Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[PamelaR]

Hello Deebi (and everyone else)

Bet you thought I'd disappeared. Nah, been very busy now that I'm starting to feel better. Getting stuff done around the house and out doing some photography.

Just popping in to see how you are doing Deebi. You look like your team is keeping you occupied. Liked Tony's post. All those cars!! Wow,

Good to hear you're thinking of trying to resolve things with your friend. Hope it all goes well for you. You know, I made contact with a friend after 30 years. Sent her a letter, thought I'd done a 'real bad' by her. Nah, she just couldn't understand why i'd done what i did. All was forgiven and we now meet every 2 to 3 months. It's all about 'talking' - getting the conversation right. We so often misinterpret people.

Anyway my dear Deebi, I've a lot to do. Will pop in now again to see how you're travelling okay. Let me know if you need a helping hand. You're a wonderful woman!

Kind regards

Pammy ❤️

[demonblaster]

Hey Pammy yeah I missed you but didn't say to put pressure on and no doubt you're a lot busier being one of these amazing champs. Btw sorry I didn't reply to your question what movie, its Steven Spielberg something arm or hand in it. Haven't seen it yet. Good on you with your photography I saw your Avitar you're very good at capturing the right angles and in frame evenly and clear 👍glad you're feeling brighter too ☺🤗 I'm starting to talk more about my concerns here to see what others feel and hopefully improve. Another thing about people not replying when they answer everyone else is I feel what I said wasn't good enough but I could be repeating myself.

Another concern is like today for example I've just started to 😭 because it's so often my heads South (ok tho) and it's not so hard with you loves because we've gotten to know eachother but other threads pop up and the confidence thing not sure what to say, I can sympathise/empathize but as for constructive meh sometimes but I don't want to not be there for them, I looked at one and left it and started crying so I'm avoiding atm because there were some whopping hards this time and need to try and continue holding without set backs. One time I saw a good reply along the lines of I'm unable to reply at the moment just letting you know I'm listening, then I think if they saw me bouncing around other threads or laughing which I can do in downs. I don't want to say this is too heavy at the moment but that is how it is.

I'm seriously thinking hard about telling DB to move out permanently 😊 there's only room for Deebi and she doesn't like DB although sometimes IT.x is handy to defend her

Thank you Pammy you're one of the awesomes with or not CC status. Take care x

[Ggrand]

Hello Demonblaster and Deebi..

I left a post on my other thread it got held back..it's nothing much just saying I want to talk to you about a post of yours I missed on my thread and something else I need to talk to you about, but need time for the latter, but I need tonlynif it's okay..

Im sorry honey..I need you both as all others do...Demonblaster helps me/ others past my/our downers and Deebi helps to keep us up.. I feel it's my fault, you feel separated from each other, but Demonblaster and Deebi are one of the same... I'm sorry Demonblaster and Deebi I done that.😭.

I love you both the same...

Kind thoughts,

(L&C)...oh and some {{🤗🤗🤗}}.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Yip that's it, and one that I was upset has come back so happies. and I understand more ,that connection cause I zoomed onto you but didnt ignore other lovelies. Lesson to learn in everything if we look or wait. I do need to work on this and stop being sooky lala but I'm just so over beasty constantly trying to destroy me it's done a good job 😭 at least they're quicky cries today not down as such thanks 😚

Remind me later please if you remember about acceptance vs fighting

In rl at times in nurses homes a friend we'd be going fine then boom gone I'm like hello I spoke to one she actually said same its her not me but when I saw her do it with others then I believed. Yeah I step back and listen for a while I nearly left that thread, SO glad I didn't. The other chooky did that all the time we're still good friends we had wild times lol niteclubbing and..

Thanks lovey but I don't honestly think I'm wise at all. I've been around a fair bit different people/groups/situations was a wild child. Majority learnt to get on with people but also argued often if I felt wrongly done by, but if you don't stand up they walk over you too, I need to learn to say things better. Trying to change that but not sayings worse it eats at me hurts & ruminates, stresses hate DB. Btw you made me feel better about myself in every way as others too mean that. Esp Deebi and DB thank you G that made a difference it'll stay with me. I don't know whether to ask not that I really want to know cause it'll ouch if I have annoyed or hurt them Daghh

Thank you as always for your kind words.

Yes that's what I do for a while is try and understand posts or comments but then I move on cause it makes me feel more dah and pulls me down which is why I need to go back and really read through untold threads and learn more and laters often things click, our minds aye I think it's the fog and walls going up with IT (Depression)

And you saying while back about me being intelligent that was another whopper cause I really did believe I was stupid. I appreciate everything you say and do Grandy you're beautiful so grateful we met.

Again that went in and I feel same to you, you're so important to me too. LOVE our time. You da bomb lady 💑

Love you very much 🐧 cause it's cute & sweety like you 😚

Nice of me to leave it to last lol how are you today?

[demonblaster]

God I love you, how uncanny I was just saying about that so you'll have to believe it cause it's posted now before I saw this post from you and you'll see my answer.

Oh btw recently you mentioned which was right I said here's my purpose, which I mean I want to help people and here's such a good place and helping me by what good people say but in mania that extra glow on everything and it's enhanced that's the word I've needed but committment stresses me I feel pressure but work was committment and I'd go if I liked the job and worked hard.

Scrambled eggs upstairs, slowly turning into an omelet lol

I'll squiz lovey and remember you can ask and say anything cause you say it beautifully and cause I don't know if I mentioned I love you 😆

[PamelaR]

Hiya Deebi and DB

You know what - I think you're the One and Only. Is that Roy Orboson?

Is the movie you're going to see Indiana Jones 5. That appears to be Steven's latest film. Saw it awhile ago - awesome movie. Harrison Ford is getting on, but he's still good.

BTW - you'd never put pressure on me Deebi/DB. You give so much of yourself, you do not drain me. You give me life. I smile and laugh at your posts. Not when you're in pain though.

I'm sad to hear you've been crying. No need to cry Deebi/DB. Your posts are very good. Also, you have to take care of yourself. No use making yourself sad by reading other posts. That's not good. You need to make sure you have a wellness plan for yourself in place. Being off line is okay if you need to be. My biggest issue is, I block all the negatives that happen, so I have to be mindful that I'm not doing that here. I don't think I am. I care and feel for you and a couple of others very much.

I love how you are wanting to learn. That's such a good technique for keeping well. The brain does need to work and be active. When it's not working, it gets bored, boredom leads to stress.....

Anyway, will away now. Just remember if you need support - shout please. You are right I am busy with other stuff, but will always have time for you and others I have begun to know.

Pammy ❤️🤗✋💐

[demonblaster]

Can't tell you how much that meant Pammy wow!

Guys I'm going down hard atm

[PamelaR]

Hang in there!!

Fight those negatives, just because you've been given positives. Tell your mind to STOP it. You are worth it. Every bit

🌈

[startingnew]

Hey SL

i heard your having abit of a rough time, i think everyones covered things well so will send lots of soul hugs xoxo

[demonblaster]

Why does IT stop us. Sometimes it tries to stop me posting its like a force. Hard. It changes. Frightening going so low. Helps knowing it passes, here boy ..come on.. this way...yip into the bin off ya choof

DEBT breathing thinking about it why its making me feel this way

Feel it

Breath through

Think about it

You helped me the other night it was very heavy for a while there I'll get through its bloody hard yakka

Grandy definately not. I'd said it and you said you did too, we see it as a separate it helps us. We think similarly which is one of many reasons we click. You move me constantly. Deep love and respect. Please don't be thinking that. You have a major impact and make me very happy and help so much 🤗 🦄 🤝 😚 you dear lady

All of you 💖⚘💗💛💜💚💗💙❤💝💓💕❣

I need to choof DB I love that you said that. better to keep some anger fire to stand up for yourself shame people have to but it's how it is.

We have to think yes Pammy. You're lovely that came from the heart felt it thank you very much. I feel for you too. Sorry I haven't been to your thread for a while or Mandy (saw you at the cafe and Pam I think) You're lovely too. Keep holding girl you can 🤗

Tried to sleep before didn't things will be better after a few good ones and soon, after I watch neighbours. Grandy is tomorrow ok for with Tony, you look after me what a friend 🤗 🚜 you booming through the cafe I just 😂

Birdy 😂 about not being a cat the other day. You're a good one too tweety chook, hope you're well all of you and please stay that way. Good people 🤗 😚 thank you ☺

Very tired

Going to relax and TV