept well and have woken up refreshed and re-invigorated.

My apologies that I addressed the above post to Karen. Forum fail on my part unfortunately - I forgot which of your threads I was on when I read Karens lovely description of the sunrise. Of course I meant all that I said about your post Karen, but I should have put it on your thread, which I since noticed has described the lovely sunset as well. (:

I hope today is a good day for you amazing Deebs, and look forward to hearing from you at some stage.

Kindest

Amanda

[startingnew]

Hi DB

it can be so hard to find happiness esp after a loss. what did you use to like to do? is there anything you would consider retaking up like a hobby or studies?

i hope todays appt goes well for you and you can get outside in the sun for a while. find those moments of joy in the day.

maybe it woud be worth having a talk to your mh worker about your grief and how you can move forward- help you sort out your thoughts and emotions?

Hugs xoxo

Grandy- i loved your description of the sunrise. thank you for sharing! xox

[PamelaR]

Hello Deebs

It's good to hear you enjoyed yourself at the BBQ. Though I hope you slept well last night. How is the pain? Glad that you're getting out for walks. It does help the body, mind and soul so much to get out into the fresh air and to exercise.

Sorry though to hear you're missing your loved one. I can't even begin to imagine what that is like. Sending loads of hugs your way. You are very special DB. I've missed catching up on your thread. Though, I am also pleased to be welcoming others. Just hope I'm saying all the right things :).

Hugs and more hugs.

Pammy❤️🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Deebi,

I hope you are okay Deebi, you've been very quiet and that always concerns me with you..Please be okay💜..

Thank you so much nurse 👩‍⚕️ Deebi, I appreciate your care.. but...um...I'm a little naughty, not eating properly, eating but just zapped food lately and maybe too much ☕️ tea..

Thursday is his birthday yes Deebi, oh excited about that day so much.....but 3 days later this year is Mother's Day, I'm going to be strong, I'm not going down with this..

Did you go for a walk today? ..How did your mh guy visit go today? Lol im keeping an 👀 on you honey 😚 someone has to..love you to bits 💜.Was it BBQ today or just a out with walk..?

Awe Deebi, I'm really interested in your life, so much..but I can only know you by what you share here... But I know 100% all about you as a person..kind, caring, lovable, compassionate, gentle, yet a little stubborn,..Did I tell you special and important to me..🦄👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜..

Umm I like Grandy with floss/flossy. Up to you, your the pet name master..❤️🌹.🙃 You make me blush with all the nice things you say to me....😊.

Missing you today, please be okay 👌...

My day was busy. I got stuck with ironing....If it stops arguments I will do it...They don't like itoning either, so to stop people complaining I decided to keep the peace I would do the ironing....

Im staying over at yours tonight, Ive brought a fruit bowl full of healthy fruit 🍉 🍇🥝🍒🍑🍌🍍🍊🍏🍎🍐🍋.. that we can have a healthy snack before bed...I'm holding your hand and have my magical angel dust to protect you as my wings wrap themselves around you...oh..ooops..

Good Night Sweet Deebi, I hope you sleep deeply and dream of peace. 💜 The stars ⭐️🌟⚡️✨💫🌙🌝💫 are circling you tonight, looking after you because you shine...Star shine...

love and care deeply Deebi,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy xx

ps....oh oh...ooops I just remember the 🍫 for melting so we can dip the 🍓 in..lol...

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Pepper, Amanda, Startingnew,, Pammy, Sapphire, and everyone else..

I hope your day tomorrow is a really great day, full of sunshine and sparkles...

I'm pleased you all enjoyed my version of the sun rise I saw.. Stars, moon, rainbows, storms, hail, rain, sunsets, sunrises. Mother Nature at her best..Please tomorrow just take some time out..even 5 minutes, go outside and just sit down or stand, it doesn't matter, just look around you, all around you and look, feel, hear, talk, and event taste, our beautiful world Tomorrow and see and feel how relaxed and grounded you were for that few minutes...

Warm and big caring hugs..🤗🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹 Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey my lovely Mandy nice seeing you and thank you for your time and popping in always lovely to see you ☺

Yes changes are happening atm at least I'm not depressed but not happy particularly either just being and agree a long way to go, usually in between cycles I have my happies again but nada but that's ok they're there somewhere.

Thanks lovelyy for the thought but no problem at all talking to Grandy about the sunrise it sounded gorgeous.

Hope your horrid colds letting you be and that you find some more spontaneous you times like the coffee shop yesterday ☺ you're a real gem Mandy 🤗

Heya Sapphire ☺ and thank you for popping in too. Lovely to see you as well and you said such nice things, thank you very much that's very appreciated and it's not at all hard caring about you, hard not to admire the courage in people that know the bottom yet keep on keeping on. Love your new plans. Always here for you sometimes not much in voice but kmow I'm there listening ☺💙

Dear Pepstar Hiya ☺ and always thanks to you being so loyal and caring giving your time when you're here 🤗

Thanks yes been going to bed earlier now haven't for mths although awake niw its closer to 4am going back bed soon and have been sleeping well and a lot.

Yes walks I like and its nice being outside not only amongst people but nature too and the sun or rain depending.

They say you never stop grieving which is true and the intensity settles its just lately a part of the final of the worst I guess is missing him a lot it might be that I've slowed down compared to the last 3 + yrs and the nearly yr before that when he was sick and having chemo but it's all part of healing. Cruel but necessary.

Hope you're feeling ok lovey it's been a bit rough for you 🤗

Lol so glad your happy looking after my stash 😅 tell ya what you can have a as in singular (nah you can have more ☺) choocy biccy if you need a hit. Thanks hun you're a lovely mate...superrrrr soulsss. Oh giggled when you mentioned cobwebs clearing somewhere 😊 go easy darl

[demonblaster]

Hey SLD yes I talk openly with this excellent mh support and did talk few tears about my love, I'm ok just missing him so much and adjusting to being alone.

That's the thing all my life I've been lacking volition and lazy tho I do the walks haven't played tt about 3 mths cause of neck nerve pain which is settling so maybe in the nxt couple wks. Thanks huns 🤗❤

Pammy so lovely to see you thank you for popping in lovely.

Yes the walkings good it gets you out in the day amongst it and burns off some stress and gives the mind a different focus which is good

Thanks lovey yeah so many powerful emotions grieving can't believe it's over 3 yrs now. 😢 we were happy he was a love

There's no way you wouldn't be saying the right things hun you're a natural 🤗

Hope you're feeling better and getting some photography and or good things happening and getting some excercise too my friend

Take good care and go easy lovely 🤗😚⚘

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy absolutely love that you look after me lol someone has to yeah stoked you do 🤗😚

Thanks so much for your gorgeous posts I love hearing from you and what lovely fruit how thoughtful.

So tomorrow your sons birthday love your excited about it you're so sweet. Hey you are strong way strong you're going to be ok after and we're here by you and I can stay if you like and I'll cook a lovely tea and we can talk hold hands hug as much as you need under the stars and you'll be safe huns

Yeah I can see you are interested and care, you're beautiful yes thanks it's always easy time with that bloke, the bbq's are f.nitely this was a chat and where I'm at and if I need help with anything that he is. Hun I'd tell you everything in a flash but mmm here. Haha stubborn yes 🙃🌈

You're sweet doing the ironing but I don't like they let you do the blah jobs although I hardly do any now but I like ironing was just getting started was the trick 😆

Hope your meeting goes smoothly today lovey

Hey you're the one that shines dear kind hearted lady (ya 😊) but thank you god you're easy to love ❤💜💗🦄🌈💼🌹💑👩‍🍳

Good days Grandy easy time together. Magic