Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Sweet Deebi,

Sorry your pain is strong again...maybe the recliner through the day? Pleased your getting out of BP downer, slowly but surely you will get there..

Love you Deebi. and thank you from way in my heart for being you and caring..

Love you Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[demonblaster]

Thank you 💗

Pfftt not good atm. Walked tried to take notice of things around when I remembered

I'm SO bloody tired and hacked off had to med adds to it all. Anyway amongst a couple of other things whats helping is knowing I'm so tired and it'll pass. At least had a better day yesterday I think it was.

That'll do x

[startingnew]

HI DB

i 'talk' to my nan too esp when i miss her the most and the things i suggested i do myself. i dont find it embarrassing at all and would encourage others to do them too (or what works for them) ive had some strange experinces too and would love to hear some of yours, im happy to share some of mine too if you would like.

lol no dont post it 😉

im sure tt peoples understand (or try to) and appreciate your pop ins when you can.

im sorry your pain has flared up again, its horrid isnt it. try to rest and recover and do what works for you with your MH troubles too.

big but gentle hugs xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Im back home now..stopped once for a good cry, but I made it back okay..

Your post sounds like your so tired and incredibly sore honey, hate you going through this, so much wish I could magically take it all away from you..

Are you still doing the light stretching excercises, hot shower and hot pack? I'm not sure if any good for you, my brother had a stick on hot patch (lasts 8-10 hours). on his shoulder, he hurt it when he was fixing his car..Maybe for the night time when your laying down..

👭, I'm with you Deebi, holding your hands, got new angel wings a few days ago, they have been remodelled with added warmth and calm glitter, there wrapped around you Deebi,

I got you a present while I was away, wow I thought about you a lot, I missed you heaps...oh anyway the present is beautiful Deebi, I hope you love it as much as I love giving it to you...First I'll look in my 💼..it's a bottomless bag so I need to dig deep....Ah here it is...🎁..can you guess..oh..oh..oh..wait a sec..I have to look into my 🔮 to see if you've been a good girl....I'm 👀..and 👀..kapow...yes you have been...ok ...oops gotta put a ribbon 🎀 on it first.. ok here it is....wow it's a huge 💎 Crystal 💍 ring..Made from gold and a pure highly sparkling crystal....Does it fit..Deebi...oops what's this I found a 🎣 fish jumped out 🌊of my 💼...I forgot about that....let's look more..🍽....🎣🍟🍹...fish, chips..lol my 💼 has a little oven inside. Dinner is all cooked and served, my special friend.

After you eat dinner, how about a lovely peaceful hot shower, some to, deep breathing and a hot chocolate 🍫 then a nice lay down..

please be okay Deebi..I will stay at yours tonight if that's okay?

Love you Deebi, and care deeply as well.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

hey SLD thanks for dropping in darling I really appreciate it. Mean it

Not doing well but like every other expletive time it'll pass. I know it's in me to get through and eventually walk out on top it just downs the will

Slept mostly 4 hrs sarvo woke feeling better for about 5 mins then down again don't like those meds. At least its only slight atm

Was v.low on walk this a.m

Walked a bit of the beach sarvo spoke to a couple, untold blue bottles washed up I like the sound of popping them but then feel a bit bad they maybe alive. Saved an Ant today lol what's my life coming too, the place was sprayed for bugs other day there was a bigger one in the sink so I flipped water on it and felt bad. It was a bloody ANT! lol but when I saw it struggling I felt I had to save it so put it on the bench, later I felt worse thinking it was dead and I did it but the spray moreso. Weird I know but felt a connection to my love probs just whacked head space.It was alive so put it outside away from the sprayed areas

On the a.m walk I thought about here and mostly it's down talk from me but that's how it is in these and thought no don't keep downing everyone but then realised thats what here's about..to pull yaz down 😆😉

Going to email here sometime soon, I'll ask if it's ok to do it in a few batches but I'll tell them they don't have to reply I know it'll take a lot of their time and there's so many others needing them. Stuff I don't want to say openly here, going to be hard. It's not been anything in particular for me it's been a lifetime of that small % of horribles (people) and this bloody head.

I feel bad too I'm not helping others much here cause of other reasons I've spoken of but when I'm v.down I can barely get my own pain out let alone help others. Atm I can vent. Gee really 🙄

tt its close to maybe folding atm numbers are v.low and I care but don't kind of. Can't take that on as well right now.

Yes I'd love to hear yours & I'll tell u mine

Mh bloke tomoz

Going to give them in email my Dr's details.not sure if they want that but in case.

Thanks darl listening and everyone that does. I'm so sick of this shit

[demonblaster]

Ohh Grandy 🤗 thank you for being you, you make me so happy, god I LOVE that & your bag that hit the spot lol bottomless😂 the fish everytime I think of it I have a happy. Ohh the ring WOW..haha loven the oh ..oh ..oh..too thank you darling lady you are SO treasured you don't know. I'll put that aside too to read and also to MIL when I pull outta this one.

You and SO many others here believe me you're giving me hope and pretty much keeping me here. I honestly just don't know if I didn't have here how much longer I'd put up with this but that's how it feels when we're in deep doesn't it. As long as nothing else happens I'm at least better now than this morning was in a heap and walked with little feeling except extremely low pretty much like a Zombie but good being out.

I'm so glad your safe. I 👀 your thread hope you're still calmer.

Read you saying to Chloe I think that depression and anxiety can cause impulsive actions. Lot's of bits I read are sinking in

I'm still struggling with motivation for most things. And being way too sensitive.Tony saying about triggers has been valuable and opened up a lot of new realisations, not easy but not complaining actually it's very painfully helping. And dealing with the incredible deeps, if I could get my A into G and do lists like that REBT stuff and untold other things our amazing Wolfy has said and other people. What the hells wrong with me that I can't do the most basic stuff to help 😢 myself. Depressions like a powerful gravity magnet laced with super glue.

Thanks so much for your care and to everyone it's reciprocated believe me

The stretches no darl I stopped,GP had said and I'd forgotten that if it hurts the bodies telling us and not to do them and boyo I was gentle and did hurt doing them but caned after.

In the initial (1st and 2nd bouts) Holy Mama I did heat and you reminded me this lot. It doesn't help much, maybe a bit but its this shoulder one it's the worse of the lot like a white hot poker permanently jabbed in there when it's hurting. I'm going to have to do some other way around the cause because this flares over a wk now and it's not giving it a chance to heal let alone the bloody pain.DAMN IT! Can't tell ya how hard it is to not do it

Oh I did get the blood test request actually I can grab a lift there tomoz and walk home. Big walk but need to.

Awesome stick on heat things

You are my Angel Grandy love the glitter 🤗 and love you very much. Thank you from 💗 🤗💜

[Ggrand]

Sorry to be a bit annoying when your so sore, but when your able to what's REBT?

[startingnew]

Hi SL

Im sorry if i offended you on the other thread.it wasnt intended at all so i apologise. Sometimes it comes out the wrong way. Sorry..

I hope you pick up soon and no i dont think saving an ant is bad. I often save grasshoppers out of the horses water. Feels pathetic however that is saving a life.

Its hard to talk about some things here. Youjust talk about whats comfortable for you and when your ready. Theres no rush and we arent going anywhere❤

Like you tell me its ok not to post when your struggling yourself. Thatis fine and understandable. No pressure to post anywhere unless you feel you can.

Ive had some random encounters with spirits like smelling my nans perfume even though theres no one around, her bell ringing ( she was in a wheelchair and when she needed something she would ring the bells) when i was having a hard time and thought about ending it. A rainbow appeared. There was no clouds or rain but asmall rainbow appeared. I got it on camera so unusual but it stopped my thoughts. Thatll do from me id love to hear some of yours.

Good luck for tomorrow

Hugs and hugs 💕🤗

[startingnew]

Hey SL i wrote a post up but its not up as yet.

Sending some extra hugs while its comin through 💕

[demonblaster]

Thanks G it's not bad atm just a little here and there rough this morning.

REBT Wolfy explained I think it was part of it. It's Rational emotive behavioural therapy. What helped me no end was in this cycle when I stayed at friends and ended up doing an allniter with very bad shoulder pain for hrs solid even with med and my head was in a terrible place to begin with couldn't have been worse, friend was asleep and the stars Grandy were like yours ..ohhh so that helped calm me but a few times I was having major anxiety and seconds from full on attacks and he'd said..

1. Feel the pain (mental thoughts)
2. Breath through them (used your 1,2,3,4,5 in and 5,4,3,2,1 ..out several times
3. Then relax (stars) and consciously thought about relaxing
4. Then I'll have to re read again, I think it was if there's anything can be done about it.

That really helped cause this cycles (episode) intermittently been very hard. I also worked hard on settling my mind and destressing. The stars helped no end. They give me peace their beauty and the stillness made me feel that way. Was in bad shape.