Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

What a wonderful post to read 🙂 Also, thank you for your post to me from a couple of days ago. I made good use of your special weekend soul hugs and sending some your way too.

It really does seem like you’re learning a lot about yourself, re-thinking your coping mechanisms and re-connecting with offline people. That is wonderful to hear 🙂

I feel grief is so complex, personal and painful. I think maybe it’s multiple types of grief too, not just your late darling, but mourning perhaps the life together you envisioned with him too...

Sending warmth and soul hugs plus some healthy morning tea treats your way (seeing as you’re on a health food kick) 🙂

Love and super souls hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[smallwolf]

DB,

Firstly, echo the sentiments of pepper.

I believe there are (many) moments in our lives when we are hit with clarity and everything seems to click into place and you know what to do. I think this, or that post was a moment of clarity for you.

I will illustrate... For the past month I have been working on an assignment for Uni. The words were there but didn't make sense. The order was wrong, etc. Towards the end of last week, I had a moment of clarity and I knew what exactly needed to be done in the assignment. The assignment is due today.

When you have these moments, run with them. I find that only good can come from these moments.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you so very much for tucking me in twice...you rally are a good nurse..gentle, kind and just so beautiful in your soul..💜

What a really uplifting post to read, Your walk sounded lovely and calling into the pub for water, you met some friends and chatted, that's Gold. Wow Deebi, you make me want to walk up to people and just say hello, because you never know what can happen, lovely that he kinda latched on...You never know Deebi, another beautiful friendship for you or big sis..I believe that you walked into that pub and stayed long enough for this person to cross paths with you when you started again at that particular time..Things are meant to happen for a reason..

Im pleased that your jigsaw is clicking together you have worked so hard at getting the pieces together, I'm really happy for you.😁.

Love it your fires 🔥 coming back, you sound so strong and determined, I know that you will do it, I would give anything so that you can heal and kick beasties butt out of your life forever..Way to go special friend..you deserve so much happiness and peace in you life...I really pray that you will get them..

You will get your resolve back home, you are so strong, keep believing in yourself as I believe in you. 🕊🦄..Here's to my Demonblaster 🍻..oh and a al la chocolate 😍..Loving your healthier cooking..

Thank you for not leaving 💜🦄👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹..

Deebi, my wish for you always is for peace🕊, for your life..

A new beginning 🌱...Cheers honey..🍻🌹...

Love you Deebi.

Warm and peaceful hugs 🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[Chloe_M]

DB I love reading your posts to Grandy and hers in return. You 2 are so close it is lovely to see such strong friendships on the forums. DB you are incredible don't you forget that❤️❤️

Grandy hope you are feeling better, hope that cold isn't treating you badly but if it is here are some hugs 🤗🤗 get well soon Grandy 💜

xx Chloe

[demonblaster]

He kissed me goodbye

I felt it, it was so real. I woke up.

Multiple layers Peps, absolutely.

A couple of yrs ago grieving and BP took me back into the Black scared the hell out of me, rang life line. Can't go back there the deeps are so close.

I want yesterdays clarity back Wolfy. Thank you for being here ☺

Going for a walk to clear the cob webs.

Tomoz bbq, weds lunch with friend, sometime another to do more pc stuff, I might have fixed one problem not sure.

Thank you for your beautiful posts time and care

Grandy lovey so hope todays better for you 🤗 I remember you saying about your ear poor darling that sounds so terribly painful. That's right my love couldn't have anything either with heart meds. You get better darling friend. Love you Grandy ☺💜💑 thank you for your beautiful post

Bbl to reply 😚 all of you your beautiful people ⚘

[Birdy77]

Dear Deebs ❤

Your post from yesterday was so inspiring.

I felt sparked to start my day today with the inspirational fire you showed yesterday, so thank you.

I admire your fire, your honesty, your tenacity, your kindness, your compassion, your love.

You are such a special person.

Your post from today touched my heart deeply. My heart aches with you for the loss of your precious love. He is still with you, watching over your dear, gorgeous heart.

Love to you ❤

🌻birdy

[demonblaster]

You're a beautiful soul tweety 🤗 thank you for your time and lovely post, I do feel him close by. Over the worst it's a huge adjustment but getting there. Miss him so much. My darling 💗

Peps thank you always for your kindness and those healthy snacks turned into choccy biscuits oops but I walked all my hills did wonders for the cobwebs I feel clearer again and have thought no matter how bad it gets and god it does it can only hurt more if we act on it so the right choice is to work through it.

Wolfy Always appreciate your time and care as well thank you too very much. That clarity yesterday I only had moments to think but it was great and agree I wanted to go with it but most of my arvo was with people which was good and I figure it's a part of my mind opened up and is starting to show me the way like your assignment cool happy for you about that.

Chloe Hey darl thanks too for popping in ☺Yes there are beautiful people here and dear Grandy and I have a great connection, she's very easy to love and a huge heart 💜

Grandy sweet lady you're such an angel as I've always said you couldn't have chosen a better Avitar you're one of many lights in my life. You make such a difference love you too bits thank you for being such a treasure LOVE your posts 💜💗🌹

Thank you good people for your love support and encouragement, back at you all 🤗💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Awe you made me blush ☺️, I love you to bits as well..💜.

I hope you enjoyed your walk today, Deebi, and at the same time spotted some birds 🐦 and maybe a lizard 🦎. Oh and did you see some frogs 🐸 as well maybe sitting on a fallen tree 🌲 branch...it was a nice day here today, although I didn't go out I watched the cows through my front door . I'm feeling sad for the cows, there is just no grass now, it's all dirt, we need rain so badly here...Most towns around me has water restrictions in place now..sorry, Deebi I rambled a little There..

I hope you have a great time at the BBQ tomorrow, and you have some nice talkie time with the lovelys their..Please enjoy yourself... have some fun.. A little broach, for you to wear tomorrow, I got one made of Deendy 🐍, so that no matter where you are Deendy has your 🔥 for you handy, you just touch his nose and the 🔥 will be there for you to use..

Sleep well, Sweet Deebi, dream of peaceful dreams.

Love and care for you deeply Deebi💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and all),

What a beautiful dream/memory but waking up must have been painful/heartbreaking...that empty pillow next to yours type of feeling. He was (is) the love of your life...

I’m glad going for a walk helped clear your head. Sometimes walks can help us rejuvenate as it clearly did in your case 🙂

You sound pretty busy with your social life this week, which is fantastic to hear as I know you’re pretty extroverted.

Lol. I loved how my healthy snacks magically became chocolate biscuits. But, um, are you sure those choccie biscuits weren’t the Tim Tams that you planned to give to me last time...the same ones you ran away with them last minute? Lol!

Love and super warm soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

😀 LOVE the 🐍 Deendy broach thank you Grandy 🤗 what a lovely surprise and always so lovely to see you 😚 It's so cute and woe the 🔥 really does work doesn't it, lit my cigarette both ends 🤤. I'll wear it with pride from my beautiful sweety Grandy.Thanks lovey I did enjoy the walk it spurred me again and the birdies frogs lol and tree limb oh yeah loven that you're gorgeous 🤗 poor cows wow you've needed rain for ages eh. Please don't be sorry I like hearing those things ☺ oh and your ✨

Ohh your poor ribs here darling this is special. I just whipped it up ...⚡..and oh where's my little container...you got one in your 💼...👩‍🍳...hang on I'll have a looksy... oh good this should do...🛒..breaks my heart your poor ribs ..this is a secret balm made from the 🌲 weetbix tree bark and jelly beans, just the Black, Green and White ones and it's lavender scented just gently rub it on your sore 😯 ribs. So glad you're picking up dear hun 🤗 gentle hugs there there you're going to be ok...come on now hun..back to your gorgeous 🌥.. 🛏 there tucked you in with your cutey cuddly 🐵🐒🦄🐢🐧🐥 and see Deebest sitting there

Thank you hun I will enjoy bbq looks like the suns going to win yay

You have a great day dear friend and keep getting better darling 💑

Thank you for being here ☺ love and care very much about you Grandy 🌹

💜💗👀